| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"algernon" |
| Date: |
02 Jun 2006 08:55:45 PM |
| Object: |
Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
I'm in touch with a therapist. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a
week. But in the meantime, I bounce from OK to content to panicked to
downright suicidal. I feel so completely erratic lately. I just
e-mailed my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and I immediately
regret it. But then that's a part of the back-and-forth I'm suffering
from. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro and I'm starting to wonder if it's
contributing to the dark thoughts. Has anyone else had that problem? I
have been on for several months, so it's definitely settled in my
system. I started handling the dark episodes in a very unhealthy way --
by mixing vodka and Darvocet. That made me feel really good, frankly,
and I lost the no-one-would-miss-me-anyway-what's-the-point feeling.
Now I've quit that because it obviously isn't healthy, but it means I
don't have another way to make the dark thoughts subside.
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
A
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 08:26:02 AM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I'm in touch with a therapist. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a
week. But in the meantime, I bounce from OK to content to panicked to
downright suicidal. I feel so completely erratic lately. I just
e-mailed my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and I immediately
regret it. But then that's a part of the back-and-forth I'm suffering
from. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro and I'm starting to wonder if it's
contributing to the dark thoughts. Has anyone else had that problem? I
have been on for several months, so it's definitely settled in my
system. I started handling the dark episodes in a very unhealthy way --
by mixing vodka and Darvocet. That made me feel really good, frankly,
and I lost the no-one-would-miss-me-anyway-what's-the-point feeling.
Now I've quit that because it obviously isn't healthy, but it means I
don't have another way to make the dark thoughts subside.
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
A
Hi Algernon,
Firstly, welcome to ASD.
I understand a bit about the mood swings. When things are bad, and when I
have someone who I can direct my anger at, I can go from ok, or depressed to
very angry and hostile in a matter of minutes. Then I'll settle down and be
depressed again. I'm not bipolar. I take a mood stabiliser, but I take it
because it is also used to treat epilepsy, and it has had no effect on my
mood swings or my depression. I hope you find something that works for you
very soon.
I've been reading your first few posts. There are some very supportive
people here, but there are also people who are struggling with their own
problems who are not always focussed on support. Even the best of us have
bad days. Plus not everyone here is going to just hold your hand. Some
will offer constructive criticism and some are even less subtle. Often the
truth hurts, but it also helps us.
Take everyones comments with a grain of salt. Learn who you wish to read
and killfile or ignore those you don't.
There is a lot of support and information to be found here. I hope ASD
helps you. It certainly has helped me.
Kylie
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
02 Jun 2006 10:57:07 PM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd
actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of
my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm
suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't
have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
Actually, you may very well have bipolar disorder. There is no
specific peak of mania, or trough of depression, that you need to
achieve. Simply having dramatic fluctuations is an important
indicator. So I hope you will follow up on this possibility with your
psychiatrist. (If you don't have a psychiatrist, then please get one;
don't rely on a GP for this kind of thing.)
If you do have bipolar disorder, then taking Lexapro without a mood
stabilizer can exacerbate your mood swings.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
|
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|
| User: "algernon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 06:48:34 AM |
|
|
Thanks for the feedback.
A little more detail, because I'm curious what you think: When I'm
working or focused on something, I'm fine. I'm very successful at my
job. My "condition," or whatever the hell this is, doesn't interfere
much. Sometimes it's hard to initially get started on something, but
once I do, I'm in it. Full force. The bipolar people I know shut down
at some point. They have trouble functioning. My trouble just comes
when I'm alone. I get so anxious, and then I get depressed ... I'm
newly divorced (lots of abuse) and he always had one crisis or another,
and all of these issues I'm dealing with now were largely nonexistent
because when I'm soldiering through for someone else, I'm a rock. No
issues. It's not about me, it's about them, and I'm their pillar. Now
that I'm out of that abusive relationship, I'm starting to think the
mood swings aren't about a recent break-up as much as they are proof
something's wrong with me and I haven't been able to deal with it for
years because I've always been focused on other people.
Are those traits found in bipolars?
The only good thing I can think is that if I do have bipolar, I think I
should be OK with the right meds. I just feel like, yes, I need a mood
stabilizer. I just hope it doesn't take long to figure out the right
cocktail. Some of those meds are harsh.
I've been to psychiatrists before, which is how I ended up on Lexapro,
but then my GP continued the prescription. That psyche was not very
impressive, though. Just one covered by my insurance. In a week, I'll
drop $350 for a real consultation with some well-known doc who's
supposedly the best in town. Obviously, I WANT to get better. I want
the dark thoughts to stop. I want the burning knot in my stomach to go
away. And I really want to tackle it all as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, I can't be with friends this weekend. I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
Thanks again, people. I need the feedback right now. I'm alone out
here.
A
Nom dePlume wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd
actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of
my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm
suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't
have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
Actually, you may very well have bipolar disorder. There is no
specific peak of mania, or trough of depression, that you need to
achieve. Simply having dramatic fluctuations is an important
indicator. So I hope you will follow up on this possibility with your
psychiatrist. (If you don't have a psychiatrist, then please get one;
don't rely on a GP for this kind of thing.)
If you do have bipolar disorder, then taking Lexapro without a mood
stabilizer can exacerbate your mood swings.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
|
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| User: "gravity" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 07:09:05 AM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149335314.217427.267540@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
Thanks for the feedback.
A little more detail, because I'm curious what you think: When I'm
working or focused on something, I'm fine. I'm very successful at my
job. My "condition," or whatever the hell this is, doesn't interfere
much. Sometimes it's hard to initially get started on something, but
once I do, I'm in it. Full force. The bipolar people I know shut down
at some point. They have trouble functioning. My trouble just comes
when I'm alone. I get so anxious, and then I get depressed ... I'm
newly divorced (lots of abuse) and he always had one crisis or another,
and all of these issues I'm dealing with now were largely nonexistent
because when I'm soldiering through for someone else, I'm a rock. No
issues. It's not about me, it's about them, and I'm their pillar. Now
that I'm out of that abusive relationship, I'm starting to think the
mood swings aren't about a recent break-up as much as they are proof
something's wrong with me and I haven't been able to deal with it for
years because I've always been focused on other people.
Are those traits found in bipolars?
The only good thing I can think is that if I do have bipolar, I think I
should be OK with the right meds. I just feel like, yes, I need a mood
stabilizer. I just hope it doesn't take long to figure out the right
cocktail. Some of those meds are harsh.
I've been to psychiatrists before, which is how I ended up on Lexapro,
but then my GP continued the prescription. That psyche was not very
impressive, though. Just one covered by my insurance. In a week, I'll
drop $350 for a real consultation with some well-known doc who's
supposedly the best in town. Obviously, I WANT to get better. I want
the dark thoughts to stop. I want the burning knot in my stomach to go
away. And I really want to tackle it all as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, I can't be with friends this weekend. I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
Thanks again, people. I need the feedback right now. I'm alone out
here.
A
don't get your hopes up. you *might* respond to meds. i am treatment
resistant.
sorry, but i spent years thinking a dose of Zyprexa would cure me.
Gravity
Nom dePlume wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd
actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of
my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm
suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't
have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
Actually, you may very well have bipolar disorder. There is no
specific peak of mania, or trough of depression, that you need to
achieve. Simply having dramatic fluctuations is an important
indicator. So I hope you will follow up on this possibility with your
psychiatrist. (If you don't have a psychiatrist, then please get one;
don't rely on a GP for this kind of thing.)
If you do have bipolar disorder, then taking Lexapro without a mood
stabilizer can exacerbate your mood swings.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
|
|
|
| User: "Bacon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 08:36:20 AM |
|
|
On Sat, 3 Jun 2006 07:09:05 -0500, "gravity"
<gravityzrainbow@yahoo.com> wrote:
Thanks again, people. I need the feedback right now. I'm alone out
here.
A
don't get your hopes up. you *might* respond to meds. i am treatment
resistant.
sorry, but i spent years thinking a dose of Zyprexa would cure me.
Meds worked well for me. I did have to go through various cocktails
though before finding the right mix.
Effexor XR 150mg
Lexapro 20mg
Trazedone 100mg
~~Zyprexa 10mg but I stopped taking that a while ago.
You're attitude will help tremendously and I have confidence. A lot
of depressed people take the passive and skeptical approach which
can't help.
And yes, you have to combine the meds with pshychotherapy especially
during the first few months, and well beyond if you can afford it.
There's all sorts of studies and statistics on success rates of
various types of medications related to depression, bipolar and other
mental illnesses and since you're alone in a strange town, might as
well google it.
Yeah Gravity shouldn't have implied his situation will be your
situation, but he's groggy...he's been up all night talking to me.
.
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| User: "algernon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 07:18:57 AM |
|
|
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
gravity wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149335314.217427.267540@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
Thanks for the feedback.
A little more detail, because I'm curious what you think: When I'm
working or focused on something, I'm fine. I'm very successful at my
job. My "condition," or whatever the hell this is, doesn't interfere
much. Sometimes it's hard to initially get started on something, but
once I do, I'm in it. Full force. The bipolar people I know shut down
at some point. They have trouble functioning. My trouble just comes
when I'm alone. I get so anxious, and then I get depressed ... I'm
newly divorced (lots of abuse) and he always had one crisis or another,
and all of these issues I'm dealing with now were largely nonexistent
because when I'm soldiering through for someone else, I'm a rock. No
issues. It's not about me, it's about them, and I'm their pillar. Now
that I'm out of that abusive relationship, I'm starting to think the
mood swings aren't about a recent break-up as much as they are proof
something's wrong with me and I haven't been able to deal with it for
years because I've always been focused on other people.
Are those traits found in bipolars?
The only good thing I can think is that if I do have bipolar, I think I
should be OK with the right meds. I just feel like, yes, I need a mood
stabilizer. I just hope it doesn't take long to figure out the right
cocktail. Some of those meds are harsh.
I've been to psychiatrists before, which is how I ended up on Lexapro,
but then my GP continued the prescription. That psyche was not very
impressive, though. Just one covered by my insurance. In a week, I'll
drop $350 for a real consultation with some well-known doc who's
supposedly the best in town. Obviously, I WANT to get better. I want
the dark thoughts to stop. I want the burning knot in my stomach to go
away. And I really want to tackle it all as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, I can't be with friends this weekend. I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
Thanks again, people. I need the feedback right now. I'm alone out
here.
A
don't get your hopes up. you *might* respond to meds. i am treatment
resistant.
sorry, but i spent years thinking a dose of Zyprexa would cure me.
Gravity
Nom dePlume wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd
actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of
my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm
suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't
have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
Actually, you may very well have bipolar disorder. There is no
specific peak of mania, or trough of depression, that you need to
achieve. Simply having dramatic fluctuations is an important
indicator. So I hope you will follow up on this possibility with your
psychiatrist. (If you don't have a psychiatrist, then please get one;
don't rely on a GP for this kind of thing.)
If you do have bipolar disorder, then taking Lexapro without a mood
stabilizer can exacerbate your mood swings.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
|
|
|
| User: "gravity" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 07:46:00 AM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
apparently i struck a nerve, which was not my intention.
Gravity
gravity wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149335314.217427.267540@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
Thanks for the feedback.
A little more detail, because I'm curious what you think: When I'm
working or focused on something, I'm fine. I'm very successful at my
job. My "condition," or whatever the hell this is, doesn't interfere
much. Sometimes it's hard to initially get started on something, but
once I do, I'm in it. Full force. The bipolar people I know shut down
at some point. They have trouble functioning. My trouble just comes
when I'm alone. I get so anxious, and then I get depressed ... I'm
newly divorced (lots of abuse) and he always had one crisis or
another,
and all of these issues I'm dealing with now were largely nonexistent
because when I'm soldiering through for someone else, I'm a rock. No
issues. It's not about me, it's about them, and I'm their pillar. Now
that I'm out of that abusive relationship, I'm starting to think the
mood swings aren't about a recent break-up as much as they are proof
something's wrong with me and I haven't been able to deal with it for
years because I've always been focused on other people.
Are those traits found in bipolars?
The only good thing I can think is that if I do have bipolar, I think
I
should be OK with the right meds. I just feel like, yes, I need a mood
stabilizer. I just hope it doesn't take long to figure out the right
cocktail. Some of those meds are harsh.
I've been to psychiatrists before, which is how I ended up on Lexapro,
but then my GP continued the prescription. That psyche was not very
impressive, though. Just one covered by my insurance. In a week, I'll
drop $350 for a real consultation with some well-known doc who's
supposedly the best in town. Obviously, I WANT to get better. I want
the dark thoughts to stop. I want the burning knot in my stomach to go
away. And I really want to tackle it all as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, I can't be with friends this weekend. I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except
I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I
basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
Thanks again, people. I need the feedback right now. I'm alone out
here.
A
don't get your hopes up. you *might* respond to meds. i am treatment
resistant.
sorry, but i spent years thinking a dose of Zyprexa would cure me.
Gravity
Nom dePlume wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149299745.511536.170130@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd
actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of
my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm
suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't
have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
Actually, you may very well have bipolar disorder. There is no
specific peak of mania, or trough of depression, that you need to
achieve. Simply having dramatic fluctuations is an important
indicator. So I hope you will follow up on this possibility with
your
psychiatrist. (If you don't have a psychiatrist, then please get
one;
don't rely on a GP for this kind of thing.)
If you do have bipolar disorder, then taking Lexapro without a mood
stabilizer can exacerbate your mood swings.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
|
|
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|
| User: "Rhiannon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 03:32:00 PM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
I'm bipolar I - rapid cycling so if I can be of any help just ask. Here or
in e-mail. My inbox is always open. First - bear in mind that Gravity is
here due to mental illness as well. Not all of us are at our best all of
the time so take what is said here with a grain of salt. Not all of what
you read is meant to be personal, and when it is, I suspect you'll know the
difference. Second - what he said is true. *Some* people are medication
resistant. Or some have to try several different medications before they
hit on one that works for them. It can be a long and frustrating process.
This is not to say this will be your experience. Bipolar disorder tends to
respond well to treatment more often than not. I myself have been very
lucky in that regard. OTOH bipolar disorder is only ever managed, not
cured, and the battle is life long. However, the point Gravity makes is
important to consider when defining what your expectations are and dealing
with any disappointment that might arise. Mental health treatment has come
a long way, but it is not a perfect science. ASD is a very supportive group
of people. They have been here for me more times than I can remember, and I
learn something from them almost everyday. That has been made possible
through the good and the bad. Support is often not about what we want to
hear, but what we need to hear. A few minor adjustments to the sensitivity
meter, learn to stand your ground, take what you need, use what you can,
ignore the rest, and you'll be just fine. Welcome to ASD. :)
--
Rhi
.
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|
| User: "%" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 02:53:16 PM |
|
|
"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:7ulgg.4581$EF1.305249@news20.bellglobal.com...
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
I'm bipolar I - rapid cycling so if I can be of any help just ask. Here
or
in e-mail. My inbox is always open. First - bear in mind that Gravity is
here due to mental illness as well. Not all of us are at our best all of
the time so take what is said here with a grain of salt. Not all of what
you read is meant to be personal, and when it is, I suspect you'll know
the
difference. Second - what he said is true. *Some* people are medication
resistant. Or some have to try several different medications before they
hit on one that works for them. It can be a long and frustrating process.
This is not to say this will be your experience. Bipolar disorder tends
to
respond well to treatment more often than not. I myself have been very
lucky in that regard. OTOH bipolar disorder is only ever managed, not
cured, and the battle is life long. However, the point Gravity makes is
important to consider when defining what your expectations are and dealing
with any disappointment that might arise. Mental health treatment has
come
a long way, but it is not a perfect science. ASD is a very supportive
group
of people. They have been here for me more times than I can remember, and
I
learn something from them almost everyday. That has been made possible
through the good and the bad. Support is often not about what we want to
hear, but what we need to hear. A few minor adjustments to the
sensitivity
meter, learn to stand your ground, take what you need, use what you can,
ignore the rest, and you'll be just fine. Welcome to ASD. :)
--
Rhi
hi , i'm new
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 03:16:14 PM |
|
|
On Sat, 3 Jun 2006 12:53:16 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:7ulgg.4581$EF1.305249@news20.bellglobal.com...
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
I'm bipolar I - rapid cycling so if I can be of any help just ask. Here
or
in e-mail. My inbox is always open. First - bear in mind that Gravity is
here due to mental illness as well. Not all of us are at our best all of
the time so take what is said here with a grain of salt. Not all of what
you read is meant to be personal, and when it is, I suspect you'll know
the
difference. Second - what he said is true. *Some* people are medication
resistant. Or some have to try several different medications before they
hit on one that works for them. It can be a long and frustrating process.
This is not to say this will be your experience. Bipolar disorder tends
to
respond well to treatment more often than not. I myself have been very
lucky in that regard. OTOH bipolar disorder is only ever managed, not
cured, and the battle is life long. However, the point Gravity makes is
important to consider when defining what your expectations are and dealing
with any disappointment that might arise. Mental health treatment has
come
a long way, but it is not a perfect science. ASD is a very supportive
group
of people. They have been here for me more times than I can remember, and
I
learn something from them almost everyday. That has been made possible
through the good and the bad. Support is often not about what we want to
hear, but what we need to hear. A few minor adjustments to the
sensitivity
meter, learn to stand your ground, take what you need, use what you can,
ignore the rest, and you'll be just fine. Welcome to ASD. :)
--
Rhi
hi , i'm new
Fight depression!
.
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| User: "algernon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 04:03:05 PM |
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|
I hear ya. I gotcha. As one person pointed out, I have a lot to be
happy about -- good job, decent pay, friends who care about me. (I
suspect the one I confided in the other day turned to my other close
friends and let them know I'm having trouble. I've been getting lots of
phone calls lately -- more than usual -- and, despite the breach in
confidence, I'm definitely flattered.) That's a big reason why it's so
hard for me to tell people what's going on in my head. I have no real
justification. I mean, I do ... I watched my mom die when I was 12. My
stepdad abandoned me, after a couple of years of mental abuse. My dad's
barely in the picture. I don't live near any family. Blah, blah, blah.
But I'm strong and I'm compassionate and I try to help people. Things
could be worse. I know that, but it's hard to shake the darkness. So I
guess that's what mental illness is about.
I moved my doc appointment from next Friday to this Monday, so I only
have to wait two more days. That feels better. At least I'm proactive.
I'm taking posters' advice and getting out of the hotel tonight. I've
been in and out all day with my dogs (great company, aren't they?) but
tonight I'll go to a movie. Better 'an nothing.
A
Rhiannon wrote:
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for support,
not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as miserable
as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait years
to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the best
inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it comes to.
I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to ***** on someone
else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like this; I'd NEVER
tell someone else they're destined to feel like this forever. I'd be
there, front and center, helping them figure out what path to take. I
was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and offer it in
return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed to be about.
A
I'm bipolar I - rapid cycling so if I can be of any help just ask. Here or
in e-mail. My inbox is always open. First - bear in mind that Gravity is
here due to mental illness as well. Not all of us are at our best all of
the time so take what is said here with a grain of salt. Not all of what
you read is meant to be personal, and when it is, I suspect you'll know the
difference. Second - what he said is true. *Some* people are medication
resistant. Or some have to try several different medications before they
hit on one that works for them. It can be a long and frustrating process.
This is not to say this will be your experience. Bipolar disorder tends to
respond well to treatment more often than not. I myself have been very
lucky in that regard. OTOH bipolar disorder is only ever managed, not
cured, and the battle is life long. However, the point Gravity makes is
important to consider when defining what your expectations are and dealing
with any disappointment that might arise. Mental health treatment has come
a long way, but it is not a perfect science. ASD is a very supportive group
of people. They have been here for me more times than I can remember, and I
learn something from them almost everyday. That has been made possible
through the good and the bad. Support is often not about what we want to
hear, but what we need to hear. A few minor adjustments to the sensitivity
meter, learn to stand your ground, take what you need, use what you can,
ignore the rest, and you'll be just fine. Welcome to ASD. :)
--
Rhi
.
|
|
|
| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 04:59:21 PM |
|
|
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149368585.714543.181610@c74g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
I watched my mom die when I was 12. My
stepdad abandoned me, after a couple of years of mental abuse. My
dad's
barely in the picture. I don't live near any family. Blah, blah,
blah.
But I'm strong and I'm compassionate and I try to help people.
Things
could be worse. I know that, but it's hard to shake the darkness. So
I
guess that's what mental illness is about.
The additional details you provided make me doubt the bipolar case.
This sounds more like depression arising from an unfortunate life
history. If that's the case, then antidepressants may well help, but I
wouldn't necessarily expect them to "fix" you completely. My best
guess (and that's all it is) is that you have some pretty significant
trauma issues that need to be resolved, and that medication will only
blunt, not cure.
A suggestion: Look for therapists who deal with issues arising from
trauma (not all do; most therapists handle simpler "bread and butter"
issues). If this idea interests you, and you want to know more, post a
query here, and we can expand on the issue.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
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| User: "sleepyhead" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 08:18:44 AM |
|
|
I just started reading this group today (depression flare up). I saw your
post, and the replies. You need to just killfile people who post replies
like that and move on. It's just how Usenet is.
I hope you can find some type of balance, so you can feel alright.
I've been having similar mild swings lately (on 10mg lexapro). I hadn't
thought about the possible bipolar angle.
Some things you should be happy (and proud about):
1. You have a job
2. You have (I'm guessing) okay health except for the depression
3. At least some money
"algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote in
news:1149337137.308081.199280@f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
Wow. Yeah. Maybe I don't belong in this group. I'm looking for
support, not someone to revel in the idea that I might stay/become as
miserable as he is.
I will get better. Because if one med isn't working, I won't wait
years to change it. I'll stop my life and go into debt and get the
best inpatient treatment the world has to offer, if that's what it
comes to. I won't become a bitter, negative person determined to *****
on someone else's hopes for happiness. I don't enjoy feeling like
this; I'd NEVER tell someone else they're destined to feel like this
forever. I'd be there, front and center, helping them figure out what
path to take. I was hoping to find that same kind of support here, and
offer it in return. That's what I thought a SUPPORT group is supposed
to be about.
A
.
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|
|
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| User: "Gayle" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 07:49:32 AM |
|
|
algernon wrote:
I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
I've spent lost weekends away from home
on business and even the most podunk of
towns have something going on. I'd be my
own tour guide and fill the time that
way. Not saying it was a fabulous, fun
time -- but it did pass the time and
shifted my focus when I felt alone on
the road to batty.
Gayle
.
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| User: "gravity" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 07:50:46 AM |
|
|
"Gayle" <gayleco@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:dvqdnd-ShujBGBzZnZ2dnUVZ_vudnZ2d@rcn.net...
algernon wrote:
I'm stuck in a
podunk town far away from home for my job, which would be fine except I
don't have any actual work to do. It's hard to explain, but I basically
just have to stay here to stay here. Which is the worst possible
scenario for me. I'm alone with my thoughts, and that's when I start
going batty.
I've spent lost weekends away from home
on business and even the most podunk of
towns have something going on. I'd be my
own tour guide and fill the time that
way. Not saying it was a fabulous, fun
time -- but it did pass the time and
shifted my focus when I felt alone on
the road to batty.
Gayle
Algernon,
have you considered a hobby? this can ease the depression for some.
idle mind, devil's workshop, hmm.
Gravity
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
02 Jun 2006 09:11:12 PM |
|
|
On 2 Jun 2006 18:55:45 -0700, "algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote:
I'm in touch with a therapist. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a
week. But in the meantime, I bounce from OK to content to panicked to
downright suicidal. I feel so completely erratic lately. I just
e-mailed my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and I immediately
regret it. But then that's a part of the back-and-forth I'm suffering
from. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro and I'm starting to wonder if it's
contributing to the dark thoughts. Has anyone else had that problem? I
have been on for several months, so it's definitely settled in my
system. I started handling the dark episodes in a very unhealthy way --
by mixing vodka and Darvocet. That made me feel really good, frankly,
and I lost the no-one-would-miss-me-anyway-what's-the-point feeling.
Now I've quit that because it obviously isn't healthy, but it means I
don't have another way to make the dark thoughts subside.
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
A
%?
Sorry Algernon, I'll explain that in another post. Try to hang in
there until your psychiatrist appointment. I'm not bipolar but others
have talked about what you're saying about no obvious manic phases. I
think that is common in one of its forms. If you felt concerned
enough to email your doctor about your suicidal thoughts that is very
serious. Can you be with family or friends this weekend?
.
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| User: "%" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
02 Jun 2006 09:19:18 PM |
|
|
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:tar18254jv9ft9bphi0g67ea0svt8joo03@4ax.com...
On 2 Jun 2006 18:55:45 -0700, "algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote:
I'm in touch with a therapist. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a
week. But in the meantime, I bounce from OK to content to panicked to
downright suicidal. I feel so completely erratic lately. I just
e-mailed my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and I immediately
regret it. But then that's a part of the back-and-forth I'm suffering
from. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro and I'm starting to wonder if it's
contributing to the dark thoughts. Has anyone else had that problem? I
have been on for several months, so it's definitely settled in my
system. I started handling the dark episodes in a very unhealthy way --
by mixing vodka and Darvocet. That made me feel really good, frankly,
and I lost the no-one-would-miss-me-anyway-what's-the-point feeling.
Now I've quit that because it obviously isn't healthy, but it means I
don't have another way to make the dark thoughts subside.
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
A
%?
Sorry Algernon, I'll explain that in another post. Try to hang in
there until your psychiatrist appointment. I'm not bipolar but others
have talked about what you're saying about no obvious manic phases. I
think that is common in one of its forms. If you felt concerned
enough to email your doctor about your suicidal thoughts that is very
serious. Can you be with family or friends this weekend?
all i saw was my name and a ? ,
that doesn't give me much to kick your ***** with
.
|
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| User: "Bacon" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
02 Jun 2006 09:33:16 PM |
|
|
On Fri, 2 Jun 2006 19:19:18 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:tar18254jv9ft9bphi0g67ea0svt8joo03@4ax.com...
On 2 Jun 2006 18:55:45 -0700, "algernon" <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote:
I'm in touch with a therapist. I have a psychiatrist appointment in a
week. But in the meantime, I bounce from OK to content to panicked to
downright suicidal. I feel so completely erratic lately. I just
e-mailed my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and I immediately
regret it. But then that's a part of the back-and-forth I'm suffering
from. I'm on 20 mg of Lexapro and I'm starting to wonder if it's
contributing to the dark thoughts. Has anyone else had that problem? I
have been on for several months, so it's definitely settled in my
system. I started handling the dark episodes in a very unhealthy way --
by mixing vodka and Darvocet. That made me feel really good, frankly,
and I lost the no-one-would-miss-me-anyway-what's-the-point feeling.
Now I've quit that because it obviously isn't healthy, but it means I
don't have another way to make the dark thoughts subside.
I regret telling my therapist only because I don't think I'd actually
commit suicide and I don't want anyone to tell me I should commit
myself or anything. I'm just tired of the thoughts. I'm tired of
wondering if I'd be better off. I try to push that thinking out of my
brain but it doesn't work. I just feel so tired. Clearly, I'm suffering
from some kind of depression. I've known that a while. But now I'm
wondering if it's more than that. It's not bipolar because I don't have
the wild ups. At most, I have moments of pleasant contentment, but
that's about as high as I get.
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
A
%?
Sorry Algernon, I'll explain that in another post. Try to hang in
there until your psychiatrist appointment. I'm not bipolar but others
have talked about what you're saying about no obvious manic phases. I
think that is common in one of its forms. If you felt concerned
enough to email your doctor about your suicidal thoughts that is very
serious. Can you be with family or friends this weekend?
all i saw was my name and a ? ,
that doesn't give me much to kick your ***** with
Yeah, sorry about that little puzzler. I just know that you know and
I will never know until you make it known - the Chris thing has me
totally confused and I don't want to be judgmental.
.
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| User: "Whiskers" |
|
| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 06:38:47 PM |
|
|
On 2006-06-03, algernon <aynrand78@gmail.com> wrote:
snip
I'm starting to confide in a few friends to let them know how seriously
down I actually am. That's hard for me. I'm always the strong one. I
can handle other people's crises without blinking, but I have NO idea
how to handle my own. I could use some support. I guess, in short,
that's why I'm here.
Welcome to ASD :))
It certainly sounds as though you have 'some sort of 'Depression' and
that your current medication may need some adjustment. Talk to your
prescribing doctor.
As for telling things to your therapist, I found that the more they
know about the problems the more helpful they can be.
--
-- ^^^^^^^^^^
-- Whiskers
-- ~~~~~~~~~~
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Clearly, there's something wrong with me |
03 Jun 2006 09:10:29 AM |
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welcome A...sorry you have to be here.
:/
~u2b
--
When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.
~~Friedrich Nietzsche
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