| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Chris" |
| Date: |
03 Jun 2004 06:55:51 PM |
| Object: |
Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting
off a couple years of frustration. I have looked through the posts
on these groups for years, but this is the first time I have posted.
I am hoping someone out there can relate. I am beginning to lose hope
that I'll ever feel normal and have a normal life again...
If I was to go into detail, I could write a book, but basically, I
have
experienced varying degrees of depression and anxiety for the past 3
years.
I am a 22 year old male. Depending on which clinician I see or what
day of
the week it is (it seems!) I have been diagnosed with one or more of
the
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
These days, I am living with my mother and when I wake up, I find
myself
saying "Mommy" (as she's already left for work and I feel alone and
depressed/anxious)... this is riduclous! The pacing the floor and the
"edge" comes off when my Klonopin kicks in (that's the only med I'm
taking right now), but I still am depressed and anxious...
I never felt like this at 18 or 19... Before I got depressed, I had a
job, had my own place, paid my bills and had a good social life. I
really had nothing to complain about! And I certainly wasn't waking
up into a depressed terror every morning crying for my Mommy(!)
Because of my emotional problems, I dropped out of a prestigious
college and
have been unable to hold a job for more than a couple months at a time
since.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
school,
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
smart I
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
I had
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
anxiety
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
things from
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
Whatever
made me sad, I'd get over it in a few days and pick up right where I
left
off.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
of
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
time I
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
compared to
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
two
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
Since it stopped working, I have tried, in the order I can
remember: Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin SR, Prozac, Zoloft again,
Paxil... none
of these worked! They either did nothing, flattened me out
emotionally, or
made me feel worse. Each I gave about a month.
I finally decided to try Parnate (a MAOI), and, combined with
Neurontin, it
worked very well for me. I had trouble getting to sleep despite
taking 20mg
Ambien at one point; and eventually, I had to take more and more
Parnate to
experience relief from depression, until I was at the maximum safe
dose, and it was like I was taking a sugar pill. This happened
rapidly--over a three month period.
I also doubt my ability to make and maintain friendships--after all,
for much
of my waking hours, and in my dreams, all I can think about is how
awful I
feel, and so I don't know what to talk about with anyone else.
Since I have failed at many things over the last couple years, along
with
being depressed and anxious, I get worried about trying again or
starting a
new endeavor, such as going to community college or getting some kind
of job.
A part of me thinks, "Why bother, when you have failed so many times
in the
past?".
Another thing that bothers me, and contributes to my misery--these
problems
(depression, anxiety, failure, low self esteem) have persisted for so
long I
feel as though I have lost who I am; that I have BECOME my
condition(s). It
seems to be all I can think about, and all the thoughts are negative.
If I
manage to get out of the house and do some activity, it's still all I
can
think about. I don't hang out with friends anymore, because I can't
think of
anything but my own misery; the cumulative experiences I've had the
last
couple years, and how grim the future looks. I have LOST myself! I
remember
what music I used to like, what I used to do for fun, my hobbies, my
academic
interests--but they bring me no pleasure or interest anymore.
So, my family finally came around and realized that there may be
something
biologically wrong with me.. We decided to go to Dr. Daniel Amen's
clinic
near where I live (see www.amenclinic.com for info if this is
unfamiliar to
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
and at
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
time, and
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
it
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic. I guess I
can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it
won't get better. I know that sounds ridiculous, but psychiatry and
talk
therapy and deep breathing and exercise and yoga and self help books
and everything else I've tried over the past few years haven't helped;
why should this be any different? Can anyone relate to what I'm
feeling?
Is there such a thing as a case of depression that NEVER responds to
treatment, or, on the flipside, are there any survivors out there who
suffered for years with different meds and were able to pull out of
it?
I try to hope that, based on my history and brain scans, Dr. Amen's
clinic will find the right combo of meds, supplements or lifestyle
changes to make me better, and do what they (supposedly) do best--find
the right diagnosis and treatment by looking at brain activity... but
it's almost like impossible to be hopeful anymore.
I'm at the point, now, where I want to have my testosterone levels
checked,
and other hormone/endocrine work done to make sure there isn't some
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
Argh. Sorry about the rambling. If I'd gone through everything
bugging me this would be ten times as long...
Chris
.
|
|
| User: "minerva nine" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
03 Jun 2004 08:55:27 PM |
|
|
"Chris" <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:4ad69f6d.0406031555.2848e41b@posting.google.com...
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post,
but I am
letting
off a couple years of frustration. I have looked through the
posts
on these groups for years, but this is the first time I have
posted.
I am hoping someone out there can relate. I am beginning to
lose hope
that I'll ever feel normal and have a normal life again...
If I was to go into detail, I could write a book, but
basically, I
have
experienced varying degrees of depression and anxiety for the
past 3
years.
I don't know how to say this in a way that won't sound snotty,
but 3 years? How about 18? Wait let me do my math... ok, yeah,
18 years -- from 13 to 31, major depression, had no idea what my
problem was, I figured I was just lazy. Then one of the doctors
who intervened before I could kill myself put me on a new (at
that time) antidepressant, an SSRI, and I realized what had been
wrong with me my whole life. It sucks, but that's how it
happened for me. Nowdays, depression and medication for
depression is much more of a known entity than it was back then,
so people reach treatment much sooner, as your story attests.
Unfortunatley there are some types of depression that are
resistant to treatment, which it sounds like might be the case
with yours. I honestly don't know what people do in that
case -- perhaps adding some additional therapies would help,
instead of just using the medication alone. I did ten years of
talk therapy, which helped keep me alive until the drugs came
along. It's expensive and tedious, but in conjunction with the
meds perhaps it would help you make some headway. M9
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Linda" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
04 Jun 2004 06:09:46 PM |
|
|
"Chris" <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:4ad69f6d.0406031555.2848e41b@posting.google.com...
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting
off a couple years of frustration. I have looked through the posts
on these groups for years, but this is the first time I have posted.
I am hoping someone out there can relate. I am beginning to lose hope
that I'll ever feel normal and have a normal life again...
If I was to go into detail, I could write a book, but basically, I
have
experienced varying degrees of depression and anxiety for the past 3
years.
I am a 22 year old male. Depending on which clinician I see or what
day of
the week it is (it seems!) I have been diagnosed with one or more of
the
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
These days, I am living with my mother and when I wake up, I find
myself
saying "Mommy" (as she's already left for work and I feel alone and
depressed/anxious)... this is riduclous! The pacing the floor and the
"edge" comes off when my Klonopin kicks in (that's the only med I'm
taking right now), but I still am depressed and anxious...
I never felt like this at 18 or 19... Before I got depressed, I had a
job, had my own place, paid my bills and had a good social life. I
really had nothing to complain about! And I certainly wasn't waking
up into a depressed terror every morning crying for my Mommy(!)
Because of my emotional problems, I dropped out of a prestigious
college and
have been unable to hold a job for more than a couple months at a time
since.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
school,
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
smart I
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
I had
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
anxiety
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
things from
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
Whatever
made me sad, I'd get over it in a few days and pick up right where I
left
off.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
of
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
time I
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
compared to
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
two
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
Since it stopped working, I have tried, in the order I can
remember: Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin SR, Prozac, Zoloft again,
Paxil... none
of these worked! They either did nothing, flattened me out
emotionally, or
made me feel worse. Each I gave about a month.
I finally decided to try Parnate (a MAOI), and, combined with
Neurontin, it
worked very well for me. I had trouble getting to sleep despite
taking 20mg
Ambien at one point; and eventually, I had to take more and more
Parnate to
experience relief from depression, until I was at the maximum safe
dose, and it was like I was taking a sugar pill. This happened
rapidly--over a three month period.
I also doubt my ability to make and maintain friendships--after all,
for much
of my waking hours, and in my dreams, all I can think about is how
awful I
feel, and so I don't know what to talk about with anyone else.
Since I have failed at many things over the last couple years, along
with
being depressed and anxious, I get worried about trying again or
starting a
new endeavor, such as going to community college or getting some kind
of job.
A part of me thinks, "Why bother, when you have failed so many times
in the
past?".
Another thing that bothers me, and contributes to my misery--these
problems
(depression, anxiety, failure, low self esteem) have persisted for so
long I
feel as though I have lost who I am; that I have BECOME my
condition(s). It
seems to be all I can think about, and all the thoughts are negative.
If I
manage to get out of the house and do some activity, it's still all I
can
think about. I don't hang out with friends anymore, because I can't
think of
anything but my own misery; the cumulative experiences I've had the
last
couple years, and how grim the future looks. I have LOST myself! I
remember
what music I used to like, what I used to do for fun, my hobbies, my
academic
interests--but they bring me no pleasure or interest anymore.
So, my family finally came around and realized that there may be
something
biologically wrong with me.. We decided to go to Dr. Daniel Amen's
clinic
near where I live (see www.amenclinic.com for info if this is
unfamiliar to
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
and at
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
time, and
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
it
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic. I guess I
can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it
won't get better. I know that sounds ridiculous, but psychiatry and
talk
therapy and deep breathing and exercise and yoga and self help books
and everything else I've tried over the past few years haven't helped;
why should this be any different? Can anyone relate to what I'm
feeling?
Is there such a thing as a case of depression that NEVER responds to
treatment, or, on the flipside, are there any survivors out there who
suffered for years with different meds and were able to pull out of
it?
I try to hope that, based on my history and brain scans, Dr. Amen's
clinic will find the right combo of meds, supplements or lifestyle
changes to make me better, and do what they (supposedly) do best--find
the right diagnosis and treatment by looking at brain activity... but
it's almost like impossible to be hopeful anymore.
I'm at the point, now, where I want to have my testosterone levels
checked,
and other hormone/endocrine work done to make sure there isn't some
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
Argh. Sorry about the rambling. If I'd gone through everything
bugging me this would be ten times as long...
Be sure to inform Dr. Amen's staff that you yell out "mommy" as well as any
other vocalizations you made over the years.
Also, about your habit of accenting or emphasizing words in the middle of
sentences, by capitalizing them (denoting you are yelling some words in
your mind).
Such behaviors are often TICS associated with Tourettes Syndrome.
http://www.cwgsy.net/community/tosy/links2.htm
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Dayge" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
03 Jun 2004 11:11:21 PM |
|
|
"Chris" <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:4ad69f6d.0406031555.2848e41b@posting.google.com...
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting off a couple years of frustration. I have looked through the
posts
on these groups for years, but this is the first time I have posted.
I am hoping someone out there can relate. I am beginning to lose hope
that I'll ever feel normal and have a normal life again...
Don't apologize, it's good that you posted. And I'm sure there is more than
a few of us that can relate, but I know for a fact that I can, so here goes
my best effort at imparting an opinion/advice/experience/support.....
If I was to go into detail, I could write a book, but basically, I
have experienced varying degrees of depression and anxiety for the past 3
years.
I've been experiencing varying degrees of both depression and anxiety for
the past 15 years and been in various treatments, on various drugs and to
various doctors for the past 10. And I'm only 28. I now suspect I've
probably been misdiagnosed for most of the time and I'm not too happy with
what it's turned out to likely be (BPD), but it is what it is. So be it.
I am a 22 year old male. Depending on which clinician I see or what
day of the week it is (it seems!) I have been diagnosed with one or more
of
the following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
The medical profession (especially when it comes to mental health) is far
from being an *exact* science. I've been diagnosed with various things too
over the years and I understand how unnerving it is to have a different
doctor give you a different diagnosis with promises to help under a
different treatment. Consistency and stability are two of the main things
we, as their patients lacking such things, need and the two things that it
is nearly impossible for them to offer (however much they might try).
Unfortunately, IME at least, human emotions are transient and human beings
are often ineffective at communication. For *me* (and this might not be the
case for you, but I do wonder if it might not be applicable), I find it very
very difficult to explain exactly what my symptoms are, because they *do* in
fact change and morph and are difficult to relate to someone who hasn't felt
them. Sometimes I have the sense that my brain is actually working
consciously against me to supply the good doctors with incorrect or variable
information that can lead to these types of nebulous diagnoses, but then who
knows.
These days, I am living with my mother and when I wake up, I find
myself saying "Mommy" (as she's already left for work and I feel alone and
depressed/anxious)... this is riduclous! The pacing the floor and the
"edge" comes off when my Klonopin kicks in (that's the only med I'm
taking right now), but I still am depressed and anxious...
I never felt like this at 18 or 19... Before I got depressed, I had a
job, had my own place, paid my bills and had a good social life. I
really had nothing to complain about! And I certainly wasn't waking
up into a depressed terror every morning crying for my Mommy(!)
Because of my emotional problems, I dropped out of a prestigious
college and have been unable to hold a job for more than a couple months
at a time
since. I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in
high
school, I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know
how
smart I am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself
regularly.
I had hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
anxiety or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
things from time to time, but never thought of myself as being
'depressed'.
Whatever made me sad, I'd get over it in a few days and pick up right
where I
left off.
So what happened? I realize that this is a public forum so you can feel
free to not explain or to reply in private (if you wish), but normally some
type of event precipitates the type of "downfall" as you've described it.
If you were a "normal, happy kid" in high school and then you became
depressed in college, what happened to bring it about? Worries about
finances? Grades? Friends? Love? Parents or other family? A combination
of all? Not all the time, but most of the time, (again IME), something
substantial (a failed relationship, a death of someone close, a career
epiphany, etc.) would have to occur in order for the type of plummet you are
describing. Or did you actually just wake up one day feeling depressed and
things got worse from there? I don't know....that's why I'm asking.....
For me, I've had vast amounts of traumatic events in my life precipitating
the majority of my nervous breakdowns/manic-depressive periods. Most of
them involving love/friendships (unfortunately despite many years of
counseling I've been unable to "break the cycle" I'm in) but also involving
career, family and even (or so I've been told by one doctor) the changing of
the seasons (!).
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
of antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
time I took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I
had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
compared to what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began
working within
two weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
Since it stopped working, I have tried, in the order I can
remember: Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin SR, Prozac, Zoloft again,
Paxil... none of these worked! They either did nothing, flattened me out
emotionally, or made me feel worse. Each I gave about a month.
I finally decided to try Parnate (a MAOI), and, combined with
Neurontin, it worked very well for me. I had trouble getting to sleep
despite
taking 20mg Ambien at one point; and eventually, I had to take more and
more
Parnate to experience relief from depression, until I was at the maximum
safe
dose, and it was like I was taking a sugar pill. This happened
rapidly--over a three month period.
ADs have worked for a lot of people so I don't want to tell you that they
are crap HOWEVER, like you, I've had a lot of problems with them being
effective. This is going to sound really bad but I actually prefer to be
suicidal than the mindless apathetic zombie they make me into and in the
end, I still had a lot of the same problems I had before I started taking
them (it felt more like they were just covering the depression up for a
short period of time but I could always "feel" it was right underneath the
surface and so I was a paranoid mindless apathetic zombie). So I stopped
trying to take them altogether years ago. If you think you might find a
good combo at some point you should keep trying various ones, but don't fall
into the trap of thinking that they will completely "fix" the problem. I
don't think they will. Have you considered any alternative treatments other
than ADs?
I also doubt my ability to make and maintain friendships--after all,
for much of my waking hours, and in my dreams, all I can think about is
how
awful I feel, and so I don't know what to talk about with anyone else.
I just lost one of my closest long-term friends due to my emotional
instability. At the moment I'm rather numb but I fully expect to feel the
tidal wave soon. Having friendships (even if they are strained) is
essential. And while it might make you feel terrible to act/feel the way
you do at times towards them, try to remember that it isn't really you, it's
your brain mucking things up. You need to remember that your friends (your
*true* friends) will stick by you, no matter what, and they should
understand that you are going through a tough period that will hopefully get
better soon. It's fucking hard to do (believe me I know) but you have to
believe you can do it and you have to believe it will help. Belief, along
with hope, are two of the most powerful "friends" you actually have.
Since I have failed at many things over the last couple years, along
with being depressed and anxious, I get worried about trying again or
starting a new endeavor, such as going to community college or getting
some kind
of job.
A part of me thinks, "Why bother, when you have failed so many times
in the past?".
That's your mind turning against you. Ignore it and try again. *Failure is
not the worst thing that can happen to you, apathy is.* Besides that who's
to say you failed in the past? Is that your opinion or is that someone
else's opinion? I'd be willing to bet that it's yours. I actually try not
to think of things in terms of success or failure because I've fallen into
that trap too many times myself and most often that not, your mind has
sabotaged you into failing. It is quick to jumpt to the conclusion you have
failed because it doesn't have any other supportive method of accepting
disappointment.
Sometimes if you try something and it doesn't work out, it's not necessarily
because you failed, it's just because it didn't work out. For whatever
reason. So what? Move on. There are so many things you can do in the
world, pick something easy, not too ambitious, something that won't be
emotionally, physically or mentally taxing but something that will keep your
mind occupied and you can work your way up from there. Try just taking a
few classes in a subject you've never tried before. Try working part-time
in an industry you've thought about but don't know that much about. See how
you feel once you try it and if it doesn't work, stop doing it and try
something else. If you sit at home and do nothing you'll feel worse than if
you try. The point is to not let your mind get the better of you.
After all, it's just another organ. :-)
Another thing that bothers me, and contributes to my misery--these
problems (depression, anxiety, failure, low self esteem) have persisted
for so
long I feel as though I have lost who I am; that I have BECOME my
condition(s). It seems to be all I can think about, and all the thoughts
are negative.
If I manage to get out of the house and do some activity, it's still all I
can think about. I don't hang out with friends anymore, because I can't
think of anything but my own misery; the cumulative experiences I've had
the
last couple years, and how grim the future looks. I have LOST myself! I
remember what music I used to like, what I used to do for fun, my hobbies,
my
academic interests--but they bring me no pleasure or interest anymore.
I know. And I'm sorry you've had to experience that. It's a horrible
feeling. Actually horrible doesn't even begin to describe it. I can't even
think of a word that does. Have you tried counseling at all? Seeing either
a psychologist or a psychiatrist to talk about events in your life or what
you are feeling (your fears, worries, etc.) might also help. I tried it and
I found it really difficult to talk to stranger that I knew had absolutely
no interest or could care less about me or my life but some people find it
very useful. They like the fact that they can talk to someone uninhibited
who doesn't really know them. If you talked about what was on your mind
instead of keeping it inside though I think you'd find the thoughts would
dissipate somewhat. They need some type of release and once they are gone
you can focus on other things, things you used to enjoy doing.
So, my family finally came around and realized that there may be
something biologically wrong with me.. We decided to go to Dr. Daniel
Amen's
clinic near where I live (see www.amenclinic.com for info if this is
unfamiliar to you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during
concentration,
and at rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of
their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
time, and I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't
afford
it myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic. I guess I
can't help but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they
put me
on, it won't get better. I know that sounds ridiculous, but psychiatry
and
talk therapy and deep breathing and exercise and yoga and self help books
and everything else I've tried over the past few years haven't helped;
why should this be any different? Can anyone relate to what I'm
feeling?
Hopefully I've given you the impression that I do, but if I've not done too
well at doing so, I apologize. I can only relate from my singular
experience and over the years I've gotten to the point of trying not to
relate to others because in the end I feel so alone so maybe I've got tunnel
vision about the entire thing. Posting in here is actually fairly new for
me too.
However, having been through the ups & downs of depression for so many
years, having gone through as many breakdowns as I have and lost as much as
I have as a result (I also dropped out of school for a time after one
particular episode but later went back to finish my degree when I was
feeling more stable) and also gone through as many methods as I have in
order to try to have some semblance of a normal life, I can honestly tell
you that every time you try it *will* be different. For better or worse
though is up to you. You have the power to change things but you have to
believe you can. And you may need some drugs, counseling or other therapy
to assist you, but you have to remember that you deserve to be happy, even
if your brain doesn't think so, and that you can be, as long as you don't
give up.
Is there such a thing as a case of depression that NEVER responds to
treatment, or, on the flipside, are there any survivors out there who
suffered for years with different meds and were able to pull out of
it?
I'm sure both exist but that doesn't mean you will be either one.
I happen to think I'm actually both (in a way). My depression has never
really responded to any "prescribed" treatment (and I'm at a point where I
don't believe it ever will) but I also consider myself to be a survivor
who's hit a certain plateau in accepting what I can and cannot change and
dealing with my disorder the best way I can. Yeah it's not perfect but life
isn't perfect (and as a former perfectionist, that's saying a *helluva*
lot). Even though at times I've been so low that I've spent many extended
periods of time wishing I was dead (or rather that I'd never been born) and
also despite the fact that I know at some time in the near future I'll
probably sink back down again, I'm not afraid of depression the way I used
to be. For me, the knowledge that it is cyclical and will happen is
actually a relief. Ironically enough it's one of the few "consistencies" in
my life. The reason for this is because it is something I know, it is
something I have experienced before and since it isn't foreign & I know it
is temporary (I tell myself that once I've hit rock bottom, the only way I
can go is back up again), I don't mind waiting for it to hit me. I don't
like it. I don't want it. If I could change it I would, but it is a fact
of my life, something that can't be avoided or helped or changed and that's
ok. A lot of this has to do with my acceptance of death. I used to be
petrified to die but I'm not anymore, especially considering what I've been
through recently. I'm afraid of most everything else on this earth, but not
death. Weird, huh?
I try to hope that, based on my history and brain scans, Dr. Amen's
clinic will find the right combo of meds, supplements or lifestyle
changes to make me better, and do what they (supposedly) do best--find
the right diagnosis and treatment by looking at brain activity... but
it's almost like impossible to be hopeful anymore.
I'm at the point, now, where I want to have my testosterone levels
checked, and other hormone/endocrine work done to make sure there isn't
some
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
Maybe, maybe not. As I said, mental health for the medical profession is
not an exact science. I wouldn't depend so much on the doctor's "healing"
powers and find more ways to enable *yourself* to help yourself.
Argh. Sorry about the rambling. If I'd gone through everything
bugging me this would be ten times as long...
Go ahead and write what's on your mind. That's what these newsgroups are
here for. That's why communication exists between human beings. So we can
share and learn. I wouldn't mind hearing what else is on your mind. So go
ahead....ramble on.....
I hope some of my own ramblings have been at a minimum comforting/supportive
for you, and maybe even hopefully beneficial/helpful. I'm very doubtful of
my own ability to help others at this point in time, but that doesn't
extinguish my desire to do so or the knowledge that I should try. Therein
lies the reason for my attempt, even if in the end it does result in
something a little less than success.
(And no, I don't often follow my own advice, but I'm in a decent mood so I
figured I'd try something different for a change. ;-)
--
Dayge
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason
in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), "On Reading and Writing"
.
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| User: "Chris" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
08 Jun 2004 10:50:18 AM |
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Don't apologize, it's good that you posted. And I'm sure there is more than
a few of us that can relate, but I know for a fact that I can, so here goes
my best effort at imparting an opinion/advice/experience/support.....
Thank you. Believe it or not, it helps. I'm looking into local
bipolar/depression support groups, because I think it's about time I
meet people face to face who've gone through what I have.
I've been experiencing varying degrees of both depression and anxiety for
the past 15 years and been in various treatments, on various drugs and to
various doctors for the past 10. And I'm only 28. I now suspect I've
probably been misdiagnosed for most of the time and I'm not too happy with
what it's turned out to likely be (BPD), but it is what it is. So be it.
And I just want to say, I apologize to those who've experienced misery
like this for longer than I have--you have to remember, I have no
point of reference... I simply remember being happy, normal, and
balanced before this became a problem, and I can't imagine what it
might be like to suffer with it for significantly longer than I have.
For *me* (and this might not be the
case for you, but I do wonder if it might not be applicable), I find it very
very difficult to explain exactly what my symptoms are, because they *do* in
fact change and morph and are difficult to relate to someone who hasn't felt
them. Sometimes I have the sense that my brain is actually working
consciously against me to supply the good doctors with incorrect or variable
information that can lead to these types of nebulous diagnoses, but then who
knows.
I know exactly what you mean. The feelings and moods are so difficult
to describe with English--I don't have words for them, so I try the
best I can with the vocabulary I do have. And I understand the
predicament of psychiatrists.. even though I am having SPECT work
done, it's still an early technology and we haven't yet reached the
point where looking at the brain can give an exact diagnosis and
treatment protocol... My family and I opted to have this done simply
because, based on our research, we believe a technology in development
showing a lot of promise is better than the "let's try this med,
adding this one, increasing the dosage, taking this one away, trying a
new one" rollercoaster that I've been on the last few years..
So what happened? I realize that this is a public forum so you can feel
free to not explain or to reply in private (if you wish), but normally some
type of event precipitates the type of "downfall" as you've described it.
If you were a "normal, happy kid" in high school and then you became
depressed in college, what happened to bring it about? Worries about
finances? Grades? Friends? Love? Parents or other family? A combination
of all? Not all the time, but most of the time, (again IME), something
substantial (a failed relationship, a death of someone close, a career
epiphany, etc.) would have to occur in order for the type of plummet you are
describing. Or did you actually just wake up one day feeling depressed and
things got worse from there? I don't know....that's why I'm asking.....
I'm going to make this short. In 1999 and 2000, I did the illegal
drug ecstasy (MDMA) almost every weekend. I wasn't depressed before I
started doing it, but I certainly have been ever since it was all
over. I have already grieved, beat myself up, and forgiven myself for
messing with my brain chemistry (particularly the serotonin system,
which, as we all know, has lots to do with how good one feels)....
Now I'm simply focused on what I can do now to resume something
resembling a normal life; without waking up in tears every day.. being
able to enjoy things I used to enjoy...
For me, I've had vast amounts of traumatic events in my life precipitating
the majority of my nervous breakdowns/manic-depressive periods. Most of
them involving love/friendships (unfortunately despite many years of
counseling I've been unable to "break the cycle" I'm in) but also involving
career, family and even (or so I've been told by one doctor) the changing of
the seasons (!).
I worry sometimes that because of the way I am, I'll never be able to
settle down with someone, or even date.... I guess I shouldn't worry
about that now, while I feel so miserable, but I do.
ADs have worked for a lot of people so I don't want to tell you that they
are crap HOWEVER, like you, I've had a lot of problems with them being
effective. This is going to sound really bad but I actually prefer to be
suicidal than the mindless apathetic zombie they make me into and in the
end, I still had a lot of the same problems I had before I started taking
them (it felt more like they were just covering the depression up for a
short period of time but I could always "feel" it was right underneath the
surface and so I was a paranoid mindless apathetic zombie). So I stopped
trying to take them altogether years ago. If you think you might find a
good combo at some point you should keep trying various ones, but don't fall
into the trap of thinking that they will completely "fix" the problem. I
don't think they will. Have you considered any alternative treatments other
than ADs?
I have taken high dose, high quality fish oil and/or flaxseed oil, B
vitamin supplements, 5-HTP (which I originally used to increase my
ecstasy high, as a foolish 17 year old... now, it has absolutely no
effect on me.)...
You need to remember that your friends (your
*true* friends) will stick by you, no matter what, and they should
understand that you are going through a tough period that will hopefully get
better soon. It's fucking hard to do (believe me I know) but you have to
believe you can do it and you have to believe it will help. Belief, along
with hope, are two of the most powerful "friends" you actually have.
They do. They are wonderful. But do you ever feel as though you don't
"deserve" their friendship? I feel I have nothing to offer them,
anymore, and yet they stick by me and support me. I almost feel guilt
for their efforts. I feel like asking them, what do you see in me?
Why would you want to remain friends if I'm consumed by my misery?
But I don't ask them these things.
That's your mind turning against you. Ignore it and try again. *Failure is
not the worst thing that can happen to you, apathy is.* Besides that who's
to say you failed in the past? Is that your opinion or is that someone
else's opinion? I'd be willing to bet that it's yours. I actually try not
to think of things in terms of success or failure because I've fallen into
that trap too many times myself and most often that not, your mind has
sabotaged you into failing. It is quick to jumpt to the conclusion you have
failed because it doesn't have any other supportive method of accepting
disappointment.
They are my opinions as well as other people's. Coming from their
perspective, without having to spend a day, an hour, or a week in my
head, I can understand their point of view.
Hopefully I've given you the impression that I do, but if I've not done too
well at doing so, I apologize. I can only relate from my singular
experience and over the years I've gotten to the point of trying not to
relate to others because in the end I feel so alone so maybe I've got tunnel
vision about the entire thing. Posting in here is actually fairly new for
me too.
It has helped me immensely, I want to thank you and everyone else who
replied. I don't feel quite so alone anymore... I'd like to try a
support group as the next step of this process.
I'll try to keep up in this group as often as I can.
thanks again,
Chris
.
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| User: "Pain Devine" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
04 Jun 2004 02:41:15 AM |
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|
I've had mine for about 7 years... At least now I know that the "Depression"
isn't real... I know that the way I'm feeling is unrealistic. Something bad
happens and I get over-emotional about it... I "Know" that things aren't
really all that bad, even if I don't feel that way.
.
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| User: "crysalis" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
04 Jun 2004 09:56:30 AM |
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|
Hi Chris,
I was originally diagnosed with depression in 1994, and later it
became apparent I was bipolar. I have been on my meds for over 10
years now. Whenever I go off them it has been disastrous.
You are very articulate in the way you describe the illness and how
you feel about it. Your pain is apparent. I'm sorry to see someone so
yound go through something like this
My advice is keep trying. Don't give up on the hope that you can and
will feel better. I was tried on some of the newer meds with bad
results. I'll spare you the details. The combo that works for me is
imipramine and lithium. Kind of old school, but it helps.
Keep posting. Unload as much of it here as you can and need to. And
keep trying. You should and can feel better. It's just a matter of
finding the right treatment.
My cousin went several years before she found the right treatment. Now
she is doing much better.
Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
Bobbie
.
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| User: "Tamara" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
04 Jun 2004 04:19:36 PM |
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|
(crysalis) wrote in message news:<e638216c.0406040656.55d9c2b8@posting.google.com>...
Hi Chris,
I was originally diagnosed with depression in 1994, and later it
became apparent I was bipolar. I have been on my meds for over 10
years now. Whenever I go off them it has been disastrous.
You are very articulate in the way you describe the illness and how
you feel about it. Your pain is apparent. I'm sorry to see someone so
yound go through something like this
My advice is keep trying. Don't give up on the hope that you can and
will feel better. I was tried on some of the newer meds with bad
results. I'll spare you the details. The combo that works for me is
imipramine and lithium. Kind of old school, but it helps.
Keep posting. Unload as much of it here as you can and need to. And
keep trying. You should and can feel better. It's just a matter of
finding the right treatment.
My cousin went several years before she found the right treatment. Now
she is doing much better.
Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
Bobbie
i.ve had em last for three years.horrible.I rarely went out.
.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
08 Jun 2004 03:04:09 AM |
|
|
In alt.support.depression Chris <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote:
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting off a couple years of frustration.
Chris, I have been wanting to give your post the attention it
deserves, and I don't think this folluwup is enought but
I wanted to let you know I read it.
I have been diagnosed with one or more of
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
Not especially confidence inducing.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
The contrast must be painful.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
This must be a kind of torment. I don't have that sort of
contrast (Rx have effects, but also the SSRIs knock me out
which everyone denies)
It is small comfort, I realize, to say that you can be certain
it is your brain chemistry and not "you" that is awry, even
though it is true. The Rx circus, rollercoaster, whatever
you call it, that you especially have endured is a trial in
itself.
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic.
Let us know how it goes.
I can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it won't get better.
This is an issue that is not discussed enough by the professionals I
have known.
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
No, why should you be expected to respond to something without
any reliable means of diagnosis?
.
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| User: "Pattie" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
08 Jun 2004 10:03:49 PM |
|
|
Contrarian <adrba@zzz-ooo-zzz.nyct.net> wrote in message news:<Zpexc.1107$ri.94944@dfw-read.news.verio.net>...
In alt.support.depression Chris <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote:
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting off a couple years of frustration.
Chris, I have been wanting to give your post the attention it
deserves, and I don't think this folluwup is enought but
I wanted to let you know I read it.
I have been diagnosed with one or more of
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
Not especially confidence inducing.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
The contrast must be painful.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
This must be a kind of torment. I don't have that sort of
contrast (Rx have effects, but also the SSRIs knock me out
which everyone denies)
It is small comfort, I realize, to say that you can be certain
it is your brain chemistry and not "you" that is awry, even
though it is true. The Rx circus, rollercoaster, whatever
you call it, that you especially have endured is a trial in
itself.
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic.
Let us know how it goes.
I can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it won't get better.
This is an issue that is not discussed enough by the professionals I
have known.
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
No, why should you be expected to respond to something without
any reliable means of diagnosis?
Chris, I can identify with what you have said. I am 45, and I have
been fair to middling since I was about 11. As soon as the hormones
that changed me from girl to woman were secreted, I became anxious,
mopey, even so depressed I would not eat.
I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD),
agoraphobia, depression, atypical depression, anorexiam even
borderline personality disorder.
The low-lying depression that surfaces and nags at me so deeply every
few years is now known as dysthymia. This was a breakthrough discovery
for doctors who were seeing people who only reached a certain state of
happiness for a few years at a time, then were either moderately
depressed or totally depressed. I stay in the part betwen moderately
and totally.
Ask the doctors about dysthymia. It is a class of depression, and
they do know about it.
I was well enough to have two kids, then another two kids between
depressions. Believe it or not, there was no post-partum depression!
An exception for the books, I guess.
I'm not feeling well at all now, either. My ex took three kids plus
his first and split. I'm not well enough to do all that needs to be
done for him and the children, so he doesn't want to be taking care of
me anymore. Besides, I get really ticked off when I am depressed and
grown people can't pitch in with the chores, or wipe their catsup off
of the countertop.
The main point is, people such as us deserve an effective treatment.
I haven't read up on dysthymia to refresh my memory, but I advise you
to find out from professionals instead of little internet articles.
IF the doctors are just going through nmed after med, it may be wise
to speak up about it.
We're all on the same ship. Some of us just can't be on the same
frequency from deck to deck. Speak up if you fit the profile for
dysthymia, or try to get them to test you for it. All they need to
know is the length of you good and bad periods.
And the intensity.
I wish you well. You ARE a survivor and worthy of better treatment.
Pattie
.
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| User: "Richard" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
09 Jun 2004 02:59:07 PM |
|
|
(Pattie) wrote in message news:<4faa243e.0406081903.71a7fcc8@posting.google.com>...
Contrarian <adrba@zzz-ooo-zzz.nyct.net> wrote in message news:<Zpexc.1107$ri.94944@dfw-read.news.verio.net>...
In alt.support.depression Chris <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote:
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting off a couple years of frustration.
Chris, I have been wanting to give your post the attention it
deserves, and I don't think this folluwup is enought but
I wanted to let you know I read it.
I have been diagnosed with one or more of
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
Not especially confidence inducing.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
The contrast must be painful.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
This must be a kind of torment. I don't have that sort of
contrast (Rx have effects, but also the SSRIs knock me out
which everyone denies)
It is small comfort, I realize, to say that you can be certain
it is your brain chemistry and not "you" that is awry, even
though it is true. The Rx circus, rollercoaster, whatever
you call it, that you especially have endured is a trial in
itself.
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic.
Let us know how it goes.
I can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it won't get better.
This is an issue that is not discussed enough by the professionals I
have known.
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
No, why should you be expected to respond to something without
any reliable means of diagnosis?
Chris, I can identify with what you have said. I am 45, and I have
been fair to middling since I was about 11. As soon as the hormones
that changed me from girl to woman were secreted, I became anxious,
mopey, even so depressed I would not eat.
I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD),
agoraphobia, depression, atypical depression, anorexiam even
borderline personality disorder.
The low-lying depression that surfaces and nags at me so deeply every
few years is now known as dysthymia. This was a breakthrough discovery
for doctors who were seeing people who only reached a certain state of
happiness for a few years at a time, then were either moderately
depressed or totally depressed. I stay in the part betwen moderately
and totally.
Ask the doctors about dysthymia. It is a class of depression, and
they do know about it.
I was well enough to have two kids, then another two kids between
depressions. Believe it or not, there was no post-partum depression!
An exception for the books, I guess.
I'm not feeling well at all now, either. My ex took three kids plus
his first and split. I'm not well enough to do all that needs to be
done for him and the children, so he doesn't want to be taking care of
me anymore. Besides, I get really ticked off when I am depressed and
grown people can't pitch in with the chores, or wipe their catsup off
of the countertop.
The main point is, people such as us deserve an effective treatment.
I haven't read up on dysthymia to refresh my memory, but I advise you
to find out from professionals instead of little internet articles.
IF the doctors are just going through nmed after med, it may be wise
to speak up about it.
We're all on the same ship. Some of us just can't be on the same
frequency from deck to deck. Speak up if you fit the profile for
dysthymia, or try to get them to test you for it. All they need to
know is the length of you good and bad periods.
And the intensity.
I wish you well. You ARE a survivor and worthy of better treatment.
Pattie
I have survived depressions over three yrs.they do end.Hope anyone
with lengthy periods has friends,supportive family,& an attentive,& a
very good(check em out)licensed counselor/therapist &
doctor(psychiatrist),approprriate medications
.
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| User: "twistyleg" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
11 Jun 2004 08:58:26 PM |
|
|
(Richard) wrote in message news:<637ba9aa.0406091159.6707a7d3@posting.google.com>...
pattie@parentpatch.com (Pattie) wrote in message news:<4faa243e.0406081903.71a7fcc8@posting.google.com>...
Contrarian <adrba@zzz-ooo-zzz.nyct.net> wrote in message news:<Zpexc.1107$ri.94944@dfw-read.news.verio.net>...
In alt.support.depression Chris <hopelost82@yahoo.com> wrote:
I want to apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I am
letting off a couple years of frustration.
Chris, I have been wanting to give your post the attention it
deserves, and I don't think this folluwup is enought but
I wanted to let you know I read it.
I have been diagnosed with one or more of
following: Major depression, agitated depression, generalized anxiety
disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder type II.
Not especially confidence inducing.
I have lived with various friends and relatives. When I was in high
I was a normal, happy kid--I was very bright (I don't even know how
am anymore!), got excellent grades, and challenged myself regularly.
hobbies, I had friends, and whatever I set out to do, I did without
or apprehension. I didn't hate myself. I got sad about various
time to time, but never thought of myself as being 'depressed'.
The contrast must be painful.
I worry so much that things will never get better. I have tried a lot
antidepressants without much success, with few exceptions. The first
took Zoloft (Apprx. Mar 2001-Dec/Jan 2002) it worked wonders. I had
experienced the symptoms of depression for several months, and
what I have now, it was rather 'mild', but Zoloft began working within
weeks and continued to work until the next January. It was like I had
gotten myself back; I was happy, focused, energetic, social,
confident.
This must be a kind of torment. I don't have that sort of
contrast (Rx have effects, but also the SSRIs knock me out
which everyone denies)
It is small comfort, I realize, to say that you can be certain
it is your brain chemistry and not "you" that is awry, even
though it is true. The Rx circus, rollercoaster, whatever
you call it, that you especially have endured is a trial in
itself.
you.) I have already had the two SPECT scans (during concentration,
rest), and we will return for a three hour session with one of their
psychiatrists in a few weeks. I have wanted to do this for a long
I am greatful I have family willing to do this for me (I can't afford
myself), but it bugs me to no end that I'm pessimistic.
Let us know how it goes.
I can't help
but worry that whatever I am diagnosed with, whatever meds they put me
on, it won't get better.
This is an issue that is not discussed enough by the professionals I
have known.
overlooked cause to all this. After all, wouldn't you think I'd have
responded better to psychiatric treatment by now?
No, why should you be expected to respond to something without
any reliable means of diagnosis?
Chris, I can identify with what you have said. I am 45, and I have
been fair to middling since I was about 11. As soon as the hormones
that changed me from girl to woman were secreted, I became anxious,
mopey, even so depressed I would not eat.
I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD),
agoraphobia, depression, atypical depression, anorexiam even
borderline personality disorder.
The low-lying depression that surfaces and nags at me so deeply every
few years is now known as dysthymia. This was a breakthrough discovery
for doctors who were seeing people who only reached a certain state of
happiness for a few years at a time, then were either moderately
depressed or totally depressed. I stay in the part betwen moderately
and totally.
Ask the doctors about dysthymia. It is a class of depression, and
they do know about it.
I was well enough to have two kids, then another two kids between
depressions. Believe it or not, there was no post-partum depression!
An exception for the books, I guess.
I'm not feeling well at all now, either. My ex took three kids plus
his first and split. I'm not well enough to do all that needs to be
done for him and the children, so he doesn't want to be taking care of
me anymore. Besides, I get really ticked off when I am depressed and
grown people can't pitch in with the chores, or wipe their catsup off
of the countertop.
The main point is, people such as us deserve an effective treatment.
I haven't read up on dysthymia to refresh my memory, but I advise you
to find out from professionals instead of little internet articles.
IF the doctors are just going through nmed after med, it may be wise
to speak up about it.
We're all on the same ship. Some of us just can't be on the same
frequency from deck to deck. Speak up if you fit the profile for
dysthymia, or try to get them to test you for it. All they need to
know is the length of you good and bad periods.
And the intensity.
I wish you well. You ARE a survivor and worthy of better treatment.
Pattie
I have survived depressions over three yrs.they do end.Hope anyone
with lengthy periods has friends,supportive family,& an attentive,& a
very good(check em out)licensed counselor/therapist &
doctor(psychiatrist),approprriate medications
Don't give up, as hokey as that sounds. You are at least lucky enough
to have the help and support of doctors and family. I don't have
health insurance so I have never been properly diagonosed or
medicated. All I can do is push myself and make sure I get up in the
morning. I am a single mother and I am poor as dirt. So I don't have
the luxary or time to be deeply depressed. So instead I drink, pull
my hair out or on a rare occasion I either cut or burn myself. I know
the later is extreme but let's just say it's a wake-up call to snap
out of it. I hope I don't pass this along to my child. I try to keep
my bad habits and moods a secret from my child but it is hard. Try to
find a hobby or a reason to get out or no amount of drug will work.
Mind over matter, I say.
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| User: "Tamara" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
11 Jun 2004 02:55:46 PM |
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yeah,it's just me,but I have been through,not all the way
through,depressions lasting years,and yes,I tried the big
time,Richard,too.Read part of the Jamison book "Night Falls Fast",the
television rules the house and controls my mind.hi,harry,if you're
near a tv.
.
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| User: "angelique" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
11 Jun 2004 12:48:14 PM |
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yes.I got through a few years often considering suicide,once sat an
afternoon with a pistol to my head.The hours weren't bad,good for
evaluation of what it was I wanted to be different,discerning which
aspects I could change,figuring out some beginning steps to make life
rewarding and more loveable.
.
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| User: "Mickey Maschke" |
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| Title: Re: Depression lasting years--can anyone relate? |
13 Jun 2004 12:16:45 PM |
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I've been suffering from depression now for over 20 years and have been
under doctor's care for it. I can certainly relate.
--
Take care,
Mickey Maschke
The Moon List - http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/themoonlist/
My Personal Site: http://windgate.info
The mind is like a book. Opened and much is learned, closed and nothing is
learned.
"angelique" <insideyerhead@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:a029c05d.0406110948.3affbd38@posting.google.com...
yes.I got through a few years often considering suicide,once sat an
afternoon with a pistol to my head.The hours weren't bad,good for
evaluation of what it was I wanted to be different,discerning which
aspects I could change,figuring out some beginning steps to make life
rewarding and more loveable.
.
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