| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"K8" |
| Date: |
03 Mar 2006 11:33:04 PM |
| Object: |
Depression, need help from people who have been there |
Hi,
I am new to this group. I just spent the last half an hour typing my
post, only to lose my entry. I suppose that was therapeutic in itself!
Let me recap briefly, I am looking for hope for people who have been
in my shoes, I know I'm not the first to feel this way...
I am 24 years old, 140 lbs. 5'6. average as can be. I grew up with
neurotic parents, but everyone has issues, and I had a lot of great
opportunities. My parents have placed me on medication all of my life,
I was an angsty teen, ended up majoring in art in college, you get the
stereotype. My first year of college was my first experience with
disorders, I was diagnosed with panic disorder, and was unable to
handle social situations, even classes. I was medicated. I dated a
guy for about 7 years, since i was 15, we had issues, but nothing
awefull. It just really affected my trust toward men.
I graduated from college a little over a year ago. I took the first
job that I was offered, moved in with my new boyfriend who is as nice
as a golden retriever, albeit as attention-span limited and
irresponsible. He is a musician who lost his "real" job in august. I
have been footing the bills, as the dynamic of my job grew worse and
worse. I was unable to quit, because of my boyfriend being unemployed
and me paying for everything that I had budgeted we would be splitting.
maybe it's my fault, I knew he wanted to be a rockstar, and now I am
bitter.
Two weeks ago, I up and quit my job. I was making great money with
great benefits, but I was made to feel replaceable everyday, so I gave
them the opportunity to act on it. This really threw my world into a
spin, as it was the first time really in my life that I had gone
against the version of me my parents had created in their heads. I
really have calmed down a lot since my last post, which is a good
thing! Bascially, it had gotten to the point where I was disrespected
at work repeatedly, the job was useless and unneccesary, I was unable
to grow there, and I would not even be able to spend my free time
enjoying being out of work, beacuse I would sit and cry and dread going
back. I have had multiple jobs in my life, This was not my first work
experience. There really was something wrong there.
Anyway, my parents are angry at me because I quit. I have no health
benefits, am spending my savings on supporting my boyfriend and I (he
just finally got a low-paying job this week). I am bitter towards my
boyfriend because he is unceasingly optomistic, and I feel like I am
the only one that worries about anything. I am really self concious, I
have gained weight since I moved in with him because I no longer live
with uncomfortable, crazy roomates. i have started having episodes
where I feel completely helpless, worthless, and unable to care for
myself. I didn't go straight to grad school, because I have no idea
what I want to study, and now I am afraid to do it beacuse my parents
have cut me off, and I would have to get hardcore into debt. But I
keep flipping out on my boyfriend, I am afraid to leave the house, and
I had my first serious panic attack in years, about an hour ago. I
can't enjoy myself because I feel ugly. I can't be in a room even with
my friends because I am so upset all of the time. I have been crying
since december. My optomist boyfriend is really supportive, but I
can't help but be bitter. Like he should be miserable with me. I made
him go out tonite, because I didn't want him to watch me cry, and I
don't want to feel guilty and make him miss out on things because I am
so depressed. I would never, ever kill myself, but almost everday i
feel like i want to go to bed and never wake up. I don't think that I
can be a secretary all of my life. But at the same time, its been
ingrained in me to never take chances, and get a 9-5 job and a new and
humble Saturn. I feel like I'm unable to grow up. I just want to be
able to wake up and enjoy each day, or at least be able to tolerate it.
I can't get out of bed anymore. I haven't left my house in 3 days. I
have gotten some painting done, but not enough that is gallery worthy,
and I know when I get a new job I wont be able to paint anymore. my
brain just can't think on both levels at the same time. I feel like
I'm going crazy. I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance. A lot of my friends that are older than me have been really
helpful, and I know that a lot of people experience this out of
college. I can handle being depressed. I can't handle not being able
to leave the house, and taking anger out on people that I love. I feel
like my resources at handleing any stress at all are just run dry. I'm
on the fence between what is going to make me happy, and what my
white-collar parents have told me I need to function in life. It seems
like such a lame issue, I know that there are people that have greater
problems, but I feel like my body is sick, and my joints and muscles
ache from stress. Its gotten to the point where it's unbearable, and I
can't even go talk to anyone because of the insurance thing. I give
up. I feel like I need to self destruct before I can get better, and
I'm getting there.
.
|
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| User: "al" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
06 Mar 2006 05:37:50 AM |
|
|
"I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance."
Well, you need to get back on it. Thats the only thing i know that can
control depression. It wont cure it. But if you dont take it, things
will just get worse. BTW, stop dating losers.
.
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| User: "slunky" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
06 Mar 2006 07:14:44 AM |
|
|
_/al <alnhrs@aol.com> wrote\_
"I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance."
Well, you need to get back on it.
Easier said than done. Have you ever tried getting back on insurance?
Thats the only thing i know that can control depression.
So you've never heard of therapy or ECT or hypnosis?
--
-slunky
.
|
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| User: "al" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
06 Mar 2006 05:37:56 AM |
|
|
"I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance."
Well, you need to get back on it. Thats the only thing i know that can
control depression. It wont cure it. But if you dont take it, things
will just get worse. BTW, stop dating losers.
.
|
|
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|
| User: "monkeyhawk" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 12:07:57 AM |
|
|
"K8" <K8Hansen@gmail.com> wrote
Hi,
I am new to this group. I just spent the last half an hour typing my
post, only to lose my entry. I suppose that was therapeutic in itself!
Let me recap briefly, I am looking for hope for people who have been
in my shoes, I know I'm not the first to feel this way...
I am 24 years old, 140 lbs. 5'6. average as can be. I grew up with
neurotic parents, but everyone has issues, and I had a lot of great
opportunities. My parents have placed me on medication all of my life,
I was an angsty teen, ended up majoring in art in college, you get the
stereotype. My first year of college was my first experience with
disorders, I was diagnosed with panic disorder, and was unable to
handle social situations, even classes. I was medicated. I dated a
guy for about 7 years, since i was 15, we had issues, but nothing
awefull. It just really affected my trust toward men.
I graduated from college a little over a year ago. I took the first
job that I was offered, moved in with my new boyfriend who is as nice
as a golden retriever, albeit as attention-span limited and
irresponsible. He is a musician who lost his "real" job in august. I
have been footing the bills, as the dynamic of my job grew worse and
worse. I was unable to quit, because of my boyfriend being unemployed
and me paying for everything that I had budgeted we would be splitting.
maybe it's my fault, I knew he wanted to be a rockstar, and now I am
bitter.
Two weeks ago, I up and quit my job. I was making great money with
great benefits, but I was made to feel replaceable everyday, so I gave
them the opportunity to act on it. This really threw my world into a
spin, as it was the first time really in my life that I had gone
against the version of me my parents had created in their heads. I
really have calmed down a lot since my last post, which is a good
thing! Bascially, it had gotten to the point where I was disrespected
at work repeatedly, the job was useless and unneccesary, I was unable
to grow there, and I would not even be able to spend my free time
enjoying being out of work, beacuse I would sit and cry and dread going
back. I have had multiple jobs in my life, This was not my first work
experience. There really was something wrong there.
Anyway, my parents are angry at me because I quit. I have no health
benefits, am spending my savings on supporting my boyfriend and I (he
just finally got a low-paying job this week). I am bitter towards my
boyfriend because he is unceasingly optomistic, and I feel like I am
the only one that worries about anything. I am really self concious, I
have gained weight since I moved in with him because I no longer live
with uncomfortable, crazy roomates. i have started having episodes
where I feel completely helpless, worthless, and unable to care for
myself. I didn't go straight to grad school, because I have no idea
what I want to study, and now I am afraid to do it beacuse my parents
have cut me off, and I would have to get hardcore into debt. But I
keep flipping out on my boyfriend, I am afraid to leave the house, and
I had my first serious panic attack in years, about an hour ago. I
can't enjoy myself because I feel ugly. I can't be in a room even with
my friends because I am so upset all of the time. I have been crying
since december. My optomist boyfriend is really supportive, but I
can't help but be bitter. Like he should be miserable with me. I made
him go out tonite, because I didn't want him to watch me cry, and I
don't want to feel guilty and make him miss out on things because I am
so depressed. I would never, ever kill myself, but almost everday i
feel like i want to go to bed and never wake up. I don't think that I
can be a secretary all of my life. But at the same time, its been
ingrained in me to never take chances, and get a 9-5 job and a new and
humble Saturn. I feel like I'm unable to grow up. I just want to be
able to wake up and enjoy each day, or at least be able to tolerate it.
I can't get out of bed anymore. I haven't left my house in 3 days. I
have gotten some painting done, but not enough that is gallery worthy,
and I know when I get a new job I wont be able to paint anymore. my
brain just can't think on both levels at the same time. I feel like
I'm going crazy. I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance. A lot of my friends that are older than me have been really
helpful, and I know that a lot of people experience this out of
college. I can handle being depressed. I can't handle not being able
to leave the house, and taking anger out on people that I love. I feel
like my resources at handleing any stress at all are just run dry. I'm
on the fence between what is going to make me happy, and what my
white-collar parents have told me I need to function in life. It seems
like such a lame issue, I know that there are people that have greater
problems, but I feel like my body is sick, and my joints and muscles
ache from stress. Its gotten to the point where it's unbearable, and I
can't even go talk to anyone because of the insurance thing. I give
up. I feel like I need to self destruct before I can get better, and
I'm getting there.
Hey.
We are total opposites.
I'm male, older than you, and can explain the logic of the Infield Fly rule.
But somehow your post resonates with me.
I have no idea where you are, but chances are very good that there's a
public mental health facility or resource available to you. Look it up and
get an appointment with some kind of professional counseling. It may result
in therapy (adjusted in price to you ability to pay), medication (likewise,
adjusted to your economic situation), and...and this may be most
important... a phone number to call when you're feeling at the end of your
rope.
I'm tempted (and not too proudly) to channel the ghost of Ann Landers and
advise that you should, regarding your six-months-unemployed-boyfriend who
got a job only after you quit yours, "throw the bum out."
I have no idea of the family dynamics you have with your parents, and can
only suspect that Dad doesn't like Boyfriend and the whole process of
cutting you off might be a (misguided, albeit, but real) consequence of your
choice of living partner. This may be totally off the mark, and I apologize
if it is. Just reading between the lines that you wrote...and feeling, as I
say, a certain resonance.
It just seems, you can be poor and crazy and miserable all by yourself, why
pay for another person's ease and pleasure?
I think it was Mark Twain who said, "Home is the place where they can never
turn you away." Something like that. There certainly are vivid exceptions,
but that might be the way to go. There may be life decisions you've made,
in the effort to "grow up" that haven't worked out, but you're young enough
to get things back on track. It doesn't mean a total capitulation to the
'rents. But it might buy you six months or a year or two to not have to
worry about basic survival skills.
If life gives you a chance, take it.
If I've totally misinterpreted the potential of family as an asset to your
comeback, well... that's the problem with Usenet.
Your post indicated you're a bright, literate, perceptive person who's
caught up in a swirl of circumstances that seem overwhelming.
I'm certainly not the best role model you could find, but I have discovered
that most problems are usually merely....uhm.. "whelming."
Lotsa people have been there.
I have a feeling you'll get outta there.
Good luck.
.
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| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 12:37:25 AM |
|
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On Fri, 3 Mar 2006 22:07:57 -0800, "monkeyhawk" <monkeyhawk@cox.net>
wrote:
<snip>
->It just seems, you can be poor and crazy and miserable all by yourself, why
->pay for another person's ease and pleasure?
This is exactly what I tell people. When something or someone will
improve my quality of life (hopefully, my own efforts will do it),
I'll consider it. Until then, I sure as hell ain't gonna carry anyone
else around.
Original poster: Sliding-scale clinic, get back on meds, LOSE THE
BOYFRIEND.
--
Consider all my posts spoilered for language.
I have no taste and I learned how to swear from my mother.
.
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| User: "RGB" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 12:40:20 AM |
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In article <guci02hpbeipsjg2ru31usl1u619qvf9uq@4ax.com>,
notchimera<dont@bother.com> wrote:
This is exactly what I tell people. When something or someone will
improve my quality of life (hopefully, my own efforts will do it),
I'll consider it. Until then, I sure as hell ain't gonna carry anyone
else around.
*****, Chim, go right ahead and ruin my weekend in advance. I was kinda
hoping you'd be willing to support me in exchange for regular statements
that you look like a bullfrog. Go ahead, ribbit in.
.
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| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 10:47:48 AM |
|
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On Sat, 04 Mar 2006 06:40:20 GMT, RGB <mark022806-asd@yahoo.com>
wrote:
->In article <guci02hpbeipsjg2ru31usl1u619qvf9uq@4ax.com>,
-> notchimera<dont@bother.com> wrote:
->
->> This is exactly what I tell people. When something or someone will
->> improve my quality of life (hopefully, my own efforts will do it),
->> I'll consider it. Until then, I sure as hell ain't gonna carry anyone
->> else around.
->
->*****, Chim, go right ahead and ruin my weekend in advance. I was kinda
->hoping you'd be willing to support me in exchange for regular statements
->that you look like a bullfrog. Go ahead, ribbit in.
I'm gonna light a fire under your ***** right now, Lemon Boy.
We have a Saturday Morning Market here in St. Pete. I go there, get
a bunch of vegetables, listen to our Mayor sing and play guitar (he's
quite good) and play with people's dogs. I stopped at one of the
stalls I visit regularly for green peppers and stuff. There's this
guy who runs the barbecue pit in -- I'm not kidding -- a morning coat
with tails, silk vest, bow tie and tuxedo pants. And he told me...
wait for it...
He told me I was BEAUTIFUL.
Three times.
And what did I think of? YOU!
Ribbit.
--
Consider all my posts spoilered for language.
I have no taste and I learned how to swear from my mother.
.
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| User: "David" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 08:06:43 AM |
|
|
It might be helpful to have a medication reevaluation and possibly
spend some time in a hospital, or talk with a psychiatrist and
therapist. I've recently been through a similar situation moving to a
new home. I also have trouble being around people now, it's not really
problem with me though since I'm online.
K8 wrote:
Hi,
I am new to this group. I just spent the last half an hour typing my
post, only to lose my entry. I suppose that was therapeutic in itself!
Let me recap briefly, I am looking for hope for people who have been
in my shoes, I know I'm not the first to feel this way...
I am 24 years old, 140 lbs. 5'6. average as can be. I grew up with
neurotic parents, but everyone has issues, and I had a lot of great
opportunities. My parents have placed me on medication all of my life,
I was an angsty teen, ended up majoring in art in college, you get the
stereotype. My first year of college was my first experience with
disorders, I was diagnosed with panic disorder, and was unable to
handle social situations, even classes. I was medicated. I dated a
guy for about 7 years, since i was 15, we had issues, but nothing
awefull. It just really affected my trust toward men.
I graduated from college a little over a year ago. I took the first
job that I was offered, moved in with my new boyfriend who is as nice
as a golden retriever, albeit as attention-span limited and
irresponsible. He is a musician who lost his "real" job in august. I
have been footing the bills, as the dynamic of my job grew worse and
worse. I was unable to quit, because of my boyfriend being unemployed
and me paying for everything that I had budgeted we would be splitting.
maybe it's my fault, I knew he wanted to be a rockstar, and now I am
bitter.
Two weeks ago, I up and quit my job. I was making great money with
great benefits, but I was made to feel replaceable everyday, so I gave
them the opportunity to act on it. This really threw my world into a
spin, as it was the first time really in my life that I had gone
against the version of me my parents had created in their heads. I
really have calmed down a lot since my last post, which is a good
thing! Bascially, it had gotten to the point where I was disrespected
at work repeatedly, the job was useless and unneccesary, I was unable
to grow there, and I would not even be able to spend my free time
enjoying being out of work, beacuse I would sit and cry and dread going
back. I have had multiple jobs in my life, This was not my first work
experience. There really was something wrong there.
Anyway, my parents are angry at me because I quit. I have no health
benefits, am spending my savings on supporting my boyfriend and I (he
just finally got a low-paying job this week). I am bitter towards my
boyfriend because he is unceasingly optomistic, and I feel like I am
the only one that worries about anything. I am really self concious, I
have gained weight since I moved in with him because I no longer live
with uncomfortable, crazy roomates. i have started having episodes
where I feel completely helpless, worthless, and unable to care for
myself. I didn't go straight to grad school, because I have no idea
what I want to study, and now I am afraid to do it beacuse my parents
have cut me off, and I would have to get hardcore into debt. But I
keep flipping out on my boyfriend, I am afraid to leave the house, and
I had my first serious panic attack in years, about an hour ago. I
can't enjoy myself because I feel ugly. I can't be in a room even with
my friends because I am so upset all of the time. I have been crying
since december. My optomist boyfriend is really supportive, but I
can't help but be bitter. Like he should be miserable with me. I made
him go out tonite, because I didn't want him to watch me cry, and I
don't want to feel guilty and make him miss out on things because I am
so depressed. I would never, ever kill myself, but almost everday i
feel like i want to go to bed and never wake up. I don't think that I
can be a secretary all of my life. But at the same time, its been
ingrained in me to never take chances, and get a 9-5 job and a new and
humble Saturn. I feel like I'm unable to grow up. I just want to be
able to wake up and enjoy each day, or at least be able to tolerate it.
I can't get out of bed anymore. I haven't left my house in 3 days. I
have gotten some painting done, but not enough that is gallery worthy,
and I know when I get a new job I wont be able to paint anymore. my
brain just can't think on both levels at the same time. I feel like
I'm going crazy. I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance. A lot of my friends that are older than me have been really
helpful, and I know that a lot of people experience this out of
college. I can handle being depressed. I can't handle not being able
to leave the house, and taking anger out on people that I love. I feel
like my resources at handleing any stress at all are just run dry. I'm
on the fence between what is going to make me happy, and what my
white-collar parents have told me I need to function in life. It seems
like such a lame issue, I know that there are people that have greater
problems, but I feel like my body is sick, and my joints and muscles
ache from stress. Its gotten to the point where it's unbearable, and I
can't even go talk to anyone because of the insurance thing. I give
up. I feel like I need to self destruct before I can get better, and
I'm getting there.
.
|
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| User: "scorpsmurf" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 12:24:52 AM |
|
|
K8 wrote:
Hi,
I am new to this group. I just spent the last half an hour typing my
post, only to lose my entry. I suppose that was therapeutic in itself!
Let me recap briefly, I am looking for hope for people who have been
in my shoes, I know I'm not the first to feel this way...
I am 24 years old, 140 lbs. 5'6. average as can be. I grew up with
neurotic parents, but everyone has issues, and I had a lot of great
opportunities. My parents have placed me on medication all of my life,
I was an angsty teen, ended up majoring in art in college, you get the
stereotype. My first year of college was my first experience with
disorders, I was diagnosed with panic disorder, and was unable to
handle social situations, even classes. I was medicated. I dated a
guy for about 7 years, since i was 15, we had issues, but nothing
awefull. It just really affected my trust toward men.
I graduated from college a little over a year ago. I took the first
job that I was offered, moved in with my new boyfriend who is as nice
as a golden retriever, albeit as attention-span limited and
irresponsible. He is a musician who lost his "real" job in august. I
have been footing the bills, as the dynamic of my job grew worse and
worse. I was unable to quit, because of my boyfriend being unemployed
and me paying for everything that I had budgeted we would be splitting.
maybe it's my fault, I knew he wanted to be a rockstar, and now I am
bitter.
Two weeks ago, I up and quit my job. I was making great money with
great benefits, but I was made to feel replaceable everyday, so I gave
them the opportunity to act on it. This really threw my world into a
spin, as it was the first time really in my life that I had gone
against the version of me my parents had created in their heads. I
really have calmed down a lot since my last post, which is a good
thing! Bascially, it had gotten to the point where I was disrespected
at work repeatedly, the job was useless and unneccesary, I was unable
to grow there, and I would not even be able to spend my free time
enjoying being out of work, beacuse I would sit and cry and dread going
back. I have had multiple jobs in my life, This was not my first work
experience. There really was something wrong there.
Anyway, my parents are angry at me because I quit. I have no health
benefits, am spending my savings on supporting my boyfriend and I (he
just finally got a low-paying job this week). I am bitter towards my
boyfriend because he is unceasingly optomistic, and I feel like I am
the only one that worries about anything. I am really self concious, I
have gained weight since I moved in with him because I no longer live
with uncomfortable, crazy roomates. i have started having episodes
where I feel completely helpless, worthless, and unable to care for
myself. I didn't go straight to grad school, because I have no idea
what I want to study, and now I am afraid to do it beacuse my parents
have cut me off, and I would have to get hardcore into debt. But I
keep flipping out on my boyfriend, I am afraid to leave the house, and
I had my first serious panic attack in years, about an hour ago. I
can't enjoy myself because I feel ugly. I can't be in a room even with
my friends because I am so upset all of the time. I have been crying
since december. My optomist boyfriend is really supportive, but I
can't help but be bitter. Like he should be miserable with me. I made
him go out tonite, because I didn't want him to watch me cry, and I
don't want to feel guilty and make him miss out on things because I am
so depressed. I would never, ever kill myself, but almost everday i
feel like i want to go to bed and never wake up. I don't think that I
can be a secretary all of my life. But at the same time, its been
ingrained in me to never take chances, and get a 9-5 job and a new and
humble Saturn. I feel like I'm unable to grow up. I just want to be
able to wake up and enjoy each day, or at least be able to tolerate it.
I can't get out of bed anymore. I haven't left my house in 3 days. I
have gotten some painting done, but not enough that is gallery worthy,
and I know when I get a new job I wont be able to paint anymore. my
brain just can't think on both levels at the same time. I feel like
I'm going crazy. I can't take my medication anymore, because I have no
insurance. A lot of my friends that are older than me have been really
helpful, and I know that a lot of people experience this out of
college. I can handle being depressed. I can't handle not being able
to leave the house, and taking anger out on people that I love. I feel
like my resources at handleing any stress at all are just run dry. I'm
on the fence between what is going to make me happy, and what my
white-collar parents have told me I need to function in life. It seems
like such a lame issue, I know that there are people that have greater
problems, but I feel like my body is sick, and my joints and muscles
ache from stress. Its gotten to the point where it's unbearable, and I
can't even go talk to anyone because of the insurance thing. I give
up. I feel like I need to self destruct before I can get better, and
I'm getting there.
Hi, I'm 24 like you are and some of what you have described is what or
what I have gone through.
As monkeyhawk suggested, look in the phone book, there are places out
there that will help you. The office that I go to in town for my
therapist told me that if I ever needed help as far as medication or
what not, to let them know.... and I live in a very small town...so I'm
relatively sure that there is something of that nature in your area as
well.
Please let me know if you need anything...my email is always open.
.
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| User: "John" |
|
| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
04 Mar 2006 12:42:22 AM |
|
|
You know, I think you're the only reasonable person in that whole group that
you described, including your parents and boyfriend.
<:o)
True story: I had a business partner who had the artist bug in him. After
we had been in business together for about 7 years, he decided that he
wanted to go off and be an artist. So he did. He didn't succeed at it
(that's not the point of the story, btw), and ended up back in the same line
of business. But it was something that he had to do. He's glad that he did
it, and he doesn't have any regrets about it or desire to repeat it.
Maybe this is something that you have to do, too. I mean you'd kind of have
to conclude that, thinking about your situation, wouldn't you? Here you've
got a job that's paying you well, and giving you health and other benefits
that you need, you're the sole source of support for your household, and you
up and chuck it. Seems to me like there's something in you driving this.
When that kind of thing is happening, I don't think you have any choice but
to get out of its way and go with it.
As far as your boyfriend and parents go--it's not your job to support your
boyfriend or fulfill your parents dreams. It's theirs to help support you
in what you want or need to do.
FWIW
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| User: "K8" |
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| Title: Re: Depression, need help from people who have been there |
05 Mar 2006 12:21:36 PM |
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sound like a plan, thanks
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