| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
18 May 2005 11:14:50 PM |
| Object: |
don't pay attention - silly |
This is so stupid, but there is this competitive streak in me that just
yearns for glory. It is crass. But it meant I always did well in
academia. Went to top schools, got high honors etc.
I didn't do the work --do the work -- for the glory. the desire burns
from love of the work itself. Legal philosophy, and legal history as
well as just plain doctrinal criminal law and so forth are a true
passion with hidden questions on the very meaning of the human conditin
that call to me, plague me, and demand my attention. Get point? I am
trying to say really not that crass . . .
However, I come across the c.v. of someone I know who was around when I
was doing studies and is in the rather small group of law and culture
scholars which now includes John and my jaw dropped as I read it.
Incredible stuff, incredible publications, and many, wonderful classes
he teaches, many honors and laurels and so forth.
And I just feel hopeless. I will never rebuild things to the point
where I can say the phonenix truly rose from the flames. I think I am
too old, and too sick, and not enough energy or time. Plus, Maria
needs me and she is first priority. Not at point of being single
academic who can fly to every conference, go to cocktail parties to be
seen and publish 100 articles a year.
And I am crass. I don't want to give up the glory. And I feel a combo
of anger (at John), anger (at myself), disapointment, depression,
jealousy, and this stupid sense of determination that the last act
happens when I SAY it happens (which is hubris).
Nina has gone through some professional inner struggles in a somewhat
similar fashion though for different reasons. It is hard.
Erik (cat doc) has talked before about the committment being born by
the fire in the belly to do great work because one loves the craft, the
art of thought. And he is right. I have to stop being superficial and
being jealous.
Just a bad night. SICK of this pain, and I am struggling to put
together reader for History of Punishment Class and feel enfeebled when
I see Roger publishing a huge book on Legal Positivism and tons of
articles on Nietzsche and punishment. Okay, going to bed and tomorrow
will probably feel a bit better (might try walking and see how it goes
:) ) and on to work for the work's sake.
Rosena (green faced)
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: don't pay attention - silly |
19 May 2005 10:03:02 AM |
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other then being green faced, how are ya, feel like you were hit by a
truck?
you have a job that means something to you. How many people out
there are really doing what they dreamed about doing, how many people
even know what that is. its a gift, it is.
I was just talking about this on another thread. I feel like a cog,
a drone, numbed, suffering from repititive stress syndrome.
I had dreams, I wanted to be an archaelologist and travel to the
far corners of the world and make important discoverys that people
would be amazed by! yeahhhhh,
I could take some classes and become qualifyed to work on digs,
apparently its not all that complicated ,,,,,,, I should follow my
dream , jil
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: don't pay attention - silly |
19 May 2005 10:24:14 AM |
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On 19 May 2005 08:03:02 -0700, wrote:
I was just talking about this on another thread. I feel like a cog,
a drone, numbed, suffering from repititive stress syndrome.
That's a good way to put it. With what I'm working on now, I could
describe myself the same way.
I had dreams, I wanted to be an archaelologist and travel to the
far corners of the world and make important discoverys that people
would be amazed by! yeahhhhh,
I could take some classes and become qualifyed to work on digs,
apparently its not all that complicated ,,,,,,, I should follow my
dream , jil
I hope you do.
Best wishes.
p
--
x-no-archive: yes is in the headers
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: don't pay attention - silly |
20 May 2005 11:15:10 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1116476090.155250.73610@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
This is so stupid, but there is this competitive streak in me that
just
yearns for glory. It is crass. But it meant I always did well in
academia. Went to top schools, got high honors etc.
Nothing wrong with yearning for glory. Just don't let it become an
obsession. (Easier said than done, but isn't everything?)
Just a bad night. SICK of this pain, and I am struggling to put
together reader for History of Punishment Class and feel enfeebled
when
I see Roger publishing a huge book on Legal Positivism and tons of
articles on Nietzsche and punishment. Okay, going to bed and
tomorrow
will probably feel a bit better (might try walking and see how it
goes
:) ) and on to work for the work's sake.
I'm glad you're back. I hope you feel better soon.
Rosena (green faced)
Fortunately, you look good in green.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: don't pay attention - silly |
19 May 2005 01:45:36 AM |
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In message <1116476090.155250.73610@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> writes
This is so stupid, but there is this competitive streak in me that just
yearns for glory. It is crass. But it meant I always did well in
academia. Went to top schools, got high honors etc.
I didn't do the work --do the work -- for the glory. the desire burns
from love of the work itself. Legal philosophy, and legal history as
well as just plain doctrinal criminal law and so forth are a true
passion with hidden questions on the very meaning of the human conditin
that call to me, plague me, and demand my attention. Get point? I am
trying to say really not that crass . . .
However, I come across the c.v. of someone I know who was around when I
was doing studies and is in the rather small group of law and culture
scholars which now includes John and my jaw dropped as I read it.
Incredible stuff, incredible publications, and many, wonderful classes
he teaches, many honors and laurels and so forth.
And I just feel hopeless. I will never rebuild things to the point
where I can say the phonenix truly rose from the flames. I think I am
too old, and too sick, and not enough energy or time. Plus, Maria
needs me and she is first priority. Not at point of being single
academic who can fly to every conference, go to cocktail parties to be
seen and publish 100 articles a year.
And I am crass. I don't want to give up the glory. And I feel a combo
of anger (at John), anger (at myself), disapointment, depression,
jealousy, and this stupid sense of determination that the last act
happens when I SAY it happens (which is hubris).
Nina has gone through some professional inner struggles in a somewhat
similar fashion though for different reasons. It is hard.
Erik (cat doc) has talked before about the committment being born by
the fire in the belly to do great work because one loves the craft, the
art of thought. And he is right. I have to stop being superficial and
being jealous.
Just a bad night. SICK of this pain, and I am struggling to put
together reader for History of Punishment Class and feel enfeebled when
I see Roger publishing a huge book on Legal Positivism and tons of
articles on Nietzsche and punishment. Okay, going to bed and tomorrow
will probably feel a bit better (might try walking and see how it goes
:) ) and on to work for the work's sake.
Rosena (green faced)
It's a lot easier for men to succeed when it comes to total commitment.
They can leave the children with their wives, if they can spare the time
to knowingly have any.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
|
| Title: Re: don't pay attention - silly |
19 May 2005 01:50:53 AM |
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Rosena <filpriros@aol.com> wrote:
This is so stupid, but there is this competitive streak in me that just
yearns for glory.
Good that you do, it's a motivator.
And I am crass. I don't want to give up the glory. And I feel a combo
of anger (at John), anger (at myself), disapointment, depression,
Can you think of the discomfort you feel as a sign that
you are still professionally active? Bc if you didn't
feel _anything_ maybe you wouldn't make the effort.
Nina has gone through some professional inner struggles in a somewhat
similar fashion though for different reasons. It is hard.
--
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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