| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"" |
| Date: |
26 Sep 2005 11:04:48 PM |
| Object: |
ever been so depressed... |
Until your entire body aches?
Until eating is a chore with no enjoyment?
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
institutionalization?
Until you see nothing but black, ugly death, though a small voice in
the back of your mind whispers "it's the illness, don't believe it"?
But it's so easy to. It's so easy.
I gave up on seeking support away from the computer a while ago. Most
people run away or stare blankly when they learn I have no family.
It's too scary for most to contemplate. Some insinuate estrangement
had to be my fault (trust me, it wasn't). Others decide they've got
"better plans" for my personality, ignoring "but I like that and don't
want it to change". (Most of it is gender-related.)
The only thing that keeps me going are memories of horrible things I
have survived, infinitely worse than where I sit now. I've come too
far to quit. It's not allowed. But, dammit, does it have to be
_this_ lonely? Especially because I refuse to serve anyone anymore?
Caring is one thing. Being someone else's tool is another.
I was left with an indelible scar last May. A tremendous
disappointment. I was all set to go to college, determined to make
something, anything of myself, and experienced the worst PTSD symptoms
to date. There was no one to turn to while recovering from the shock
except my busy therapist who can return a crisis call within a week if
he's lucky.
I keep writing, knowing how remote the chances of publication are.
What else do I have left? I can't stay here as a leech off the
Government, I just can't. I'm not the majority of my neighbors, who
_love_ having their lazy, whiny asses supported by anything except
their own efforts. I fought against this fate all my life.
Unfortunately, the only other place I can afford is a spot under a
tree in the local homeless park. Gators crawl out of the lake and grab
folks in the middle of the night. Really. (Usually, they're too
drunk/stoned/delusional to fight back.)
26 years of this *****. 26 years since I was Dx'd with a major mood
disorder. Age hasn't helped, it's getting more complicated and harder
to fight. It'll probably continue to get worse, in spite of the pills
and all the coping methods I learned which have no effect when the
darkness is this deep.
But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
"hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
all is the best revenge.
It's just so dark. I don't like the dark. The sun hurts too much.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 06:11:42 PM |
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"notchimera" <dont@bother.com> wrote in message
news:eofhj11cufilu1phtn2r2hfrpb0vnstc1e@4ax.com...
Until your entire body aches?
Until eating is a chore with no enjoyment?
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
institutionalization?
Until you see nothing but black, ugly death, though a small voice in
the back of your mind whispers "it's the illness, don't believe it"?
But it's so easy to. It's so easy.
I gave up on seeking support away from the computer a while ago. Most
people run away or stare blankly when they learn I have no family.
It's too scary for most to contemplate. Some insinuate estrangement
had to be my fault (trust me, it wasn't). Others decide they've got
"better plans" for my personality, ignoring "but I like that and don't
want it to change". (Most of it is gender-related.)
The only thing that keeps me going are memories of horrible things I
have survived, infinitely worse than where I sit now. I've come too
far to quit. It's not allowed. But, dammit, does it have to be
_this_ lonely? Especially because I refuse to serve anyone anymore?
Caring is one thing. Being someone else's tool is another.
I was left with an indelible scar last May. A tremendous
disappointment. I was all set to go to college, determined to make
something, anything of myself, and experienced the worst PTSD symptoms
to date. There was no one to turn to while recovering from the shock
except my busy therapist who can return a crisis call within a week if
he's lucky.
I keep writing, knowing how remote the chances of publication are.
What else do I have left? I can't stay here as a leech off the
Government, I just can't. I'm not the majority of my neighbors, who
_love_ having their lazy, whiny asses supported by anything except
their own efforts. I fought against this fate all my life.
Unfortunately, the only other place I can afford is a spot under a
tree in the local homeless park. Gators crawl out of the lake and grab
folks in the middle of the night. Really. (Usually, they're too
drunk/stoned/delusional to fight back.)
26 years of this *****. 26 years since I was Dx'd with a major mood
disorder. Age hasn't helped, it's getting more complicated and harder
to fight. It'll probably continue to get worse, in spite of the pills
and all the coping methods I learned which have no effect when the
darkness is this deep.
But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
"hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
all is the best revenge.
It's just so dark. I don't like the dark. The sun hurts too much.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
I am so sorry Chim. I have been where you are, more than a few times, and I
know just how dark that place can be. Everything in me wishes I could reach
out and pull you back into the light. I really struggled with what to say
to you. I chose to just trust my heart. I am, quite literally, in awe of
you. You have fought so much for so long and still you hang on. Your
strength, your defiance, your strong sense of self and insight, your unique,
quirky approach to life, and your breath of fresh air honesty, never ceases
to amaze and inspire me. And your writing. You are gifted in a way that
few people are and as the days wind down, even if you run out of every
reason you ever had to keep on moving forward, your writing alone is reason
enough to hold on. Anyone who can do what you can with words is destined
for great things, and losing you to this damnable illness, before having the
chance to accomplish it would be a tragedy that doesn't bear thinking. My
heart is with you.
--
Rhiannon
rhianon@sympatico.ca
The Labyrinth
http://thelabyrinthofr.blogspot.com
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 07:47:05 PM |
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On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 19:11:42 -0400, "Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca>
wrote:
->I am so sorry Chim. I have been where you are, more than a few times, and I
->know just how dark that place can be. Everything in me wishes I could reach
->out and pull you back into the light.
I appreciate your desire and I'm deeply sorry you know the place. I'm
the one who has to tie that rope. Thank Whatever for a bathtub, an
endless hot water supply, incense and music. It's the little things
that add thread to my tenuous lifeline. Apparently, it's bound to a
well-rooted oak tree. Can't shake that sucker loose for nothin'.
(yeah I'm full of metaphors tonight, sue me)
-> I really struggled with what to say
->to you. I chose to just trust my heart. I am, quite literally, in awe of
->you.
I'm a human being just like you, darlin'. Ask Florida Blood Services.
Nice deep red, the kind that runs through billions of veins. (Oh, no,
someone [not you, Rhiannon] hates bleeding references. Well, gee
whiz, go run your own fucking matriarchy -- eh, excuse me --
newsgroup!)
->You have fought so much for so long and still you hang on. Your
->strength, your defiance, your strong sense of self and insight, your unique,
->quirky approach to life, and your breath of fresh air honesty, never ceases
->to amaze and inspire me.
<bows humbly>
<blushes>
<yes, I'm black, I still blush, so there>
<failure is not an option>
->And your writing. You are gifted in a way that
->few people are and as the days wind down, even if you run out of every
->reason you ever had to keep on moving forward, your writing alone is reason
->enough to hold on. Anyone who can do what you can with words is destined
->for great things, and losing you to this damnable illness, before having the
->chance to accomplish it would be a tragedy that doesn't bear thinking. My
->heart is with you.
This made me _cry_. It's tough to make me cry. In a good way.
"Thank you" feels inadequate. "I'm flattered"? True, still not
enough. "You restored lagging faith in the twenty-three chapters on
my hard drive?" How's that?
I want to believe in my writing. I want it to unfold before a reader's
eyes, finding that intimate place only skilled prose can enter. When
you're tucked in a warm bed on a damp Sunday morning, I want to be the
one whose work you hold in your hands as you sip coffee and smile.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
28 Sep 2005 12:20:51 PM |
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"notchimera" <dont@bother.com> wrote in message
news:21pjj11snsbd74o4t1cl7t2nisg2hi364k@4ax.com...
On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 19:11:42 -0400, "Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca>
wrote:
->And your writing. You are gifted in a way that
->few people are and as the days wind down, even if you run out of every
->reason you ever had to keep on moving forward, your writing alone is
reason
->enough to hold on. Anyone who can do what you can with words is
destined
->for great things, and losing you to this damnable illness, before having
the
->chance to accomplish it would be a tragedy that doesn't bear thinking.
My
->heart is with you.
This made me _cry_. It's tough to make me cry. In a good way.
"Thank you" feels inadequate. "I'm flattered"? True, still not
enough. "You restored lagging faith in the twenty-three chapters on
my hard drive?" How's that?
_That_ is beautiful!
I want to believe in my writing. I want it to unfold before a reader's
eyes, finding that intimate place only skilled prose can enter. When
you're tucked in a warm bed on a damp Sunday morning, I want to be the
one whose work you hold in your hands as you sip coffee and smile.
See, it's this kind of passion and love for the art that is going to get you
places. I don't know what it is, instinct, intuition, I'll even go as far
as premonition, whatever you want to call it, I have a strong gut feeling
that one day soon I will be in bed on a Sunday reading your book. :) And I
can't wait!
--
Rhiannon
rhianon@sympatico.ca
The Labyrinth
http://thelabyrinthofr.blogspot.com
.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... re chapters |
01 Oct 2005 08:02:51 PM |
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notchimera <dont@bother.com> wrote:
On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 19:11:42 -0400, "Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca>
wrote:
"Thank you" feels inadequate. "I'm flattered"? True, still not
enough. "You restored lagging faith in the twenty-three chapters on
my hard drive?" How's that?
Met a guy through other guys I know who wrote (co-authored)
a book (a tech book; which BTW is not a immediated source of
great income) ... one remark he (the author) made was
quite pertinent to you:
Off-site backups. As in not where you live, on CD or
floppy even or mail copies ( ftp/scp I prefer) to ppl
you know.
Do it.
--
also adrba at nyct dot net
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... re chapters |
02 Oct 2005 12:54:15 AM |
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On Sun, 02 Oct 2005 01:02:51 GMT, Contrarian <adrba65@gmail.com>
wrote:
->notchimera <dont@bother.com> wrote:
->> On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 19:11:42 -0400, "Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca>
->> wrote:
->>
->> "Thank you" feels inadequate. "I'm flattered"? True, still not
->> enough. "You restored lagging faith in the twenty-three chapters on
->> my hard drive?" How's that?
->
->
-> Met a guy through other guys I know who wrote (co-authored)
-> a book (a tech book; which BTW is not a immediated source of
-> great income) ... one remark he (the author) made was
-> quite pertinent to you:
->
-> Off-site backups. As in not where you live, on CD or
-> floppy even or mail copies ( ftp/scp I prefer) to ppl
-> you know.
->
->
-> Do it.
Done every day on my ISP.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... re chapters |
02 Oct 2005 01:04:27 AM |
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so why haven't we met and vertical danced yet
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
26 Sep 2005 11:17:49 PM |
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"notchimera" <dont@bother.com> wrote in message
news:eofhj11cufilu1phtn2r2hfrpb0vnstc1e@4ax.com...
Until your entire body aches?
Until eating is a chore with no enjoyment?
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
institutionalization?
Until you see nothing but black, ugly death, though a small voice in
the back of your mind whispers "it's the illness, don't believe it"?
But it's so easy to. It's so easy.
I gave up on seeking support away from the computer a while ago. Most
people run away or stare blankly when they learn I have no family.
It's too scary for most to contemplate. Some insinuate estrangement
had to be my fault (trust me, it wasn't). Others decide they've got
"better plans" for my personality, ignoring "but I like that and don't
want it to change". (Most of it is gender-related.)
The only thing that keeps me going are memories of horrible things I
have survived, infinitely worse than where I sit now. I've come too
far to quit. It's not allowed. But, dammit, does it have to be
_this_ lonely? Especially because I refuse to serve anyone anymore?
Caring is one thing. Being someone else's tool is another.
I was left with an indelible scar last May. A tremendous
disappointment. I was all set to go to college, determined to make
something, anything of myself, and experienced the worst PTSD symptoms
to date. There was no one to turn to while recovering from the shock
except my busy therapist who can return a crisis call within a week if
he's lucky.
I keep writing, knowing how remote the chances of publication are.
What else do I have left? I can't stay here as a leech off the
Government, I just can't. I'm not the majority of my neighbors, who
_love_ having their lazy, whiny asses supported by anything except
their own efforts. I fought against this fate all my life.
Unfortunately, the only other place I can afford is a spot under a
tree in the local homeless park. Gators crawl out of the lake and grab
folks in the middle of the night. Really. (Usually, they're too
drunk/stoned/delusional to fight back.)
26 years of this *****. 26 years since I was Dx'd with a major mood
disorder. Age hasn't helped, it's getting more complicated and harder
to fight. It'll probably continue to get worse, in spite of the pills
and all the coping methods I learned which have no effect when the
darkness is this deep.
But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
"hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
all is the best revenge.
It's just so dark. I don't like the dark. The sun hurts too much.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
this descibes my everyday , you should see me on a down day
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
26 Sep 2005 11:18:29 PM |
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On Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:17:49 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
->this descibes my everyday , you should see me on a down day
I'm sorry. :(
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
26 Sep 2005 11:22:05 PM |
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"notchimera" <dont@bother.com> wrote in message
news:8nhhj15ca4airk2ijs0jap9s7cacnn8179@4ax.com...
On Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:17:49 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
->this descibes my everyday , you should see me on a down day
I'm sorry. :(
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
why , is it your fault
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
26 Sep 2005 11:28:12 PM |
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On Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:22:05 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
->why , is it your fault
No. I like you and I'm still sorry you suffer.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
26 Sep 2005 11:33:26 PM |
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"notchimera" <dont@bother.com> wrote in message
news:f9ihj115ph981fnc187bs91v3ehbl2taqg@4ax.com...
On Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:22:05 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
->why , is it your fault
No. I like you and I'm still sorry you suffer.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
i feel that way for everyone , even the one's i don't know ,
and get outta here with you're you like me
.
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 09:44:32 AM |
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its a really bad day? in a downward spiral? Its pain and less pain
right? thats where it is for me these days. I have days when I can
only do the absloutely required amount. I have days when I am more
mobile. I try to pack everything in to the one maybe two days a week
that I am able to cope. I feel like you do. haunted by the past ,
unable to see a future, I read somewhere that alot of abuse surviors
have no concept of a future , In a cognitive way it just doesn't exist
for them, I don't know how we get around that. Keep hope alive!
you are not the only one who feels like they don't have a single
feeling that doesn't distrub them in some way. there are alot
of us. jill
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| User: "asdf" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
03 Oct 2005 09:20:50 PM |
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I know it's terrible. I've had that feeling all too many times in the past
month. I suffer from haunting obsessions about my past. I'm a 28 year old
male and know I'll have to live with these obsessions for the rest of my
life. I feel my life is really nothing now. But I'm doing my best to cope.
Time goes by too slowly these days.
Sad thing is that it was just a short 10 years ago that I was living a
good life with high self esteem. Time went by too fast. It's shocking how
things change.
.
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| User: "asdf" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
06 Oct 2005 12:02:55 AM |
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I'm curious to know exactly what you're depressed about. I know you said
you lived alone and that you went through trauma. What kind of trauma did
you face?
My depression waxes and wanes. I too am lonely. But most of the time it
doesn't bother me that much. When it does, that's when I'm in the depths
of hell.
I assume you live in Florida. Which part do you live in. By the way, I'm
going on vacation to Orlando starting next week.
.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 01:09:38 AM |
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It sounds like you might need more meds, or possibly a higher dosage of
what you're already on for you to start feeling better.
For me it takes a mood stabalizer, like Tegretol, a double
antidepressant (ssri & snri) and a small amount of neuroleptic, such as
resperdol or abilify. The antidepressants are what really does all the
work.
Am sorry you're having a rough time, I hope you get to feeling better
soon. You're a great writer, by the way, I've enjoyed your posts.
notchimera wrote:
Until your entire body aches?
Until eating is a chore with no enjoyment?
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
institutionalization?
Until you see nothing but black, ugly death, though a small voice in
the back of your mind whispers "it's the illness, don't believe it"?
But it's so easy to. It's so easy.
I gave up on seeking support away from the computer a while ago. Most
people run away or stare blankly when they learn I have no family.
It's too scary for most to contemplate. Some insinuate estrangement
had to be my fault (trust me, it wasn't). Others decide they've got
"better plans" for my personality, ignoring "but I like that and don't
want it to change". (Most of it is gender-related.)
The only thing that keeps me going are memories of horrible things I
have survived, infinitely worse than where I sit now. I've come too
far to quit. It's not allowed. But, dammit, does it have to be
_this_ lonely? Especially because I refuse to serve anyone anymore?
Caring is one thing. Being someone else's tool is another.
I was left with an indelible scar last May. A tremendous
disappointment. I was all set to go to college, determined to make
something, anything of myself, and experienced the worst PTSD symptoms
to date. There was no one to turn to while recovering from the shock
except my busy therapist who can return a crisis call within a week if
he's lucky.
I keep writing, knowing how remote the chances of publication are.
What else do I have left? I can't stay here as a leech off the
Government, I just can't. I'm not the majority of my neighbors, who
_love_ having their lazy, whiny asses supported by anything except
their own efforts. I fought against this fate all my life.
Unfortunately, the only other place I can afford is a spot under a
tree in the local homeless park. Gators crawl out of the lake and grab
folks in the middle of the night. Really. (Usually, they're too
drunk/stoned/delusional to fight back.)
26 years of this *****. 26 years since I was Dx'd with a major mood
disorder. Age hasn't helped, it's getting more complicated and harder
to fight. It'll probably continue to get worse, in spite of the pills
and all the coping methods I learned which have no effect when the
darkness is this deep.
But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
"hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
all is the best revenge.
It's just so dark. I don't like the dark. The sun hurts too much.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 12:11:50 PM |
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On 26 Sep 2005 23:09:38 -0700, "David" <dav.drw@gmail.com> wrote:
->It sounds like you might need more meds, or possibly a higher dosage of
->what you're already on for you to start feeling better.
My doc. allows me to adjust my meds within limits. I've raised the
antidepressant and reduced the mood stabilizers. I also take Omega-3,
stress vitamins and meds for other conditions.
This plunge is situational. This is a horrible time of year for me
and does not improve until spring. Not SAD -- memories/trauma and
holiday loneliness. Immediate opportunities for "socialization" are
worse than being alone. A lot of people think I'm stronger than I am
(maybe because I have an athletic body?) and try to lean on me without
returning a damn thing.
->For me it takes a mood stabalizer, like Tegretol, a double
->antidepressant (ssri & snri) and a small amount of neuroleptic, such as
->resperdol or abilify. The antidepressants are what really does all the
->work.
I'm on Zoloft, Lamictal, Seroquel and Ativan PRN.
I may have to go inpatient. My daily functioning is impaired enough.
Waiting for the end-of-the-month freeloaders to be off the unit,
leaving those who want real treatment.
->Am sorry you're having a rough time, I hope you get to feeling better
->soon. You're a great writer, by the way, I've enjoyed your posts.
Thank you, I needed the encouragement. Writing is one of the few joys
I have left.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 02:07:00 PM |
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notchimera wrote:
On 26 Sep 2005 23:09:38 -0700, "David" <dav.drw@gmail.com> wrote:
->It sounds like you might need more meds, or possibly a higher dosage of
->what you're already on for you to start feeling better.
My doc. allows me to adjust my meds within limits. I've raised the
antidepressant and reduced the mood stabilizers. I also take Omega-3,
stress vitamins and meds for other conditions.
This plunge is situational. This is a horrible time of year for me
and does not improve until spring. Not SAD -- memories/trauma and
holiday loneliness. Immediate opportunities for "socialization" are
worse than being alone. A lot of people think I'm stronger than I am
(maybe because I have an athletic body?) and try to lean on me without
returning a damn thing.
I get that with my relatives, that is why we are estranged. Friends are
better.
.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 06:53:44 PM |
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notchimera <dont@bother.com> wrote:
Until your entire body aches?
yes.
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
*shudder*
Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
institutionalization?
make that a *long* mile. even two blocks can be long.
But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
"hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
all is the best revenge.
atta girl!
--
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 07:48:42 PM |
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On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 23:53:44 GMT, Contrarian <adrba65@gmail.com>
wrote:
->
->notchimera <dont@bother.com> wrote:
->> Until your entire body aches?
->
-> yes.
Tiger Balm. It's an arthritis-type rub. Stinks to high heaven. Burns
like tires on pavement. Works.
->> Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
->> fails to ease the pain?
->
-> *shudder*
They worked tonight. Let's spin the roulette wheel again tomorrow.
->> Until you can't even drag yourself a short mile to the drugstore to
->> pick up more of the chemicals that keep you out of full
->> institutionalization?
->
-> make that a *long* mile. even two blocks can be long.
I made it for six blocks today.
->> But I can't give up. Just one mind-picture of my mother snarling
->> "hurry up and kill yourself" -- ***** no, *****. She died 18 years ago
->> and I'm still here. Maybe I'm not living well, but dammit, living at
->> all is the best revenge.
->
-> atta girl!
Assholes never deserve to win, it's why I'm still here, loud and
obnoxious.
--
I've always loved me, I was just taught that I didn't.
- %
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
28 Sep 2005 12:24:13 AM |
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notchimera <dont@bother.com> wrote:
On Tue, 27 Sep 2005 23:53:44 GMT, Contrarian <adrba65@gmail.com>
wrote:
Tiger Balm. It's an arthritis-type rub. Stinks to high heaven. Burns
like tires on pavement. Works.
hmmm.... I like internal Rx for depression pain. oddly enough
the relative absence of the old-style (my old style) "somatic"
pain has been somewhat handicapping bc I cannot recognize how
I feel as easily as I once could.
They worked tonight. Let's spin the roulette wheel again tomorrow.
let's hope for new and better (free cheap and healthy)
comforts
****s never deserve to win, it's why I'm still here, loud and
hear hear.
--
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: ever been so depressed... |
27 Sep 2005 02:04:12 PM |
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notchimera wrote:
Until your entire body aches?
Until eating is a chore with no enjoyment?
Until every method of distraction or self-soothing you've developed
fails to ease the pain?
Yes, but the pain went away when I got on Serzone 5 years ago.
I am sorry you feel so bad. When can I finally buy your book.
Keep ahold of the dream! :-)
I sure like your writing here!
Hopefully things will get better for you soon!
Church can be good for meeting people.
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