"Mrs. H" <email_is@unavailable.com> wrote in message
news:1098530magnvv6b@corp.supernews.com...
Brunibus,
I was just reading some of your posts from back in
march.. They were about how ticked off you were
about ADD, and how you did not see it as any kind
of advantage. This is a LOT off topic to this
thread, but I'm just wondering if you still feel
the same way, If you have come to terms more with
your condition, or just how you're feeling these
days compared to those days?
Just tell me to bugger off if you don't want to
talk about it.. ;o)
First of all H, welcome to the forum.
Next - thanks for taking up this point.
Thanks because I'd been vaguely entertaining the idea of discussing my
latest cold (later to become an ear infection - a first for me).
The cold was a fairly hefty chester, but no aching bones - so minimal
physical incapacitation ... though obviously a cut back on strenuous
activities.
The unusual thing about it was its duration.
It turned out to be a 10-dayer - twice the length of a normal cold (for me)
..... but it developed into an ear infection (initially with pain - and
ongoingly with left ear deafness/auditory distortion) that continued for
another three weeks.
Total infection time : one month - furnishing a relatively prolonged insight
into what permanent Addlessness would be like.
Well ... it was calmer and more eloquent, but contrary to what I'd ever have
expect to hear myself say - I'm going to add a BUT.
Being confident, socially-assured and popular is actually pretty boring and
predictable after a while.
I began to find myself feeling jaded without the 'stimulus' of the
challenges of ADD.
Or maybe the boredom and bejadedness was a function of the 'blues' that
characterise a cold/febrility.
So I began to see the upsides of ADD : -
The excitability.
The energy.
The unpredictability of my own thoughts and actions (or lesser awareness of
what was in the mind and a lesser ability to organise thoughts into
coherent, complex constructs on the fly) ... ie - the illusion of
'spontaneity'.
I found that the lesser global awareness of my life situation insulated me
from feeling anything about it.
This situational 'anaesthesia' is a blessing that enables the adder to
endure levels of boredom and adversity that neurotypicals (NT's) could
simply never withstand.
But the obvious flipside of this is that it removes the incentive to get out
of the situational rut.
It was nice to get on with everybody like an old friend and be entertaining
to all - but the reality is that it's just not stimulating.
No longer do I covet popularity in the way I did and though I still court
it, I no longer aspire to it - it's fool's gold.
Addlessness confers the social and intellectual coherency required to get
what and where you want to in life.
But the sum total of that is but freedom from those wants which ADD
precludes you from satisfying.
From where I'm now standing, I'd say that an addless life is a peaceful,
unstimulating one, free of certain basic wants that looks great from the
outside - but in reality, is really rather dull.
The most noticable change is that of mental energy.
With ADD, it's as though the mind is in a state of partial sleep or
unconsciousness - where thinking, speaking and acting require great effort
in return for very little output/results.
With addlessness, one's mind is suddenly woken up and re-energised.
Thinking occurs without effort and the active mind drives speech and
behaviour without effort - with greater output and satisfaction.
With ADD, there is a huge mental inertia and latency - leading to a lack of
dynamism and reactivity.
Ultimately, ADD is not better or worse - but rather, just different.
mrs. h
"Brunibus" <brunibusy@btinternet.com> wrote in
message news:c70uqq$320$1@titan.btinternet.com...
Sounds like you have a healthy dependency going
on there.
The trick with ANY medication is to take the
absolute minimum (effective)
dose/frequency you possibly can.
You need to find that minimum - and balance it
with the come-down trade-off.
If necessary, come off it altogether for a
while - clean your system out,
regain your natural 'equilibrium' and start over
with the wisdom gained from
your current travails.
Or just lower the dosage.
Have you discussed it with your doc ?
Enlist his/her assistance.
And good luck.
"Webuser" <lookoutside@excite.com> wrote in
message
news:e53e1877.0405010123.60552ddf@posting.google.c
om...
Comments please....
I am finally getting around to posting my
experiences with the
wonderful world of pharmacology. I have full
blown ADD. And was very
happy when I discovered after college that I
could take some meds to
help to focus. What a world of difference. I
also have been on
antidepressants for many years. And they have
helped quite a bit in
addition to a lot of therapy. I am a fully
functional scientist and
don't 'need' the drugs for day to day
functioning or stability - but
they have helped
The problem. My Dr. didn't prepare me for the
world of being on meds.
Depression medication. Gives a general sense
of well being - helps
the ADD because tasks don't seem so
overwhelming. But. Try and stop
them and your world looks awful - grouchy -
even tapering down. So
after awhile you say f++K it and go back on.
But it is beginning to
feel false. After many years the depression
medication begins to lose
its affect and I begin to wonder where it ends
and my real feeling
begin. The search for an equilbrium becomes
connected to a substance
which is really beginning to bug me. Because
while trying to get off,
well, there is job - and family - and
friends - and these things are
hard to deal with with low seratonin levels.
Second. ADD meds. Wow. Started on
Dextrostat. Now on Adderall.
Helps me to focus. Regardless of the BS the
Dr.s say it helps ANYBODY
to focus. But when I am not on it I feel so
lethargic - like a I have
to take it to be social. There are many many
postings on
alt.hard.drugs about adderall. That should
say something. It is a
very dangerous drug. I've always only taken
what was prescribed - and
even at those levels it can make you want to
take it to be 'up' when
out at the bars. When I first discovered this
my friends said 'Hey -
you've got so much energy - you're still awake
when we're falling
asleep' I though - this is prescribed so it
must be OK. After two
years of this I feel like I am junkie - and
have symptoms i've seen
described by other people on adderall.
Disturbed sleep schedule -
extreme fatigue in the morning - decrease in
the quality of social
life = The need for more of it to have an
effect. A bad thing is with
a quick material fix the other things which
WERE the most benificial
- diet, excercise, and lifestyle - don't seem
that important. If I'm
feeling tired I can just take another
adderall. But then when I'm not
on it I am soooo tired. And I get a lot of
sleep - in fact more and
more I take liberties with work and sleep in -
but still feel tired. A
vicious cycle
Even more detrimental - and all feel free to
comment on this - is that
I feel that adderall had contributed to
addictive behaviours. I had
never had a problem with smoking or drinking
before - but since taking
adderall and having familiarity with an
artificial high i've begun to
seek this in other things. And I will look
for a fix in drinks or
cigarettes. Building relationships and
seeking interesting
conversations with friends seems to be too low
intensity. The
adderall makes me want to stay up and go to
rave clubs but the quality
of my human interactions is diminishing.
I am scared. I don't feel addicted to the
meds but feel dependent on
them for higher levels of perfomance. I am
pissed at my Dr. for not
seriously laying down the need for discipline
needed when taking the
meds. Not to take them at night - to warn
that they will give an 'up'
feeling even at normal dosage and this is
something to be carefully
observed and controlled because it can EASILY
lead to addictive
behavior. Even within the normal dosage
curve. Oh we are going to
try a new drug. I can't write you refills
because it is a controlled
substance. That was the only warning I got.
Higher dosage - no
problem. But more and more I feel like the
drugs help deal with
symptoms while vastly helping to ignore, in
fact mask, the causes.
SSRI's (Antidepressants) are described in the
newsgroups as having the
low-level effect of Ecstacy - general feeling
of well being and
openness. I can agree. When i first starting
taking them I serenaded
my atheletic psyche-buddy in college. And I
was a mal-adjusted geek
at the time. Adderall is compared to cocaine.
And when I have been
on it i've had people come up to me in clubs
and ask what I was on.
We are dealing with powerful neurological
substances with many subtle
long-term effects.
The weirdest thing is that I'm afraid I've
lost touch with 'normal'
and I seem to have lost the will to fight back
to a more balanced
healthy state of life. I feel apathetic and
know deeply that it has
something to do with the meds.
Of course - maybe its also because I'm thirty
and maturing into full
adulthood - but I am fairly objective and know
something really
affecting my energy and will to improve
things.
OK - that's my experience. Sorry for the long
post, but I hope it
helps some and gets a useful dialog going. I
would love to hear your
comments - experience - and wisdom.
Especially those of you that have
faced this and have fought your way out. It
is wonderful that we have
these newsgroups to share these experiences.
.
