At this point I don't
want a relationship with my brother or my parents.

I was finally feeling a sense of grounding about my life and direction.
Feeling optimistic, although very guarded but even some optimism for
me is a huge change and hopefully an improvement. Over the last couple
of weeks a bunch of things have come out in the open from my brother
and parents, once again feeling like the little kid who constantly
fucks up and disappoints everyone, can't do a damn thing right.
Whenever my kids go and spend a few days with their grandparents, all
this stuff comes back to me, because they spend time discussing me, my
lifes screw ups and all my other many inadequacies. I've asked them if
they are going to discuss how they are so displeased with my life and
choices made not to do so in front of the kids. It hurts my kids
feelings and I think it's adding to my growing difficulties with my
kids openly disrespecting me. Not to mention sends me in a spiral
downward after coming back from family that acted happy to see me and
all that only to find that they were disecting every aspect of my life
and failures and what a disappointment I am to them. I've gone from
feeling shitty from history of the holidays, realizing I was
undermining them myself. To focusing on the direction my life is going
and feeling good about things back to being reminded of what a ***** up
of a daughter and not even claimable sister to my brother that I am.
Leaving me questioning if I even deserve a chance at happiness.

I truely do love my parents but this is how it's been and hasn't
changed for years. I've tried to make peace, tried to talk through how
them downing me where my kids can hear has to stop, at least have the
curtesy to wait till my kids are gone. It doesn't ever change. It's
as if they want me to stay the ***** up with a miserable life. I can't
stand 2 faced people either. I'm ready to just walk away, let them
know I love them but I'm not going to continue being made to have to
pay, pay and repay for everything I've done wrong or they've perceived
I've done wrong. Have a good life, thanks for trying and if they want
to see their grandkids they know where they're at....but no overnight
for several days anymore due to their mouths. At this point I don't
want a relationship with my brother or my parents.

I was finally feeling a sense of grounding about my life and direction.
Feeling optimistic, although very guarded but even some optimism for
me is a huge change and hopefully an improvement. Over the last couple
of weeks a bunch of things have come out in the open from my brother
and parents, once again feeling like the little kid who constantly
fucks up and disappoints everyone, can't do a damn thing right.
Whenever my kids go and spend a few days with their grandparents, all
this stuff comes back to me, because they spend time discussing me, my
lifes screw ups and all my other many inadequacies. I've asked them if
they are going to discuss how they are so displeased with my life and
choices made not to do so in front of the kids. It hurts my kids
feelings and I think it's adding to my growing difficulties with my
kids openly disrespecting me. Not to mention sends me in a spiral
downward after coming back from family that acted happy to see me and
all that only to find that they were disecting every aspect of my life
and failures and what a disappointment I am to them. I've gone from
feeling shitty from history of the holidays, realizing I was
undermining them myself. To focusing on the direction my life is going
and feeling good about things back to being reminded of what a ***** up
of a daughter and not even claimable sister to my brother that I am.
Leaving me questioning if I even deserve a chance at happiness.

I truely do love my parents but this is how it's been and hasn't
changed for years. I've tried to make peace, tried to talk through how
them downing me where my kids can hear has to stop, at least have the
curtesy to wait till my kids are gone. It doesn't ever change. It's
as if they want me to stay the ***** up with a miserable life. I can't
stand 2 faced people either. I'm ready to just walk away, let them
know I love them but I'm not going to continue being made to have to
pay, pay and repay for everything I've done wrong or they've perceived
I've done wrong. Have a good life, thanks for trying and if they want
to see their grandkids they know where they're at....but no overnight
for several days anymore due to their mouths. At this point I don't
want a relationship with my brother or my parents.