ive been losing friends for a very long time now. mostly because of me
complaining about guys i know and cutting and drinking and stuff. they
really dont care to help, they just leave when i need them most. like
right now.. ive been clean for almost a month. or actually i WAS...i
swore to my boyfriend i wouldnt cut and kept it for htat long becuz i
loved him so much,but now we got in a fight and im waiting for him to
come back to school to dump him cuz im just sick of his bull *****
everyday and my friends, like i said, are ditching me. my bestfriends
mom died and i tried to be sympathetic but i suck at that stuff and she
held it against me and now wont talkt ot me and her and my other
bestfriends know i like this guy so theyre trying to get him to hate me
and hook me back up with my ex to get me out of the way and i dont need
that right now. my moms torn apart over eveything, her boyfriened just
walked out again last night after he pormiseds he wouldnt and i guess
its partially my fault. idn. im just so confused and ive never done
drugs in my life, just inhalants, and now im asking ppl for weed and
stuff because theres just gotta be a way to get this out with out
leaving scars. my mom turned my wrists toward her 2 day to see if i was
cutting but all the cuts are on the top so she didnt see i know its bad
bc now she cant help me but im not sure if i want her help anyway. im
disntant and rebellious and torn apart and very explosive right now and
with a knife at home and drugs to be gotten at the end of then day, im
a little scared.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: fed up |
21 Mar 2006 11:09:57 AM |
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caiti wrote...
ive been losing friends for a very long time now. mostly
because of me complaining about guys i know and cutting and
drinking and stuff. they really dont care to help, they
just leave when i need them most. like right now.. ive been
clean for almost a month. or actually i WAS...i swore to my
boyfriend i wouldnt cut and kept it for htat long becuz i
loved him so much,but now we got in a fight and im waiting
for him to come back to school to dump him cuz im just sick
of his bull ***** everyday and my friends, like i said, are
ditching me. my bestfriends mom died and i tried to be
sympathetic but i suck at that stuff and she held it
against me and now wont talkt ot me and her and my other
bestfriends know i like this guy so theyre trying to get
him to hate me and hook me back up with my ex to get me out
of the way and i dont need that right now. my moms torn
apart over eveything, her boyfriened just walked out again
last night after he pormiseds he wouldnt and i guess its
partially my fault. idn. im just so confused and ive never
done drugs in my life, just inhalants, and now im asking
ppl for weed and stuff because theres just gotta be a way
to get this out with out leaving scars. my mom turned my
wrists toward her 2 day to see if i was cutting but all the
cuts are on the top so she didnt see i know its bad bc now
she cant help me but im not sure if i want her help anyway.
im disntant and rebellious and torn apart and very
explosive right now and with a knife at home and drugs to
be gotten at the end of then day, im a little scared.
it sounds like you need some real help. can you see a
therapist? explain to your mom how bad you're feeling. maybe
you could tell her that there's a lot going on and you feel
like it's your fault and that you need someone to really talk
to outside of your family. if you're still in school (hs or
college), there should be a counselor there who could at least
make a recommendation, if not help.
-lisa
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| User: "Silver" |
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| Title: Re: fed up |
21 Mar 2006 12:51:39 PM |
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caiti wrote:
im
disntant and rebellious and torn apart and very explosive right now and
with a knife at home and drugs to be gotten at the end of then day, im
a little scared.
You may want to call the toll free suicide hotline and see if they can
refer you to someone who can help in your area. (Note: Unless your
suicidal, make sure to mention you aren't. But I actually found them
helpful in finding me local help). I know its not easy, believe me. I
can understand, but if your not already under a therapists/psychiatrist
care you probably need to be (this does NOT mean you need to be locked
up or anything silly like that.) just that you need them to help get
some medication for the root cause that drives you to cutting, and
someone to talk to about this who might give you some ideas how to
avoid the need. If you are under the care of someone like that, talk to
them, as soon as possible.
I've never cut, I don't understand the desire and release it gives
except in my ability to imagine a relief at all from my own pain.
Just keep fighting to not hurt yourself. It isn't easy. I know that
much.
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