Clark, when I first read your post, it was like de'ja' vu for me. I've SO
been there in that exact same place, hun. Not that this helps you really,
but it was eerie for me to read. I remember thinking exactly the same
things. That people could move on with their lives if I was gone (my
husband and children especially). That my therp and doc were tired of my
case because it had been dragging on and on with little change or
progression. The voices (that I never could really say were real, but yet
there they were) telling me to end it. No hope of anything getting better.
I know what you are saying, Clark. It breaks my heart to hear you are
there, and it brings back vivid memories for me. But let me say that all of
those things you talk about are temporary. They are just "feelings" and
those feelings can sometimes convince you of things that aren't real.
Feelings aren't always the truth. Sometimes we have to take off these
depression glasses and look more realistically at what is and isn't the
truth. And if we can't do that just now, then we have to hold on until we
can. I'm asking you to hold on, Clark. Things aren't always as they seem.
Especially to we depressives. Often things are exactly the opposite of what
they seem. Don't make any rash decisions based on how you feel right now.
Don't choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

Glenn couldn't have said it better than he did. And he's right.

Hold on, Clark. You just have to.

Hugs,

used2be

"GlennT" beautifully wrote in response to Clark who said:

i don't think i can take another christmas. i am not sure i want to.

i don't think i want to face another year, a year of things that i
don't know what will happen. so many things could happen. i am not
sure i could handle them or want to handle them.

thoughts have consumed my mind over the last day or so... i just don't
want to face things again.

barbara worries about me too much. my mom worries and takes blame. my
sister is trying to raise brothers kid. i am trying to raise brothers
kid... i am not up to it i don't think. i am screwing up every time i
turn around it seems.

i have no lover and few, very few friends. i am not and cannot get
motivated. suddenly i feel tired of the fight.

2004 hold no promise for me, but i can see where it could hold lots of
promise for others if i were out of the way so they could move on.

i feel like Julie and Dr munger are tired of my case... it has been
going on far too long and even as hard as i try, i seem to get stuck
in ruts and don't move anymore.

i am trying, but these thoughts, almost voices but not voices i don't
think, tell me i am wasting a lot of time of a lot of people, myself
included.

i am tired of the medicine but afraid to stop taking it.

i am feeling lonely again and i don't know why. i am feeling lonely
even at the tuesday get togethers.... i feel more lonely in a crowd
than i do by myself.

wasted 47 years i think.... maybe got 20 more to fight through.

i'll be ok i think, i seem to always come out ok....but i don't
know.... i just am tired of it and tired of facing a new year every
year.

thought that typing this out might help me come back around.. see
things again... i'll find out if it works later i suppose.

Wasting time? What is that exactly? A perception? I don't know. Yet
that was a big part of the early years. A feeling that I was wasting
other people's time.

It turned out I was wrong, we were wasting each other's. When you
live or when you are finished with living it seems that wasting
people's time is exactly what you should be doing. People want it,
need it and pay for it, even.

Waste your time and their time and generally waste everybody's time
and when there is no time left they will smile and say thank you.
Thank you for wasting our time, it was splendid!

GlennT

Wow, that was a BEAUTIFUL response, Glenn. Incredible even. Inspiring.

Clark, when I first read your post, it was like de'ja' vu for me. I've SO
been there in that exact same place, hun. Not that this helps you really,
but it was eerie for me to read. I remember thinking exactly the same
things. That people could move on with their lives if I was gone (my
husband and children especially). That my therp and doc were tired of my
case because it had been dragging on and on with little change or
progression. The voices (that I never could really say were real, but yet
there they were) telling me to end it. No hope of anything getting better.
I know what you are saying, Clark. It breaks my heart to hear you are
there, and it brings back vivid memories for me. But let me say that all of
those things you talk about are temporary. They are just "feelings" and
those feelings can sometimes convince you of things that aren't real.
Feelings aren't always the truth. Sometimes we have to take off these
depression glasses and look more realistically at what is and isn't the
truth. And if we can't do that just now, then we have to hold on until we
can. I'm asking you to hold on, Clark. Things aren't always as they seem.
Especially to we depressives. Often things are exactly the opposite of what
they seem. Don't make any rash decisions based on how you feel right now.
Don't choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

Glenn couldn't have said it better than he did. And he's right.

Hold on, Clark. You just have to.

Hugs,

used2be

I agree with you Glenn.More and more I realize that in
life,it's the individual moments that matter.the learning,the
experimenting,the making mistakes,and just learning to enjoy the
moment,without dwelling on the past,or worrying about the future...it
can all help you to grow as a person.I know that's a cliche,but it's
also true...

GlennT <askme@noname.com> wrote in message news:<3FE81562.7EC68E95@noname.com>...

Clark wrote:

i don't think i can take another christmas. i am not sure i want to.

i don't think i want to face another year, a year of things that i
don't know what will happen. so many things could happen. i am not
sure i could handle them or want to handle them.

thoughts have consumed my mind over the last day or so... i just don't
want to face things again.

barbara worries about me too much. my mom worries and takes blame. my
sister is trying to raise brothers kid. i am trying to raise brothers
kid... i am not up to it i don't think. i am screwing up every time i
turn around it seems.

i have no lover and few, very few friends. i am not and cannot get
motivated. suddenly i feel tired of the fight.

2004 hold no promise for me, but i can see where it could hold lots of
promise for others if i were out of the way so they could move on.

i feel like Julie and Dr munger are tired of my case... it has been
going on far too long and even as hard as i try, i seem to get stuck
in ruts and don't move anymore.

i am trying, but these thoughts, almost voices but not voices i don't
think, tell me i am wasting a lot of time of a lot of people, myself
included.

i am tired of the medicine but afraid to stop taking it.

i am feeling lonely again and i don't know why. i am feeling lonely
even at the tuesday get togethers.... i feel more lonely in a crowd
than i do by myself.

wasted 47 years i think.... maybe got 20 more to fight through.

i'll be ok i think, i seem to always come out ok....but i don't
know.... i just am tired of it and tired of facing a new year every
year.

thought that typing this out might help me come back around.. see
things again... i'll find out if it works later i suppose.

Wasting time? What is that exactly? A perception? I don't know. Yet
that was a big part of the early years. A feeling that I was wasting
other people's time.

It turned out I was wrong, we were wasting each other's. When you
live or when you are finished with living it seems that wasting
people's time is exactly what you should be doing. People want it,
need it and pay for it, even.

Waste your time and their time and generally waste everybody's time
and when there is no time left they will smile and say thank you.
Thank you for wasting our time, it was splendid!

GlennT

I agree with you Glenn.More and more I realize that in
life,it's the individual moments that matter.the learning,the
experimenting,the making mistakes,and just learning to enjoy the
moment,without dwelling on the past,or worrying about the future...it
can all help you to grow as a person.I know that's a cliche,but it's
also true...

On Tue, 23 Dec 2003 23:13:54 +1300, GlennT <askme@noname.com> wrote:

Wasting time? What is that exactly? A perception? I don't know. Yet
that was a big part of the early years. A feeling that I was wasting
other people's time.

It turned out I was wrong, we were wasting each other's. When you
live or when you are finished with living it seems that wasting
people's time is exactly what you should be doing. People want it,
need it and pay for it, even.

Waste your time and their time and generally waste everybody's time
and when there is no time left they will smile and say thank you.
Thank you for wasting our time, it was splendid!

GlennT

it took me a few times reading through this to try to see what you
were saying... i think i've got it now and thanks.. i think

i'll be ok, lot of things i can see coming up in the next year or so
and i am really not sure how i will handle them... but somehow i will
i suppose.

thank you glenn

thank you.. everything you said above is fact and some of us shouldn't
mark time or events by happenstance. this is very true... and very
difficult to do.

you are a good one my friend... thanks and take care.

<(((*> you have been a good friend, a wise friend. i appreciate you more
<(((*> than you know.