Man, it was good to sleep in my own bed last night.

Man, it was good to sleep in my own bed last night. One more night in that
marshmallow bed at my MIL's and I would have been permanently disabled!! It
sags in the middle and is grossly soft. Me and hubby can't even sleep
together when we are there because the bed sags so badly that we crash into
each other all night. It's a pathetic excuse for a sleeping surface, that's
for sure!! <whine whine>

I'm also glad to be away from ALL in-laws. Boy it's hard being polite for
more than 24 hours. I did make several snippy comments that I should go
back and apologize for, but probably won't. It's not worth the effort. My
FIL will still be a complete ***** whether I apologize or not, so why bother?
Besides, it felt kind of good to say what I said. :-)

There is so much to do before going back to work tomorrow. But I want to
just sit and "veg out" instead. I've got to get on the "diet" bandwagon as
well and lose this 5 lbs I've gained in the past 6 weeks. New Year's
resolutions, here I come!!

Mostly, I just want to feel better this year. I count my blessings as much
as possible, but the darkness of this beast always casts a pall on
everything around me. It's hard to feel joy about much of anything when
your heart is constantly filled with despair. I'm so tired of that feeling,
as I'm sure most of you are. I want to try new things this year. The same
old things are not working, and it's time to try something different. I
just want to be better. Is that too much to ask? <sigh> I hope not. If
only I could cast aside this cloak of desperation, then maybe I could enjoy
my children more. Enjoy the little things more. Like a simple sunny day.
Or a hug from a friend. Or even just sitting down to dinner with my family
around me. All of those things just seem like a chore or a bother, and that
is what I hate the most. That everything is just simply too much trouble.
I don't want to feel that way anymore. I want to fight this monster with
everything I've got, but I feel so weary of the battle. I've got to push
down that fatigue, though, and fight for something better. If not for my
own sake, then for my girls sakes. I just want to be better. That's all.

Guess I better get busy on this house. Both the physical home I live in,
and the one that is my body.

Later guys,

used2be