Sometimes I think that an important thing to work on is to try and
find balance in all,or at least many areas...this is something I have
trouble with...I have many different,various,sometimes contradictory
sides to myself,but I often feel that instead of finding balance wihin
myself,I'm more often confused and pulled in different
directions...What I want to work on,I think is finding more balance in
many ways,in terms of mental,emotional,physical and spiritual areas,in
terms of being calm and relaxed and low key,and being energetic and
focused,in terms of being "down to earth",details oriented and
concrete,and being abstract and associative,in terms of being self
disciplined and having a lot of structure,and being spontaneous,between
having a lot of fun and enjoying hedonistic activities and being more
ascetic and austere,between being friendly and polite,and being
assertive and outspoken,between being shy and reserved and expressing
myself vocally...I also notice that in political and other areas,I have
a very hard time with any ideas that seem conventional,traditional,old
fashioned,conservative etc...I like ideas that are
rebellious,different,unique,unconventional...but when I think about
it,I'm very unconfortable with the parts of MYSELF that are
conventional,traditional,conservative etc...I'm kind of rebelling
against the parts of myself that I'm not paticularly comfortable
with...I guess a hard thing to do is to try and integrate the
various,contradictory parts of yourself...I know they're there,and I'm
positive that EVERYONE has these different parts to us,but often,with
me,they feel at war with each other,I'm often
uncomfortable,embarressed,confused by mixed feelings,mixed impulses
etc...I tend to "borrow" from different sides of myself,but this
doesn't really lead to integration within myself...It's hard to find
the balance and harmony...
-"Alvintchase"
.
|
