Sociology > Depression > For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind.
| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Lilly" |
| Date: |
04 May 2005 09:04:41 PM |
| Object: |
For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
See Thread "Cherry Blossoms" for Original
Washington's Cherry Blossoms
On tidal basin's shores: Hear Me!
Awsome are You and your Blooms.
Your sight I can't help adore
Branches, stems of Roses.
In Butterflies, flowers be...
Lusting in restful poses;
Dali's Models lying in Thee.
Their delicate White's splendour,
an elegant reflection of light.
Your enticing Pink's will render
the touch two lovers share tonight.
A single, fleeting petal's touch
is all I desire, I NEED,
to quench this thirst for forgotten secrets
needed now by Nature's all.
Washington Cherry Blossoms
Childe of Cloud, of Rain
tending to the lost, loved ones,
making them deign again.
Bring the World Around you,
into Your folded caress...
Suffocate as if they've drowned
in your pink white dress.
Breathe for them your Compassion
and with your Bliss fill deep,
to make them listless warriors;
so potent's Love and Peace.
Love for what you know,
Peace for what you are.
Warriors rising row on row!
Steadfast to travel afar...
To travelled land of Fear and Dread
where all have tried but still lay dead.
To bring those threadbare lands some seed.
To settle deep, to burst ahead...
Then... Bloom! Your Gorgeous branches -
Once more their pink and white!
Bloom as fresh water flows and pure earth feeds.
Bring, with all your kindness.
All I've seen that's good or true.
You'll Surely find us all:
Lover's of life? - and you?
Lilly Eves 05/05/05 (!!!!!WOW!!!!!)
Hope you don't mind Ilya, I thought you asked me for what I'd've
written... I haven't shown it to my fella yet (so it's not really what
I'd've eventually written, more of a firts draft. A good proof reader
or an HONEST proof reader is best.)- he usually proof reads every
thing. But then we did have a falling out earlier and things are a bit
funny and I've been drinking again and I was glad of the distraction to
be honest.
I hope I've got it right for you?
Sorry if I haven't...
Lilly
xXx
.
|
|
| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 12:17:14 PM |
|
|
That was quite good.
Your fella's a poet also?
Lilly wrote:
See Thread "Cherry Blossoms" for Original
Washington's Cherry Blossoms
On tidal basin's shores: Hear Me!
Awsome are You and your Blooms.
Your sight I can't help adore
Branches, stems of Roses.
In Butterflies, flowers be...
Lusting in restful poses;
Dali's Models lying in Thee.
Their delicate White's splendour,
an elegant reflection of light.
Your enticing Pink's will render
the touch two lovers share tonight.
A single, fleeting petal's touch
is all I desire, I NEED,
to quench this thirst for forgotten secrets
needed now by Nature's all.
Washington Cherry Blossoms
Childe of Cloud, of Rain
tending to the lost, loved ones,
making them deign again.
Bring the World Around you,
into Your folded caress...
Suffocate as if they've drowned
in your pink white dress.
Breathe for them your Compassion
and with your Bliss fill deep,
to make them listless warriors;
so potent's Love and Peace.
Love for what you know,
Peace for what you are.
Warriors rising row on row!
Steadfast to travel afar...
To travelled land of Fear and Dread
where all have tried but still lay dead.
To bring those threadbare lands some seed.
To settle deep, to burst ahead...
Then... Bloom! Your Gorgeous branches -
Once more their pink and white!
Bloom as fresh water flows and pure earth feeds.
Bring, with all your kindness.
All I've seen that's good or true.
You'll Surely find us all:
Lover's of life? - and you?
Lilly Eves 05/05/05 (!!!!!WOW!!!!!)
Hope you don't mind Ilya, I thought you asked me for what I'd've
written... I haven't shown it to my fella yet (so it's not really
what
I'd've eventually written, more of a firts draft. A good proof reader
or an HONEST proof reader is best.)- he usually proof reads every
thing. But then we did have a falling out earlier and things are a
bit
funny and I've been drinking again and I was glad of the distraction
to
be honest.
I hope I've got it right for you?
Sorry if I haven't...
Lilly
xXx
.
|
|
|
| User: "Lilly" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 02:28:54 PM |
|
|
Ilya,
Thankyou for not ripping my take on your piece to shreds...
It's the first time that I've shown anthing I've written to anyone
else, depsite being told to.
They're never finished, you know?
It was hard to keep the rhyming going and the song feel. I did a little
reading on Eastern bloc & Russian poetry and tried to learn from that,
but I got carried away and did it too quickly, I think.
A few hours is not enough to translate a true piece of emotion or
vision to words or pictures or sound.
I may have mislead you...
I don't have a fella. I call him that and he calls me his "missus" 'cos
we're so close. He shows me his works and I show him mine. (I'm glad I
put works in there or that'd've sounded rude!).
I think it's best to always collaborate on anthing. A second opinion
may help you find that bit you could not and make the whole thing fit a
lot more flush.
I just hope that you can pick out a few pieces and make them your own,
to help you improve your pieces to become immortal. You don't have to
be dead to be a master. Ask my friend's teacher...
I'm just sorry if I disappointed you, I'll do it again and work a bit
longer than an hour on it this time if you want...
Lilly
xXx
.
|
|
|
| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 07:11:21 PM |
|
|
Lilly wrote:
Ilya,
Thankyou for not ripping my take on your piece to shreds...
It's the first time that I've shown anthing I've written to anyone
else, depsite being told to.
They're never finished, you know?
Well, if you have problem finishing then I would advise you put out
pieces that are close to done, or are in intermediate stages, in order
that your whole work not go to waste (some people are never finished,
but even the half-complete product is better than most others' finished
work). Ever heard of Jung's Perceiving vs. Judging personality? Judging
makes quick decisions and many of them are wrong; Perceiving agonizes
over decisions and comes up with many more reasons for or against
anything but never executes anything. Overall, it's the Perceiving that
gets the best analysis done - but it all goes to waste because the
person is never finished deciding - and all that's necessary for good
decisions to be done is to put in action even the Perceiving's
intermediate product - which, however inadequate the Perceiving regards
it to be, is better than that of the Judging person.
It was hard to keep the rhyming going and the song feel. I did a
little
reading on Eastern bloc & Russian poetry and tried to learn from
that,
but I got carried away and did it too quickly, I think.
Not at all. It was wonderful.
A few hours is not enough to translate a true piece of emotion or
vision to words or pictures or sound.
I guess there's the difference between Perceiving and Judging. I mostly
get my stuff down through the first draft. Although in the past it used
to take a lot longer.
I may have mislead you...
I don't have a fella. I call him that and he calls me his "missus"
'cos
we're so close. He shows me his works and I show him mine. (I'm glad
I
put works in there or that'd've sounded rude!).
Indeed.
I think it's best to always collaborate on anthing. A second opinion
may help you find that bit you could not and make the whole thing fit
a
lot more flush.
I just hope that you can pick out a few pieces and make them your
own,
to help you improve your pieces to become immortal. You don't have to
be dead to be a master. Ask my friend's teacher...
Who's your friend's teacher? Dalai Lama?
I'm just sorry if I disappointed you, I'll do it again and work a bit
longer than an hour on it this time if you want...
Disappointed? How could you have disappointed me, we don't know each
other. It's not often that we get here someone who obviously has as
much knowledge & talent as you.
Lilly
xXx
.
|
|
|
| User: "Lilly" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
06 May 2005 03:51:06 AM |
|
|
Dalai Lama?! No, silly... :)
We run on principles before personalities for group objectives and
projects, perhaps that's the same sorta thing?
We never get anything done either!
I'll read up on that and post further to you.
Thanks, Ilya!
Lil
xXx
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Lilly" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
06 May 2005 03:51:09 AM |
|
|
Dalai Lama?! No, silly... :)
We run on principles before personalities for group objectives and
projects, perhaps that's the same sorta thing?
We never get anything done either!
I'll read up on that and post further to you.
Thanks, Ilya!
Lil
xXx
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Rosena" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 02:53:04 PM |
|
|
This whole exchange is so sweet.
I liked the rewrite and I like much of Ilya's stuff too. Sharing work
is sooooo cool. My favorite thing to do.
Best to both of you on your new poet-poetess friendship
Rosena
.
|
|
|
| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 03:00:12 PM |
|
|
Lil,
Told ya you'd make friends here!!!
byeee
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: For Ilya, You asked for my idea on your poem Washington Cherry Blossoms and I couldn't sleep so I did it tonight instead. Hope you don't mind. |
05 May 2005 02:59:37 PM |
|
|
Washington Cherry Blossoms
Childe of Cloud, of Rain
tending to the lost, loved ones,
making them deign again.
Bring the World Around you,
into Your folded caress...
Suffocate as if they've drowned
in your pink white dress.
Breathe for them your Compassion
and with your Bliss fill deep,
to make them listless warriors;
so potent's Love and Peace.
I thought this was great... They symbolism was spot on.
lost loved ones - seeds?
deign - maybe 'live' or thesaurus it?
verse 2/3 - rebirth, autumn? when do they flower - is that accurate -
autumn blooms?
(to) Suffocate, as if [they've (been) drowned
in your pink white dress
Breath [for (in) them your Compassion
[and with your (and flow your) Bliss [fill (full) deep,
to make them listless [warriors (rangers - woods theme, maybe...);
[so (how) [potent's [ (Life, )Love and Peace.
That's great Lil. You did that in an hour!!!
I got something to show you!
I'll be over in a few.
Love
Pete x
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
