. fwiw, the other's gave any advice I could think of so am not going
attempt to throw out any more. >

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns970FB440762EDmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...

i was talking to joe about how severe the depression is
right
now. he's dead set against me going in-patient now. says i
don't need it. said that i should try to stop obsessing on
feeling bad, that i should get up and do some things. he
doesn't get that i'm doing what i can. it just isn't much
right now.

besides, he says, i don't know if my insurance will agree
to let me go to my hospital of choice. they're
off-network, but the company's always made an exception
before. yes, he says, but maybe not this time.

he just doesn't want me to go. we'll see what the partial
folks have to say at my intake on friday. friday seems a
long way away.

-lisa

I've watched you year after year suffer with your chronic
illnesses and know I wouldn't hold up in under what you've
had to go through. fwiw, the other's gave any advice I
could think of so am not going attempt to throw out any
more. I just extend my best wishes and empathy for your
situation, and my admiration for the continued fight that
you give despite your circumstances. I do know what it's
like to know that need for more intensive help and having
family holding you back. BTDT and am still somewhat doing
it. Those thoughts of refill time of all my meds and would
be the ideal time to....but can't go any further with those
thoughts. I really do understand your frustration which is
an understatement.

Hope you get the help you need soon and hold on till then.

hugs....c.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns970FB440762EDmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...

i was talking to joe about how severe the depression is
right
now. he's dead set against me going in-patient now. says i
don't need it. said that i should try to stop obsessing on
feeling bad, that i should get up and do some things. he
doesn't get that i'm doing what i can. it just isn't much
right now.

I'm sorry, lisa. This is so tough on you and your family,
and it must make it even tougher to hear that you don't
really need it when you're the only one who can really know
how much you need it.

I wish we had empathy ports so we could do link-ups and
share what something feels like, what the state of being
really is. No matter how empathetic someone is, it's
*really* hard to understand what *some* things are like if
you haven't experienced it. Some kinds of pain are like
that. Some levels of pain are like that. They break you
down and limit your choices.

besides, he says, i don't know if my insurance will agree
to let me go to my hospital of choice. they're
off-network, but the company's always made an exception
before. yes, he says, but maybe not this time.

You'd not go if you could, but you've already been trying
that and it hasn't worked. You're just being realistic
that you don't have a choice, aren't you?

he just doesn't want me to go. we'll see what the partial
folks have to say at my intake on friday. friday seems a
long way away.

It's hard when you have to make these choices alone. Your
survival skills are good and I'm sorry you have to use them
so often. Hang in there babe. Friday. Friday.

lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:

i was talking to joe about how severe the depression is
right now. he's dead set against me going in-patient now.
says i don't need it.

Get someone with an M.D. to tell him you need it.

he just doesn't want me to go. we'll see what the partial
folks have to say at my intake on friday. friday seems a
long way away.

It does indeed.

OK, that really kind of pisses me off.

he just doesn't want me to go.

Perhaps you should point out to him that this is now at a point where
that statement seems to be gaining a potentially new spin. That's what
scares me.

lisa in mass. wrote:

i was talking to joe about how severe the depression is
right now. he's dead set against me going in-patient now.
says i don't need it. said that i should try to stop
obsessing on feeling bad, that i should get up and do some
things. he doesn't get that i'm doing what i can. it just
isn't much right now.

OK, that really kind of pisses me off. The "get out, do
stuff" speech is usually about the point where I lose it
with most of those preaching that gospel. If you can just
jump out of the spot you're in then he can just knock off
his routine with even greater ease. You're hiding the
sharps from yourself, what's he hiding from himself?

besides, he says, i don't know if my insurance will agree
to let me go to my hospital of choice. they're
off-network, but the company's always made an exception
before. yes, he says, but maybe not this time.

Or maybe they will, won't know until you call.

he just doesn't want me to go.

Perhaps you should point out to him that this is now at a
point where that statement seems to be gaining a
potentially new spin. That's what scares me.

we'll see what the partial folks
have to say at my intake on friday. friday seems a long
way away.

-lisa

Call the insurance about authorization, find out instead of
just accepting his doubt as what "will happen". Then take
yourself there. He might not like it, but this isn't
happening to him.

I was worried this would happen with your narc withdrawal.
You were taking a rather massive amount of fentanyl. 75 mcg
as I recall. Now it doesn't sound like a lot as it's
micrograms but there are very few medications that are
active in the mcg range. The amount of fentanyl you were
taking would likely kill most people without a tolerance
and fentanyl is just about the strongest thing out there.

Detox is hell, I've seen heroin addicts go through it. They
fall apart and they aren't depressed to start so.

Call insurance, go.