| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"lisa in mass." |
| Date: |
16 Sep 2004 10:48:14 PM |
| Object: |
he wants me to call (si) |
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis when
i'm feeling like this.
i told him that calling crisis isn't going to help. they ask if
i'm going to kill myself (no). just fighting urges off the chart
for self-harm. they ask about my history, tell me a bunch of
stuff i already know like i need to disctract myself and give me
a bunch of suggestions as to how i could do that. then they hang
up and nothing's changed. he agreed that that's exactly how it
would play out, but wanted me to call them or him anyway.
it probably makes at least as much sense just to leave a message
on my therp's voicemail, even though he won't be in until
monday.
i told him just yesterday that i was sure i'd be fine holding on
for a week til i see him again. one day later and i don't know
how long and hard i can fight.
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i would like
to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few days, though.
-lisa
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| User: "=^.^=" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 12:20:33 AM |
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On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis when=20
i'm feeling like this.
that's a nice notion
i told him that calling crisis isn't going to help. they ask if=20
i'm going to kill myself (no). just fighting urges off the chart=20
for self-harm. they ask about my history, tell me a bunch of=20
stuff i already know like i need to disctract myself and give me=20
a bunch of suggestions as to how i could do that. then they hang=20
up and nothing's changed. he agreed that that's exactly how it=20
would play out, but wanted me to call them or him anyway.
just put your head in a place you know you passed thru it
when I'm stretched and half-dead and get told that a specific
and necessary part is fucked up, I say to me I don't want to
die, and then I think forward far enough, to when I'm ok....
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go away
later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
it probably makes at least as much sense just to leave a message=20
on my therp's voicemail, even though he won't be in until=20
monday.
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the indigenous
people needed her more, and this land is a subterranean horror
i told him just yesterday that i was sure i'd be fine holding on=20
for a week til i see him again. one day later and i don't know=20
how long and hard i can fight.
fight. firt dirty if you have to. I keep my nails in fighting trim
all the time to make double-sure I'll prevail, instantly. but
sometimes (steering wheel kickback) I slash myself...
accidently. itz cool. little finger jammed back and into the
pad on the finger next to it. izz no worse than a cat-slash
....didn't break the little finger either. aches tho. wah
just got a triangular blade-shaped nail-part to superglue
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i would like=20
to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few days, though.
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I can
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 12:31:39 AM |
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=^.^= wrote...
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis
when i'm feeling like this.
that's a nice notion
seems useless to call crisis. once i called during office hrs
and it turned out he had spare time. talked me through the
whole hour until i had a handle on myself. can't quite page
him at 1:30 am, though.
i told him that calling crisis isn't going to help. they
ask if i'm going to kill myself (no). just fighting urges
off the chart for self-harm. they ask about my history,
tell me a bunch of stuff i already know like i need to
disctract myself and give me a bunch of suggestions as to
how i could do that. then they hang up and nothing's
changed. he agreed that that's exactly how it would play
out, but wanted me to call them or him anyway.
just put your head in a place you know you passed thru it
when I'm stretched and half-dead and get told that a
specific and necessary part is fucked up, I say to me I
don't want to die, and then I think forward far enough, to
when I'm ok....
at the moment i do want to die. won't do it, though.
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go away
later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
just took a couple vicodin to see if they'll help. usually
not, but it can't hurt.
it probably makes at least as much sense just to leave a
message on my therp's voicemail, even though he won't be in
until monday.
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the
indigenous people needed her more, and this land is a
subterranean horror
this is the first good one i've seen since my old therp (4
therps ago) moved on. he's helped keep me out of the hospital
longer than anyone else did.
i told him just yesterday that i was sure i'd be fine
holding on for a week til i see him again. one day later
and i don't know how long and hard i can fight.
fight. firt dirty if you have to. I keep my nails in
fighting trim all the time to make double-sure I'll
prevail, instantly. but sometimes (steering wheel
kickback) I slash myself...
accidently. itz cool. little finger jammed back and into
the pad on the finger next to it. izz no worse than a
cat-slash
...didn't break the little finger either. aches tho. wah
ouch.
just got a triangular blade-shaped nail-part to superglue
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i would
like to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few days,
though.
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I can
same here doing whatever i can. might not be enough though.
-lisa
.
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| User: "=^.^=" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 01:44:47 AM |
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On 17 Sep 2004 05:31:39 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
=3D^.^=3D wrote...
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:=20
=20
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis
when i'm feeling like this.
=20
that's a nice notion
seems useless to call crisis. once i called during office hrs=20
and it turned out he had spare time. talked me through the=20
whole hour until i had a handle on myself. can't quite page=20
him at 1:30 am, though.
well, there's others that likely do. you got soul-control
=20
at the moment i do want to die. won't do it, though.
good. take it from me, planning for what you are gonna-do
after yer dead takes time, and premature death fux it up...
I ain't saying that the Next Life iz Paradise. but it does look
like itz got more kinds of horizons and possibilities for good
***** happening, as well as being virtual catfood, too, I'd guess
I'm holding-out because I don't sense a mass of black-ink-
darkness (I made some heart-wrenching/stopping change
to avoid the last instance, and still nicked the edge of it)
but I will have to do at least as intense to change my world
and I've already done my share of self-imolation, anyway...
=20
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go away
later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
just took a couple vicodin to see if they'll help. usually=20
not, but it can't hurt.
depends on the hurt and how deep it goes...and sometimes
it takes more than pills and/or words to fix it, or get rid of it
=20
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the
indigenous people needed her more, and this land is a
subterranean horror=20
this is the first good one i've seen since my old therp (4=20
therps ago) moved on. he's helped keep me out of the hospital=20
longer than anyone else did.
I've a caseworker...70's style woman that I really like
I should quit aversion. I like her a-lot
but I gotta handle on that *****, too
=20
ouch.
guy at the gas station apparently can't handle seeing blood
pffft. was no-worse than getting nailed by a cat...
if the kitten does that, well, pain spreads at least
six inches up from the envenomed site. these cats
got the real poison-claw. likely an applied catspit protein
=20
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I can
same here doing whatever i can. might not be enough though.
-lisa
be selective in what you say you can get-by on less with
but add-on hope and a time-factoring + things do change
sometimes the changes will bleed-ya, but it don't kill...
it heals, in the end
at least I hope so...
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 02:02:49 AM |
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=^.^= wrote...
On 17 Sep 2004 05:31:39 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
=^.^= wrote...
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis
when i'm feeling like this.
that's a nice notion
seems useless to call crisis. once i called during office
hrs and it turned out he had spare time. talked me through
the whole hour until i had a handle on myself. can't quite
page him at 1:30 am, though.
well, there's others that likely do. you got soul-control
at the moment i do want to die. won't do it, though.
good. take it from me, planning for what you are gonna-do
after yer dead takes time, and premature death fux it up...
I ain't saying that the Next Life iz Paradise. but it does
look like itz got more kinds of horizons and possibilities
for good ***** happening, as well as being virtual catfood,
too, I'd guess
I'm holding-out because I don't sense a mass of black-ink-
darkness (I made some heart-wrenching/stopping change
to avoid the last instance, and still nicked the edge of
it)
but I will have to do at least as intense to change my
world
and I've already done my share of self-imolation, anyway...
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go
away later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
just took a couple vicodin to see if they'll help. usually
not, but it can't hurt.
depends on the hurt and how deep it goes...and sometimes
it takes more than pills and/or words to fix it, or get rid
of it
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the
indigenous people needed her more, and this land is a
subterranean horror
this is the first good one i've seen since my old therp (4
therps ago) moved on. he's helped keep me out of the
hospital longer than anyone else did.
I've a caseworker...70's style woman that I really like
I should quit aversion. I like her a-lot
but I gotta handle on that *****, too
ouch.
guy at the gas station apparently can't handle seeing blood
pffft. was no-worse than getting nailed by a cat...
if the kitten does that, well, pain spreads at least
six inches up from the envenomed site. these cats
got the real poison-claw. likely an applied catspit
protein
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I
can
same here doing whatever i can. might not be enough though.
-lisa
be selective in what you say you can get-by on less with
but add-on hope and a time-factoring + things do change
sometimes the changes will bleed-ya, but it don't kill...
it heals, in the end
at least I hope so...
i can't die because i have the kids here. i figure that by
making them, i obligated myself to being here for them.
sometimes i regret my choices, but i can't take them back.
things do change. occasionally for the better. finally found a
med that, while not perfect, works better than anything else
i've tried. it also put my severe neuromuscular disease into
total remission. i'm also eventually going to go blind from an
eye disease, but that stabilised for the time being.
life sucks, but sometimes it gets better for while... now to
take full advantage of those times...
-lisa
-lisa
-lisa
.
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| User: "=^.^=" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 03:58:22 AM |
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On 17 Sep 2004 07:02:49 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
sometimes the changes will bleed-ya, but it don't kill...
=20
it heals, in the end
at least I hope so...
i can't die because i have the kids here. i figure that by=20
making them, i obligated myself to being here for them.=20
sometimes i regret my choices, but i can't take them back.
that has kept a lot of women from doing themselves
it was good. good ***** happened later on because of that
....they were there to be there for it
things do change. occasionally for the better. finally found a=20
med that, while not perfect, works better than anything else=20
i've tried. it also put my severe neuromuscular disease into=20
total remission. i'm also eventually going to go blind from an=20
eye disease, but that stabilised for the time being.
sticking around and making sure you have access to medical
has benefits. the pain doc I ran into knows of non-invasive
ways to fix bashed disks, and knows who does it, too...
life sucks, but sometimes it gets better for while... now to=20
take full advantage of those times...
you go grrl. you have a hot mind, and it will get you thru!
-lisa
.
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| User: "lyssa" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 12:34:01 AM |
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x-no-archive: yes
=^.^= wrote:
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis when
i'm feeling like this.
that's a nice notion
i told him that calling crisis isn't going to help. they ask if
i'm going to kill myself (no). just fighting urges off the chart
for self-harm. they ask about my history, tell me a bunch of
stuff i already know like i need to disctract myself and give me
a bunch of suggestions as to how i could do that. then they hang
up and nothing's changed. he agreed that that's exactly how it
would play out, but wanted me to call them or him anyway.
just put your head in a place you know you passed thru it
when I'm stretched and half-dead and get told that a specific
and necessary part is fucked up, I say to me I don't want to
die, and then I think forward far enough, to when I'm ok....
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go away
later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
it probably makes at least as much sense just to leave a message
on my therp's voicemail, even though he won't be in until
monday.
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the indigenous
people needed her more, and this land is a subterranean horror
i told him just yesterday that i was sure i'd be fine holding on
for a week til i see him again. one day later and i don't know
how long and hard i can fight.
fight. firt dirty if you have to. I keep my nails in fighting trim
all the time to make double-sure I'll prevail, instantly. but
sometimes (steering wheel kickback) I slash myself...
accidently. itz cool. little finger jammed back and into the
pad on the finger next to it. izz no worse than a cat-slash
...didn't break the little finger either. aches tho. wah
just got a triangular blade-shaped nail-part to superglue
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i would like
to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few days, though.
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I can
i'm glad my newsreader caught this post--i really liked this
.
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| User: "=^.^=" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 02:23:56 AM |
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On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 02:34:01 -0300, lyssa <here@home.com> wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
=3D^.^=3D wrote:
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i would like=20
to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few days, though.
=20
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I can
i'm glad my newsreader caught this post--i really liked this
mmm?
I'm gonna hafta do pressurized iodine application. pfffft...
I've reverted to using simpler agents to fix/prevent crap
that can be translated to virtual head-applications, too
so-far, I've run into no material stuff like pillage that'll
fix bad chemistry afflicting the virtual thing that is me
so-far, the virtual stuff is working; firewall to keep the
bad guys out and oxidize stains, like foul dreams leave
all I gotta do is make future reality the way it should-be
I'll just call it a work-in-progress, and leave it @ that...
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 02:34:30 AM |
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=^.^= wrote...
On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 02:34:01 -0300, lyssa <here@home.com>
wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
=^.^= wrote:
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i
would like to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few
days, though.
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I
can
i'm glad my newsreader caught this post--i really liked
this
mmm?
I'm gonna hafta do pressurized iodine application.
pfffft...
I've reverted to using simpler agents to fix/prevent crap
i like using very hot water with as much salt as will
dissolve. then add a heft dose of peroxide.
that can be translated to virtual head-applications, too
usually, the simpler approaches make more sense and are easier
to apply.
so-far, I've run into no material stuff like pillage
that'll fix bad chemistry afflicting the virtual thing that
is me
so-far, the virtual stuff is working; firewall to keep the
bad guys out and oxidize stains, like foul dreams leave
all I gotta do is make future reality the way it should-be
I'll just call it a work-in-progress, and leave it @
that...
good luck with it. hard work.
-lisa
.
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| User: "=^.^=" |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 04:11:51 AM |
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On 17 Sep 2004 07:34:30 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
I've reverted to using simpler agents to fix/prevent crap
i like using very hot water with as much salt as will=20
dissolve. then add a heft dose of peroxide.
some things I do that to... peroxide fizz untill
the affected area is whitened, then alcohol
=20
that can be translated to virtual head-applications, too
all I gotta do is make future reality the way it should-be
=20
I'll just call it a work-in-progress, and leave it @
that...=20
good luck with it. hard work.
I just hope it worx-out one way or another
I can't stand being in a static no-go mode
.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: he wants me to call (si) |
17 Sep 2004 12:39:54 AM |
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lyssa wrote...
x-no-archive: yes
=^.^= wrote:
On 17 Sep 2004 03:48:14 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
my therp, that is. wants me to call either him or crisis
when i'm feeling like this.
that's a nice notion
i told him that calling crisis isn't going to help. they
ask if i'm going to kill myself (no). just fighting urges
off the chart for self-harm. they ask about my history,
tell me a bunch of stuff i already know like i need to
disctract myself and give me a bunch of suggestions as to
how i could do that. then they hang up and nothing's
changed. he agreed that that's exactly how it would play
out, but wanted me to call them or him anyway.
just put your head in a place you know you passed thru it
when I'm stretched and half-dead and get told that a
specific and necessary part is fucked up, I say to me I
don't want to die, and then I think forward far enough, to
when I'm ok....
getting a milligram of Dilauded pushed made it all go away
later on, the same made lots of rude ***** go away...
it probably makes at least as much sense just to leave a
message on my therp's voicemail, even though he won't be
in until monday.
mine ran away to New Zealand a few years ago. the
indigenous people needed her more, and this land is a
subterranean horror
i told him just yesterday that i was sure i'd be fine
holding on for a week til i see him again. one day later
and i don't know how long and hard i can fight.
fight. firt dirty if you have to. I keep my nails in
fighting trim all the time to make double-sure I'll
prevail, instantly. but sometimes (steering wheel
kickback) I slash myself...
accidently. itz cool. little finger jammed back and into
the pad on the finger next to it. izz no worse than a
cat-slash
...didn't break the little finger either. aches tho. wah
just got a triangular blade-shaped nail-part to superglue
i don't need to be in-patient (he asked that, too). i
would like to be in an empty soft rubber room for a few
days, though.
I just want to go away, but the place to go doesn't exist
so I'll just keep on keeping-on. and fix stuff where I
can
i'm glad my newsreader caught this post--i really liked
this
so did i. it's helping.
-lisa
.
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