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Topic:	Sociology > Depression
User:	"jill"
Date:	31 Jul 2006 10:18:28 AM
Object:	Hi

It's been a while scince I posted here. I have been struggling
just to keep fuctioning at a minimum level. I feel so fragile I am
afraid to say anything even here. My life is such a mess . I am
wallowing in it too. I got just slogged saturday. disgusting.
loud, eating with my hands, people staring, slogged. Define
stupid,, doing the same thing and expecting a different result...
stupid ***** I am. tired of this life.
.

User: "lisa in mass."
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 11:09:39 AM

jill wrote...

It's been a while scince I posted here. I have been
struggling
just to keep fuctioning at a minimum level. I feel so
fragile I am afraid to say anything even here. My life is
such a mess . I am wallowing in it too. I got just
slogged saturday. disgusting. loud, eating with my hands,
people staring, slogged. Define stupid,, doing the
same thing and expecting a different result... stupid
***** I am. tired of this life.

i'm so sorry you're having such a bad time, jill. i was hoping
that you'd gone because you didn't need to be here. you're not
an *****. you're one of the nicest people of this group. even
if what you're posting isn't pleasant, please don't hesitate to
post. there are people here to help support you.
i hope things look up for you soon. you deserve it.
-lisa
.

User: "Franz Bestuchev"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 10:33:25 AM

jill wrote:

Hi you messy eater.
.

User: "jill"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 10:43:54 AM

Franz Bestuchev wrote:

jill wrote:

Hi you messy eater.

Hi Franz ,,, smiling
.

User: "Franz Bestuchev"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 02:08:41 PM

jill wrote:

Franz Bestuchev wrote:

jill wrote:

Hi you messy eater.

Hi Franz ,,, smiling

You better not be smiling with food in your mouth. Or talking either.
.

User: "Gayle"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 10:40:34 AM

jill wrote:

Jill!! I missed you, as others here have
posted, too. I don't want to argue with
your low opinion of yourself because you
are feeling so fragile and don't need
anyone challenging you. But I find it
impossible, impossible I'm tellin' ya,
to believe that anyone who knows you
would ever use a phrase like 'stupid
*****' to describe you. Except you.
Is there anywhere you can turn for help?
Besides here? Maybe doing something
different than isolating would be the
start of some relief for you? My email's
open if you want to chat. Please take
care and try to stop flogging yerself.
Life is tough enough without being your
own worst enemy. imo.
Gayle
.

User: "jill"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 10:46:37 AM

Gayle wrote:

jill wrote:

Jill!! I missed you, as others here have
posted, too. I don't want to argue with
your low opinion of yourself because you
are feeling so fragile and don't need
anyone challenging you. But I find it
impossible, impossible I'm tellin' ya,
to believe that anyone who knows you
would ever use a phrase like 'stupid
*****' to describe you. Except you.

Is there anywhere you can turn for help?
Besides here? Maybe doing something
different than isolating would be the
start of some relief for you? My email's
open if you want to chat. Please take
care and try to stop flogging yerself.
Life is tough enough without being your
own worst enemy. imo.

Gayle

Oh gayle you are such a dear person.. I will try to reach out to
someone, I have such a hard time asking for help but I will try,,
.

User: ""
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 01:14:36 PM

jill wrote:

jill... I really am sorry that you'e having such a hard time...I
really missed you while you were away... I can honestly say that you
are one of my very favorite people here... I really, really hope that
you feel better soon...
best wishes,

-"jordy"
.

User: "jill"
Title: Re: Hi	31 Jul 2006 10:39:24 AM

jill wrote:

what I mean about the wallowing, It is like there is this voice in
my head that is telling me I am always going to be like this and life
is *****. So why not wallow in it. If life is ***** and I am an
***** why not be the biggest ***** I can be ,, crazy thinking I
know but I can not always escape it.. When the pressure builds
sometimes I lose control. I remember bits of it. turning away from
someone after some confrontation. moments,, waving my foghead
sticker around like it was a PHD from stanford. Someone asking me if
I was okay with that oh so superior look that sober people take on in
those situations.. I left my coat, my good coat ,, thats history,
*****,, I have to get a handle on this ,, alcohol is a symptom ,
,I am the problem
.

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