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Topic:	Sociology > Depression
User:	"elegy"
Date:	28 Jan 2007 07:28:36 PM
Object:	hurts.

so full of sadness tonight, so choked with aloneness for which i have
no explanation. writing letters in my head to people from my past,
knowing i shouldn't commit the words to paper and send them, but still
tempted. still looking for somebody to mother me.
once upon a time there was this woman, and she was kind to me, and
then she left. and i've scrawled letters to her and sent them winging
across the state, but not for years. not for years. i don't even know
if she's still where she last was. i don't know if she even wants to
hear from me. i don't know anything anymore except how much i just
want to tell somebody all my secrets and have them tell me i'm still
ok.
--
"i don't condone the liquefaction of pixies!" (kilgore trout)
http://shattering.org
x-no-archive:yes in the headers
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 05:02:46 PM

"elegy" <elegy@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote in message
news:gdjqr2pbpu852iv69926l75pvol74ohujs@4ax.com...

once upon a time there was this woman, and she was kind to me, and
then she left. and i've scrawled letters to her and sent them winging
across the state, but not for years. not for years. i don't even know
if she's still where she last was. i don't know if she even wants to
hear from me. i don't know anything anymore except how much i just
want to tell somebody all my secrets and have them tell me i'm still
ok.

That's one of the things that I find so difficult about life. Those we used
to know and were seperated from for whatever reason. I've written a few of
my own letters, letters that never got mailed, and probably never will. But
it doesn't stop me from wondering about them.
Bruce.
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 05:35:13 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:q2vvh.5258$O02.1092@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"elegy" <elegy@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote in message
news:gdjqr2pbpu852iv69926l75pvol74ohujs@4ax.com...

That's one of the things that I find so difficult about life. Those we
used to know and were seperated from for whatever reason. I've written a
few of my own letters, letters that never got mailed, and probably never
will. But it doesn't stop me from wondering about them.

i've had opportunities to revive lapsed relationships and friendships. what
works so achingly well in fantasy doesn't work in real life. the "whatever
reason" that led to the separation turns out to be damn good reasons,
forgotten or minimized in the miasma of time and emotional neediness, or
never fully realized with the silly noggin one had at the time.
but i find the beings to whom i write my unwritten letters, who sometimes
appear to me as lost lovers and friends, are well worth writing to and
getting to know.
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 05:58:21 PM

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epm0bi$tjk$1@news.datemas.de...

I guess that's why I've never mailed any of those letters. I'm afraid of
why we parted company and having a totally different recall of those events.
I'm also afraid of intruding on those lives that have long ago moved on. I
don't know what I'd say if they contacted me so I spare them the same
discomfort. And perhaps I'm afraid they won't remember me at all.
I just hate it when a friend moves out of the area. It means yet another
person that I will miss and forever wonder about.
Bruce.
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 08:09:27 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:xSvvh.5433$O02.3457@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epm0bi$tjk$1@news.datemas.de...

I guess that's why I've never mailed any of those letters. I'm afraid of
why we parted company and having a totally different recall of those
events. I'm also afraid of intruding on those lives that have long ago
moved on. I don't know what I'd say if they contacted me so I spare them
the same discomfort.

And perhaps I'm afraid they won't remember me at all.

back in the 90s when the whole world was clambering online and everybody was
looking up everybody else, i was contacted by friends i hadn't seen in 25
years or more. i was also contacted by distant relatives i'd never met
before. not to be outdone, i literally made a list of people i hadn't
thought about since who knows when and went looking for them on the net.
it was an interesting few weeks. delighted amazement at the wonder of
rediscovering each other gave way in almost every case to boredom and "gee,
i should answer his/her email but i've got nothing to say." in a couple of
cases email led to renewed telephone contact, and even a week-long visit
from a family overseas, but eventually it all petered out. but only in one
case, someone i had once loved and admired very much, was it actually
painful. the others were all, "oh well, that was fun" kinds of experiences.
for better or worse, i haven't been the kind of person who carries a torch
for people once we've moved on.
i have a few friends i haven't dropped out of touch with since i was 19 and
20. none of them live around here any more, and haven't in years, but i
still feel we could walk into each other's living rooms without knocking
whenever, and pick up exactly where we left off. it's how our phone
conversations go, even though they tend to be months apart.

I just hate it when a friend moves out of the area. It means yet another
person that I will miss and forever wonder about.

i know. it's better in this time of email and cheap long distance than it
used to be, but still. fact is, we can't walk into each other's living rooms
whenever we want to any more.
and sometimes i miss writing letters. i was a big letter writer once, but
who does that any more? people don't mind getting them i guess, but nobody
would reply.
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 08:37:37 PM

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epm9cp$9rj$1@news.datemas.de...

it was an interesting few weeks. delighted amazement at the wonder of
rediscovering each other gave way in almost every case to boredom and
"gee,
i should answer his/her email but i've got nothing to say."

Yeah, I had an exchange with a cousin that went that route. A couple of
letters and we were done. Just some idle chatter until we ran out of life
details to share.

i have a few friends i haven't dropped out of touch with since i was 19
and
20. none of them live around here any more, and haven't in years, but i
still feel we could walk into each other's living rooms without knocking
whenever, and pick up exactly where we left off.

I have a couple of good life-long friends like that too. Unfortunately,
they moved and are no longer within easy reach so we rarely see each other
anymore.

and sometimes i miss writing letters. i was a big letter writer once, but
who does that any more? people don't mind getting them i guess, but nobody
would reply.

I have bad penmanship so I've never been much of a writer. Good penmanship
is practically a lost art form these days. I've been a typer for a very
long time, much longer than my friends, so we never corresponded much
electronically. A couple still can't type. The phone is the only option
with them.
Bruce.
.

User: "used2be"
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 09:18:59 AM

"elegy" <elegy@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote in message
news:gdjqr2pbpu852iv69926l75pvol74ohujs@4ax.com...

so full of sadness tonight, so choked with aloneness for which i have
no explanation. writing letters in my head to people from my past,
knowing i shouldn't commit the words to paper and send them, but still
tempted. still looking for somebody to mother me.

once upon a time there was this woman, and she was kind to me, and
then she left. and i've scrawled letters to her and sent them winging
across the state, but not for years. not for years. i don't even know
if she's still where she last was. i don't know if she even wants to
hear from me. i don't know anything anymore except how much i just
want to tell somebody all my secrets and have them tell me i'm still
ok.

--
"i don't condone the liquefaction of pixies!" (kilgore trout)
http://shattering.org
x-no-archive:yes in the headers

((((((eels))))))
:(
.

User: ""
Title: Re: hurts.	28 Jan 2007 07:38:54 PM

Elegy,
If I was your mom, I would be so proud of the person I see in your
blog. I am proud to think of you as a friend.
Wish you were here, this Mom would hug you tight and listen to your
secrets and never tell a one.
Sorry for the sadness. I know it hurts.
Someone in Miami loves you...
((((({{{{{elegy}}}}})))))
Bobbie
On Jan 28, 8:28 pm, elegy <e...@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote:

so full of sadness tonight, so choked with aloneness for which i have
no explanation. writing letters in my head to people from my past,
knowing i shouldn't commit the words to paper and send them, but still
tempted. still looking for somebody to mother me.

once upon a time there was this woman, and she was kind to me, and
then she left. and i've scrawled letters to her and sent them winging
across the state, but not for years. not for years. i don't even know
if she's still where she last was. i don't know if she even wants to
hear from me. i don't know anything anymore except how much i just
want to tell somebody all my secrets and have them tell me i'm still
ok.

--
"i don't condone the liquefaction of pixies!" (kilgore trout)http://shattering.org
x-no-archive:yes in the headers

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts.	28 Jan 2007 08:20:45 PM

<crysalis7@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1170034734.908604.188970@m58g2000cwm.googlegroups.com...

Elegy,
If I was your mom, I would be so proud of the person I see in your
blog. I am proud to think of you as a friend.

Wish you were here, this Mom would hug you tight and listen to your
secrets and never tell a one.

Sorry for the sadness. I know it hurts.

Someone in Miami loves you...

((((({{{{{elegy}}}}})))))

I was trying to think of the perfect heart felt response and Bobbi you took
the words and wrote them out for me.
Elegy I'm always here for you and you can send me letters if you like, I
understand its not the same but I would be blessed to get letters from
someone as kind and wonderful as you are!
You are loved by many!
Jane
.

User: "elegy"
Title: Re: hurts.	29 Jan 2007 05:53:43 PM

long ago and far away, "Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> did say:

I was trying to think of the perfect heart felt response and Bobbi you took
the words and wrote them out for me.

Elegy I'm always here for you and you can send me letters if you like, I
understand its not the same but I would be blessed to get letters from
someone as kind and wonderful as you are!

You are loved by many!

i have this weird need right now to connect with someone who knew me
way back when. i know it doesn't make sense. i know. and she was
oblivious, but maybe she knew and just didn't say. maybe i wasn't such
a good playactor as i thought. who knows. but if she knew, she never
saved me. nobody ever saved me.
oh wah poor pity me. this is all so fucking stupid.
--
And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number. (Amiri Baraka)
http://shattering.org
x-no-archive: yes in the headers
.

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 06:34:54 PM

"elegy" <elegy@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote in message
news:462tr2hkc8pt1h8djf0s9atfiqevvacmm5@4ax.com...

long ago and far away, "Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> did say:

I was trying to think of the perfect heart felt response and Bobbi you
took
the words and wrote them out for me.

Elegy I'm always here for you and you can send me letters if you like, I
understand its not the same but I would be blessed to get letters from
someone as kind and wonderful as you are!

You are loved by many!

i have this weird need right now to connect with someone who knew me
way back when. i know it doesn't make sense. i know. and she was
oblivious, but maybe she knew and just didn't say. maybe i wasn't such
a good playactor as i thought. who knows. but if she knew, she never
saved me. nobody ever saved me.

oh wah poor pity me. this is all so fucking stupid.

No it's not fucking stupid, it hurts what ever it is that hurts...
Here is my secret out in the open, that's probably not so secret anymore, my
brother sexually molested me for 2nd and 3rd grade. When my father caught
him he shamed both of us. We were not allowed anywhere alone together, like
I was part of problem. Everytime a relative found out because someone said
something, "I" was made to feel dirty all over again, right up until I
became a teen.
My mother as you know was horrid...
I wondered how much ppl knew, I know my mother's twin sister knew. Why
didn't anyone do anything? Why didn't anyone say anything? Why did they
allow it to happen?
Wanting to connect, wanting recognition, approval, acknowledgement for
things in our past can be very very very important emotionally, sometimes
just to get closure. I read you Elegy! I'm here for you if you need me.
Hugs honey
Jane
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 08:40:08 PM

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:_cCdnf8BFqUyDyPYnZ2dnUVZ_u6rnZ2d@adelphia.com...

"elegy" <elegy@shatteringDOGPOOP.org> wrote in message
news:462tr2hkc8pt1h8djf0s9atfiqevvacmm5@4ax.com...

long ago and far away, "Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> did say:

I was trying to think of the perfect heart felt response and Bobbi you
took the words and wrote them out for me.

Elegy I'm always here for you and you can send me letters if you like, I
understand its not the same but I would be blessed to get letters from
someone as kind and wonderful as you are!

You are loved by many!

i have this weird need right now to connect with someone who knew me
way back when. i know it doesn't make sense. i know. and she was
oblivious, but maybe she knew and just didn't say. maybe i wasn't such
a good playactor as i thought. who knows. but if she knew, she never
saved me. nobody ever saved me.

oh wah poor pity me. this is all so fucking stupid.

maybe we should do a poll to see how many of the people who post here don't
have a secret like this. i bet not too many. for me, suffice it to say
tonight that i came here from alt.abuse.recovery and from years on
alt.sexual.abuse.recovery before that.
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 08:46:59 PM

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmb6a$g5p$1@news.datemas.de...

maybe we should do a poll to see how many of the people who post here
don't
have a secret like this.

I think we'd find out that most people are in the same boat. I think it's
because as children we automattically assume it was somehow our fault and so
we're reluctant to talk about those experiences. It sometimes takes decades
before we come to understand it wasn't our fault.
Bruce.
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 10:53:40 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:Dkyvh.5556$O02.563@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmb6a$g5p$1@news.datemas.de...

maybe we should do a poll to see how many of the people who post here
don't
have a secret like this.

I think we'd find out that most people are in the same boat.

i've been told by some that they are, and intuition tells me you're probably
right about "most".

I think it's because as children we automattically assume it was somehow
our fault and so we're reluctant to talk about those experiences. It
sometimes takes decades before we come to understand it wasn't our fault.

in my case it wasn't automatic. it was a conclusion i was driven to. i began
by thinking it was the fault of the people who did it. i clearly remember
that. i also remember the rage behind it that lasted in me for so many
years, which must have meant that in some part of me i never believed it was
my fault. but everything was so stacked against kids in my position then,
there was no way out except grow up as best i could, not talk about it, and
not forget. finally the point came where i had to talk about it. then i
wished i'd done it before i had to.
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	30 Jan 2007 08:24:30 AM

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmj0m$2v1$1@news.datemas.de...

in my case it wasn't automatic. it was a conclusion i was driven to. i
began
by thinking it was the fault of the people who did it. i clearly remember
that.

It's been so long I'm not sure how I felt at the time, other than the anger
that has lasted a lifetime. I'm not sure if I blamed myself or not, but I
am sure that I didn't know what was normal. I had nothing to compare my
situation too. I didn't know if my case was unusual or "wrong". I was just
angry over being trapped with no way out.
But that's not the same as knowing it's someone else's fault. I don't think
I ever knew that, because I didn't know what was normal or expected. I only
knew that what I did had consequences.
Bruce.
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	30 Jan 2007 08:34:42 AM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:yyIvh.23700$yC5.23479@newssvr27.news.prodigy.net...

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmj0m$2v1$1@news.datemas.de...

in my case it wasn't automatic. it was a conclusion i was driven to. i
began by thinking it was the fault of the people who did it. i clearly
remember that.

It's been so long I'm not sure how I felt at the time, other than the
anger that has lasted a lifetime. I'm not sure if I blamed myself or not,
but I am sure that I didn't know what was normal. I had nothing to
compare my situation too. I didn't know if my case was unusual or
"wrong". I was just angry over being trapped with no way out.

But that's not the same as knowing it's someone else's fault. I don't
think I ever knew that, because I didn't know what was normal or expected.
I only knew that what I did had consequences.

maybe that was it, that i didn't really do anything. i was just done to. my
rage was more about being ugly, stupid, dirty and alone all the time and not
having any friends than it was about anything specific. not having anyone to
help me, i always thought that was wrong and it made me really mad. there
should have been someone to help me.
ok, i have to go to work.
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	30 Jan 2007 08:39:54 AM

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epnl24$gq7$1@news.datemas.de...

ok, i have to go to work.

I hope you have a good day.
Bruce.
.

User: "cal"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 11:26:50 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:Dkyvh.5556$O02.563@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmb6a$g5p$1@news.datemas.de...

maybe we should do a poll to see how many of the people who post here
don't have a secret like this.

I think we'd find out that most people are in the same boat. I think it's
because as children we automattically assume it was somehow our fault and
so we're reluctant to talk about those experiences. It sometimes takes
decades before we come to understand it wasn't our fault.

it did. point came where i had to take the bull by he horns or die. i both
wanted to die and didn't. didn't won, bit by bit. it was very hard going at
first. easier later. it became a way of life to "work on it" in recovery
therapy for years.
for me that was the right way to go. some people don't seem to benefit from
it, while some seem to get along ok without having to do anything. some get
along with ongoing medical and self-care, as i do now. some have to be
hospitalized from time to time, and some don't make it and die. sometimes i
think, if the people who hurt us as kids knew what they were setting us up
for, how much harm they caused, they wouldn't have done it. people can't be
that bad and stupid. but there's no way to know, is there. so it becomes a
bit hard to trust people, and a bit too easy to think the worst of them.
because if *those* people (of all people) could do ***** like that, then why
wouldn't everyone else? that was just one of the "issues".
.

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:06:07 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:Dkyvh.5556$O02.563@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"cal" <cal1360@gmNOSPAMail.com> wrote in message
news:epmb6a$g5p$1@news.datemas.de...

maybe we should do a poll to see how many of the people who post here
don't
have a secret like this.

I think we'd find out that most people are in the same boat. I think it's
because as children we automattically assume it was somehow our fault and
so we're reluctant to talk about those experiences. It sometimes takes
decades before we come to understand it wasn't our fault.

Bruce.

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how every
once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my childhood was,
then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a while. I just
wonder what wakes her up?
.

User: "Bruce."
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:23:12 PM

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to time.
It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the memories burned
in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the memories in the
short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be suppressed forever.
There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to the surface again,
and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.
Bruce.
.

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:48:52 PM

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:ASyvh.5578$O02.2434@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to time.

It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the memories
burned in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the memories
in the short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be suppressed
forever. There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to the
surface again, and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.

Bruce.

You said that well!
.

User: "%"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:50:43 PM

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:AO-dnQ3i3cm4XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_sCinZ2d@adelphia.com...

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:ASyvh.5578$O02.2434@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to time.

It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the memories
burned in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the memories
in the short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be suppressed
forever. There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to the
surface again, and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.

Bruce.

You said that well!

and good psychotherapy can fix it ,
if you're up to the work envolved
.

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:52:48 PM

"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:b7SdneDPSMc5XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_tKjnZ2d@giganews.com...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:AO-dnQ3i3cm4XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_sCinZ2d@adelphia.com...

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:ASyvh.5578$O02.2434@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to time.

It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the memories
burned in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the
memories
in the short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be suppressed
forever. There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to the
surface again, and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.

Bruce.

You said that well!

and good psychotherapy can fix it ,
if you're up to the work envolved

honestly I don't know if I am. I think I would be if I didn't have to face
everyday life and did in patient therp...
.

User: "%"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 09:56:28 PM

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:LdKdnURHMLuNXCPYnZ2dnUVZ_s6onZ2d@adelphia.com...

"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:b7SdneDPSMc5XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_tKjnZ2d@giganews.com...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:AO-dnQ3i3cm4XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_sCinZ2d@adelphia.com...

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:ASyvh.5578$O02.2434@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to time.

It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the memories
burned in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the
memories
in the short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be suppressed
forever. There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to the
surface again, and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.

Bruce.

You said that well!

and good psychotherapy can fix it ,
if you're up to the work envolved

honestly I don't know if I am. I think I would be if I didn't have to face
everyday life and did in patient therp...

yea i can see that
.

User: "Jane"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 10:12:12 PM

"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:YY-dnc-6H89hXCPYnZ2dnUVZ_s-rnZ2d@giganews.com...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:LdKdnURHMLuNXCPYnZ2dnUVZ_s6onZ2d@adelphia.com...

"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:b7SdneDPSMc5XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_tKjnZ2d@giganews.com...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:AO-dnQ3i3cm4XSPYnZ2dnUVZ_sCinZ2d@adelphia.com...

"Bruce." <noone@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:ASyvh.5578$O02.2434@newssvr11.news.prodigy.net...

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:boOdnaY4Pcu9KyPYnZ2dnUVZ_vyunZ2d@adelphia.com...

I agree Bruce and I really don't believe it was my fault, but some
how
every once in while my inner child is screaming out how unjust my
childhood was, then I calm that child down and she goes to sleep
for a
while. I just wonder what wakes her up?

I wish I knew. I have my own demons that haunt me from time to
time.

It's hard to not feel the anger over and over again with the
memories
burned in so deeply. We intellectually accept and overcome the
memories
in the short term, but the deep seated emotions can never be
suppressed
forever. There are too many triggers that eventually bring them to
the
surface again, and strike when we're least able to handle the pain.

Bruce.

You said that well!

and good psychotherapy can fix it ,
if you're up to the work envolved

honestly I don't know if I am. I think I would be if I didn't have to
face
everyday life and did in patient therp...

yea i can see that

I think my biggest problem is knowing I have bills to pay, responsibilities
etc, and my mental health comes second to that... Not necessarily a bad
thing, but not a good thing either. So if I could just have someone take
over everything, if I could give up all those responsibility and do strict
inpatient therp, I could probably get somewhere.
.

User: "%"
Title: Re: hurts. **SPOILED FOR CHILD ABUSE***	29 Jan 2007 10:14:47 PM

"Jane" <jarsenal66nospam@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:AKWdnUeYx44AWCPYnZ2dnUVZ_sqdnZ2d@adelphia.com...