| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"sabra" |
| Date: |
17 May 2004 08:11:35 PM |
| Object: |
I appologize: Nobody here really cares, but I have to get it out. |
Its my story, so I'll tell it my way. Sure, I'm biased in my own favor. But I'll try to be as honest as I can.
She came on to me. God, it was flattering. She was half my age and she was gorgeous (in my eyes).
On the other hand, my wife was fat, lazy, self indulgent, and a compulsive gambler. She had opened credit card accounts in our names, without telling me -- she kept them secret. Since she was at home, she collected the mail. In my naivete, and support for her independence, she paid the bills.
I resisted the temptation of the young woman. Honestly, I tried and I tried. But, she persisted. I admitted, to her, at first, that I was attracted by lust.
Then it became more than than that. I guess I'm an old fool. But, she talked of being together for life, and she talked of having children, of reversing a vasectomy! Honest, I didn't bring these things up she did. In fact, I argued that, given our age difference, I'd end up leaving her alone, with or without a child. But, oh, how I wanted it -- and her.
She came to mean so much to me though. I told her: I'd go through anything -- anything at all. That as long as she was at my side, I'd risk everything I had; financial, career, reputation, whatever, just to have her at my side. I was hopelessly in love -- or obsessed . . . I don't even know any more.
That was when she told me that she needed GOD in her life again, because she had read the "Left Behind" books. And, for that reason, we had to end things.
I never bought that one. But, I still loved the image of who I thought she was. I still love that image, and I can't get past it. I know that she's just a . . . . And, that as a result of both her and my ex-wife, I can't trust any woman now.
I'm alone. I want what I thought was offered to me by the girl. But, I know that's delusional. I don't miss the ex, that was a good choice. Why am I unhappy with who I am? I'm lost and alone, for the first time in my life, and it hurts. . .
Does anyone know the answers?
sabra <sabra@hod.aarg.net> or <sabra@blackhole.riot.eu.org>
-=-
This message was posted via two or more anonymous remailing services.
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: I appologize: Nobody here really cares, but I have to get it out. |
18 May 2004 04:59:37 AM |
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Its my story, so I'll tell it my way. Sure, I'm biased in my own favor. But
I'll try to be as honest as I can.
<gentle snip>
You need to simply continue on and eventually, over time, the memory will
recede and the loss will cause less suffering. BUT you have to want the memory
to recede. Recaptured youth is a hard thing to let go of.
Rosena
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| User: "BGumm" |
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| Title: Re: I appologize: Nobody here really cares, but I have to get it out. |
18 May 2004 05:13:15 PM |
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Sounds like you have been through hell but it is a hell that only you can get
yourself out of.
You have idealized a situation that you know was wrong. For whatever reasons
the other woman decided to walk away---you have idealized her, your love and
reality.
Looks like real life came up and bit you in the butt and now you have to deal
with this and move forward. You also have to deal with some facts and that is
you helped make your marriage the way it was and you helped destroy your life
and make it what it is today.
I don't mean to be cold---I have been in a similar position so I know how easy
it is to want to make your affair the best thing you have ever done but when
you start putting reality into it you realize that it wasn't and that it was
the wrong way to do things.
So what do you do now? Therapy? That could help you get over a lost love---it
helped with mine. Helped me to see the real truths behind my WONDERFUL
affair. As for the trust issues-----I see where you partially might have them
because of what your wife was doing behind your back but there were two in that
marriage so you need to take some responsibility for what happened there too.
You can move forward and love again. It is not impossible to do. You have to
heal and you have to wrangle over the issues that are holding you back. It is
not easy and like I said you have to take responsibility for your own wrong
doings and faults. It ALL wasn't done to you---you did some bad things too.
People do care. Reaching out is the first step but you have to want to hear
things that maybe aren't what you thought would come out from sharing.
I do feel badly for your situation. It will take time but you will heal and
you will find someone to love again.
Becky
"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild;
when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and
moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."
-Martin Buxbaum
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