| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Noon Cat Nick" |
| Date: |
19 Apr 2007 04:17:54 PM |
| Object: |
I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 04:20:25 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for
not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care
of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
i wonder that he might not be feeling much the same way
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 12:21:15 PM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:UsSdnWR7Tv-1QLrbnZ2dnUVZ_vamnZ2d@giganews.com...
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for
not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care
of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
i wonder that he might not be feeling much the same way
You know, this is an excellent observation. Must be pretty freaking scary
for the old guy.
--
Rhi
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 05:51:44 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it actually
did happen.
Jean
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 06:07:29 PM |
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On Apr 19, 3:51 pm, "Luna" <lunaj...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com> wrote in messagenews:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it actually
did happen.
Jean
You make a good point Jean....it's really hard, but I am still
learning how to make a life and take of myself without the support and
love of a family, of my parents, in the way I would like (and honestly
I feel that my wants and expectations are really low). I am still
struggling so much, but I have to hope that at some point I will be at
a place where their words and actions hurt me so much, learn to take
care of my own needs since I can't rely on them. I don't know how
I'll get to that place, but maybe I will.
Rose
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 07:50:30 PM |
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<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177024049.429302.268350@q75g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 3:51 pm, "Luna" <lunaj...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com> wrote in
messagenews:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
You make a good point Jean....it's really hard, but I am still
learning how to make a life and take of myself without the support and
love of a family, of my parents, in the way I would like (and honestly
I feel that my wants and expectations are really low). I am still
struggling so much, but I have to hope that at some point I will be at
a place where their words and actions hurt me so much, learn to take
care of my own needs since I can't rely on them. I don't know how
I'll get to that place, but maybe I will.
Yes, maybe you will. It's a good wish to hold on to. I know (believe me)
how crushing life can get. There's always another corner though - we just
do not know what is going to happen next.
The problem is in the help department. I couldn't have managed to do what I
did without huge help. That doesn't take away from the fact that what I did
*I* did - but I needed a soft place to fall. I think we all do. Seeking
that out can make a big difference.
Jean
Rose
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:19:09 PM |
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On Apr 19, 5:50 pm, "Luna" <lunaj...@gmail.com> wrote:
<smudgedr...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177024049.429302.268350@q75g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 3:51 pm, "Luna" <lunaj...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com> wrote in
messagenews:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
You make a good point Jean....it's really hard, but I am still
learning how to make a life and take of myself without the support and
love of a family, of my parents, in the way I would like (and honestly
I feel that my wants and expectations are really low). I am still
struggling so much, but I have to hope that at some point I will be at
a place where their words and actions hurt me so much, learn to take
care of my own needs since I can't rely on them. I don't know how
I'll get to that place, but maybe I will.
Yes, maybe you will. It's a good wish to hold on to. I know (believe me)
how crushing life can get. There's always another corner though - we just
do not know what is going to happen next.
The problem is in the help department. I couldn't have managed to do what I
did without huge help. That doesn't take away from the fact that what I did
*I* did - but I needed a soft place to fall. I think we all do. Seeking
that out can make a big difference.
Jean
Rose- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
" but I have to hope that at some point I will be at a place where
their words and actions hurt me so much"
LOL, I meant where their words and actions DON'T hurt me so much. You
know, I'm just sitting here thinking how ridiculous and childish it is
to still yearn for love from my parents, my family of origin. I'm
friggin 37 years old with a family of my own to look after, I'm an
adult! I tell myself, "Grow up!" It amazes me that I still not only
desire to be loved by them and cared about in a way parents are
supposed to care for their children but in some ways still I am
desperate for it, I always have been. I don't know when I'm going to
feel differently. I try to accept everything that's happened and the
way my family is, but it's all in my head. My emotions do not
follow. Maybe someday.
Rose
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 08:28:48 PM |
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On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:02:36 PM |
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"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1e5g23pdtbd6ad9bagml1f8otij72g0fnq@4ax.com...
On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Family was key. It has been bizarre since then - everything has worked out
strangely perfectly. It was like I finally did, after that event, round the
corner. My angst reached some kind of karmic tipping point and I was all
paid up.
Jean
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 11:42:36 PM |
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On 4/19/2007 8:02 PM, Luna was all like:
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1e5g23pdtbd6ad9bagml1f8otij72g0fnq@4ax.com...
On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Family was key. It has been bizarre since then - everything has worked out
strangely perfectly. It was like I finally did, after that event, round the
corner. My angst reached some kind of karmic tipping point and I was all
paid up.
Jean
Don't get complacent
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 09:38:29 AM |
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"Franz Bestuchev" <franz.bestuchev@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:58qulqF2i0aj3U2@mid.individual.net...
On 4/19/2007 8:02 PM, Luna was all like:
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1e5g23pdtbd6ad9bagml1f8otij72g0fnq@4ax.com...
On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for
not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care
of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of
sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can*
change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Family was key. It has been bizarre since then - everything has worked
out
strangely perfectly. It was like I finally did, after that event, round
the
corner. My angst reached some kind of karmic tipping point and I was
all
paid up.
Jean
Don't get complacent
Yeah, good point.
.
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| User: "Bitterball" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 12:26:37 AM |
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It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Luna, when you disappear from the newsgroup, are you having depressive
symptoms? you get really quiet at times.
when i am acutely ill, an extra dose of meds and sleep helps. if you are
sedated into oblivion, you can't commit suicide.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 12:28:02 AM |
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"Bitterball" <bitchyball@example.net> wrote in message
news:46284e9e$0$97247$892e7fe2@authen.yellow.readfreenews.net...
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really
bad.
Luna, when you disappear from the newsgroup, are you having depressive
symptoms? you get really quiet at times.
when i am acutely ill, an extra dose of meds and sleep helps. if you
are
sedated into oblivion, you can't commit suicide.
and my brain rings out , what's an OD then AY ?????
.
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| User: "Bitterball" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 12:39:50 AM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:h_mdnbrtDb7n0rXbnZ2dnUVZ_gmdnZ2d@giganews.com...
"Bitterball" <bitchyball@example.net> wrote in message
news:46284e9e$0$97247$892e7fe2@authen.yellow.readfreenews.net...
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really
bad.
Luna, when you disappear from the newsgroup, are you having depressive
symptoms? you get really quiet at times.
when i am acutely ill, an extra dose of meds and sleep helps. if you
are
sedated into oblivion, you can't commit suicide.
and my brain rings out , what's an OD then AY ?????
lol.
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 09:57:01 AM |
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"Bitterball" <bitchyball@example.net> wrote in message
news:46284e9e$0$97247$892e7fe2@authen.yellow.readfreenews.net...
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Luna, when you disappear from the newsgroup, are you having depressive
symptoms? you get really quiet at times.
Sometimes it does and sometimes I'm just busy with other stuff - for
example, after I move into my new place I'll be without a computer at home -
that'll quieten me down some.
when i am acutely ill, an extra dose of meds and sleep helps. if you are
sedated into oblivion, you can't commit suicide.
Yeah, I used alcohol for that for a long time - in a strange way, getting
drunk enough to sleep saved my life.
Jean
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:17:11 PM |
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On Fri, 20 Apr 2007 02:02:36 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1e5g23pdtbd6ad9bagml1f8otij72g0fnq@4ax.com...
On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Family was key. It has been bizarre since then - everything has worked out
strangely perfectly. It was like I finally did, after that event, round the
corner. My angst reached some kind of karmic tipping point and I was all
paid up.
Jean
Wow, I could sense it was very serious from the ASD vibe...karmic
tipping point...I felt that too, and it was about frickin' time...I'm
like ten years behind now from a social/family perspective...
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 10:01:50 PM |
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"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:t28g23hbms8hlnlj581jrakg6g9rddg5qv@4ax.com...
On Fri, 20 Apr 2007 02:02:36 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1e5g23pdtbd6ad9bagml1f8otij72g0fnq@4ax.com...
On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:51:44 GMT, "Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for
not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care
of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Could he be frustrated because he believes that you CAN take care of
yourself but are operating under mistaken beliefs?
Or maybe what you need is someone to help you learn. I mean, I wasn't
taking care of myself at all a year ago and that's all changed - but I
needed lots of help to get myself straightened out. Things *can* change
and
they often do.
Perhaps there's a corner you haven't turned yet that will mark a big
improvement in your life. That's what I used to hold on to and it
actually
did happen.
Jean
Well it's funny you reference "a year ago" and mention you weren't
taking care of yourself. I guess that's when you sister posted here
looking for ya. So how bad was it and did you ever think you'd be
happy and taking on new jobs and a house and real life fun stuff so
soon? Was the family key to your healing?
It was really bad - almost died from a suicide attempt. Really bad.
Family was key. It has been bizarre since then - everything has worked
out
strangely perfectly. It was like I finally did, after that event, round
the
corner. My angst reached some kind of karmic tipping point and I was all
paid up.
Jean
Wow, I could sense it was very serious from the ASD vibe...karmic
tipping point...I felt that too, and it was about frickin' time...I'm
like ten years behind now from a social/family perspective...
I am very lucky - as are you. I read about your sister's take charge deal
when you were in trouble - I think it's almost insurmountable when you don't
have that kind of pack that closes in around you to protect. I have some
really excellent friends here who helped me a lot too. It all was high
calorie support stuff.
Jean
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 05:56:09 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy and
encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
His anger may be inward but being directed at you. Know what I mean? maybe
he felt like he failed you some how...
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 01:50:51 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:60RVh.3347$n_.2325@attbi_s21...
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy and
encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sometimes fathers have a strange way of saying, "I believe in you."
--
Rhi
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
20 Apr 2007 12:55:42 AM |
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Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
After many years my dad has caught on to how he tends
to react ... and has been making changes -- or apologizing
afterwards.
I'm not saying yours will do either, though, and I
completely understand your frustration.
*Are* you taking care of yourself? I mean, not running
around in the rain etc. until your lungs are better?
Pneumonia can also affect one's mood.
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| User: "Zardos" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 06:06:50 PM |
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On 19 Apr, 22:17, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
If you're capable of looking after 'Him', maybe he doesn't understand
why looking after 'Yourself' should be any different
Sometimes its easy to let 'yourself' down, and harder to screw up when
someone else is depending on you
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| User: "Michelle" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 07:42:59 PM |
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On Apr 19, 7:06 pm, Zardos <gwenstef...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote:
On 19 Apr, 22:17, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
If you're capable of looking after 'Him', maybe he doesn't understand
why looking after 'Yourself' should be any different
Sometimes its easy to let 'yourself' down, and harder to screw up when
someone else is depending on you
It can be hard to take care of yourself. I feel that way all the
time, and I'm much better now. I still have to work at it. Your old
man just doesn't understand. My dad turned a corner when he realised
that depression is an "illness". Before that he didn't understand at
all. Not that he ever treated me as coldly as that. Well, not since
my breakdown - my teenage years were a different story. anyway, I'm
sorry that happened to you. He just doesn't get it, that's all.
Maybe one day he'll have a lightbulb moment too, just like my dad. In
the meantime, keep on keeping on. We're all cheering for you.
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| User: "Michelle" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 07:47:42 PM |
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On Apr 19, 7:06 pm, Zardos <gwenstef...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote:
On 19 Apr, 22:17, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
If you're capable of looking after 'Him', maybe he doesn't understand
why looking after 'Yourself' should be any different
It seems to be easier to look after someone else than yourself. This
is true for me. I think it's low self-esteem. combined with, it just
feels better if there's someone else to do it for. I find looking
after myself boring. Cooking a meal for me - boring. But cooking for
my son? No problem. Fries with that?
Sometimes its easy to let 'yourself' down, and harder to screw up when
someone else is depending on you
Yes, this seems to be true. But the guilt is the same. For me
anyway.
And remember, Noon Cat, that though something may be difficult, it is
a world away from being impossible. :)
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 04:26:09 PM |
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On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Rose
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 08:58:55 PM |
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<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177017969.799690.289150@e65g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Oh god. The meaningless hugs.
NICK - your father has a point and it is - you are a very intelligent,
capable individual. The idea that you cannot care for yourself is flawed.
Jean
Rose
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:43:18 PM |
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Luna wrote:
<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177017969.799690.289150@e65g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Oh god. The meaningless hugs.
NICK - your father has a point and it is - you are a very intelligent,
capable individual. The idea that you cannot care for yourself is flawed.
Jean
Yeah? Well, so was his reaction. *Your* family was key to your getting
on your feet, as you admitted. But *your* family isn't gonna help *me*
in that department. Apparently neither will *my* family. Your family was
your bootstraps that helped lift you up. Where are mine?
My father's point was that, no matter how much I do for him, no matter
how many meals I fix for him, no matter how much I help him, I'm still
naught but a disappointment and embarrassment. If your father had spoken
to you the way mine did, you'd feel the same way about yourself. And
then where are your bootstraps?
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:55:24 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:aNVVh.65137$_c5.20379@attbi_s22...
Luna wrote:
<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177017969.799690.289150@e65g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Oh god. The meaningless hugs.
NICK - your father has a point and it is - you are a very intelligent,
capable individual. The idea that you cannot care for yourself is flawed.
Jean
Yeah? Well, so was his reaction. *Your* family was key to your getting on
your feet, as you admitted. But *your* family isn't gonna help *me* in
that department. Apparently neither will *my* family. Your family was your
bootstraps that helped lift you up. Where are mine?
My father's point was that, no matter how much I do for him, no matter how
many meals I fix for him, no matter how much I help him, I'm still naught
but a disappointment and embarrassment. If your father had spoken to you
the way mine did, you'd feel the same way about yourself. And then where
are your bootstraps?
Okay - it's not something I "admitted", as if I was ashamed of it.
I don't know what your father's attitude towards you is - I don't know what
goes on in that particular box - but I do know that you are an intelligent
person with talents and gifts. I also know that if you were to strike out on
your own, you'd have some options.
My father has been incredibly cruel to me. I was in foster care at a very
young age. I first tried to kill myself at the age of 13. So to make my
experience seem golden is inaccurate, to say the least.
Jean
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 10:21:53 PM |
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Luna wrote:
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:aNVVh.65137$_c5.20379@attbi_s22...
Luna wrote:
<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177017969.799690.289150@e65g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Oh god. The meaningless hugs.
NICK - your father has a point and it is - you are a very intelligent,
capable individual. The idea that you cannot care for yourself is flawed.
Jean
Yeah? Well, so was his reaction. *Your* family was key to your getting on
your feet, as you admitted. But *your* family isn't gonna help *me* in
that department. Apparently neither will *my* family. Your family was your
bootstraps that helped lift you up. Where are mine?
My father's point was that, no matter how much I do for him, no matter how
many meals I fix for him, no matter how much I help him, I'm still naught
but a disappointment and embarrassment. If your father had spoken to you
the way mine did, you'd feel the same way about yourself. And then where
are your bootstraps?
Okay - it's not something I "admitted", as if I was ashamed of it.
I don't know what your father's attitude towards you is - I don't know what
goes on in that particular box - but I do know that you are an intelligent
person with talents and gifts. I also know that if you were to strike out on
your own, you'd have some options.
My father has been incredibly cruel to me. I was in foster care at a very
young age. I first tried to kill myself at the age of 13. So to make my
experience seem golden is inaccurate, to say the least.
Jean
Point taken. Obviously you've caught me at a less than conciliar psychic
state. Obviously I caught my father in a similar state. But that makes
things seem no less futile for me right now.
I've spent almost the entire past year taking care of others. To have
one of those others berate me in response to my voicing my own feelings
of failure is insulting and defeating, and somewhat ungrateful. And I
wasn't even fishing for gratitude; I just wanted encouragement. Instead
I was told my life has been a waste and a disappointment. If my father's
point was that I can indeed take care of myself, he could've said that.
But he didn't.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:19:37 PM |
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On Apr 19, 6:58 pm, "Luna" <lunaj...@gmail.com> wrote:
<smudgedr...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177017969.799690.289150@e65g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 19, 2:17 pm, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEG...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
I said that to my dad today. He cheered me up by bawling me out for not
being able to take care of myself.
I never would've treated him that way. Particularly after taking care of
him for the past seven months.
Reminder to self: Stop expecting your father to be capable of sympathy
and encouragement. It's just not gonna happen
Sounds like my parents. They have very selective compassion and
empathy only when it suits them, when they want to, and for others so
much more than their child. (almost said children, but my brothers are
dead now....but it was true when they were alive as well) I would
never treat my children the same way they have treated me, they way
they treat me still. I'm sorry you're father isn't more encouraging
and supportive of you...good thing we have this group. You'll get
that here :-) Hugs...
Oh god. The meaningless hugs.
NICK - your father has a point and it is - you are a very intelligent,
capable individual. The idea that you cannot care for yourself is flawed.
Jean
Rose- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
Just what do you mean by the meaningless hugs?
Rose
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 09:58:29 PM |
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<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177035577.069129.89450@l77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
Just what do you mean by the meaningless hugs?
Ach, sorry Rose. There is a renowned tendency to the offhand (hug) as a sort
of shallow show of support. It's better to build slow and strong a
relationship with a person that you connect with than to offer them the ol'
brackety (((((()))))). It's just. Annoying. Twasn't meant to diss you, in
particular, just my own distaste for affection not earned.
Jean
Rose
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: I don't think I'll ever be able to take care of myself. |
19 Apr 2007 11:37:20 PM |
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On 4/19/2007 8:58 PM, Luna was all like:
<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1177035577.069129.89450@l77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
Just what do you mean by the meaningless hugs?
Ach, sorry Rose. There is a renowned tendency to the offhand (hug) as a sort
of shallow show of support. It's better to build slow and strong a
relationship with a person that you connect with than to offer them the ol'
brackety (((((()))))). It's just. Annoying. Twasn't meant to diss you, in
particular, just my own distaste for affection not earned.
Jean
Rose
Somebody didn't get to lay on her warm rock today!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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