Jane wrote:

"Michelle la Belle" <aminotempty@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:62e5c35d-ae3c-432d-a81c-ae25d8ac0a7b@q39g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
On Jan 28, 10:37 pm, "Jane" <jarsenal66nos...@hotmail.com> wrote:

"Michelle la Belle" <aminotem...@hotmail.com> wrote in

messagenews:a6158232-1f76-4f8f-a054-4f71b8cd08b6@f10g2000hsf.googlegroups.co
m...

On Jan 28, 10:17 pm, "Jane" <jarsenal66nos...@hotmail.com> wrote:

"%" <pers...@gmail.com> wrote in message

news:7Rwnj.31013$yQ1.9965@edtnps89...

Michelle la Belle wrote:

On Jan 28, 9:57 pm, "%" <pers...@gmail.com> wrote:

Michelle la Belle wrote:

On Jan 28, 9:45 pm, "Jane" <jarsenal66nos...@hotmail.com> wrote:

"Michelle la Belle" <aminotem...@hotmail.com> wrote in

messagenews:a4488813-3462-4af4-93b8-f88cff6baea2@c23g2000hsa.googlegroups.co

m...

I think I am *****. Totally disgusting, repulsive worthless
piece of garbage. He has seen my true nature and he has
thrown me away just like my mother did 40 years ago. He can't
stand me - why else would he have cut off all ties? One week,
I love you. Next week, left for dead. Good as dead. I could
be dead now, he wouldn't even know.

Michelle,

If it's any consolation, at least be glad he only was involved
in 2
months
of your life... Just because he doesn't want to date doesn't
make "you" a
piece of *****.

Jane

He made me feel liike ***** because he rejected me. Now he can't
reject me any further.

you look for the guy that would reject you and got what you came
for , so you can continue to feed on you're a piece of *****-
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no. I didn't have any idea he would reject me. he told me he liked
me more and more. He told me he cared for me and loved me.
everything was going well. he wanted to make me a higher priority
in his life. there was never any indication that he would find
out my true natre and run away screaming. What did he see? What
is it about me that could be so horrifiying that he would cut off
all ties in an instant? What did he see that made him lov e me
one week and hate me the next? I haven't felt this bad about
mysefl in years, i can't remember when. I never thought I would
hate myself like this again. I know that none of this is
rational; these are feelings. None of them are the truth. I will
get through this. I'm so sad, I feel that no one loves me, no one
can love me that I am unloveable, i don't deserve love. How low
can the human spirit go? Even when my bf raped me at 19, i didn't
feel as bad as this, because at least he didn't throw me away. he
used me horribly but he still kept me, he still saw something of
value in me. What does "John" see in me? he sees garbage, that's
what he sees. stinking rotting garbage, that's what I am.

well then i'm sorry , you got played , it happends , we hate it ,
but the best advise is still move on cut it loose stay single ,
nothing wrong with just hanging around with you , i do it all the
time ,
but then i might not be the best guy to give sound advise around
here ,
so i'll let you ask other's what they honestly think

Naw I agree with you. I think Michelle needs to fix her broken
picker or she'll keep cycling. Sounds like some advice I received a
few years ago right here.- Hide quoted text -

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I didn't know there was anything wrong with picking a kindred spirit.

-----------------------------

Kindred?

So you pick up guys and tell them you love them and a week later dump
them?- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

maybe he had good reason to dump me. My emails were hostile. I let
my anger take control. I know you think he's a jerk for what he did,
and he is, but you don't know all the good things he did for me and
how much we had in common. You don't know the whole picture, the good
in him, I jsut pushed his buttons too and I didn't know. It was an
awful, awful bad scene man. But befoer all this blew up, it wa s
beautiful. He was gentle with me, he was concerned for me, he was
good for me. We made each other happy. He wanted to include me in
his life. He knew that his unavailability drove me nuts so he made
efforts to include me in more things, and told me the best way to get
hold o f him. He was the most incredible gentle lover I have ever
had. he was teachable. I could go on and on but you'e already made
up your minds about him.

It's just not cut and dried, black and white. we both screwed up a
beautiful relationship. Why else would he be upset when he ended it?
his gf said she was crying over the phone for him because she felt so
bad for him. this was about the time of our break up. He must have
been upset about something - something. This whole mess is a result
of poor commuinication - on both our parts. to deny my part is to not
learn from my mistakes. to deny his part is to be a fool. what
drives me crazy is his total rejection of me. this cuts deep with me
because of early early childhood trauma from rejection. that part is
not his fault. i've been broken since the day I was born. it is
something i have got to learn to deal with. the only help I have with
that is here with you guys. And my msn group. I need you so badly.
I also have been dropping in to the mental health centre. nobody
there understand s my adoption issues either but it's all iv'e got.
And AA. Nothing that specifically targets my very specific issues.
But without all of you I would be lost, drunk, cut up literally and
metaphorically, and i so much want to get better.


------------------

You sound like an abused woman making excuses for her abuser. The
whole relationship all TWO MONTHS OF IT was unhealthy Michelle. Not
Kindred. If this is what Kindred feels like to you, you need to find
the issues that would allow you to want to be in an unhealthy
relationship and fix those first before you attempt another
relationship. This will cycle over and over the same type of guy,
the same type of pain, the same wanting to hate yourself and it won't
get better, please believe me, you've got to break the cycle and the
only way to do that is to become more emotionally and mentally
healthy, no GUY good or bad is gonna do that for you only you can
possibly with a therapist, medication etc.

Believe me, I'm not far out of the woods, it took 40 years to get
where I am at and probably 10 years of really trying to identify MY
ISSUES, not the idiots I picked. "I" picked them, my picker was
broke. I spent hours, days, weeks, months oh hell years hating
myself for failed relationships.

Ask my advice, I'll give it, it's up to you to read it, but like the
abused woman who doesn't take the advice of the police she calls,
she'll just continued to be abused until... Well you get the drift.

It's got to stop somewhere, it's up to you to draw that line.

Jane

go Jane , i can hear me telling you now