Hey my friend,

Hmmm.. counting the blessings of the changing
relationship... Not sure I can think of any at the moment. I know it's
there, but I can't get to it. Could you give me a couple to start
with? :)

Maybe it's too soon to have evidence of
the blessings? I really do believe that
the fact that she is independent and
healthy enough to go it on her own is a
major blessing, for both of you. When
parents do their job well, there is a
healthy separation. And, in my case
anyway, there has been a narrowing of
that separation over time. It's as if,
once they knew that I wasn't going to
cling to them, they settled in a little
closer to me. When I stopped trying to
make sure they ate well on their own,
they started asking me for recipes. When
I got busier with my own stuff, they
called more often. Sometimes they ask
for advice -- since I stopped thinking
it was my responsibility to continue to
offer all of the tips for decisions and
choices they'd make on their own. When
that happens, it's real sweet.

My daughter and I have discovered that
we love to gab and gab on the phone. In
fact, when she moved back in for a while
and the calls stopped, we both missed
them. That was pretty funny. When she
moved out again, we were back at it,
enjoying the calls even more. The calls
are one of the blessings I count -- and
they don't happen under the same roof.

Somehow I suspect her dad may be already
on that track. Maybe you could ask him
for any signs of blessings he sees with
the changing relationship with your
daughter?

Yes, I sure hope I can come through this and feel it in a normal way.
I'm not doing too badly I don't think.

It sounds to me as if you're facing the
loss head on and giving yourself
permission to feel the feelings of loss.
As long as you don't live in that place
too long, I'd say you're doing a
fabulous job of processing what really
is a life-altering event. And there's
more joy and love to be expressed and to
come in the unfolding and blossoming of
the future. Some parents bear the loss
of a child dying. Your loss can't even
begin to compare to that. Which is a
blessing. You have the luxury of the
time to see how your relationship will
evolve. Such luxuries are a true
blessing in my dark and warped view of
life. She's alive and pursuing her
personal version of happiness. You get
to see that happen. Blessing!

Thanks mate. I really appreciate being able to talk with you about
this.

And I really appreciate that you seem to
see this as something you can, and
shall, find a comfortable place with
someday. More power to you, Grace, and
to your lovely girl. Who will always be
your girl, no matter where she lives.
Blessing! No rush, though, on this
counting blessings thing. Finding peace
with it will come, clearing the path for
different expressions of the love you
have for her and hers for you. I do
believe that's likely what you want when
all is said and done.

Gayle