I'm really upset and angry at the guy I'm involved with. Things that
have just continued and not improved for quite some time despite
talking about them and getting them out in the open. So finally I
withdrew. Feeling screw it, I'm tired of being on the giving end all
the time. This part isn't really talking about sexual issues in the
relationship, but a lot of other things that I really don't want to go
into.

So in the past when I've withdrawn from him, I haven't done so sexually
but this time I did. Tonight things happened and I caved, not so much
to him, although he benefited from me caving.

So I'm still very frustrated, angry, hurt and upset at quite a few
different issues and now feel really weird just now having sex despite
all my negative emotions. For me, being angry and sex don't mix well.
I usually can't do that when I'm angry but with him, I find I can and
have. Other times it hasn't felt strange like it does tonight, but the
issues are a bunch more than other times.

I know in my past (my marriage that I try not to think of much), but my
then spouse, now ex could be mad as hell at me but still want sex,
where as I couldn't stand the thought of being touched by him when
either one of us were mad.

It's been almost 4 years since that marriage (god time goes by
quickly). Here I am able to be close to someone sexually despite being
angry. OTOH, the issues are much different and my current
relationship, although far, far from perfect isn't mind control,
abusive, subservient and constant berating.

I never understood being able to have sex when angry. Here I am doing
it though. I know there's the, rough, hard angry type sex (which this
wasn't the case). Or the make up sex, which this wasn't the case
either.

I'm not making much sense, but then when do I?