Sociology > Depression > I Need Advice! Trying to reconnect with bipolar husband after our divorce
| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"becj73" |
| Date: |
04 Sep 2006 10:31:42 AM |
| Object: |
I Need Advice! Trying to reconnect with bipolar husband after our divorce |
My husband was diagnosed with bi polar about a year ago. We were
already separated, and after one or two attempts to make the marriage
work (either with him being unmedicated, or in the beginning stages of
his medication) I pressed on with the divorce. Since then, it has been
months and months of agonizing misery. We both have made so many
mistakes, but we still love each other. We are divorced now, but we
are trying to make things work again. Getting over the reasons for the
divorce are bad enough, but with his bipolar, I feel like I spend all
my time defending myself and jumping through hoops to earn his trust
and love, while he goes about his life as if he has nothing to atone
for. We both made a lot of mistakes, and we both have been deeply
hurt. Some days I would love to just turn my back and walk away for
good. But we have two young kids, and it breaks my heart to not try
and try to fix this relationship so we can be a whole family again.
My question, I guess, is: Can anyone give me some support and advice
on how to go back to this relationship and do it in a healthy way? I
feel depressed and overwhelmed. Just the thought of tackling all our
problems exhausts me. I feel like I should just give in, say it's all
my fault, and take the punishment, rather than try and get him to
empathize with my feelilngs and fears.
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: I Need Advice! Trying to reconnect with bipolar husband after our divorce |
04 Sep 2006 01:06:28 PM |
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"becj73" <johnson.beth.a@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1157383902.210134.239460@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.com...
My husband was diagnosed with bi polar about a year ago. We were
already separated, and after one or two attempts to make the marriage
work (either with him being unmedicated, or in the beginning stages of
his medication) I pressed on with the divorce. Since then, it has been
months and months of agonizing misery. We both have made so many
mistakes, but we still love each other. We are divorced now, but we
are trying to make things work again. Getting over the reasons for the
divorce are bad enough, but with his bipolar, I feel like I spend all
my time defending myself and jumping through hoops to earn his trust
and love, while he goes about his life as if he has nothing to atone
for. We both made a lot of mistakes, and we both have been deeply
hurt. Some days I would love to just turn my back and walk away for
good. But we have two young kids, and it breaks my heart to not try
and try to fix this relationship so we can be a whole family again.
My question, I guess, is: Can anyone give me some support and advice
on how to go back to this relationship and do it in a healthy way? I
feel depressed and overwhelmed. Just the thought of tackling all our
problems exhausts me. I feel like I should just give in, say it's all
my fault, and take the punishment, rather than try and get him to
empathize with my feelilngs and fears.
I do not see much hope for this relationship. I think you need to accept
what is and move on with your life. That includes not beating yourself up
over the mistakes you made or how responsible you feel. It doesn't matter
that he is bipolar. I am bipolar. Mentally ill people are as equally
responsible for their behaviour as anyone else is. He does not get to blame
you and let himself off the proverbial hook. It is not all your fault. If
you had known better you would have done better, but you did what you could
with what you had, and you have to cut yourself some slack. Just love your
kids and foster a relationship between them and their dad, but don't invest
yourself emotionally in helping a man who has to help himself now. It's
okay to say I love him but can't do anymore and move on.
--
Rhi
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| User: "cal" |
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| Title: Re: I Need Advice! Trying to reconnect with bipolar husband after our divorce |
04 Sep 2006 12:12:28 PM |
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"becj73" <johnson.beth.a@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1157383902.210134.239460@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.com...
My husband was diagnosed with bi polar about a year ago. We were
already separated, and after one or two attempts to make the marriage
work (either with him being unmedicated, or in the beginning stages of
his medication) I pressed on with the divorce. Since then, it has been
months and months of agonizing misery. We both have made so many
mistakes, but we still love each other. We are divorced now, but we
are trying to make things work again. Getting over the reasons for the
divorce are bad enough, but with his bipolar, I feel like I spend all
my time defending myself and jumping through hoops to earn his trust
and love, while he goes about his life as if he has nothing to atone
for. We both made a lot of mistakes, and we both have been deeply
hurt. Some days I would love to just turn my back and walk away for
good. But we have two young kids, and it breaks my heart to not try
and try to fix this relationship so we can be a whole family again.
My question, I guess, is: Can anyone give me some support and advice
on how to go back to this relationship and do it in a healthy way? I
feel depressed and overwhelmed. Just the thought of tackling all our
problems exhausts me. I feel like I should just give in, say it's all
my fault, and take the punishment, rather than try and get him to
empathize with my feelilngs and fears.
i don't think there's a healthy way back to this relationship. my advice is
that you accept the reality of your divorce and move on. while it may well
be true that you both made a lot of mistakes, the only mistakes i see here
are yours. there's going to be a healthy way for him to forgive you, and i
hope he finds it, but i don't think that way will involve him taking you
back as his wife. friend and co-parent, possibly.
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