| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"athina" |
| Date: |
14 Nov 2005 04:00:41 PM |
| Object: |
I need to vent some frustration |
Growing up my dad kept calling me a lazy *****, as well as some other
unpleasant things that were similar. He also kept telling me that I
was & am a failure, disappointment, that should have never happened or
been born. Also, I always had to walk on eggshells around everyone in
my family, everyone I went to school with, & everyone else that I knew
& know. I also feel as though I have to walk on eggshells, even around
my husband. My dad was emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive, & my
husband has started to be emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive as
well. No, my husband has never hit me, but verbal abusae is just as
hurtful if not more so.
Does anyone else deal with double standards in their family. My
husband is able to get mad or angry any time he wants to, however, the
second I get mad or angry, there is always hell to pay, & I am always
the one who has to pay.
My husband & I have 2 children. A 5-year-old son & a 16-month-old
daughter. My husband always acts like will literally & figurativelly
kill him to so anything to help me take care of them. He has demanded
that I take care of them all of the time. However, there are times
when I need help, but my husband refuses to do anything whatsoever to
help me.
Thank you for letting me vent.
.
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| User: "electro" |
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| Title: Re: I need to vent some frustration |
14 Nov 2005 04:19:11 PM |
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If he's abusing you, and not helping anyway, then what's the point in being
married to him? His income? No offense, I take your situation seriously,
you must love him, to put up with it. I just wonder what it is about your
relationship that gives him control of everything. Is that what you signed
up for when you said "I do"? Don't get mad with him.. ..just get serious.
Give him ultimatums about helping with the kids, and follow through with
them if necessary. Be strong, or get walked on...
Ty
"athina" <athina@bsdprophet.org> wrote in message
news:1132005641.226832.267280@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Growing up my dad kept calling me a lazy *****, as well as some other
unpleasant things that were similar. He also kept telling me that I
was & am a failure, disappointment, that should have never happened or
been born. Also, I always had to walk on eggshells around everyone in
my family, everyone I went to school with, & everyone else that I knew
& know. I also feel as though I have to walk on eggshells, even around
my husband. My dad was emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive, & my
husband has started to be emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive as
well. No, my husband has never hit me, but verbal abusae is just as
hurtful if not more so.
Does anyone else deal with double standards in their family. My
husband is able to get mad or angry any time he wants to, however, the
second I get mad or angry, there is always hell to pay, & I am always
the one who has to pay.
My husband & I have 2 children. A 5-year-old son & a 16-month-old
daughter. My husband always acts like will literally & figurativelly
kill him to so anything to help me take care of them. He has demanded
that I take care of them all of the time. However, there are times
when I need help, but my husband refuses to do anything whatsoever to
help me.
Thank you for letting me vent.
.
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| User: "athina" |
|
| Title: Re: I need to vent some frustration |
18 Nov 2005 12:23:05 PM |
|
|
electro wrote:
If he's abusing you, and not helping anyway, then what's the point in being
married to him? His income? No offense, I take your situation seriously,
you must love him, to put up with it. I just wonder what it is about your
relationship that gives him control of everything. Is that what you signed
up for when you said "I do"? Don't get mad with him.. ..just get serious.
Give him ultimatums about helping with the kids, and follow through with
them if necessary. Be strong, or get walked on...
Ty
I am a stay at home mom, I do not know how to drive, I have an
extremely strained relationship with my parents, I have no friends, no
money, & no support system of any kind. So how can I leave, when I
cannot support myself much less my husband's & my children on my own.
I cannot afford to pay someone to take care of our children. I am not
strong enough to give anyone ultimatums.
"athina" <athina@bsdprophet.org> wrote in message
news:1132005641.226832.267280@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Growing up my dad kept calling me a lazy *****, as well as some other
unpleasant things that were similar. He also kept telling me that I
was & am a failure, disappointment, that should have never happened or
been born. Also, I always had to walk on eggshells around everyone in
my family, everyone I went to school with, & everyone else that I knew
& know. I also feel as though I have to walk on eggshells, even around
my husband. My dad was emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive, & my
husband has started to be emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive as
well. No, my husband has never hit me, but verbal abusae is just as
hurtful if not more so.
Does anyone else deal with double standards in their family. My
husband is able to get mad or angry any time he wants to, however, the
second I get mad or angry, there is always hell to pay, & I am always
the one who has to pay.
My husband & I have 2 children. A 5-year-old son & a 16-month-old
daughter. My husband always acts like will literally & figurativelly
kill him to so anything to help me take care of them. He has demanded
that I take care of them all of the time. However, there are times
when I need help, but my husband refuses to do anything whatsoever to
help me.
Thank you for letting me vent.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: I need to vent some frustration |
18 Nov 2005 12:26:51 PM |
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I am a stay at home mom, I do not know how to drive, I have an
extremely strained relationship with my parents, I have no friends, no
money, & no support system of any kind. So how can I leave, when I
cannot support myself much less my husband's & my children on my own.
I cannot afford to pay someone to take care of our children. I am not
strong enough to give anyone ultimatums.
find out how every other woman
who left their abusive husband did it ,
and do what they did
.
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| User: "electro" |
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| Title: Re: I need to vent some frustration |
18 Nov 2005 03:09:48 PM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Y5Odne-njqK2gOPenZ2dnUVZ_t2dnZ2d@giganews.com...
I am a stay at home mom, I do not know how to drive, I have an
extremely strained relationship with my parents, I have no friends, no
money, & no support system of any kind. So how can I leave, when I
cannot support myself much less my husband's & my children on my own.
I cannot afford to pay someone to take care of our children. I am not
strong enough to give anyone ultimatums.
find out how every other woman
who left their abusive husband did it ,
and do what they did
there are women's shelters for this sort of thing for a reason.
btw, I am a single father with full custody, (mother was abusive). I didn't
drive at all, until this past year (I'm 27). I got my license, and my first
car. This was after a moment of awakening - putting my foot down - I'm not
gonna take any more ***** from anyone else, and I'm going to work my ***** off
to do the things for myself that I know I deserve. I'm not rich, but I do
manage comfortably.. ..and being a single parent, ds takes priority over my
comforts.
To say that you're "not strong enough" is something you're going to have
to acknowledge is your own perception/choice, (probably reinforced by the
abuse you're undergoing), and get past it if you want things to get better.
Reaching out like this is a good first step.
Ty
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| User: "h" |
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| Title: Re: I need to vent some frustration |
25 Nov 2005 03:39:50 AM |
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athina wrote:
Growing up my dad kept calling me a lazy *****, as well as some other
unpleasant things that were similar. He also kept telling me that I
was & am a failure, disappointment, that should have never happened or
been born. Also, I always had to walk on eggshells around everyone in
my family, everyone I went to school with, & everyone else that I knew
& know. I also feel as though I have to walk on eggshells, even around
my husband. My dad was emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive, & my
husband has started to be emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive as
well. No, my husband has never hit me, but verbal abusae is just as
hurtful if not more so.
Does anyone else deal with double standards in their family. My
husband is able to get mad or angry any time he wants to, however, the
second I get mad or angry, there is always hell to pay, & I am always
the one who has to pay.
My husband & I have 2 children. A 5-year-old son & a 16-month-old
daughter. My husband always acts like will literally & figurativelly
kill him to so anything to help me take care of them. He has demanded
that I take care of them all of the time. However, there are times
when I need help, but my husband refuses to do anything whatsoever to
help me.
Thank you for letting me vent.
emotional abuse is no less serious than physical abuse, it's just a lot
more subtle and more damaging. bruises heal, but emotional abuse lingers
on and on for years after it occurs.
i grew up in the same environment as you. with the help of weekly
therapy, a lot of introspection, books, an outpatient recovery program,
anti-depressants and a 12 step recovery program, i finally worked up
enough self-esteem and sense of worth to finally simply **refuse** to be
treated like *****.
my father treated me like ***** for many, many years. nothing physical,
all emotional. same crap as you. that's wrong! you fucked up again! my
misery is your fault. you're arrogant/argumentative/selfish/lazy/etc...
no wonder you don't have any friends/job/success/etc...
after i got sober, i had to put an end to it once and for all for the
sake of my sanity. he started up one day, and i walked away. i told him
that under no circumstances would i put up with any more of his ***** at
all for any reason. naturally, his response to that was that he "didn't
need this ***** in his life", which was a relief to me as it kind of
shined a spot light on his self-centeredness that affirmed what i
already knew. i didn't talk to him for about 4 months. we are now back
on speaking terms, but it's different. he knows i'm done with his crap,
and so far he respects that. if he ever starts up again i will not
hesitate to put an end to the relationship for good as that is what's
required to maintain my sanity and all the other things i've worked so
hard on.
don't let anyone ***** on you. NOBODY. you don't deserve it.
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