| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"lisa in mass." |
| Date: |
15 Feb 2005 10:29:26 PM |
| Object: |
i want to die |
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes away
with a simple counter of 'i do not.' this time it isn't going
anywhere. i really want to die. and the ideations about methods
are stronger than ever, since the underlying thought won't go
away.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last couple of
days.
it doesn't help that i just wrote a letter to a former friend.
homework from the therp. that's not what did it, though. just
didn't help the situation.
i have 7 pill bottles, and i'm just going to use them as
prescribed. too many sharps that i won't touch. various cords
that i'm not paying any attention to. this has got to stop.
please at least let me sleep tonight. i need to get away from
myself.
-lisa
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| User: "AlvinTChase" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
16 Feb 2005 09:15:37 AM |
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I'm sorry Lisa...I hope you feel better soon...One thing I do know is
that many people on ASD really care about you...
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 04:16:15 PM |
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AlvinTChase wrote...
I'm sorry Lisa...I hope you feel better soon...One thing
I do know is
that many people on ASD really care about you...
-"Alvintchase"
thank you, alvin.
-lisa
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| User: "jamestw" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 09:38:35 AM |
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Hey Lisa,
Here's a big virtual hug from across the world. Hope you have a good
sleep, wake up refreshed and remember something wonderful that you saw or
did or that someone did for you.
You have a beautiful, honest humanity. Not everyone has that quality.
Love James
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 04:19:59 PM |
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jamestw wrote...
Hey Lisa,
Here's a big virtual hug from across the world. Hope you
have a good sleep, wake up refreshed and remember something
wonderful that you saw or did or that someone did for you.
You have a beautiful, honest humanity. Not everyone has
that quality. Love James
thank you james. i did eventually get some decent sleep.
-lisa
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| User: "jamestw" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 09:40:12 AM |
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Hey Lisa,
Here's a big virtual hug from across the world. Hope you have a good
sleep, wake up refreshed and remember something wonderful that you saw or
did or that someone did for you.
You have a beautiful, honest humanity. Not everyone has that quality.
Love James
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| User: "Tim" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:04:48 PM |
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I dont know why.
Dont you have pets and kids that count on you ?
I took pictures of my tan 40 lb doggie and Mary tonight.
Death comes soon enough, no sense making it sooner.
timKett
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:28:44 PM |
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Tim wrote...
I dont know why.
Dont you have pets and kids that count on you ?
I took pictures of my tan 40 lb doggie and Mary tonight.
Death comes soon enough, no sense making it sooner.
timKett
i know all this. i know i don't want to be dead. i'm not going
to do it. it just won't leave my brain that i want to die. i
hear it over and over and it gets to be too much. it's got to
stop.
-lisa
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:39:53 PM |
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I took, and sometimes still take Zyprexa for brain noise.
There is supposedly less risky meds out there though.
A good therapist can help too.
If you arent afraid of mice, see my site I will post, with my doggie on
it.
Animals almost always want to live as reasonably long as they can :-)
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
16 Feb 2005 12:01:26 AM |
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Tim Kett wrote...
I took, and sometimes still take Zyprexa for brain noise.
There is supposedly less risky meds out there though.
i take a hefty dose of abilify. that at least took away the
voices and music that seemed to be outside my head.
A good therapist can help too.
i have one of those. after 2 yrs, realized i'd never told him
about this voice. now he knows. concerns him some.
If you arent afraid of mice, see my site I will post, with
my doggie on it.
i like mice. used to help keep a breeding colony back when i
played at being a biochemistry tech.
Animals almost always want to live as reasonably long as
they can :-)
their people want them to, also. there is a point, though at
which animals will give up, when put in impossible situations.
that's one way they animal-test antidepressants.
-lisa
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
16 Feb 2005 12:41:59 PM |
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It seems to me the lteer may really ahve contributed to your feeling. I
suspect writing it may have been ahrd, and waiting for the response I
wouldn't find easy myself. But I am very proud of you for taking action
and taking this into your own hands. Very well done.
You are in my thoughts.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 04:19:04 PM |
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jake wrote...
It seems to me the lteer may really ahve contributed to
your feeling. I suspect writing it may have been ahrd, and
waiting for the response I wouldn't find easy myself. But I
am very proud of you for taking action and taking this into
your own hands. Very well done.
You are in my thoughts.
thank you. this all started before the letter. i wrote the
letter because i thought it might be a distraction. i don't
think it helped anything, though. i am glad i wrote the letter.
maybe i'll get my friendship back from it.
-lisa
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| User: "Kenster" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
16 Feb 2005 08:27:40 AM |
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On 16 Feb 2005 04:29:26 GMT, "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes away
with a simple counter of 'i do not.' this time it isn't going
anywhere. i really want to die. and the ideations about methods
are stronger than ever, since the underlying thought won't go
away.
I know this is just not really any help at all, but I'll say that I
truly understand how you feel right now. I wish I had some amazing
solution to tell you about, other than trying to do as many things to
keep your mind on other things, but that is about all I have to offer.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last couple of
days.
it doesn't help that i just wrote a letter to a former friend.
homework from the therp. that's not what did it, though. just
didn't help the situation.
i have 7 pill bottles, and i'm just going to use them as
prescribed. too many sharps that i won't touch. various cords
that i'm not paying any attention to. this has got to stop.
please at least let me sleep tonight. i need to get away from
myself.
-lisa
Take care lisa, and understand you've been through this before and
made it to the other side. Both of us have, and we both have very
good reasons to get there. It's real if you need to talk if you know
what I mean...(email)
Kenster
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 03:39:14 PM |
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Kenster wrote...
On 16 Feb 2005 04:29:26 GMT, "lisa in mass."
<mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes
away with a simple counter of 'i do not.' this time it
isn't going anywhere. i really want to die. and the
ideations about methods are stronger than ever, since the
underlying thought won't go away.
I know this is just not really any help at all, but I'll
say that I truly understand how you feel right now. I wish
I had some amazing solution to tell you about, other than
trying to do as many things to keep your mind on other
things, but that is about all I have to offer.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last couple
of days.
it doesn't help that i just wrote a letter to a former
friend. homework from the therp. that's not what did it,
though. just didn't help the situation.
i have 7 pill bottles, and i'm just going to use them as
prescribed. too many sharps that i won't touch. various
cords that i'm not paying any attention to. this has got to
stop.
please at least let me sleep tonight. i need to get away
from myself.
-lisa
Take care lisa, and understand you've been through this
before and made it to the other side. Both of us have, and
we both have very good reasons to get there. It's real if
you need to talk if you know what I mean...(email)
Kenster
thank you, kenster. next time the voice in my head keeps
telling me i have to die, i'll try listening to music or
calling a crisis number. both the suggestions of my therp, but
they sounds like they might help. thank you also for your
offer. i'll remember it. don't forget mine, as well :-)
-lisa
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| User: "the guy from that place" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:11:48 PM |
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You are not sure why you want to die? I assume you hate life and have
so much pain that you think that death is a better option. Is that the
case for you?
But you seem to be able to stop yourself quickly from acting on your
impulses. Do you think that 'something needs to be done'. Are you
overwhelmed and cope by thinking of suicide?
I am not like that. I wish I was dead, or was never born, or could
disappear forever. I don't have the guts to do it. Whenever I try there
is that voice in the back of my head saying life could turn out great
and don;t give up now. I usually listen to that voice. As soon as I
come down from the ledge that voice goes away. Then I am pissed that I
pussied out yet again.
Those pills you have probably won't kill you anyway; they don't give
the crazies good enough meds.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:50:36 PM |
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the guy from that place wrote...
You are not sure why you want to die? I assume you hate
life and have so much pain that you think that death is a
better option. Is that the case for you?
no, i know that death isn't the beter option. i also know that
i have too many responsibilities here. kids, husband, pets.
most of all, the kids. i made a contact by having them to be
here for them. doesn't change the desire.
But you seem to be able to stop yourself quickly from
acting on your impulses. Do you think that 'something needs
to be done'. Are you overwhelmed and cope by thinking of
suicide?
lately i overwhelm very easily. i think a lot of it has to do
with my sleep problems. always too little or too much. never
just a good night's sleep. i've also got enough experience
with this stuff over the past 8 yrs to not act impulsively. i
don't know where this voice in my head comes from, though,
constantly saying that i need to die. it usually goes away
easily. not tonight.
I am not like that. I wish I was dead, or was never born,
or could disappear forever. I don't have the guts to do it.
Whenever I try there is that voice in the back of my head
saying life could turn out great and don;t give up now. I
usually listen to that voice. As soon as I come down from
the ledge that voice goes away. Then I am pissed that I
pussied out yet again.
nah. you always have another chance to die later. you'd
probably not be so lucky as to get another chance at life.
Those pills you have probably won't kill you anyway; they
don't give the crazies good enough meds.
i have enough meds. i even still have some that would kill me
with 6 of them, though very unpleasantly. od'ing on the
narctics, though, wouldn't be so bad. and i have plenty of
those. i'm not going to do it, though. just wishing sometimes
that i could.
-lisa
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| User: "Earline Lawson" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 07:09:05 PM |
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i can really say that i know exactly how you feel. there isn't much to
say to you to make you feel immediatly better, but i have been there
many times before. you are not alone!
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
17 Feb 2005 07:30:08 PM |
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Earline Lawson wrote...
i can really say that i know exactly how you feel. there
isn't much to say to you to make you feel immediatly
better, but i have been there many times before. you are
not alone!
thanks.
-lisa
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:21:26 PM |
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lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes away
with a simple counter of 'i do not.'
I do not want lisa to die, I want you to live.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last couple of
days.
good thought. maybe it is.
FYI I'm also adrba AT nyct DOT net.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:54:02 PM |
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Contrarian wrote...
lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes
away with a simple counter of 'i do not.'
I do not want lisa to die, I want you to live.
so so i. it's mostly just this voice in my head that wants me to
die. sometime it's almost overpowering.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last
couple of days.
good thought. maybe it is.
FYI I'm also adrba AT nyct DOT net.
thanks. i made a note of it.
-lisa
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:59:41 PM |
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Do you often have that brain noise ?
Have you ever tried Abilify ?
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
16 Feb 2005 12:09:45 AM |
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Tim Kett wrote...
Do you often have that brain noise ?
Have you ever tried Abilify ?
i'm on it now. i like it lots. isn't helping my own voice in my
head, but it fixed the external voices and music that weren't
there.
the one in my head is almost like when you think of the things
you need to do today, but instead, mine says i have to die. i
can almost always counter it with 'no i don't' and it goes away.
today it isn't stopping.
-lisa
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| User: "Kirby Cook" |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:00:22 PM |
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lisa in mass. wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes away
with a simple counter of 'i do not.' this time it isn't going
anywhere. i really want to die. and the ideations about methods
are stronger than ever, since the underlying thought won't go
away.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last couple of
days.
it doesn't help that i just wrote a letter to a former friend.
homework from the therp. that's not what did it, though. just
didn't help the situation.
i have 7 pill bottles, and i'm just going to use them as
prescribed. too many sharps that i won't touch. various cords
that i'm not paying any attention to. this has got to stop.
please at least let me sleep tonight. i need to get away from
myself.
-lisa
I'm sorry you feel bad. I hope you sleep well.
Kirby
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: i want to die |
15 Feb 2005 11:14:23 PM |
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Kirby Cook wrote...
lisa in mass. wrote:
and i don't know why. it just is there. usually it goes
away with a simple counter of 'i do not.' this time it
isn't going anywhere. i really want to die. and the
ideations about methods are stronger than ever, since the
underlying thought won't go away.
maybe it's because of too many benzo's over the last
couple of days.
it doesn't help that i just wrote a letter to a former
friend. homework from the therp. that's not what did it,
though. just didn't help the situation.
i have 7 pill bottles, and i'm just going to use them as
prescribed. too many sharps that i won't touch. various
cords that i'm not paying any attention to. this has got
to stop.
please at least let me sleep tonight. i need to get away
from myself.
-lisa
I'm sorry you feel bad. I hope you sleep well.
Kirby
thanks kirby. i think i won't wait so late tonight to take
some sleep meds.
-lisa
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