| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"son of the yellow river" |
| Date: |
19 Jan 2004 08:34:12 PM |
| Object: |
i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
i realize now that i have suffered from severe anxiety since i was a child.
i was probably depressed at times too. i was always a lonely child without
friends. most of my childhood, i was constantly very sad and unhappy. i
remember my father telling me that i "should smile more". he didn't ask if i
felt unhappy, or why. he never asked me if i had any problems. he just told
me to "smile more". that was a complete lack of understanding, and he
probably didn't care how i felt anyway. he always hated me when i was a
child, so i didn't exactly get any support there. my mother probably never
had a clue how badly i felt either, or just didn't do anything about it.
their so-called marriage was not exactly a good example for me. they were
always arguing. i never saw them express any affection towards each other.
my father was probably the worst possible role model i could have had.
when i finally realized that i suffer from anxiety and depression, and that
it can be treated, i was already an adult. except for suppressing the
symptoms with meds, i haven't been able to conquer my emotional problems
yet. it's impossible to make up for my lost childhood and youth. maybe the
best i can hope for is to live like a drugged zombie until i die.
- son of the yellow river
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 09:53:08 PM |
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I agree with what Nina said. I'll add that there is more to medication
for depression than making you a "drugged zombie." Ideally, it should
restore your brain chemistry to normality, which is a far cry from
feeling "drugged". What are you taking? If you feel like a zombie,
odds are good you've got the wrong medication.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in
message news:Es0Pb.18114$1e.4486@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
i realize now that i have suffered from severe anxiety since i was a
child.
i was probably depressed at times too. i was always a lonely child
without
friends. most of my childhood, i was constantly very sad and
unhappy. i
remember my father telling me that i "should smile more". he didn't
ask if i
felt unhappy, or why. he never asked me if i had any problems. he
just told
me to "smile more". that was a complete lack of understanding, and
he
probably didn't care how i felt anyway. he always hated me when i
was a
child, so i didn't exactly get any support there. my mother probably
never
had a clue how badly i felt either, or just didn't do anything about
it.
their so-called marriage was not exactly a good example for me. they
were
always arguing. i never saw them express any affection towards each
other.
my father was probably the worst possible role model i could have
had.
when i finally realized that i suffer from anxiety and depression,
and that
it can be treated, i was already an adult. except for suppressing
the
symptoms with meds, i haven't been able to conquer my emotional
problems
yet. it's impossible to make up for my lost childhood and youth.
maybe the
best i can hope for is to live like a drugged zombie until i die.
- son of the yellow river
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:05:36 AM |
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"Nom dePlume" <nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:bui8um01uq2@enews2.newsguy.com...
I agree with what Nina said. I'll add that there is more to medication
for depression than making you a "drugged zombie." Ideally, it should
restore your brain chemistry to normality, which is a far cry from
feeling "drugged". What are you taking? If you feel like a zombie,
odds are good you've got the wrong medication.
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro. i was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the ssris do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:11:37 AM |
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"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:4r4Pb.18690$1e.14172@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"Nom dePlume" <nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:bui8um01uq2@enews2.newsguy.com...
I agree with what Nina said. I'll add that there is more to medication
for depression than making you a "drugged zombie." Ideally, it should
restore your brain chemistry to normality, which is a far cry from
feeling "drugged". What are you taking? If you feel like a zombie,
odds are good you've got the wrong medication.
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro. i was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the ssris do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to
remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
maybe you should try , " drug free "
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:41:00 AM |
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"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100pl5hnmgdphe0@corp.supernews.com...
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro. i
was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the ssris
do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to
remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
maybe you should try , " drug free "
yeah, but then i may feel as depressed and angry as before i started taking
meds.
.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:43:58 AM |
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"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:gY4Pb.18722$1e.7530@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100pl5hnmgdphe0@corp.supernews.com...
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro. i
was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the ssris
do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to
remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
maybe you should try , " drug free "
yeah, but then i may feel as depressed and angry as before i started
taking
meds.
ohhh , the old , " i may " thing ,
well let me respond with ,
' you may not . "
i tried all the fixers ,
i do best when i'm on ... nothing ,
and i really mean ... " nothing "
i even have to watch mouthwash and foods i might eat
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 07:11:10 AM |
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"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100pn2752355i4f@corp.supernews.com...
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:gY4Pb.18722$1e.7530@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100pl5hnmgdphe0@corp.supernews.com...
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro.
i
was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the
ssris
do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to
remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
maybe you should try , " drug free "
yeah, but then i may feel as depressed and angry as before i started
taking
meds.
ohhh , the old , " i may " thing ,
well let me respond with ,
' you may not . "
i tried all the fixers ,
i do best when i'm on ... nothing ,
and i really mean ... " nothing "
i even have to watch mouthwash and foods i might eat
so why do you still drink?
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:11:36 AM |
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The numb feeling seems to be particularly common with SSRI drugs. This
suggests that you might want to try a different category. Wellbutrin,
Effexor, Remeron, etc.: There are lots out there. Discuss the
possibilities with your psychiatrist, and I'll bet you can find a
medication that doesn't leave you feeling numb.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in
message news:4r4Pb.18690$1e.14172@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"Nom dePlume" <nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:bui8um01uq2@enews2.newsguy.com...
I agree with what Nina said. I'll add that there is more to
medication
for depression than making you a "drugged zombie." Ideally, it
should
restore your brain chemistry to normality, which is a far cry from
feeling "drugged". What are you taking? If you feel like a zombie,
odds are good you've got the wrong medication.
i've taken various ssris: zoloft, celexa, and most recently lexapro.
i was
exaggerating when i used the words "drugged zombie", but all the
ssris do
give me a "numb", "detached", and "complacent" feeling. they seem to
remove
or dampen *all* emotions.
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:38:42 AM |
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"Nom dePlume" <nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:buikiv0ilp@enews1.newsguy.com...
The numb feeling seems to be particularly common with SSRI drugs. This
suggests that you might want to try a different category. Wellbutrin,
Effexor, Remeron, etc.: There are lots out there. Discuss the
possibilities with your psychiatrist, and I'll bet you can find a
medication that doesn't leave you feeling numb.
ok. i think i tried wellbutrin once, and it didn't work, but i'll ask if my
pdoc can suggest anything else to try. thanks.
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
21 Jan 2004 12:46:54 AM |
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There are so many medications that your psychiatrist shouldn't have
any difficulty finding non-SSRI drugs to try (other than Wellbutrin).
If he does, then he has some serious limitations. In fact, I'm a
little surprised that he's had you try three SSRI drugs, without
branching out more into other categories.
Elsewhere I see you've mentioned anger as a symptom. Anger is
certainly consistent with depression (especially for men). I also had
an anger problem that just wouldn't go away, until I tried Depakote, a
medication normally prescribed for bipolar disorder and seizures. I
tried it for reasons unrelated to anger (while investigating the
possibility of sub-clinical seizure activity), and was very surprised
to discover that my anger just evaporated. My ability to get angry
didn't go away, but the obsessive anger that haunted me constantly
just disappeared. I don't know if Depakote or other similar medication
would help you, but I thought I'd mention it as a possibility if
medications for unipolar depression don't work out for you.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in
message news:6W4Pb.18721$1e.18361@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"Nom dePlume" <nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:buikiv0ilp@enews1.newsguy.com...
The numb feeling seems to be particularly common with SSRI drugs.
This
suggests that you might want to try a different category.
Wellbutrin,
Effexor, Remeron, etc.: There are lots out there. Discuss the
possibilities with your psychiatrist, and I'll bet you can find a
medication that doesn't leave you feeling numb.
ok. i think i tried wellbutrin once, and it didn't work, but i'll
ask if my
pdoc can suggest anything else to try. thanks.
.
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 08:40:17 PM |
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On Tue, 20 Jan 2004 02:34:12 GMT, "son of the yellow river"
<huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote:
when i finally realized that i suffer from anxiety and depression, and that
it can be treated, i was already an adult. except for suppressing the
symptoms with meds, i haven't been able to conquer my emotional problems
yet. it's impossible to make up for my lost childhood and youth. maybe the
best i can hope for is to live like a drugged zombie until i die.
But it takes time to work on emotional problems. Medications are
quick fixes, and they help, but the emotional stuff is long term. You
can't make up for what you've lost, but you can better understand it
and how it affects your current behavior. And things can get a lot
better. I've been working on these emotional things for a long time
now, many, many years. And there's still a long way to go. But, most
of the time, I can see how many things are better, how many things are
not an issue any more. How much I've been able to change and repair
and make healthy. It's like restoring a garden. It takes a long
time, and the process isn't pretty. But that doesn't mean that there
isn't something beautiful that will result from it. It's just so hard
to be patient.
Nina
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 08:53:10 PM |
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"Nina" <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote in message
news:d25p009t9sfg9la6ehthhs6u6o08653s1d@4ax.com...
But it takes time to work on emotional problems. Medications are
quick fixes, and they help, but the emotional stuff is long term. You
can't make up for what you've lost, but you can better understand it
and how it affects your current behavior. And things can get a lot
better. I've been working on these emotional things for a long time
now, many, many years. And there's still a long way to go. But, most
of the time, I can see how many things are better, how many things are
not an issue any more. How much I've been able to change and repair
and make healthy. It's like restoring a garden. It takes a long
time, and the process isn't pretty. But that doesn't mean that there
isn't something beautiful that will result from it. It's just so hard
to be patient.
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the time
i'm "cured".
.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 09:03:23 PM |
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"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:qK0Pb.18151$1e.2417@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"Nina" <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote in message
news:d25p009t9sfg9la6ehthhs6u6o08653s1d@4ax.com...
But it takes time to work on emotional problems. Medications are
quick fixes, and they help, but the emotional stuff is long term. You
can't make up for what you've lost, but you can better understand it
and how it affects your current behavior. And things can get a lot
better. I've been working on these emotional things for a long time
now, many, many years. And there's still a long way to go. But, most
of the time, I can see how many things are better, how many things are
not an issue any more. How much I've been able to change and repair
and make healthy. It's like restoring a garden. It takes a long
time, and the process isn't pretty. But that doesn't mean that there
isn't something beautiful that will result from it. It's just so hard
to be patient.
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the time
i'm "cured".
it doesn't matter how long it takes the important thing is not regressing ,
life is a process , there is no finish line , you just go till you stop
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 09:16:14 PM |
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"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100p6k1p27acl88@corp.supernews.com...
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:qK0Pb.18151$1e.2417@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the
time
i'm "cured".
it doesn't matter how long it takes the important thing is not regressing
,
life is a process , there is no finish line , you just go till you stop
but why bother? many more decades of suffering, without any purpose or hope
....
.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 09:32:28 PM |
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"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in message
news:241Pb.18190$1e.10901@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message
news:100p6k1p27acl88@corp.supernews.com...
"son of the yellow river" <huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote in
message
news:qK0Pb.18151$1e.2417@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net...
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the
time
i'm "cured".
it doesn't matter how long it takes the important thing is not
regressing
,
life is a process , there is no finish line , you just go till you stop
but why bother? many more decades of suffering, without any purpose or
hope
...
or an eternity of nothing , i'd take the decades of time , but i like
challenges
.
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
19 Jan 2004 09:56:19 PM |
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On Tue, 20 Jan 2004 02:53:10 GMT, "son of the yellow river"
<huangmABC@earthABClink.ABCnet> wrote:
"Nina" <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote in message
news:d25p009t9sfg9la6ehthhs6u6o08653s1d@4ax.com...
But it takes time to work on emotional problems. Medications are
quick fixes, and they help, but the emotional stuff is long term. You
can't make up for what you've lost, but you can better understand it
and how it affects your current behavior. And things can get a lot
better. I've been working on these emotional things for a long time
now, many, many years. And there's still a long way to go. But, most
of the time, I can see how many things are better, how many things are
not an issue any more. How much I've been able to change and repair
and make healthy. It's like restoring a garden. It takes a long
time, and the process isn't pretty. But that doesn't mean that there
isn't something beautiful that will result from it. It's just so hard
to be patient.
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the time
i'm "cured".
Then you'll be 80 and really, really great. That's a lot better than
80 and still fucked. Or dead.
I'm joking, sort of, but I'm not. It may be taking forever, but I am
better than when I started. A lot better. And without that
progress... well, things would be a lot worse. I have to be pretty
damn pragmatic about this. It seems to be the hand of cards that I
have. I don't have any choice about that. And I do better when I try
to figure out how to play them well rather than being miserable that I
have them. Not that I actually succeed a lot of the time... and it's
been hard lately. But I'm trying.
Nina
.
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| User: "son of the yellow river" |
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| Title: Re: i was probably clinically depressed already as a child... |
20 Jan 2004 01:15:20 AM |
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"Nina" <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote in message
news:ue9p001rs0h6h25ahv8ks7i23bfi5egnk7@4ax.com...
yes, maybe you are right. but how much good will it do me if it takes
decades to make slight progress. perhaps i'll be 80 years old by the time
i'm "cured".
Then you'll be 80 and really, really great. That's a lot better than
80 and still fucked. Or dead.
i guess so.
I'm joking, sort of, but I'm not. It may be taking forever, but I am
better than when I started. A lot better. And without that
progress... well, things would be a lot worse. I have to be pretty
damn pragmatic about this. It seems to be the hand of cards that I
have. I don't have any choice about that.
that's true.
And I do better when I try
to figure out how to play them well rather than being miserable that I
have them. Not that I actually succeed a lot of the time... and it's
been hard lately. But I'm trying.
Nina
yeah, i know i won't succeed if i don't try, but it's hard to feel
motivated.
thanks for your encouragement.
.
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