| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"AssemblerCT" |
| Date: |
19 Dec 2003 06:15:03 AM |
| Object: |
I'm starting to hate my life...too many things to think about |
Hi,
I don't mean to rant at all, but I'm not really sure what to do, and I
get the feeling I'm starting to go crazy. Uhm, well, let's see, where
do I start. I want to thank all of you first off for even reading this
post, cause I know none of you have to. I was at a good community
college for 2 years and I was practically a 4.0 student there. So, now
I'm at a *great* university, or at least that's what most people would
say. But, I'm screwing up here. It's not the same. I mean, I'm not
doing terrible, but the competition is killing me and I feel like I'm
losing my dreams – probably that I'm not good enough and I won't ever
be if I can't even make it here. So, yeah, school is definitely major
stress. But, then it hit me, as it always does…I live for school. Why?
Because I actually have nothing without it.
I have vacation for a few weeks, and because of it, I don't have
anything to occupy my time, so I just spend my day doing nothing and
it keeps making me think about what I'm missing out on. I mean, I
don't have very many friends at all (maybe 5 at most), and sometimes
they're no true friends either. No girlfriend, no grades, no car, but
just me. I know I'm not in a hospital, and I'm not dying, thank god,
but still. It just…it doesn't seem to cut it, looking at that. I live
with my mother and my sister but I don't feel like it's a concrete
family. I barely ever see anyone, and it feels like I've lived alone
all my life (I'm 19 now). I've been promised one too many things from
my mother and yet I've given up hope on any of her promises, because I
still haven't seen anything. By that, I'm just talking about a car
really. I got my license just about a year ago and I'm basically
confined to taking the buses still (for the past 3 years). That's no
way to spend a vacation; I'd rather not go out of the house then. It
might be what you call laziness, but then again, it's kind of not. On
vacation, I generally sleep in very late and by the time I wake up
it's afternoon, and it gets dark early here now, so I have no desire
to walk the streets in the dark (and even if I did, my mother would
have her fits about it).
It's just…I feel like I'm being controlled by everyone here. My mother
has never done anything for me in my life besides giving me clothes
and a place to sleep, but I could careless now. I would rather get my
loans and live in a dorm or something. My sister has her own
power-trip as well….She "thinks" she took care of me when I was
younger, but I did something bad I guess. I wiped out my memories
because I hated them. So, I don't remember much of my childhood
voluntarily, except the lonely nights. That's why I refuse to
acknowledge her as my "mother," and she can't seem to get over it, so
she resents me like hell…and she always will. That's another thing
that just keeps tearing me apart. I get blamed for her *****, I get
blamed for my mother's *****, and I am constantly reminded about what a
piece of ***** I really am even though I haven't done anything wrong
besides try to go to school, do well, and *try* to get along in this
house. So, anyway, I guess coming back to what I said earlier, I don't
feel like I have anything besides my cell phone, a wallet, keys, food,
and a place to stay. In other words, I feel like *****. Mind you, I
don't want to be conceited either, but I am fairly attractive (not a
10, but whatever). To everyone else on the outside, everything is
happy and nothing could be greater. They all just look at me like I'm
rich or I can get whatever I wan't if I asked for it, but that's not
even remotely true. Having a big house doesn't mean we're rich…it just
means working hard. And I don't have anything to prove myself to
anyone either, so all their remarks (my friends, that is) are
*****.
On top of that, last year, I had some cosmetic surgery done and I
*lost* my sense of smell. I mean, what the hell….it faded almost
completely. And now I feel like I'm becoming obsessed with losing a
few pounds (I was 150, now I'm 157; I'm 5'10 by the way). And
everytime I try to eat, I get sick….I don't know what the ***** is
happening to me. I checked my blood pressure the other day it went
from 120/60 or something to like 147/77. I'm really going crazy. Maybe
that was just because of school, I'm not sure. I stay awake until 5AM
watching old shows on TV and try to kill my time so that I can sleep
in and wake up around the afternoon when the day is half over already
just so I won't have to contemplate my boredom and what I should do
next. lol. I'm sorry. I know this sounds really ridiculous. I just
feel like I'm losing it. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I
don't know, maybe I should start taking medication. I have an urge to
smoke now that I've never had before, but I'm not giving in. And I
feel really damn moody and aggravated. Like, whenever I'm outside the
house, I'm OK, and things are wonderful. But, everytime I'm at home, I
get down, and everytime I see my mother or sister now I just feel
worthless again even if they don't say anything bad to me. I don't
know what to do. I would greatly appreciate it if someone could give
me some advice. Thanks so much.
.
|
|
| User: "wombn" |
|
| Title: Re: I'm starting to hate my life...too many things to think about |
19 Dec 2003 06:29:55 AM |
|
|
On 19 Dec 2003 04:15:03 -0800, (AssemblerCT)
wrote:
Hi,
I don't mean to rant at all, but I'm not really sure what to do, and I
get the feeling I'm starting to go crazy. Uhm, well, let's see, where
do I start. I want to thank all of you first off for even reading this
post, cause I know none of you have to. I was at a good community
college for 2 years and I was practically a 4.0 student there. So, now
I'm at a *great* university, or at least that's what most people would
say. But, I'm screwing up here. It's not the same. I mean, I'm not
doing terrible, but the competition is killing me and I feel like I'm
I had a similar experience--the vast difference between community and
state.
losing my dreams – probably that I'm not good enough and I won't ever
be if I can't even make it here. So, yeah, school is definitely major
stress. But, then it hit me, as it always does…I live for school. Why?
Because I actually have nothing without it.
It's hard to have much of a life when everything changes every
quarter.
I have vacation for a few weeks, and because of it, I don't have
anything to occupy my time, so I just spend my day doing nothing and
it keeps making me think about what I'm missing out on. I mean, I
don't have very many friends at all (maybe 5 at most), and sometimes
they're no true friends either. No girlfriend, no grades, no car, but
just me. I know I'm not in a hospital, and I'm not dying, thank god,
but still. It just…it doesn't seem to cut it, looking at that. I live
with my mother and my sister but I don't feel like it's a concrete
family. I barely ever see anyone, and it feels like I've lived alone
all my life (I'm 19 now). I've been promised one too many things from
my mother and yet I've given up hope on any of her promises, because I
still haven't seen anything. By that, I'm just talking about a car
really.
Does she let you borrow hers once in awhile?
I got my license just about a year ago and I'm basically
confined to taking the buses still (for the past 3 years). That's no
way to spend a vacation; I'd rather not go out of the house then. It
might be what you call laziness, but then again, it's kind of not. On
vacation, I generally sleep in very late and by the time I wake up
it's afternoon, and it gets dark early here now, so I have no desire
bad habit to start. my husband (janithor) and I can attest to this!
to walk the streets in the dark (and even if I did, my mother would
have her fits about it).
It's just…I feel like I'm being controlled by everyone here. My mother
has never done anything for me in my life besides giving me clothes
and a place to sleep, but I could careless now. I would rather get my
loans and live in a dorm or something. My sister has her own
power-trip as well….She "thinks" she took care of me when I was
younger, but I did something bad I guess. I wiped out my memories
because I hated them. So, I don't remember much of my childhood
voluntarily, except the lonely nights. That's why I refuse to
acknowledge her as my "mother," and she can't seem to get over it, so
she resents me like hell…and she always will. That's another thing
that just keeps tearing me apart. I get blamed for her *****, I get
blamed for my mother's *****, and I am constantly reminded about what a
piece of ***** I really am even though I haven't done anything wrong
besides try to go to school, do well, and *try* to get along in this
house. So, anyway, I guess coming back to what I said earlier, I don't
feel like I have anything besides my cell phone, a wallet, keys, food,
and a place to stay. In other words, I feel like *****. Mind you, I
don't want to be conceited either, but I am fairly attractive (not a
10, but whatever). To everyone else on the outside, everything is
happy and nothing could be greater. They all just look at me like I'm
rich or I can get whatever I wan't if I asked for it, but that's not
even remotely true. Having a big house doesn't mean we're rich…it just
means working hard. And I don't have anything to prove myself to
anyone either, so all their remarks (my friends, that is) are
*****.
On top of that, last year, I had some cosmetic surgery done and I
*lost* my sense of smell. I mean, what the hell….it faded almost
yikes! what does your doc say about this? were you warned about it
ahead of time? Have you read up on the after-effects of your surgery?
completely. And now I feel like I'm becoming obsessed with losing a
few pounds (I was 150, now I'm 157; I'm 5'10 by the way). And
everytime I try to eat, I get sick….
on purpose? 157 doesn't seem like too much.
I don't know what the ***** is
happening to me. I checked my blood pressure the other day it went
from 120/60 or something to like 147/77. I'm really going crazy. Maybe
Anxiety can cause numbers to go up. Also, be sure you uncross your
legs. Everytime I go to my doc's office, she rechecks my BP--but
first, she picks up my leg and flops it over so that my legs aren't
crossed. :-)
that was just because of school, I'm not sure. I stay awake until 5AM
watching old shows on TV and try to kill my time so that I can sleep
in and wake up around the afternoon when the day is half over already
just so I won't have to contemplate my boredom and what I should do
next. lol. I'm sorry. I know this sounds really ridiculous. I just
naw, not ridiculous. Actually VERY common. College is tough. Your
early 20's are very difficult. You're going through almost a huge a
change right now as you did between, say age 5 to 12. You're learning
how to be *fully* an adult. It ain't easy.
feel like I'm losing it. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I
don't know, maybe I should start taking medication. I have an urge to
smoke now that I've never had before, but I'm not giving in. And I
feel really damn moody and aggravated. Like, whenever I'm outside the
house, I'm OK, and things are wonderful. But, everytime I'm at home, I
get down, and everytime I see my mother or sister now I just feel
worthless again even if they don't say anything bad to me. I don't
know what to do. I would greatly appreciate it if someone could give
me some advice. Thanks so much.
No advice, really. Except.... well... try to go to bed earlier.
This bad habit will bite you in ***** really painfully later on....
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If laughter is the best medicine,
then kittens should be covered by our health insurance. :-)
.
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| User: "Peter Aylen" |
|
| Title: Re: I'm starting to hate my life...too many things to think about |
25 Dec 2003 01:03:14 AM |
|
|
Perhaps the starting point is the problem of being controlled
because, I guess, it hasn't allowed you to develop a sense of
who you are as a person, with your own interests, self-confidence,
etc.
Role-playing could provide useful information for you about
your relationships, both good and bad, to understand what
is going on. The idea is to use it to improve your life. I don't
have much time to write, but I'll quote some of what I wrote
to someone else. You can adjust it for your situation,
An appropriate self-help psychology text could help you figure
out what may be going on.
Also, an exercise may be helpful for you. It is role-playing, and
is designed to create understanding in interpersonal situations.
For example: imagine that you are one of your family members
who is hostile to you, interacting with you. Take a specific case.
What was this person's motivation, how did he/she play, or
try to play, on your emotions? On your side, what impact did
this have on how you felt? Why did you feel this way? What
strategy can you develop to neutralize the impact of their
hostility towards you? Repeat for other family members.
Ask if there are any similarities between how you feel and interact
with family members, and with people in other social situations.
Repeat the exercise, adapted for other social situations. Examine
how the interaction process goes in these other social situations,
taking time to see the situation from both your viewpoint and that
of the other person for clues as to why both of you behave/react
as you do. Take a specific situation to examine. Then ask
what you could do to bring about improvements in how things
work out. Test out your ideas, examine the results, and build
on each outcome so you get further improvements. (Use this
to help you develop ways to spend your time constructively).
If you sense, say, anger building in you during this process,
ask what that anger is telling you about yourself. Another
exercise simply involves writing down, as if taking dictation,
what a thought, feeling, or some recurring problem in a
social situation is telling you about yourself. When you
finish writing, read back what you've written. If something
is unclear, you want to know more about something, etc.,
ask an appropriate question, and continue writing.
Don't let emotions take over your mind. Just focus on
the meaning of the emotion, thought, etc., Keep in mind
that a bad day means that you have more to learn about
yourself. That way, what might have created a sense of
defeat or discouragement can be turned to advantage, though
all of this requires work.
The intent is to clarify the significance of what you are
feeling, so that you become better at recognizing what is
going on, and can gain control over how you react. It
is often surprising I find to discover what a feeling/thought, etc.
may be telling me.
On 19 Dec 2003 04:15:03 -0800, (AssemblerCT)
wrote:
Hi,
I don't mean to rant at all, but I'm not really sure what to do, and I
get the feeling I'm starting to go crazy. Uhm, well, let's see, where
do I start. I want to thank all of you first off for even reading this
post, cause I know none of you have to. I was at a good community
college for 2 years and I was practically a 4.0 student there. So, now
I'm at a *great* university, or at least that's what most people would
say. But, I'm screwing up here. It's not the same. I mean, I'm not
doing terrible, but the competition is killing me and I feel like I'm
losing my dreams ? probably that I'm not good enough and I won't ever
be if I can't even make it here. So, yeah, school is definitely major
stress. But, then it hit me, as it always does?I live for school. Why?
Because I actually have nothing without it.
I have vacation for a few weeks, and because of it, I don't have
anything to occupy my time, so I just spend my day doing nothing and
it keeps making me think about what I'm missing out on. I mean, I
don't have very many friends at all (maybe 5 at most), and sometimes
they're no true friends either. No girlfriend, no grades, no car, but
just me. I know I'm not in a hospital, and I'm not dying, thank god,
but still. It just?it doesn't seem to cut it, looking at that. I live
with my mother and my sister but I don't feel like it's a concrete
family. I barely ever see anyone, and it feels like I've lived alone
all my life (I'm 19 now). I've been promised one too many things from
my mother and yet I've given up hope on any of her promises, because I
still haven't seen anything. By that, I'm just talking about a car
really. I got my license just about a year ago and I'm basically
confined to taking the buses still (for the past 3 years). That's no
way to spend a vacation; I'd rather not go out of the house then. It
might be what you call laziness, but then again, it's kind of not. On
vacation, I generally sleep in very late and by the time I wake up
it's afternoon, and it gets dark early here now, so I have no desire
to walk the streets in the dark (and even if I did, my mother would
have her fits about it).
It's just?I feel like I'm being controlled by everyone here. My mother
has never done anything for me in my life besides giving me clothes
and a place to sleep, but I could careless now. I would rather get my
loans and live in a dorm or something. My sister has her own
power-trip as well?.She "thinks" she took care of me when I was
younger, but I did something bad I guess. I wiped out my memories
because I hated them. So, I don't remember much of my childhood
voluntarily, except the lonely nights. That's why I refuse to
acknowledge her as my "mother," and she can't seem to get over it, so
she resents me like hell?and she always will. That's another thing
that just keeps tearing me apart. I get blamed for her *****, I get
blamed for my mother's *****, and I am constantly reminded about what a
piece of ***** I really am even though I haven't done anything wrong
besides try to go to school, do well, and *try* to get along in this
house. So, anyway, I guess coming back to what I said earlier, I don't
feel like I have anything besides my cell phone, a wallet, keys, food,
and a place to stay. In other words, I feel like *****. Mind you, I
don't want to be conceited either, but I am fairly attractive (not a
10, but whatever). To everyone else on the outside, everything is
happy and nothing could be greater. They all just look at me like I'm
rich or I can get whatever I wan't if I asked for it, but that's not
even remotely true. Having a big house doesn't mean we're rich?it just
means working hard. And I don't have anything to prove myself to
anyone either, so all their remarks (my friends, that is) are
*****.
On top of that, last year, I had some cosmetic surgery done and I
*lost* my sense of smell. I mean, what the hell?.it faded almost
completely. And now I feel like I'm becoming obsessed with losing a
few pounds (I was 150, now I'm 157; I'm 5'10 by the way). And
everytime I try to eat, I get sick?.I don't know what the ***** is
happening to me. I checked my blood pressure the other day it went
from 120/60 or something to like 147/77. I'm really going crazy. Maybe
that was just because of school, I'm not sure. I stay awake until 5AM
watching old shows on TV and try to kill my time so that I can sleep
in and wake up around the afternoon when the day is half over already
just so I won't have to contemplate my boredom and what I should do
next. lol. I'm sorry. I know this sounds really ridiculous. I just
feel like I'm losing it. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I
don't know, maybe I should start taking medication. I have an urge to
smoke now that I've never had before, but I'm not giving in. And I
feel really damn moody and aggravated. Like, whenever I'm outside the
house, I'm OK, and things are wonderful. But, everytime I'm at home, I
get down, and everytime I see my mother or sister now I just feel
worthless again even if they don't say anything bad to me. I don't
know what to do. I would greatly appreciate it if someone could give
me some advice. Thanks so much.
.
|
|
|
| User: "juno7" |
|
| Title: Re: I'm starting to hate my life...too many things to think about |
25 Dec 2003 08:54:51 PM |
|
|
also - i think simply you are being hard on yourself and not realizing that
everyone struggles with issues and you never know when you look at them.
dont feel alone in what your going through, you would be suprised how normal
you are. the issues your struggling with now at 19 are normal for 19 and
anyone on the verge of having their life change and the scary prospect of
becoming more responsible.
"Peter Aylen" <pgaylen@pacificcoast.net> wrote in message
news:mo2luvoend02lns6qvpcgsvmrad0uekr9j@4ax.com...
Perhaps the starting point is the problem of being controlled
because, I guess, it hasn't allowed you to develop a sense of
who you are as a person, with your own interests, self-confidence,
etc.
Role-playing could provide useful information for you about
your relationships, both good and bad, to understand what
is going on. The idea is to use it to improve your life. I don't
have much time to write, but I'll quote some of what I wrote
to someone else. You can adjust it for your situation,
An appropriate self-help psychology text could help you figure
out what may be going on.
Also, an exercise may be helpful for you. It is role-playing, and
is designed to create understanding in interpersonal situations.
For example: imagine that you are one of your family members
who is hostile to you, interacting with you. Take a specific case.
What was this person's motivation, how did he/she play, or
try to play, on your emotions? On your side, what impact did
this have on how you felt? Why did you feel this way? What
strategy can you develop to neutralize the impact of their
hostility towards you? Repeat for other family members.
Ask if there are any similarities between how you feel and interact
with family members, and with people in other social situations.
Repeat the exercise, adapted for other social situations. Examine
how the interaction process goes in these other social situations,
taking time to see the situation from both your viewpoint and that
of the other person for clues as to why both of you behave/react
as you do. Take a specific situation to examine. Then ask
what you could do to bring about improvements in how things
work out. Test out your ideas, examine the results, and build
on each outcome so you get further improvements. (Use this
to help you develop ways to spend your time constructively).
If you sense, say, anger building in you during this process,
ask what that anger is telling you about yourself. Another
exercise simply involves writing down, as if taking dictation,
what a thought, feeling, or some recurring problem in a
social situation is telling you about yourself. When you
finish writing, read back what you've written. If something
is unclear, you want to know more about something, etc.,
ask an appropriate question, and continue writing.
Don't let emotions take over your mind. Just focus on
the meaning of the emotion, thought, etc., Keep in mind
that a bad day means that you have more to learn about
yourself. That way, what might have created a sense of
defeat or discouragement can be turned to advantage, though
all of this requires work.
The intent is to clarify the significance of what you are
feeling, so that you become better at recognizing what is
going on, and can gain control over how you react. It
is often surprising I find to discover what a feeling/thought, etc.
may be telling me.
On 19 Dec 2003 04:15:03 -0800, (AssemblerCT)
wrote:
Hi,
I don't mean to rant at all, but I'm not really sure what to do, and I
get the feeling I'm starting to go crazy. Uhm, well, let's see, where
do I start. I want to thank all of you first off for even reading this
post, cause I know none of you have to. I was at a good community
college for 2 years and I was practically a 4.0 student there. So, now
I'm at a *great* university, or at least that's what most people would
say. But, I'm screwing up here. It's not the same. I mean, I'm not
doing terrible, but the competition is killing me and I feel like I'm
losing my dreams ? probably that I'm not good enough and I won't ever
be if I can't even make it here. So, yeah, school is definitely major
stress. But, then it hit me, as it always does?I live for school. Why?
Because I actually have nothing without it.
I have vacation for a few weeks, and because of it, I don't have
anything to occupy my time, so I just spend my day doing nothing and
it keeps making me think about what I'm missing out on. I mean, I
don't have very many friends at all (maybe 5 at most), and sometimes
they're no true friends either. No girlfriend, no grades, no car, but
just me. I know I'm not in a hospital, and I'm not dying, thank god,
but still. It just?it doesn't seem to cut it, looking at that. I live
with my mother and my sister but I don't feel like it's a concrete
family. I barely ever see anyone, and it feels like I've lived alone
all my life (I'm 19 now). I've been promised one too many things from
my mother and yet I've given up hope on any of her promises, because I
still haven't seen anything. By that, I'm just talking about a car
really. I got my license just about a year ago and I'm basically
confined to taking the buses still (for the past 3 years). That's no
way to spend a vacation; I'd rather not go out of the house then. It
might be what you call laziness, but then again, it's kind of not. On
vacation, I generally sleep in very late and by the time I wake up
it's afternoon, and it gets dark early here now, so I have no desire
to walk the streets in the dark (and even if I did, my mother would
have her fits about it).
It's just?I feel like I'm being controlled by everyone here. My mother
has never done anything for me in my life besides giving me clothes
and a place to sleep, but I could careless now. I would rather get my
loans and live in a dorm or something. My sister has her own
power-trip as well?.She "thinks" she took care of me when I was
younger, but I did something bad I guess. I wiped out my memories
because I hated them. So, I don't remember much of my childhood
voluntarily, except the lonely nights. That's why I refuse to
acknowledge her as my "mother," and she can't seem to get over it, so
she resents me like hell?and she always will. That's another thing
that just keeps tearing me apart. I get blamed for her *****, I get
blamed for my mother's *****, and I am constantly reminded about what a
piece of ***** I really am even though I haven't done anything wrong
besides try to go to school, do well, and *try* to get along in this
house. So, anyway, I guess coming back to what I said earlier, I don't
feel like I have anything besides my cell phone, a wallet, keys, food,
and a place to stay. In other words, I feel like *****. Mind you, I
don't want to be conceited either, but I am fairly attractive (not a
10, but whatever). To everyone else on the outside, everything is
happy and nothing could be greater. They all just look at me like I'm
rich or I can get whatever I wan't if I asked for it, but that's not
even remotely true. Having a big house doesn't mean we're rich?it just
means working hard. And I don't have anything to prove myself to
anyone either, so all their remarks (my friends, that is) are
*****.
On top of that, last year, I had some cosmetic surgery done and I
*lost* my sense of smell. I mean, what the hell?.it faded almost
completely. And now I feel like I'm becoming obsessed with losing a
few pounds (I was 150, now I'm 157; I'm 5'10 by the way). And
everytime I try to eat, I get sick?.I don't know what the ***** is
happening to me. I checked my blood pressure the other day it went
from 120/60 or something to like 147/77. I'm really going crazy. Maybe
that was just because of school, I'm not sure. I stay awake until 5AM
watching old shows on TV and try to kill my time so that I can sleep
in and wake up around the afternoon when the day is half over already
just so I won't have to contemplate my boredom and what I should do
next. lol. I'm sorry. I know this sounds really ridiculous. I just
feel like I'm losing it. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. I
don't know, maybe I should start taking medication. I have an urge to
smoke now that I've never had before, but I'm not giving in. And I
feel really damn moody and aggravated. Like, whenever I'm outside the
house, I'm OK, and things are wonderful. But, everytime I'm at home, I
get down, and everytime I see my mother or sister now I just feel
worthless again even if they don't say anything bad to me. I don't
know what to do. I would greatly appreciate it if someone could give
me some advice. Thanks so much.
.
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