"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Zai_f.45672$Ph4.43696@edtnps90...

Or one pivotal moment, period of time, whatever, what would it be?

For me it would be my first suicide attempt at age 13. Everything after
that became a cascade of recklessness and self destructive behaviour in
times of stress. I broke down a taboo against the basic instinct of self
preservation on that one, single, stupid 13 year old day.

Jean

--
The future is NOW - just later.

i'd have it in ya as far as it is out a ya

"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Zai_f.45672$Ph4.43696@edtnps90...

Or one pivotal moment, period of time, whatever, what would it be?

For me it would be my first suicide attempt at age 13. Everything after
that became a cascade of recklessness and self destructive behaviour in
times of stress. I broke down a taboo against the basic instinct of self
preservation on that one, single, stupid 13 year old day.

wow, that's heavy stuff, girl. at age 13???

:((

(((((miss.luna.jean)))))

i don't know what i'd change. well, maybe i do. i'd go back and give my
husband the job with the FAA as an air traffic controller that we slaved 2
and a half years working towards back in the early 90's. he did so well in
the training program too. then bam...all in one day, it was over because he
couldn't grasp the "radar" section of the program. we'd sacrificed so much
for that length of time thinking it was all going to come thru, and then it
was over in an instant. of course, if he'd gotten the job, something
terrible probably would have happened (like him letting a plane crash), or
the stress would have killed him, so i'm sure it's best he didn't get it.
:/ that sure was a terrible disappointment in our lives though. we were a
young family with 2 little ones, and we thought that was going to be our big
break. we were both working insane hours back then trying to make it
happen...and it was all for nothing. seems to be the story of my life
nowadays.

or maybe i'd take back the day i told on my brother for something and my dad
took a 2x4 and beat him with it in the middle of our street in front of
about 10 of our neighborhood friends. my mom and my brother didn't forgive
me for a long time after that. in fact, i don't think my brother ever has.
stupid, huh? i was a little girl (under 10)...and i was just doing what
little girls do (tell on their siblings). i had no idea my dad would use my
brother to vent whatever anger he was feeling at that particular moment.
but if i could go back and erase that, i'd do it in a heartbeat.

gee, that was much more than you asked for. sorry.

hope your okay hun.

~u2b

"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Zai_f.45672$Ph4.43696@edtnps90...

Or one pivotal moment, period of time, whatever, what would it be?

For me it would be my first suicide attempt at age 13. Everything after
that became a cascade of recklessness and self destructive behaviour in
times of stress. I broke down a taboo against the basic instinct of self
preservation on that one, single, stupid 13 year old day.

wow, that's heavy stuff, girl. at age 13???

:((

(((((miss.luna.jean)))))

i don't know what i'd change. well, maybe i do. i'd go back and give my
husband the job with the FAA as an air traffic controller that we slaved 2
and a half years working towards back in the early 90's. he did so well in
the training program too. then bam...all in one day, it was over because he
couldn't grasp the "radar" section of the program. we'd sacrificed so much
for that length of time thinking it was all going to come thru, and then it
was over in an instant. of course, if he'd gotten the job, something
terrible probably would have happened (like him letting a plane crash), or
the stress would have killed him, so i'm sure it's best he didn't get it.
:/ that sure was a terrible disappointment in our lives though. we were a
young family with 2 little ones, and we thought that was going to be our big
break. we were both working insane hours back then trying to make it
happen...and it was all for nothing. seems to be the story of my life
nowadays.

or maybe i'd take back the day i told on my brother for something and my dad
took a 2x4 and beat him with it in the middle of our street in front of
about 10 of our neighborhood friends. my mom and my brother didn't forgive
me for a long time after that. in fact, i don't think my brother ever has.
stupid, huh? i was a little girl (under 10)...and i was just doing what
little girls do (tell on their siblings). i had no idea my dad would use my
brother to vent whatever anger he was feeling at that particular moment.
but if i could go back and erase that, i'd do it in a heartbeat.

gee, that was much more than you asked for. sorry.

hope your okay hun.

~u2b

What day would *I* change? The day Maggie Thatcher's Conservatives won
power. My decline dates from that day. I doubt that the country will
ever recover.

--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

i'd have chosen a reading group at age 6. about half the class
chose one group, the rest went to the other. i refused to join
either, since i could already read well. i set myself apart, and
was teased for it. i was ostracized from that point until high
school.

-lisa

Luna wrote:

Or one pivotal moment, period of time, whatever, what would it be?

For me it would be my first suicide attempt at age 13. Everything after
that became a cascade of recklessness and self destructive behaviour in
times of stress. I broke down a taboo against the basic instinct of self
preservation on that one, single, stupid 13 year old day.

Jean

--
The future is NOW - just later.

Hi Luna,
I don't have an answer and thats the problem. I feel like a stranger
in my own life. I should have and answer for this. Heck, I should have
at least 2 answers for this. I feel nothing. I remember nothing.
empty as a shell. flat and smooth.
It occurs to me though that puberty was the beginning of hell for
me. I have never really recovered .
there is no one event .Maybe When my sister ripped apart my favorite
stuffed animal. When she and her friends from hell stole my new sting
ray and trashed it. I remained silent, never said a word.I didn't think
anyone would believe me. Still, I just let her walk all over me. On
and On and On..
This all happened a very long time ago. But it set up a pattern of
behavior. Some truely horrific things happened later that I might have
been able to avoid if I had had the courage to act. *****.

Luna wrote:

Or one pivotal moment, period of time, whatever, what would it be?

For me it would be my first suicide attempt at age 13. Everything after
that became a cascade of recklessness and self destructive behaviour in
times of stress. I broke down a taboo against the basic instinct of self
preservation on that one, single, stupid 13 year old day.

Jean

--
The future is NOW - just later.

First, are you okay? Or is there something I or someone else can do
,should do for you lately? I just have a feeling.

To answer the question . . .wow. I can't answer for there are too many
really pivotal times when I made WRONG choice for me and/or Maria. I
guess one seemingly small thing is that if I could do Yale over, I'd
try to make friends and get involved instead of keeping to myself like
I did. If I could have learned to have friends I amy not have been such
a mark later and open to . . .things. But it is just Luna there are
so many others.
I would not choose to have Maria with her father when she was little. I
wish I had made decision to not let John back in the first time he
wiped floor with me. All of these things would have set a different
course.

But I believe what I am about to say although I don't feel it yet.
Nietzsche teaches that the truly life affirming and noble spirit - the
one who is not of the resentful hating herd -- looks at "it" all -
every wrong choice, tragedy etc and says "amor fati" Loosely - I love
my fate and I will it again and again in an eternal return of the same.
It is the deepest meaning of the word "amen" which so many don't get
("let it be" like Star Trek eh, "make it so"). I can't do this. I
think of things I have done or seen and I can't do it. But I know there
is something to it. Something really courageous, and free, and fierce.

So, I guess I'd say friend, something about that suicide attempt at 13
- somehow someway was important and necessary to making these sharp
witted, kind, sassy so sassy, beautiful (I have seen your picture),
funny, kick *****, determined, insightful woman you are. I mean in a real
real profound way, not a hallmark way (for I don't think of you as a
hallmark kind of woman).

My email is always open to you - not to everyone - but yeah, always to
you.

xoxo

Rosena

Please forgive me for saying so, but this post seems to be a lot more
than a "name your least favorite vegetable" thing. And not limited to
something that happened when you were 13.

If not so, I apologize.

If so, what has happened?