On Apr 10, 8:40 pm, "Michelle" <aminotem...@hotmail.com> wrote:

Seems every family has a goat.

You were checked for depression. Can you talk to your doctor again
about family therapy?
You're not responsible for everything that is happening in your
family, therefore you can't fix it or be held responsible for fixing
it, or for causing all the problems. Everyone has their share of the
family cake.
When time comes for college, you need to choose the courses and
location that work best for you. It's not your job to save this
family.

I hope this helps.

We've tried family therapy numerous times over the past ten years and
no one really wants to work out the problems, and I've given up on
actually becoming a family.

And yes, I have been checked--for five years now--and currently on
medications, which hopefully help my sleep a little more peacefully.

Thanks, and I understand about the location for college and
everything, and it's just not being scared;I mean, I take care of my
family--I'm the one who holds them together this much now, what's
going to happen when I leave?

I'm afraid they'll kill each other.

"Alexandria Hilton" <alexandria.hilton@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1176253828.585730.293850@o5g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...

...since I've talked to other people about my home-life. It's
sometimes hard for people to understand what I'm going through,
especially someone at my age, seventeen, and I really don't know

to go. I've been to doctors and I've been on medication and I've
talked and cried and screamed and I've kept it a secret. I need a
place to feel safe--a place talk.

This weekend was one of the worst in a long time....well, let's

from the beginning, I suppose.

At age five, my parents divorced and ever since I can remember
whenever they were together, they'd argue. It was always a

and verbal abuse. No rest. My father was controlling and he

my mother in many ways, he still believes woman are of and for the
household only--my mother is very emotional, easily stressed, and

working--she doesn't give in easily and is an emotional

My brother, who is a year and a half younger than me, has a very
dangerous--very strong personality that grasps life with such

hands. I'm the family scapegoat. I'm to blame for everything. The
divorce--finacial problems--depression--tardiness--etc...it doesn't
matter. I'm there to serve and to be used. I'm seventeen and I'm
tired. It's just a summary and it's hard to explain what I've been
through, and no matter how I try, it doesn't seem to work.

I was the one who intiated that I went and get checked for

I was the one who has to motivate my mother out of her moods and my
brother to continue with school--instead of stealing and trouble.

responsible, and if anything goes wrong it's my fault. I've tried
moving out---but then I'm said to be a ungrateful daughter--and it
feels so wrong. They make me feel so bad about myself--like I'm so
guilty--so bad, and evil. But, is it really my fault? I cry myself

sleep, I shut my ears and eyes so tightly, hoping--praying for
everything to get better. I just can't take it. The strangest

though, is I love my family so much, and no matter how many times

called bad names, and manipulated, and hit (my brother) --I still
worry about them; I still take care of them; and I'm so sick--so
tired.

This weeked was so bad, so so bad. My brother was getting in

but this time she called the cops, my brother ran aways and came

on Monday, but I don't know if he will stay or if they will survive
while I'm at friends house for the week to relax--even though it

happen--to figure things out. I'm crying at this moment and it's

not to. I really don't know what to do--what to say to make things
better--and when college comes, do I move far away where they can't
effect me--or stay close to take care of them, to watch out for

Because I have a feeling that I'm never going to break away from

Never. Not really, anyway.

-Alex

Alex,

I just saw this I'm sorry some how I missed it and saw it in U2B's

You're life is so parallel to mine in so many ways. I am from a

family as well. I was 5 when my parents split up. I was the

oldest sister could do no wrong, my brother who was the middle child,

the angry, violent, law breaking trouble maker, me I am the "baby" of

father's first marriage. After my parents divorced I spent most of my
years, trying to defuse my brother and mother from fighting. I was

horrible names and well had horrible things done to me over the years.

I am 41 now and could have done SO much more with my life, if I hadn't

so hard to be accepted and respected in a family that was beyond
dysfunctional. I was 32 when a therapist told me "you need to divorce

family, they are NOT healthy for you and I don't see you getting any
healthier by putting yourself in their line of fire"

At that time I don't think I was ready to divorce them, and my god I

I had spent all those years trying to be accepted, trying to keep the

from falling apart (or my perception of them falling apart, since it
couldn't fall much further)

Almost three years ago I moved 2k miles away. Even 2k miles away, the

my mother said to me still hurt, she was still verbally abusive even

far away. I don't talk to her much, she ended up getting breast

had to go through surgery and radiation, I didn't run home. There was

way, I've not been home since I left and will probably NEVER go home.

know where I live, I'm content, more healthy then I think I've been in

long time, if they want to see me, they can come to me.

Food for thought. Another quote from the same therapist, "you need to

care of #1 first, because when #2 or #3 isn't there anymore who is

take care of #1, but #1"

Hope that makes sense

Jane

"Alexandria Hilton" <alexandria.hilton@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1176253828.585730.293850@o5g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...

...since I've talked to other people about my home-life. It's
sometimes hard for people to understand what I'm going through,
especially someone at my age, seventeen, and I really don't know where
to go. I've been to doctors and I've been on medication and I've
talked and cried and screamed and I've kept it a secret. I need a
place to feel safe--a place talk.

This weekend was one of the worst in a long time....well, let's start
from the beginning, I suppose.

At age five, my parents divorced and ever since I can remember
whenever they were together, they'd argue. It was always a screamfest
and verbal abuse. No rest. My father was controlling and he opressed
my mother in many ways, he still believes woman are of and for the
household only--my mother is very emotional, easily stressed, and hard-
working--she doesn't give in easily and is an emotional manipulator.
My brother, who is a year and a half younger than me, has a very
dangerous--very strong personality that grasps life with such angery
hands. I'm the family scapegoat. I'm to blame for everything. The
divorce--finacial problems--depression--tardiness--etc...it doesn't
matter. I'm there to serve and to be used. I'm seventeen and I'm
tired. It's just a summary and it's hard to explain what I've been
through, and no matter how I try, it doesn't seem to work.

I was the one who intiated that I went and get checked for depression.
I was the one who has to motivate my mother out of her moods and my
brother to continue with school--instead of stealing and trouble. I'm
responsible, and if anything goes wrong it's my fault. I've tried
moving out---but then I'm said to be a ungrateful daughter--and it
feels so wrong. They make me feel so bad about myself--like I'm so
guilty--so bad, and evil. But, is it really my fault? I cry myself to
sleep, I shut my ears and eyes so tightly, hoping--praying for
everything to get better. I just can't take it. The strangest thing,
though, is I love my family so much, and no matter how many times I'm
called bad names, and manipulated, and hit (my brother) --I still
worry about them; I still take care of them; and I'm so sick--so
tired.

This weeked was so bad, so so bad. My brother was getting in trouble,
but this time she called the cops, my brother ran aways and came back
on Monday, but I don't know if he will stay or if they will survive
while I'm at friends house for the week to relax--even though it won't
happen--to figure things out. I'm crying at this moment and it's hard
not to. I really don't know what to do--what to say to make things
better--and when college comes, do I move far away where they can't
effect me--or stay close to take care of them, to watch out for them?
Because I have a feeling that I'm never going to break away from home.
Never. Not really, anyway.

-Alex

Alex,

I just saw this I'm sorry some how I missed it and saw it in U2B's
response.

You're life is so parallel to mine in so many ways. I am from a divorced
family as well. I was 5 when my parents split up. I was the youngest.
My oldest sister could do no wrong, my brother who was the middle child,
was the angry, violent, law breaking trouble maker, me I am the "baby" of
the my father's first marriage. After my parents divorced I spent most of
my years, trying to defuse my brother and mother from fighting. I was
called horrible names and well had horrible things done to me over the
years.

I am 41 now and could have done SO much more with my life, if I hadn't
tried so hard to be accepted and respected in a family that was beyond
dysfunctional. I was 32 when a therapist told me "you need to divorce your
family, they are NOT healthy for you and I don't see you getting any
healthier by putting yourself in their line of fire"

At that time I don't think I was ready to divorce them, and my god I was
32. I had spent all those years trying to be accepted, trying to keep the
family from falling apart (or my perception of them falling apart, since
it couldn't fall much further)

Almost three years ago I moved 2k miles away. Even 2k miles away, the
words my mother said to me still hurt, she was still verbally abusive even
that far away. I don't talk to her much, she ended up getting breast
cancer and had to go through surgery and radiation, I didn't run home.
There was no way, I've not been home since I left and will probably NEVER
go home. They know where I live, I'm content, more healthy then I think
I've been in a long time, if they want to see me, they can come to me.

Food for thought. Another quote from the same therapist, "you need to
take care of #1 first, because when #2 or #3 isn't there anymore who is
left to take care of #1, but #1"

Hope that makes sense

"Alexandria Hilton" <alexandria.hil...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1176253828.585730.293850@o5g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...

...since I've talked to other people about my home-life. It's
sometimes hard for people to understand what I'm going through,
especially someone at my age, seventeen, and I really don't know where
to go. I've been to doctors and I've been on medication and I've
talked and cried and screamed and I've kept it a secret. I need a
place to feel safe--a place talk.

This weekend was one of the worst in a long time....well, let's start
from the beginning, I suppose.

At age five, my parents divorced and ever since I can remember
whenever they were together, they'd argue. It was always a screamfest
and verbal abuse. No rest. My father was controlling and he opressed
my mother in many ways, he still believes woman are of and for the
household only--my mother is very emotional, easily stressed, and hard-
working--she doesn't give in easily and is an emotional manipulator.
My brother, who is a year and a half younger than me, has a very
dangerous--very strong personality that grasps life with such angery
hands. I'm the family scapegoat. I'm to blame for everything. The
divorce--finacial problems--depression--tardiness--etc...it doesn't
matter. I'm there to serve and to be used. I'm seventeen and I'm
tired. It's just a summary and it's hard to explain what I've been
through, and no matter how I try, it doesn't seem to work.

I was the one who intiated that I went and get checked for depression.
I was the one who has to motivate my mother out of her moods and my
brother to continue with school--instead of stealing and trouble. I'm
responsible, and if anything goes wrong it's my fault. I've tried
moving out---but then I'm said to be a ungrateful daughter--and it
feels so wrong. They make me feel so bad about myself--like I'm so
guilty--so bad, and evil. But, is it really my fault? I cry myself to
sleep, I shut my ears and eyes so tightly, hoping--praying for
everything to get better. I just can't take it. The strangest thing,
though, is I love my family so much, and no matter how many times I'm
called bad names, and manipulated, and hit (my brother) --I still
worry about them; I still take care of them; and I'm so sick--so
tired.

This weeked was so bad, so so bad. My brother was getting in trouble,
but this time she called the cops, my brother ran aways and came back
on Monday, but I don't know if he will stay or if they will survive
while I'm at friends house for the week to relax--even though it won't
happen--to figure things out. I'm crying at this moment and it's hard
not to. I really don't know what to do--what to say to make things
better--and when college comes, do I move far away where they can't
effect me--or stay close to take care of them, to watch out for them?
Because I have a feeling that I'm never going to break away from home.
Never. Not really, anyway.

-Alex

Alex,

I just saw this I'm sorry some how I missed it and saw it in U2B's response.

You're life is so parallel to mine in so many ways. I am from a divorced
family as well. I was 5 when my parents split up. I was the youngest. My
oldest sister could do no wrong, my brother who was the middle child, was
the angry, violent, law breaking trouble maker, me I am the "baby" of the my
father's first marriage. After my parents divorced I spent most of my
years, trying to defuse my brother and mother from fighting. I was called
horrible names and well had horrible things done to me over the years.

I am 41 now and could have done SO much more with my life, if I hadn't tried
so hard to be accepted and respected in a family that was beyond
dysfunctional. I was 32 when a therapist told me "you need to divorce your
family, they are NOT healthy for you and I don't see you getting any
healthier by putting yourself in their line of fire"

At that time I don't think I was ready to divorce them, and my god I was 32.
I had spent all those years trying to be accepted, trying to keep the family
from falling apart (or my perception of them falling apart, since it
couldn't fall much further)

Almost three years ago I moved 2k miles away. Even 2k miles away, the words
my mother said to me still hurt, she was still verbally abusive even that
far away. I don't talk to her much, she ended up getting breast cancer and
had to go through surgery and radiation, I didn't run home. There was no
way, I've not been home since I left and will probably NEVER go home. They
know where I live, I'm content, more healthy then I think I've been in a
long time, if they want to see me, they can come to me.

Food for thought. Another quote from the same therapist, "you need to take
care of #1 first, because when #2 or #3 isn't there anymore who is left to
take care of #1, but #1"

Hope that makes sense

Jane- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -