It's the epic struggle. Don't you feel that way at times? I do. Like
right now. Another Monday, another week, another month, and on
and on and on it goes. Never getting any better, never getting any
worse, just floating in a medicated haze of not caring, not sharing,
not feeling much of anything. Just existing and feeling that
somehow there has to be more than this, but not really
understanding what that might be or how to go about getting it.

I am ready to check out. I've never said that out loud before. I am
ready to check out.

Or just say "***** it" and delude myself into believing that tomorrow
might just be better. Who knows? Maybe it will be.

I feel bad. Maybe if I masturbate and go to bed I'll feel better.