[...]
i'm so incredibly weak and weary lately. and my hair is falling out
in large quantities. in the shower, it nearly covers the drain. and
when i brush it, huge wads come out with the brush. so much so that
when i empty the brush into the toliet, you can't see water anymore
thru all the hair.

physically, i feel so drained i can hardly move. it's like walking
against a 100 mph wind. i am truly and completely wiped out. i have
ZERO energy and i feel dizzy and weak most of the time these days.
like i'm recovering from some major illness or something. and yet,
i'm not.

emotionally, i am dying and am constantly looking for things around
the house to hurt myself with. i haven't done this in so long. felt
this bad.

i go for my last visit to the clinic on thursday as well, and he is
going to put me on lexapro for a little while. if it doesn't work
(which i figure it won't), he's wanting to try selegiline. it's an
mao-B instead of an maoi. he is really curious to try it on me since
maoi's worked for me before. it's primarily used to treat parkinsons,
but seems to work on some folks' depressions. it also has fewer side
effects and dangers than maoi's. we'll see. the benefit to trying
the lexapro is that he can give me that for free. the selegiline
would be something i'd have to pay for as he doesn't have samples of
that one.

for the senior banquet at church tonite.

it's to be read by a member of our family. each senior will have one read.

i don't think i can do this. i know i can't read it. i'm going to get my
15 yr old to read it. right now, i can't even write it. i want it to be
lighthearted and fun, but i also want it to be a bit sentimental as well.
it's going to be hard. writing it and getting thru it tonite.

i have less than 6 hours to get it done and all i feel like doing is
crawling back in bed.

i'm so incredibly weak and weary lately. and my hair is falling out in
large quantities. in the shower, it nearly covers the drain. and when i
brush it, huge wads come out with the brush. so much so that when i empty
the brush into the toliet, you can't see water anymore thru all the hair.

physically, i feel so drained i can hardly move. it's like walking against
a 100 mph wind. i am truly and completely wiped out. i have ZERO energy
and i feel dizzy and weak most of the time these days. like i'm recovering
from some major illness or something. and yet, i'm not. and all this
company is coming next friday. add my bro-in-law and his wife and 2 kids to
the mix as well. they've decided at the last minute that they need to come.
no offense, but i wish they'd stay home. this is all just too much to deal
with. at least a housekeeper is coming on thursday to do a deep cleaning.
my kiddos at preschool gave me a gift certificate for a house cleaning as an
end of the year gift. thank God.

emotionally, i am dying and am constantly looking for things around the
house to hurt myself with. i haven't done this in so long. felt this bad.

i go for my last visit to the clinic on thursday as well, and he is going to
put me on lexapro for a little while. if it doesn't work (which i figure it
won't), he's wanting to try selegiline. it's an mao-B instead of an maoi.
he is really curious to try it on me since maoi's worked for me before.
it's primarily used to treat parkinsons, but seems to work on some folks'
depressions. it also has fewer side effects and dangers than maoi's. we'll
see. the benefit to trying the lexapro is that he can give me that for
free. the selegiline would be something i'd have to pay for as he doesn't
have samples of that one.

i'm rambling.

in one week, my girls are out of school for the summer. i'm thinking i may
go to bed for 3 months.

~u2b