"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:5iiIi.110978$Fc.100793@attbi_s21...

Moonlit_Sorcery@hotmail.com wrote:

It's that horrible time of the month again. That time where I
realize, more than usual, that it kinda sucks to be a 20 year old

girl

with no friends, no boyfriend, hell, not even an enemy. I honestly
have not had any of the above in several years. This may sound hard
to believe, but it's not an exagerration of any kind. I was
homeschooled starting in the sixth grade because I was being teased

so

badly in school. I ended up (unintentionally) isolated. We gave up
on the homeschooled groups after awhile, I never fit in with those
kinds of kids. Shyness has always been a problem for me. And now,
after being isolated for about 9 years with no more than a couple of
temporary neighborhood playmates, I have a little bit of social
phobia. Everywhere I go, I feel awkward, emabarassed, self
conscious. I work with the public and I'm constantly nervous around
everyone. A lot of times my hands tremble slightly, I make stupid
mistakes, ocassionally I'll stammer a little when I have to talk for
any length of time. Basically my self esteem is in the toilet,

where

it's been for years. My parents always said, Oh, you'll start

making

friends once you start taking college classes, er, well, I'm sure
you'll make friends just as soon as you get a job, but it never
happens. It also depresses me that I've never had a guy even

remotely

interested in me. Girls complain about being hit on on the job, but
Christ, I've never even had a dirty old man hit on me. My parents

say

I'm extremely pretty and my mom is always claiming that she sees

guys

staring at me, but that's a load of ***** and frankly, I'm tired of
hearing it. But I am a very nice person, and supposedly a very

funny

person, but my personality just doesn't show at all at work. I just
seem like a really quiet, slow person. I work with several kids my
own age and they're nice, but for the most part they (espescially

the

guys) ignore me. I don't understand why I've always turned people
off. And now I find out that I have the same problem as my dad

(also

depressed) where he looks grouchy/depressed/bored when he's simply
relaxing his face, even in a good mood. Yeah, okay. So it's my

face

that's allienating everyone. At least that's what my parents will
have you believe. Well, sorry, but it's the only one that I have,

as

much as I wish otherwise, and frankly, I don't see my co-workers
walking around grinning like loons. Whatever. I'm really becoming
concerned that I'm never going to have a friend or a guy who's even
remotely interested in me. Even an enemy would be nice at this
point. I hate to sound like a negative, self-pitying *****, but I'm
feeling like garbage right now. I'm just tired of all this.

Social phobia, loneliness, no romance, isolation, no self-esteem...I
know all about all that. (I wish I didn't.) Your parents (I'm

guessing)

are trying to be encouraging and make you feel better about yourself.
But after all you've gone through up to this point, niceties aren't

very

helpful, I suppose.

You remind me of me at 20. I'm not gonna say things *will* get better.

I

can only tell you that they possibly *can*...with proper help.

Apart from that, welcome to ASD.

now i'm sadder than you are so ,
i get all the new poor you , n'kay