| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"mighty mouse" |
| Date: |
24 Apr 2007 06:05:48 AM |
| Object: |
long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
25 Apr 2007 03:49:52 PM |
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"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
and we'll be here for you miss kylie.
you can do this!!!
~cindy
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
26 Apr 2007 06:26:01 AM |
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used2be wrote:
"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
and we'll be here for you miss kylie.
you can do this!!!
~cindy
Thanks for your support Cindy
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 12:45:10 PM |
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"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
<snipped pdoc visit>
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
It is the way to health. One baby step at a time. I'm happy to be needed.
Here and in e-mail. My inbox is always open. You can do this. :-)
--
Rhi
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:45:38 PM |
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Rhiannon wrote:
"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
<snipped pdoc visit>
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
It is the way to health. One baby step at a time. I'm happy to be needed.
Here and in e-mail. My inbox is always open. You can do this. :-)
--
Rhi
Thanks Rhi....I know I need to do this. It hurts already :(
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:47:48 PM |
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"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him, that
a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the extreme anger
and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been able to express
over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until I
was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I never
expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it in
a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very hard,
and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know what
this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
It does sound like you've made some progress though for that I'm happy for
you and for the future, I'll be here if you need me.
Jane
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 08:41:02 PM |
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Jane wrote:
"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him, that
a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the extreme anger
and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been able to express
over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until I
was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I never
expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it in
a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very hard,
and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know what
this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
It does sound like you've made some progress though for that I'm happy for
you and for the future, I'll be here if you need me.
Jane
Thanks Jane.
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| User: "JustaBeing" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 10:46:08 AM |
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"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him, that
a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the extreme anger
and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been able to express
over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until I
was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I never
expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it in
a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very hard,
and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know what
this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
and thats ok too, I'm willing to bet that there's many here who not only
support you in this, but applaud you as well! What you're going to finally
do takes alot of courage, and I'm sure there are many besides myself who
admire you simply for being intelligent and courageous and doing what you've
really needed to do for years...........
Yes, pretty scary alright but it sounds as if you have an excellent pdoc who
knows you well, and can help you do this at last........
And again, I'm sure there are plenty of folks here who are rooting for you
and will be more than happy to provide some e-support to you ; )
justa
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:43:10 PM |
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JustaBeing wrote:
"mighty mouse" <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com...
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him, that
a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the extreme anger
and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been able to express
over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until I
was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I never
expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it in
a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very hard,
and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know what
this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
and thats ok too, I'm willing to bet that there's many here who not only
support you in this, but applaud you as well! What you're going to finally
do takes alot of courage, and I'm sure there are many besides myself who
admire you simply for being intelligent and courageous and doing what you've
really needed to do for years...........
Thanks Justa.
8 years since my anxiety and depression started to control my life.
13 years since I was old enough to understand what happened to me and
start to feel the effects. It's been too long.
Yes, pretty scary alright but it sounds as if you have an excellent pdoc who
knows you well, and can help you do this at last........
Yeah, he's great. Even though I desperately want him to sometimes, he
doesn't just reach for the prescription pad. He wants me to get to the
cause. He said if there was a pill that would help me, he'd prescribe
it, but anything he does will only work to a point, until I start to let
go of this anger.
And again, I'm sure there are plenty of folks here who are rooting for you
and will be more than happy to provide some e-support to you ; )
justa
Thanks
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:56:32 AM |
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In message <132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> writes
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni,
I fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it
until I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled,
I never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the
time to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control
me, if I learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression
and do it in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I suspect you won't let yourself go farther than you're ready to go. We
think of ourselves as insane, but behind all the mess, there's a lot of
self-help going on inside. Sometimes one shell cracks, but there's
usually another in place holding the worst of us ready for the next
phase. No one ever completely falls apart - it's just a turn of phrase.
IMHO
I hope. :)
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
That's what we're here for.
IMNSHO
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:48:14 AM |
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Alan Harding wrote:
In message <132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> writes
(snipped)
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm
ready for this.....
I suspect you won't let yourself go farther than you're ready to go. We
think of ourselves as insane, but behind all the mess, there's a lot of
self-help going on inside. Sometimes one shell cracks, but there's
usually another in place holding the worst of us ready for the next
phase. No one ever completely falls apart - it's just a turn of phrase.
IMHO
I hope. :)
Me too. I need to do this, but I need to do it safely, without risking
my sanity.
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
That's what we're here for.
Thanks Alan.
IMNSHO
Sorry, I don't know this one...
.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 11:10:18 AM |
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In message <132rv4ehgqkp790@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<mousie9947NOSPAM@hotmail.com> writes
Alan Harding wrote:
In message <132rp4d4n498e46@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> writes
(snipped)
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm
ready for this.....
I suspect you won't let yourself go farther than you're ready to go.
We think of ourselves as insane, but behind all the mess, there's a
lot of self-help going on inside. Sometimes one shell cracks, but
there's usually another in place holding the worst of us ready for the
next phase. No one ever completely falls apart - it's just a turn of phrase.
IMHO
I hope. :)
Me too. I need to do this, but I need to do it safely, without risking
my sanity.
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
That's what we're here for.
Thanks Alan.
IMNSHO
Sorry, I don't know this one...
In my not so humble opinion. I think it's a dead cert. :)
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 10:24:57 AM |
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On 4/24/2007 5:05 AM, mighty mouse was all like:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
I concur
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 05:30:55 PM |
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On Apr 24, 4:05=EF=BF=BDam, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. =A0I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). =A0I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. =A0I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. =A0If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. =A0I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. =A0It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. =A0My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. =A0Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. =A0I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
Good luck kylie, give em hell!! you can do it, you are stronger
then you think you are, JILL
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:49:26 PM |
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jill wrote:
On Apr 24, 4:05�am, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
(snipped)
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. �I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
Good luck kylie, give em hell!! you can do it, you are stronger
then you think you are, JILL
My pdoc said the same thing, that I am strong enough to do this. I told
him I have a lot of doubts.
I hope I can do this, and finally be able to get healthy and stay that way.
.
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| User: "Den Fox" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 11:32:58 AM |
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On Apr 24, 7:05 am, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
I think you're going to have a lot to deal with as you face your
anger, other emotions will surely follow.
Why is anger scary? <sincere question> :-?
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:28:34 PM |
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Den Fox wrote:
On Apr 24, 7:05 am, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
I think you're going to have a lot to deal with as you face your
anger, other emotions will surely follow.
Why is anger scary? <sincere question> :-?
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All those
things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being angry, other
than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and because I
feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for far
too long.
.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:29:48 PM |
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In message <132t4l2b81rvf00@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<mousie9947NOSPAM@hotmail.com> writes
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All those
things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being angry, other
than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and because
I feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for far
too long.
I've always had a big anger problem, down to strangling someone once. He
deserved it. Red rages. Clenched fists.
As an adult, you aren't allowed that, and it disappeared somewhere, but
as a depressive, I found I had less and less control. I was scaring
Wynne and my wife, so I had to pull it all in tight and slam the door
shut.
I still haven't done anything with it. I don't feel it's a problem - the
door's secure so it's not affecting me - but then, I don't feel I know
what my problems are.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 08:40:25 PM |
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Alan Harding wrote:
In message <132t4l2b81rvf00@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<mousie9947NOSPAM@hotmail.com> writes
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All those
things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being angry, other
than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and because
I feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for far
too long.
I've always had a big anger problem, down to strangling someone once. He
deserved it. Red rages. Clenched fists.
As an adult, you aren't allowed that, and it disappeared somewhere, but
as a depressive, I found I had less and less control. I was scaring
Wynne and my wife, so I had to pull it all in tight and slam the door shut.
I still haven't done anything with it. I don't feel it's a problem - the
door's secure so it's not affecting me - but then, I don't feel I know
what my problems are.
That's exactly it. I was squeezing the door tighter and tighter, but
the feelings were still getting out. Sometimes as anger (although not
violence towards others - it's been a long time since I last hit
someone), and more often as anxiety and depression. I have no idea what
the triggering thoughts for these moods are, I have no awareness of
thinking anything, but I can't control these feelings anymore, so I
guess I have to deal with them.
.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
28 Apr 2007 05:30:01 AM |
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|
In message <132tccbb8vj8f57@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<mousie9947NOSPAM@hotmail.com> writes
Alan Harding wrote:
In message <132t4l2b81rvf00@corp.supernews.com>, mighty mouse
<mousie9947NOSPAM@hotmail.com> writes
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All
those things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being
angry, other than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and
because I feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone
around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for
far too long.
I've always had a big anger problem, down to strangling someone
once. He deserved it. Red rages. Clenched fists.
As an adult, you aren't allowed that, and it disappeared somewhere,
but as a depressive, I found I had less and less control. I was
scaring Wynne and my wife, so I had to pull it all in tight and slam
the door shut.
I still haven't done anything with it. I don't feel it's a problem -
the door's secure so it's not affecting me - but then, I don't feel I
know what my problems are.
That's exactly it. I was squeezing the door tighter and tighter, but
the feelings were still getting out. Sometimes as anger (although not
violence towards others - it's been a long time since I last hit
someone), and more often as anxiety and depression. I have no idea
what the triggering thoughts for these moods are, I have no awareness
of thinking anything, but I can't control these feelings anymore, so I
guess I have to deal with them.
I say it's all locked down and no trouble, and it comes raging out for
not much reason. All I can do is warn Wynne and my wife it's there and
to watch out for it.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "Den Fox" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
27 Apr 2007 09:54:23 AM |
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On Apr 24, 7:28 pm, mighty mouse <mousie9947NOS...@hotmail.com> wrote:
Den Fox wrote:
On Apr 24, 7:05 am, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
I think you're going to have a lot to deal with as you face your
anger, other emotions will surely follow.
Why is anger scary? <sincere question> :-?
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All those
things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being angry, other
than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and because I
feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for far
too long.- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
Well, I don't have any answers here. I'm not that smart, but I can
tell you what I think (I guess, I couldn't very well tell you what
anyone else thinks). I think there's a difference between being angry,
expressing your anger and uncontrolled rage. I suppose that I could
give myself permission to have uncontrolled rage, but I don't.
Probably an expert could tell you better, but when I begin to feel
angry, I think I set certain barriers; I will allow myself to yell,
but I won't get physical - that's the first barrier -- well, maybe
not, I might say 'I will not allow myself to yell.' But, if I'm angry,
I will most likely raise my voice. So, yelling that's the first
barrier. Before you get angry, you make that decision; I will or I
will not yell. The next barrier is getting physical; I will, or will
not allow myself to strike inanimate objects like a table top, or a
chair, a door, or a wall. Usually, I'd say its best not to pass that
barrier - punching a pillow or a bed.
Then, from there there are many other barriers; throwing things, a
pillow, a ball; running, or exiting the situation; throwing
potentially dangerous things; and, laying your hands on somebody.
I think you decide (or at least that's how it works with me) where
those barriers are that you will not cross. But, I think everyone will
agree that you have to let the anger out somewhere, somehow or at
least let it go.
Don't get mad at me, okay? ;-) <jk>
-denfox
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
28 Apr 2007 12:11:17 AM |
|
|
Den Fox wrote:
On Apr 24, 7:28 pm, mighty mouse <mousie9947NOS...@hotmail.com> wrote:
Den Fox wrote:
On Apr 24, 7:05 am, mighty mouse <kye...@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni, I
fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it until
I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never yelled, I
never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep going
like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that it's
going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was very
hard, and I haven't even started.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm ready
for this.....
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
I think you're going to have a lot to deal with as you face your
anger, other emotions will surely follow.
Why is anger scary? <sincere question> :-?
Anger leads to shouting, violence and being out of control. All those
things are not good. I need to learn safer ways of being angry, other
than lashing out at other people.
I've held my feelings in, because I feel it's both wrong and
unacceptable for me to show anger (not what good girls do) and because I
feel if I let it out if will consume me and hurt everyone around me.
Now, to learn how to do this safely. I've been holding it in for far
too long.- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
Well, I don't have any answers here. I'm not that smart, but I can
tell you what I think (I guess, I couldn't very well tell you what
anyone else thinks). I think there's a difference between being angry,
expressing your anger and uncontrolled rage. I suppose that I could
give myself permission to have uncontrolled rage, but I don't.
Probably an expert could tell you better, but when I begin to feel
angry, I think I set certain barriers; I will allow myself to yell,
but I won't get physical - that's the first barrier -- well, maybe
not, I might say 'I will not allow myself to yell.' But, if I'm angry,
I will most likely raise my voice. So, yelling that's the first
barrier. Before you get angry, you make that decision; I will or I
will not yell. The next barrier is getting physical; I will, or will
not allow myself to strike inanimate objects like a table top, or a
chair, a door, or a wall. Usually, I'd say its best not to pass that
barrier - punching a pillow or a bed.
Then, from there there are many other barriers; throwing things, a
pillow, a ball; running, or exiting the situation; throwing
potentially dangerous things; and, laying your hands on somebody.
I think you decide (or at least that's how it works with me) where
those barriers are that you will not cross. But, I think everyone will
agree that you have to let the anger out somewhere, somehow or at
least let it go.
Don't get mad at me, okay? ;-) <jk>
-denfox
Hey Denfox, I won't blow up at you :)
I have a really explosive anger style. When I get mad, I yell and I say
things I totally regret later (which has had horrible consequences for
me) and I have lashed out physically a couple of times and hit people,
but only a couple of times. I yell and abuse until the anger is out of
my system, then I just sit down and cry until I fall asleep. The rant
is totally out of control, but it always follows the same pattern and I
just go and go until I'm exhausted.
I think my biggest fear, is that if I drop my guard (which I don't know
how to do anyway) that I will feel all the anger and the hate and the
depression, and I won't be able to cope and I'll end up suicidal again.
Feeling the way I am now is slowly killing me, but I take the risk
that if I really feel this and I don't do it properly, or I don't handle
it well, then that could kill me a lot quicker.
I need to find out firstly how to drop my guard, then find a safe place
to do it where I can stay there as long as I need to (unlike therapy)
and there will be no bad consequences to my relationships, and then try
to work out how to stay in control once I start to let myself really
feel this.
.
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| User: "Jesters mummy" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:53:39 AM |
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|
On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 21:05:48 +1000, mighty mouse <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
<(((*>Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
<(((*>little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
<(((*>destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
<(((*>
<(((*>My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
<(((*>to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
<(((*>learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
<(((*>in a supported environment.
Facing the anger and learning to let it out safely is not nearly as terrifying
as sitting on it not knowing when it is going to explode. Take it from someone
who's been there.
I found during my own abuse recovery experience that there were times when I
needed a physical way to release the feelings that therapy was stirring up. I
was used to turning the anger and self-loathing inward, but part of changing the
patterns was learning to turn it outward in ways that were healthy for me but
not harmful to others.
I suspect you could encounter the same thing, and I'm wondering if it might help
you to take up the martial arts, something like karate, for instance, where you
learn to channel and control aggression. (This approach is nice because it helps
your physical fitness, teaches you self-defence, and marks your progress &
improvement by awarding you a new belt every so often.)
A quick and easy way to work out the anger is to take a bag of ice cubes out to
the alley and throw them as hard as possible against a wall. That makes a nice
smash, it melts and evaporates leaving no mess, but of course it doesn't come
with a cool karate-ji.
Whether you make ice cubes or work your way up to black belt, though, you've
already taken the biggest, hardest, scariest step, and we're here to back you up
the whole way.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 08:07:13 AM |
|
|
Jester's mummy wrote:
On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 21:05:48 +1000, mighty mouse <kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:
<(((*>Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and when
<(((*>little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past, it's
<(((*>destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
<(((*>
<(((*>My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the time
<(((*>to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control me, if I
<(((*>learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression and do it
<(((*>in a supported environment.
Facing the anger and learning to let it out safely is not nearly as terrifying
as sitting on it not knowing when it is going to explode. Take it from someone
who's been there.
I found during my own abuse recovery experience that there were times when I
needed a physical way to release the feelings that therapy was stirring up. I
was used to turning the anger and self-loathing inward, but part of changing the
patterns was learning to turn it outward in ways that were healthy for me but
not harmful to others.
I suspect you could encounter the same thing, and I'm wondering if it might help
you to take up the martial arts, something like karate, for instance, where you
learn to channel and control aggression. (This approach is nice because it helps
your physical fitness, teaches you self-defence, and marks your progress &
improvement by awarding you a new belt every so often.)
A quick and easy way to work out the anger is to take a bag of ice cubes out to
the alley and throw them as hard as possible against a wall. That makes a nice
smash, it melts and evaporates leaving no mess, but of course it doesn't come
with a cool karate-ji.
Whether you make ice cubes or work your way up to black belt, though, you've
already taken the biggest, hardest, scariest step, and we're here to back you up
the whole way.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
Thanks so much for responding Tara. I respect your opinions so much.
I did taekwondo during my final year of high school, as an outlet for
stress. I wasn't very good, but it did help me at the time. I might do
a yellow pages search and see what groups are in the area where I'm
living now.
I do have a big bag of ice cubes in the freezer at the moment....perhaps
I'll put them to use in the next few days.
Right now, 5 hours after the end of my appointment, I feel anxious,
scared and emotionally drained, all at the same time.
I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow and she how she plans to help
me. Then I guess I'll have an idea of what to expect and can start to
prepare.
Thank you. I'm glad you're here.
.
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:14:33 AM |
|
|
mighty mouse wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
I showed him two posts from here that I wrote in the past week or so,
which I printed out and took with me.
He strongly believes, and when confronted with it, I agreed with him,
that a major cause of my anxiety (and at times depression) is the
extreme anger and grief (my words from a post) which I have never been
able to express over the abuse that I endured as a child.
When I started to talk about it with a psychologist when I was at uni,
I fell into a deep depression (my first episode). I talked about it
until I was blue in the face, but I never really cried, I never
yelled, I never expressed anything. I just let it turn inwards.
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep
going like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Makes sense to me. I've read several sources which state that anger left
unexpressed for a prolonged time can cause a greatly lowered level of
serotonin, the biochemical hallmark of depression.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and
when little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past,
it's destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
That'll happen too. Anger unexpressed at its cause certainly can become
misdirected.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the
time to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control
me, if I learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression
and do it in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that
it's going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was
very hard, and I haven't even started.
Oh, yeah, it can be very difficult. I speak from personal experience.
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm
ready for this.....
I hope you are too.
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
Will do.
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:53:38 AM |
|
|
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
mighty mouse wrote:
(snipped)
As my pdoc said today, I've been doing that for years. If I keep
going like that, it will slowly eat away at me until it destroys me.
Makes sense to me. I've read several sources which state that anger left
unexpressed for a prolonged time can cause a greatly lowered level of
serotonin, the biochemical hallmark of depression.
I hadn't read this, but I do believe it.
And untreated/uncontrolled anxiety and depression have a big impact on
all areas of physical health...that may help explain a few other things.
Facing my anger terrifies me. I've suppressed it for so long, and
when little bits have leaked out from behind my shield in the past,
it's destroyed my relationships and hurt the people that I love.
That'll happen too. Anger unexpressed at its cause certainly can become
misdirected.
My anger and jealousy and fear strongly contributed to the destruction
of my relationship with a man I still strongly love. I can never get
that back, but hopefully I can rebuild and be able to have a healthy
relationship in the future.
My pdoc assured me that I am strong enough to do this, and that the
time to do it is now. It will not destroy me, consume me or control
me, if I learn through therapy to release my anger without aggression
and do it in a supported environment.
I do trust him, but I have so many fears and doubts.
I have no idea what this is going to involve. My pdoc warned that
it's going to be very hard. Hell, today's appointment with him was
very hard, and I haven't even started.
Oh, yeah, it can be very difficult. I speak from personal experience.
Sorry you have had experience with this. If you have any insight to
offer, which I might be able to understand before I go through this,
please drop me a line
(the yahoo account I was using for a reply-to address appears to be
dead. I'm now using a hotmail addy which works, minus the spam block.)
I'm waiting to speak to my therapist tonight, because I need to know
what this is going to involve before I start.
I'm terrified, but I think this is the way to health. I hope I'm
ready for this.....
I hope you are too.
I get the feeling I may really need you guys over the coming months.
Will do.
Thanks Nick. I really appreciate the response, considering the pain I
know you're going through at the moment.
.
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| User: "the_dawggie" |
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| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 06:40:38 AM |
|
|
mighty mouse wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
Good luck with it.
I fairly feel nothingness these days.
I want to, but not really gunna happen.
.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
|
| Title: Re: long road ahead (abuse mentioned) |
24 Apr 2007 07:45:58 AM |
|
|
the_dawggie wrote:
mighty mouse wrote:
Well, I saw my pdoc today. I sat hunched forward, deep breathing at
times, and told him my anxiety was terrible, which it was.
Good luck with it.
I fairly feel nothingness these days.
I want to, but not really gunna happen.
Sorry you feel that way. Do you do therapy? It has helped me regain
feelings in the past.
I feel no sadness over what happened to me.
I feel crippling anxiety, and strong anger which is directed at nothing
and everything.
I need to give it an outlet, before my life is totally destroyed.
.
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