In message <Xns97B674FB98F3mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>,
lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> writes

i have a long appt with my therp. still don't know what i'm
going to say, but like the idea of having someone i pay to
***** to.

his idea of replacing suicidal ideation with more
meditative thought isn't working too well, but i'll keep
trying. he is right that when i feel really bad i tend to
hold my breath, which makes everything worse. i need to pay
more attention to my breathing.

As well as directly helping, it can work as a distraction
if you do the counting.

besides that, there's not a whole lot to say, and i have a
double session. for the past couple of days, i haven't even
felt so bad, but the urges for suicide and self-harm are
still extremely high. no change there. maybe i'm just more
numb than i realise.

Roll on partial.

lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> wrote:

his idea of replacing suicidal ideation with more
meditative thought isn't working too well, but i'll keep
trying. he is right that when i feel really bad i tend to
hold my breath, which makes everything worse. i need to
pay more attention to my breathing.

I had certain kinds of recurrent thoughts I tried
to replace for years. I must admit the ZZZZoloft
lessened them, much more effectively than any non
Rx modality.

I had a short course of relaxation therapy way
back, years ago. Didn't help for what I took it for,
but taught me how to unclench certain muscles.

lisa in mass. wrote:

i have a long appt with my therp. still don't know what
i'm going to say, but like the idea of having someone i
pay to ***** to.

his idea of replacing suicidal ideation with more
meditative thought isn't working too well, but i'll keep
trying. he is right that when i feel really bad i tend to
hold my breath, which makes everything worse. i need to
pay more attention to my breathing.

besides that, there's not a whole lot to say, and i have a
double session. for the past couple of days, i haven't
even felt so bad, but the urges for suicide and self-harm
are still extremely high. no change there. maybe i'm just
more numb than i realise.

-lisa

hey lisa,, yeah this sounds good. but is all the focus
on helping
you find ways to deal with the ideation. Is any attention
being paid to why you have to wage this war with your
subconcious self?? It's okay not to answer this
question . I am not at all sure I should even ask it.. I
don't know much about your case. best, jill

lisa in mass. wrote:

i have a long appt with my therp. still don't know what i'm going to say,
but like the idea of having someone i pay to ***** to. his idea of
replacing suicidal ideation with more meditative thought isn't working
too well, but i'll keep trying. he is right that when i feel really bad i
tend to hold my breath, which makes everything worse. i need to pay more
attention to my breathing.

Does he meditate, Lisa? Maybe you could spend part of the session doing
that and getting more 'muscle' in the paying attention to breathing
exercises you do. Kind of like working with a trainer at a gym. I use this
resource, too:

http://www.orindaben.com/meditations/orinmeditations.htm

The exercises are under 4 minutes and, if all I do is breathe better
during them, it's 4 minutes well spent. For me. Good luck with your
session and the upcoming partial.

Gayle

lisa in mass. wrote:

i have a long appt with my therp. still don't know what
i'm going to say, but like the idea of having someone i
pay to ***** to.

his idea of replacing suicidal ideation with more
meditative thought isn't working too well, but i'll keep
trying. he is right that when i feel really bad i tend to
hold my breath, which makes everything worse. i need to
pay more attention to my breathing.

Does he meditate, Lisa? Maybe you could
spend part of the session doing that and
getting more 'muscle' in the paying
attention to breathing exercises you do.
Kind of like working with a trainer
at a gym. I use this resource, too:

http://www.orindaben.com/meditations/orinmeditations.htm

The exercises are under 4 minutes and,
if all I do is breathe better during
them, it's 4 minutes well spent. For me.
Good luck with your session and the
upcoming partial.

Gayle