My girlfriend of 6 months has recently told me she's been on
anti-depressants for 7 years. She's 31 now. She told mne after college
she had a career (journalism) and had some lucky breaks early on, then
she had some unlucky breaks and decided to quit that job.
I guess this is about the time she went on medication.
Since then, and currently, she is in a low paying, dead end job that
she hates. She has no social life to speak of - some old friends who
she catches up with one a month or two and her daily concerns are
"small". What I mean is, she sweats the small stuff and doesn't work
on improving the "big picture". So she gets upset if one of her
friends calls/doesn't call or looks at her funny or her medication is
running out or the house is messy or... an endless amount of trivia
uses up her energy. Meanwhile her job is the same as it was a year
ago, her debts eat up 1/2 her paycheck, she eats take-outs and
stresses about weight/money. The big things: job, money, weight stay
the same while the small stuff shuffles round and round.
To me, and she has said this herself occasionally, she needs to get a
job she at least doesn't hate. She has "ambitious" (read: unrealistic)
plans to move to a different state, pay her way through grad school
then open a therapy clinic... even though she's still in debt from
school and has no background in that type of work.
So... I'm wondering, what's the deal with anti-depressants? Seems to
me they have kept her functioning for 7 years in no-man's land -
living month-to-month with no thoughts for the long term. She seems to
care more about how she "feels", changing medications and what her
therapist says than building a life.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
20 Sep 2004 01:53:49 PM |
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"huggie" <a105366@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:a9537d31.0409201035.2fd715d7@posting.google.com...
My girlfriend of 6 months has recently told me she's been on
anti-depressants for 7 years. She's 31 now. She told mne after college
she had a career (journalism) and had some lucky breaks early on, then
she had some unlucky breaks and decided to quit that job.
I guess this is about the time she went on medication.
Since then, and currently, she is in a low paying, dead end job that
she hates. She has no social life to speak of - some old friends who
she catches up with one a month or two and her daily concerns are
"small". What I mean is, she sweats the small stuff and doesn't work
on improving the "big picture". So she gets upset if one of her
friends calls/doesn't call or looks at her funny or her medication is
running out or the house is messy or... an endless amount of trivia
uses up her energy. Meanwhile her job is the same as it was a year
ago, her debts eat up 1/2 her paycheck, she eats take-outs and
stresses about weight/money. The big things: job, money, weight stay
the same while the small stuff shuffles round and round.
To me, and she has said this herself occasionally, she needs to get a
job she at least doesn't hate. She has "ambitious" (read: unrealistic)
plans to move to a different state, pay her way through grad school
then open a therapy clinic... even though she's still in debt from
school and has no background in that type of work.
So... I'm wondering, what's the deal with anti-depressants? Seems to
me they have kept her functioning for 7 years in no-man's land -
living month-to-month with no thoughts for the long term. She seems to
care more about how she "feels", changing medications and what her
therapist says than building a life.
ask her what happends without the meds and it might give you a better idea
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| User: "huggie" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
20 Sep 2004 04:55:46 PM |
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"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message news:<10ku9r4b2l57nfc@corp.supernews.com>...
ask her what happends without the meds and it might give you a better idea
She says she gets tired & irritable. After 7 years on pills I think
I'd be curious whether I was "over" it or not? Am I misunderstanding
depression - *can* you get over it or once diagnosed are you on
medication the rest of your life?
If you can get better, surely you need to minimise whatever causes
your depression, ie. debt, boring job, overweight, no friends... That
sounds to me the normal process of 'having a life'. Otherwise surely
the medication just keeps you in stasis - years pass, nothing *real*
happens, it's a vicious circle.
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
20 Sep 2004 05:14:26 PM |
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"huggie" <a105366@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:a9537d31.0409201355.3aba341@posting.google.com...
"%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message news:<10ku9r4b2l57nfc@corp.supernews.com>...
ask her what happends without the meds and it might give you a better idea
She says she gets tired & irritable. After 7 years on pills I think
I'd be curious whether I was "over" it or not? Am I misunderstanding
depression - *can* you get over it or once diagnosed are you on
medication the rest of your life?
If you can get better, surely you need to minimise whatever causes
your depression, ie. debt, boring job, overweight, no friends... That
sounds to me the normal process of 'having a life'. Otherwise surely
the medication just keeps you in stasis - years pass, nothing *real*
happens, it's a vicious circle.
some people do manage to manage it eventually ,
but if its truely depression it has nothing to do with ,
ie. debt, boring job, overweight, no friends ,
it's a mental condition a chemical imbalance in her brain
so its a little more than a question of just , " getting over it "
for some people just being stasis is all they can manage ,
in fact to them that is life compared to the alternatives
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
23 Sep 2004 12:56:02 PM |
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On Mon, 20 Sep 2004 15:14:26 -0700, "%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote:
->some people do manage to manage it eventually ,
->but if its truely depression it has nothing to do with ,
->ie. debt, boring job, overweight, no friends ,
->it's a mental condition a chemical imbalance in her brain
->so its a little more than a question of just , " getting over it "
->for some people just being stasis is all they can manage ,
->in fact to them that is life compared to the alternatives
Nicely said, %.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
20 Sep 2004 07:07:53 PM |
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On 20 Sep 2004 14:55:46 -0700, (huggie) wrote:
<(((*> "%" <surfs@uniserve> wrote in message news:<10ku9r4b2l57nfc@corp.supernews.com>...
<(((*> >
<(((*> > ask her what happends without the meds and it might give you a better idea
<(((*>
<(((*> She says she gets tired & irritable. After 7 years on pills I think
<(((*> I'd be curious whether I was "over" it or not? Am I misunderstanding
<(((*> depression - *can* you get over it or once diagnosed are you on
<(((*> medication the rest of your life?
Depends.
Situational depression, you get over it after awhile.
Clinical depression, you might need to spend the rest of your
life on ADs.
I'm in the second group.
BTW, with therapy and meds and the investment of time and energy,
I have made that jump into a satisfying job and, by extension, a
rich and satisfying life. It can be done.
It isn't easy.
If your friend hasn't been able to do it, don't assume that she's
the weakest link. You don't know what demons she is wrestling.
And in the end, only she can live her life.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
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| User: "Velvet Elvis" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
23 Sep 2004 03:31:09 PM |
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huggie wrote:
If you can get better, surely you need to minimise whatever causes
your depression, ie. debt, boring job, overweight, no friends... That
sounds to me the normal process of 'having a life'. Otherwise surely
the medication just keeps you in stasis - years pass, nothing *real*
happens, it's a vicious circle.
FWIW, being able to live a life like you describe her currently having is
actually my goal right now. It might look pathetic to you, but you have no
idea how low things can go.
--
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from
the true accounts which it invents later.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: Minutia |
21 Sep 2004 12:13:02 AM |
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huggie <a105366@yahoo.com> wrote:
My girlfriend of 6 months has recently told me she's been on
anti-depressants for 7 years...
stresses about weight/money. The big things: job, money, weight stay
the same while the small stuff shuffles round and round.
To me, and she has said this herself occasionally, she needs to get a
job she at least doesn't hate....
Strongly advised.
So... I'm wondering, what's the deal with anti-depressants? Seems to
me they have kept her functioning for 7 years in no-man's land -
Keeping ppl functioning is a Good Thing (tm) esp. if that
includes functioning in paid employment in any capacity.
The ADs don't impart life skills or career strategies tghough.
Nor do most forms of therapy as far as I can see.
living month-to-month with no thoughts for the long term. She seems to
care more about how she "feels", changing medications and what her
therapist says than building a life.
You may be on to somethng here. Lots of ppl, with and without
depression with and without Rx, over focus on cureent moods or
moments. Some therapists encourage it, and even teach the person
to think constantly about the therapeutic "relationship" ... this
is just standard with old style analysis ... which was even
admitted to be interminable. Once upon a time New York
magazine had a cover story "Hooked on Therapy" (very rough
guess mid 80s) "I missed the bus today and my neighbor's dog
is sick but I am not having any strong reaction to these events
which is so amazing because I usually do not react normally"
that's my attempt at a quote from it.
OTOH although this phenomenon exists, your friend may not
be an instance AT ALL of it.
Whether she is or is not, I'm not sure what you can do about
it. She may become more open to other possibilities, maybe
she will not.
I'm not saying there is _nothing_ you can do, but trying to
force solutions on the unwilling or unready will not be
rewarding for you.
Wishing both of you all the best.
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