I'm amazed at how rapidly my moods shifts.I guess everyone has mixed
feelings but all kinds of things,maybe I'm mmore aware of my feelings
then many people because I'm so introspective.My therapist tells me
I'm very advanced in terms of my psychological ideas.I don't know.I'm
not completly convinced,but it does make sense that when your in your
own world alot,your naturally going to overanalyze your thoughts and
feeling often.I just wish I could find more of a balance between being
in my own world and the outside world...
I still feel some guilt about not working more,not having more
payed work.Yes,I'm happy to work a few hours every day,whether paid or
volunteer,but some people have to work such long hours at such hard
jobs,with no financial support.having financial support is
wonderful,but it is hard to let go of the guilt associated with it.I
know on some level comparing is pointless,that we all have our
individual journeys,and it's important to be honest with ourselves
about what we are going through both internally and externally,still,I
know I've been lucky.It's so easy to get stuck in the negative thought
pattern(and there are SO many negative thought patterns to get stuck
in),yet I often forget that some people have much harder lives then
me.I've been sheltered in many ways.It feels self indulgent to feel
sorry for myself.I often worry about being too much of a pollyanna,not
facing reality,but I guess being a pollyanna and feeling too hopeless
are just 2 sides of the sames coin.I can't be afraid to take
chances,risks,get out of my comfort zone.I keep thinking that I'm 30
years old...I'm too old to not try new things,new ways of thinking and
coping with the world.
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