Went through the former Yugoslavian war at it's worst. Immigrated to Canada in
1994. Life was hard. Spoke no English so when I started school I was always
made fun of and every other day was a school fight. All I knew was suspention
and fights. Never provoked a fight but I always finished one. When I would go
home my mom would phisically abuse me at least 3-4 weekly until I was 14.
That was tramatising enough as it is. To top things of in my life I also got
molested by a cop at 14 with a 50% chance that I was raped by him>I was told to
face the front, so I can only imagine...All of this trama made me smoke weed
like most people breathe in air. I was on my own since 14. I am 21 now.
Depression is a neverending trama in my life. I stayed hi from 14 to late 20
averaging 4 grams a day. Got envolved in thug life so that I could support my
self and pay for my drugs. From weed, came coke,k,then ecstacy. I was addicted
for years. I was going nowhere in life and after many attempts to quit drugs I
finaly suceeded at 21. I have now been drug free for over 8 months and am very
proud of my self. Three months after I was drug free my memory started to come
back and I remembered the trama that the cops put me through! "To know where
you're going, you have to know where you've been"...Needless to say I was a
blink of an eye away from making the news upon my discovery. All I wanted to do
at the time was buy a gun and kill cops. God saved me from destroying my life.
I went to Internal Affairs and told them about my story. The investigation is
still pending...
My life...Well I realy don't have one. I havent worked in 6 years, bad credit,
lack of energy and social life is my life. Depression is here 24/7 and nothing
seems to be getting rid of it! Every day I wonder if I have done too much
drugs. I guess only time will tell. I feel like I am chasing a rainbow! For
some reason I can never get to it. It sux! Almost impossible to keep hope. I
tried killing my self 3 times when I was 16 and 17 but that didn't seem to
work, so you can only imagine how pathetic I feel. I can't even kill my self
:(... Any suggestions on how I could improve my pathetic lifestyle? Thanx in
advance, and God bless :)
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