| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"IncoWarren_" |
| Date: |
06 Mar 2005 10:31:40 PM |
| Object: |
More on expectations |
First of all, thank you very much for sharing your ideas about
expectations; I'm almost back on track regarding my problem. As it
happens all the time in my life in the romance dept., I look forward
to certain outcome in a certain situation by expecting too much, not
necessarily unrealistically, but probably expect just too much under
the wrong place and wrong time circumstances.
That brings me to the subject of 'expectations'; reading various sites
and postings, I also realized that we can create our self-fulfilling
prophesies regarding basic or higher outcomes. There has been
research done about people getting what they expect, i.e. transmitting
the negativity through various ways, like when you go to a restaurant
and getting service or walking on stage and stepping or just in the
work environment where you preconceptions make one treat individuals
on a certain way.
Anyhow, my question now is: in terms of relationships, how do we know
what to settle for? I read many stories where people settle for people
who don't think is attractive and end up getting divorced, etc. If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever? any experiences on finding someone you liked
even though you thought she was above your level?
Thank you again for your inputs.
IW
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| User: "DaKitty" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
12 Mar 2005 09:39:28 PM |
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"IncoWarren_" <lameyvnvvbbas@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:itkn21pm2s13fslhqvbphn9so3sp3hffjd@4ax.com...
First of all, thank you very much for sharing your ideas about
expectations; I'm almost back on track regarding my problem. As it
happens all the time in my life in the romance dept., I look forward
to certain outcome in a certain situation by expecting too much, not
necessarily unrealistically, but probably expect just too much under
the wrong place and wrong time circumstances.
That brings me to the subject of 'expectations'; reading various sites
and postings, I also realized that we can create our self-fulfilling
prophesies regarding basic or higher outcomes. There has been
research done about people getting what they expect, i.e. transmitting
the negativity through various ways, like when you go to a restaurant
and getting service or walking on stage and stepping or just in the
work environment where you preconceptions make one treat individuals
on a certain way.
Anyhow, my question now is: in terms of relationships, how do we know
what to settle for? I read many stories where people settle for people
who don't think is attractive and end up getting divorced, etc. If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever? any experiences on finding someone you liked
even though you thought she was above your level?
Thank you again for your inputs.
The best way to know whether you want someone as a partner is
a) to take time to know yourself well, what you like, what you dislike, what
you can tolerate, and what drives you up the wall...
b) to take time to get to know the person that your potential mate, and see
how you two fit.
There are Ares of compatibility that need to be met:
Intellectually
Emotionally
Physically and sexually
Spiritually
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
12 Mar 2005 09:42:09 PM |
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"DaKitty" <Imgonna@dotcomsomething.net> wrote in message news:OBOYd.214680$0u.155221@fed1read04...
:
: "IncoWarren_" <lameyvnvvbbas@yahoo.com> wrote in message
: news:itkn21pm2s13fslhqvbphn9so3sp3hffjd@4ax.com...
: > First of all, thank you very much for sharing your ideas about
: > expectations; I'm almost back on track regarding my problem. As it
: > happens all the time in my life in the romance dept., I look forward
: > to certain outcome in a certain situation by expecting too much, not
: > necessarily unrealistically, but probably expect just too much under
: > the wrong place and wrong time circumstances.
: >
: > That brings me to the subject of 'expectations'; reading various sites
: > and postings, I also realized that we can create our self-fulfilling
: > prophesies regarding basic or higher outcomes. There has been
: > research done about people getting what they expect, i.e. transmitting
: > the negativity through various ways, like when you go to a restaurant
: > and getting service or walking on stage and stepping or just in the
: > work environment where you preconceptions make one treat individuals
: > on a certain way.
: >
: > Anyhow, my question now is: in terms of relationships, how do we know
: > what to settle for? I read many stories where people settle for people
: > who don't think is attractive and end up getting divorced, etc. If we
: > don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
: > remain alone forever? any experiences on finding someone you liked
: > even though you thought she was above your level?
: >
: > Thank you again for your inputs.
:
: The best way to know whether you want someone as a partner is
:
: a) to take time to know yourself well, what you like, what you dislike, what
: you can tolerate, and what drives you up the wall...
: b) to take time to get to know the person that your potential mate, and see
: how you two fit.
:
: There are Ares of compatibility that need to be met:
: Intellectually
: Emotionally
: Physically and sexually
: Spiritually
:
so you're dating yellow river then ?
:
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| User: "Nearl J Icarus" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
13 Mar 2005 02:13:12 AM |
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In article <OBOYd.214680$0u.155221@fed1read04>,
says...
There are Ares of compatibility that need to be met:
Intellectually
Emotionally
Physically and sexually
Spiritually
I don't quite know about that. This is probably a poor example 8-) but my ex
and I are near opposites in everything. That was probably my greatest appeal to
her. She stuck in my mind the first time we ever met. Through her, I was able
to see a much wider range of feelings and experiences than what I ever would
have on my own.
We had a common goal, we wanted to take that journey of life together. When we
stopped working together, our differences tore us in two different directions.
Even during some of the roughest times when we were barely talking to one
another, people who saw us on the street thought we were lovebirds. "Do what?"
Of course there were times there was no doubt we were at eachother's throats.
If bi-polar could be applied to a relationship, that would be it. The highs
were in the stratosphere, the lows went straight to hell.
Even if I were to go back in time, I don't think I could have changed my own
mind.
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| User: "Bill in Co." |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
12 Mar 2005 11:59:49 PM |
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Re: More on expectations
what "more"???
The solution here is simple: just don't have any expectations for people,
and you can never be disappointed.
next?
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| User: "Nearl J Icarus" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
13 Mar 2005 02:15:49 AM |
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In article <pFQYd.8961$cN6.5751@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
surly03curmudgeon@earthlink.net says...
what "more"???
The solution here is simple: just don't have any expectations for people,
and you can never be disappointed.
next?
Don't work too well with relationships. The people I expect nothing from I
don't even want to bother talking to them. I'm sure not going to learn anything
from the experience.
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| User: "Bill in Co." |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
13 Mar 2005 02:37:16 AM |
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Nearl J Icarus wrote:
In article <pFQYd.8961$cN6.5751@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
surly03curmudgeon@earthlink.net says...
what "more"???
The solution here is simple: just don't have any expectations for people,
and you can never be disappointed.
next?
Don't work too well with relationships. The people I expect nothing from I
don't even want to bother talking to them. I'm sure not going to learn
anything from the experience.
Well sure you can! Just don't have any relationships with people, and
you'll never be disappointed in them, or what they say or do.
Unfortunately, that has some other consequences.
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| User: "michaelashouse Michaela" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
11 Mar 2005 04:29:33 PM |
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I've been wanting to respond to this for a while now...
IncoWarren_ wrote:
First of all, thank you very much for sharing your ideas about
expectations; I'm almost back on track regarding my problem. As it
happens all the time in my life in the romance dept., I look forward
to certain outcome in a certain situation by expecting too much, not
necessarily unrealistically, but probably expect just too much under
the wrong place and wrong time circumstances.
That brings me to the subject of 'expectations'; reading various sites
and postings, I also realized that we can create our self-fulfilling
prophesies regarding basic or higher outcomes. There has been
research done about people getting what they expect, i.e. transmitting
the negativity through various ways, like when you go to a restaurant
and getting service or walking on stage and stepping or just in the
work environment where you preconceptions make one treat individuals
on a certain way.
I love the way you think.
Anyhow, my question now is: in terms of relationships, how do we know
what to settle for? I read many stories where people settle for people
who don't think is attractive and end up getting divorced, etc.
To me the problem isn't that we settle for people we don't think are
attractive, but that those people begin to show us that they don't
believe they are attractive i.e. that they don't deserve us or aren't
good enough for us. You said it above when you spoke about
self-fulfilling prophecies.
When one person cottons on to the fact that the other feels inferior
it seems reasonable -to me at least- to believe that the first person
will start to withdraw.
If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever? any experiences on finding someone you liked
even though you thought she was above your level?
AFAICT if both people feel like that the rship will be relatively
successful. My partner and I both feel lucky to have each other
and as long as we feel that way we'll make the effort to
compromise etc.
So my message would be to believe in oneself. But I think you
already said that.
Thank you again for your inputs.
IW
- Michaela
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| User: "wombn" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
07 Mar 2005 01:21:32 AM |
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On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:31:40 +0100, IncoWarren_
<lameyvnvvbbas@yahoo.com> wrote:
If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever?
As my husband has often said (paraphrased), "There are 7,000,000,000
people on this planet. The odds that there is NO ONE 'for you' is
pretty slim."
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If laughter is the best medicine,
then kittens should be covered by our health insurance. :-)
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
07 Mar 2005 02:15:44 AM |
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In message <560o21la8jpcvia9pothrepa59dcjvqoir@4ax.com>, wombn
<wombnhearmeroar@comcast.net> writes
On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:31:40 +0100, IncoWarren_
<lameyvnvvbbas@yahoo.com> wrote:
If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever?
As my husband has often said (paraphrased), "There are 7,000,000,000
people on this planet. The odds that there is NO ONE 'for you' is
pretty slim."
Yes, but how many does each of us know? I only have fifteen names in the
back of my diary, including my wife and son. I know more, but not well
enough to want their phone numbers.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
07 Mar 2005 05:34:34 AM |
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You will find someone, or they will find you, as someone once told me, when
you're ready. You may not be ready yet for a serious committment like
marriage and may tend to put women on a pedestal because of this. If you're
lonely, sometimes I find it helpful to have a penpal or two, not necessarily
locally so there's no real pressure to actually meet face to face. I think
if other people were open about this you may find that they have similar
fears and concerns.
"IncoWarren_" <lameyvnvvbbas@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:itkn21pm2s13fslhqvbphn9so3sp3hffjd@4ax.com...
First of all, thank you very much for sharing your ideas about
expectations; I'm almost back on track regarding my problem. As it
happens all the time in my life in the romance dept., I look forward
to certain outcome in a certain situation by expecting too much, not
necessarily unrealistically, but probably expect just too much under
the wrong place and wrong time circumstances.
That brings me to the subject of 'expectations'; reading various sites
and postings, I also realized that we can create our self-fulfilling
prophesies regarding basic or higher outcomes. There has been
research done about people getting what they expect, i.e. transmitting
the negativity through various ways, like when you go to a restaurant
and getting service or walking on stage and stepping or just in the
work environment where you preconceptions make one treat individuals
on a certain way.
Anyhow, my question now is: in terms of relationships, how do we know
what to settle for? I read many stories where people settle for people
who don't think is attractive and end up getting divorced, etc. If we
don't find someone we like (and love of course), does it mean we must
remain alone forever? any experiences on finding someone you liked
even though you thought she was above your level?
Thank you again for your inputs.
IW
.
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: More on expectations |
07 Mar 2005 09:37:24 AM |
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On Mon, 7 Mar 2005 05:34:34 -0600, "David" <dav4239@nospam.yahoo.com>
wrote:
You will find someone, or they will find you, as someone once told me, when
you're ready.
My experience has been that you don't get opportunities for serious
relationships until you no longer "Need" them. Once you are okay
enough with yourself and your own situation that you don't need
another person to "make you" happy or to "complete you" -- that's when
Mr. or Ms. Someone is most likely to appear.
Unfortunately, by that time, you may not care anymore!
p,
who, with the latter statement, is only partly kidding
.
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