I didn't go to work today.

I did have a headache and was extremely tired, but neither of those were
enough to justify taking the day off.

I managed to break my pattern of taking too much time off when it wasn't
necessary - I'd been at work every day for the past 2 months.

I don't know whether today was the first step in going back into that
cycle of taking a day off every few weeks, or whether it was just a one
off and I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

I've just checked my work email from home and it looks like I'll have a
lot to do tomorrow...I'm feeling guilty now. I didn't feel too guilty
during the day because my head really did hurt, but now the headache is
gone (thanks to painkillers and a wheat bag) and I think I made another
wrong, self-sabotaging decision....

Damn. I guess there's nothing I can do about it now, the work day is
over. I just wish I understood why I do this to myself, and I wish I
understood why I've started doing it again after such a good run. I'm
feeling better than I have been for quite a while. Maybe that reduction
in my anxiety level is what causes this? That sucks that feeling so
anxious I can't concentrate risks my job, but feeling better risks my
job because of absenteeism! I can't win!

I need to figure out how to prevent this...I guess I'll have something
to talk about with my therp later this week.

I didn't go to work today.

I did have a headache and was extremely tired, but neither of those were
enough to justify taking the day off.

I managed to break my pattern of taking too much time off when it wasn't
necessary - I'd been at work every day for the past 2 months.

I don't know whether today was the first step in going back into that
cycle of taking a day off every few weeks, or whether it was just a one
off and I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

I've just checked my work email from home and it looks like I'll have a
lot to do tomorrow...I'm feeling guilty now. I didn't feel too guilty
during the day because my head really did hurt, but now the headache is
gone (thanks to painkillers and a wheat bag) and I think I made another
wrong, self-sabotaging decision....

Damn. I guess there's nothing I can do about it now, the work day is
over. I just wish I understood why I do this to myself, and I wish I
understood why I've started doing it again after such a good run. I'm
feeling better than I have been for quite a while. Maybe that reduction
in my anxiety level is what causes this? That sucks that feeling so
anxious I can't concentrate risks my job, but feeling better risks my
job because of absenteeism! I can't win!

I need to figure out how to prevent this...I guess I'll have something
to talk about with my therp later this week.