| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
27 Jun 2005 03:32:42 PM |
| Object: |
More Tension |
So, I thought deal done for a faculty member told me they will be
hiring in tex and property, not my areas. Also, my publication record
not quite strong enough. (this really hurt and made me depressed - I am
very depressed. I did the STUPID thing when I got involved with John. I
just stopped working and publishing and nurtured him. And then the
breakdown I was too sick to write. So there is this five year span with
nada.)
Anyway already to tell associate dean no, but then I said I would stay
if it was an official looksee visit - that means you have the position
if they are happy with you over the year. ***** . . .I just wanted it
final one way or other - but now she said she wanted to talk to Dean
and see if this was a possiblity . . . so still not decided.
This is stupid and ungrateful to God I know, but I am so tense and
depressed. I am angry at myself for not publishing those five years, I
feel too tierd to deal, too tierd to research. Just messed up even
though it is only having options which is a good thing not a bad thing
.. . .I just wish Tim (faculty person) had not dissed my publication
record as good but not great . . .even though it isn't.
Rosena
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: More Tension |
30 Jun 2005 02:54:37 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1119904362.462830.311360@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
This is stupid and ungrateful to God I know, but I am so tense and
depressed. I am angry at myself for not publishing those five years, I
feel too tierd to deal, too tierd to research. Just messed up even
though it is only having options which is a good thing not a bad thing
. . .I just wish Tim (faculty person) had not dissed my publication
record as good but not great . . .even though it isn't.
Rosena
With all due respect and as one who admires and cares for you deeply I hope
you will understand that although the following should be taken this with a
grain of salt, it is well intentioned.
Seems you do not handle criticism well even when you yourself acknowledge
that it is warranted. Take some time to consider the situation with
complete honesty, put yourself in their position, and ask yourself if you
would have given a *good but not great * record a better recommendation?
Fair is fair and wishing is for kids.
Perspective kiddo. Realistic. Reasonable. That five years is GONE.
Nothing you do can change that. The only thing to be done is to go on from
here and start publishing. Given that you are working on that now you are
already taking steps in the right direction.
Perspective goes both ways. Be compassionate and cut yourself some slack.
Between bad relationships, your illnesses, struggling to raise a child, and
the hundreds of other stressful situations you have had to face, you have
been to hell and back. I understand that when comparing yourself to other
published professors you feel inadequate but keep in mind that it's doubtful
they have been through what you have. Of course you weren't publishing
then, when fighting for your life and your sanity were your more pressing
priorities. Clearly you have been at a disadvantage for quite some time now
and you are being grossly unfair to yourself. You have more strength and
tenaciousness in your pinky finger than most people do in their whole body.
So...love yourself for surviving, forgive yourself for the years you didn't
publish, and move on from here as you work towards changing your record.
You are a wonderful woman. Published or not, though I understand how
crucial it is in academia, don't believe for one second that you aren't as
good as, or as successful as, or as accomplished as. You are all of that
and so much more, your timetable is just a little off , that's all, and it's
correctable.
--
rhianon@sympatico.ca
"All those who believe in psychokinesis
raise my hand."
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