My mother never talked to me at all about anything.If we were all
talking at dinner or whatever,and she suddenly discovered that I was
the only one listening to her. She would look embarrassed as though
she had been caught talking to herself. She would just stop talking.
It felt like I was not even a person. Its better now but its taken
years. I just want to be rid of how that made me feel. Will it never go
away, jill
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 10:33:39 AM |
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"jill" <janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1124724580.714218.73110@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
My mother never talked to me at all about anything.If we were all
talking at dinner or whatever,and she suddenly discovered that I was
the only one listening to her. She would look embarrassed as though
she had been caught talking to herself. She would just stop talking.
It felt like I was not even a person. Its better now but its taken
years. I just want to be rid of how that made me feel. Will it never go
away, jill
it might , if you can ever forgive her
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 10:45:27 AM |
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thanks dave,
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 10:53:08 AM |
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"jill" <janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1124725527.109692.4770@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
thanks dave,
letting go of the anger i had over my father ,
was probably the hardest part of my psychotherapy ,
it took a long time before i could understand ,
he only had a grade six education and what he had for a father ,
left a lot to be desired and wasn't much of an example ,
but it sure was a nice weight lifted off me once i let it go ,
and i gained a whole new respect for him ,
that he even managed to do as well as he did
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 12:40:05 PM |
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% wrote:
"jill" <janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1124725527.109692.4770@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
thanks dave,
letting go of the anger i had over my father ,
was probably the hardest part of my psychotherapy ,
it took a long time before i could understand ,
he only had a grade six education and what he had for a father ,
left a lot to be desired and wasn't much of an example ,
but it sure was a nice weight lifted off me once i let it go ,
and i gained a whole new respect for him ,
that he even managed to do as well as he did
I had to forgive both my mom and aunt, just days ago, to rid myself of
massive anger, that was bleeding over to my other cherished
relationships. BUT, that doesnt mean that I wish to be further exposed
to much mind-game crap from either anymore.
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| User: "Brianversion" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 12:11:22 PM |
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'letting go of the anger i had over my father ,
was probably the hardest part of my psychotherapy ,
it took a long time before i could understand ,
he only had a grade six education and what he had for a father , '
I hear you. My old man could barely spell his name, but he was a great
carpenter. But he kicked my *****, drank like hell everyday....and came
from a similar family himself.
left a lot to be desired and wasn't much of an example ,
but it sure was a nice weight lifted off me once i let it go ,
and i gained a whole new respect for him ,
that he even managed to do as well as he did
My father is a frail, barely walking guy now. Very powerful memories
contrast with my feelings of compassion for him. I probably could use
some psychotherapy. You cats are right, in the other thread, about how
the ADs alone aren't the answer.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 12:16:09 PM |
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"Brianversion" <brianguitar@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1124730682.411935.253830@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
'letting go of the anger i had over my father ,
was probably the hardest part of my psychotherapy ,
it took a long time before i could understand ,
he only had a grade six education and what he had for a father , '
I hear you. My old man could barely spell his name, but he was a great
carpenter. But he kicked my *****, drank like hell everyday....and came
from a similar family himself.
left a lot to be desired and wasn't much of an example ,
but it sure was a nice weight lifted off me once i let it go ,
and i gained a whole new respect for him ,
that he even managed to do as well as he did
My father is a frail, barely walking guy now. Very powerful memories
contrast with my feelings of compassion for him. I probably could use
some psychotherapy. You cats are right, in the other thread, about how
the ADs alone aren't the answer.
so .... when are you going to start
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| User: "Brianversion" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 11:53:13 AM |
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Hi, I'm Brian. I was watching a woman doctor talk to a large group of
women yesterday( On Public TV) about how to handle the powerful, often
dysfunctional, mother/ daughter relationship, as crazy as it gets. I
caught her name,it was very good and just googled her. It might be
something helpful http://www.drnorthrup.com/health_store-cn-guide.php.
In my case, I can totally identify with my mother's power over me, my
reactions, the whole 9 yards. It was a psychological nightmare growing
up, trying to subtley change my behavior to fit the perceived
requirements. Of course, she often changed the rules in the middle of
the game. It's a big issue for me. I can forgive sometimes. When I'm
nutty, it all comes back. Peace.
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| User: "HanginIn" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 04:31:20 PM |
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For me and my mother, my forgiving of her for the pain she had caused me and
setting limits did the trick, after many years of conflict. Now we're kinda
buds, and the rest of my family can't figure it out. She fights with all of
them still.
scott
--
Listen to HanginIn radio at:
http://launch.yahoo.com/lc/?rt=0&rp1=0&rp2=1245959870
(broadband req'd)
..
remove ".prolific" to email.
..
..
...........................................
"Brianversion" <brianguitar@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1124729593.857454.298910@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Hi, I'm Brian. I was watching a woman doctor talk to a large group of
women yesterday( On Public TV) about how to handle the powerful, often
dysfunctional, mother/ daughter relationship, as crazy as it gets. I
caught her name,it was very good and just googled her. It might be
something helpful http://www.drnorthrup.com/health_store-cn-guide.php.
In my case, I can totally identify with my mother's power over me, my
reactions, the whole 9 yards. It was a psychological nightmare growing
up, trying to subtley change my behavior to fit the perceived
requirements. Of course, she often changed the rules in the middle of
the game. It's a big issue for me. I can forgive sometimes. When I'm
nutty, it all comes back. Peace.
.
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 10:32:20 AM |
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I mean right in the middle of a sentence just stop,
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
22 Aug 2005 10:43:49 PM |
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jill wrote:
My mother never talked to me at all about anything.If we were all
talking at dinner or whatever,and she suddenly discovered that I was
the only one listening to her. She would look embarrassed as though
she had been caught talking to herself. She would just stop talking.
It felt like I was not even a person. Its better now but its taken
years. I just want to be rid of how that made me feel. Will it never go
away, jill
I got to have the opposite, she dominated all conversation and any
discussion by others was considered babble and not of consequence.
All we heard about was her talking ***** about the people at her job.
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
23 Aug 2005 09:53:40 AM |
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I always thought if I could be more, if I were just different it would
be okay, she would talk to me, she would look at me once in awhile at
least, acknowledge my existence. Thanks everybody means alot to feel
like people hear you, jill
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| User: "AlvinTChase" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
23 Aug 2005 01:31:38 PM |
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jill wrote:
I always thought if I could be more, if I were just different it would
be okay, she would talk to me, she would look at me once in awhile at
least, acknowledge my existence. Thanks everybody means alot to feel
like people hear you, jill
letting go of old anger and resentment towards my parents and others
is something I'm really trying hard to do... Since I entered my 30's I
think, I've felt that's it's the right time to try and let it go... I
really like the words to this song. It pretty much expresses how I
feel:
http://www.janisian.com/lyric-honor_them_all.html
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "HanginIn" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
23 Aug 2005 07:25:59 PM |
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I don't think trying enters into the equation. You make a conscious decision
to forgive and keep your actions aligned with that. It's not as hard as it
seems. You are ***hanging on to anger***, no one is forcing it on you.
Simply let it go - don't try to let it go, give it up.
Hell, I've even forgiven my ex, and that should have been impossible. I just
didn't let that record play. It feels so much like you have to play it, that
you have suffered so much damage, etc. But the pain ends when you stop
chewing on it. Not overnight, but it fades away. Just don't indulge your
deeply felt desire to be angry and resentful, to feel like you were treated
so unjustly. When you catch yourself doing so just stop, reminding yourself
that the only person being injured is yourself.
That's what works for me, anyways. Forgiving is letting go of anger,
expectations, deeply held resentments, etc. When one of them starts to get
off the ground, shoot it down.
scott
--
Listen to HanginIn radio at:
http://launch.yahoo.com/lc/?rt=0&rp1=0&rp2=1245959870
(broadband req'd)
..
remove ".prolific" to email.
..
..
...........................................
"AlvinTChase" <relayer211@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1124821898.863632.260080@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
jill wrote:
I always thought if I could be more, if I were just different it would
be okay, she would talk to me, she would look at me once in awhile at
least, acknowledge my existence. Thanks everybody means alot to feel
like people hear you, jill
letting go of old anger and resentment towards my parents and others
is something I'm really trying hard to do... Since I entered my 30's I
think, I've felt that's it's the right time to try and let it go... I
really like the words to this song. It pretty much expresses how I
feel:
http://www.janisian.com/lyric-honor_them_all.html
-"Alvintchase"
.
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| User: "AlvinTChase" |
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| Title: Re: mother , |
24 Aug 2005 11:57:35 AM |
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HanginIn wrote:
I don't think trying enters into the equation. You make a conscious decision
to forgive and keep your actions aligned with that. It's not as hard as it
seems. You are ***hanging on to anger***, no one is forcing it on you.
Simply let it go - don't try to let it go, give it up.
Hell, I've even forgiven my ex, and that should have been impossible. I just
didn't let that record play. It feels so much like you have to play it, that
you have suffered so much damage, etc. But the pain ends when you stop
chewing on it. Not overnight, but it fades away. Just don't indulge your
deeply felt desire to be angry and resentful, to feel like you were treated
so unjustly. When you catch yourself doing so just stop, reminding yourself
that the only person being injured is yourself.
That's what works for me, anyways. Forgiving is letting go of anger,
expectations, deeply held resentments, etc. When one of them starts to get
off the ground, shoot it down.
scott
--
Listen to HanginIn radio at:
http://launch.yahoo.com/lc/?rt=0&rp1=0&rp2=1245959870
(broadband req'd)
.
remove ".prolific" to email.
.
.
thanks, I agree with what you have to say... I have a hard time
often fully doing things... I tend to take a few steps foward and a
couple steps backwards, which is fine I guess, but I really have to
make up my mind to let go... sometimes it is easy to tell yourself you
will do something, and to even really want to do it, but something
holds you back... I do agree that anger and resentment hurts the person
feeling those feelings more then the person that they are angry at... I
often think of the saying "holding onto resentment is like holding a
hot flame in your hand and expecting the other person to get burned."
In my experiance, that's a very true saying...
-"Alvintchase"
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