| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"liah" |
| Date: |
02 May 2005 12:29:11 AM |
| Object: |
my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
my dad doesn't think he'll be coming home from surgery tomorrow. he's
so sick. i've hated him for so many years that feeling sorry for him
now hurts and not hating him feels odd. but he hurts so much and he is
so scared. i've never seen him scared before.
liah
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 01:19:32 AM |
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In message <1115011751.711188.220620@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>, liah
<hailnayr@aol.com> writes
my dad doesn't think he'll be coming home from surgery tomorrow. he's
so sick. i've hated him for so many years that feeling sorry for him
now hurts and not hating him feels odd. but he hurts so much and he is
so scared. i've never seen him scared before.
liah
Imminent death can change people. The only time I heard my dad swear was
on his deathbed; he said bugger, once.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
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| User: "wombn" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 05:14:09 AM |
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On 1 May 2005 22:29:11 -0700, "liah" <hailnayr@aol.com> wrote:
my dad doesn't think he'll be coming home from surgery tomorrow. he's
so sick. i've hated him for so many years that feeling sorry for him
now hurts and not hating him feels odd. but he hurts so much and he is
so scared. i've never seen him scared before.
seeing a different side of the folks is a wrenching thing, indeed.
But this new vulnerability doesn't necessarily wipe the slate clean.
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If laughter is the best medicine,
then kittens should be covered by our health insurance. :-)
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| User: "patience5" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:04:37 AM |
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Hear, Liah.
How'd you get to be so smart, Wombn?...
Christopher
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| User: "patience5" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 06:45:28 PM |
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I accidentally nuked my post to Ponette. So I am reposting, with the
exclusion of the conclusory paragraph from my original post (which
was vindictive in nature, and inappropriate).
C.
You too, Ponette.
Don't question your point. It is clearer than daylight. Its clarity
burns with the brightness of July noonday sun.
I'm pretty sure you handled the issue and your feelings the in the best
possible manner, given the circumstances.
You've dealt with the issue. Just because you inadvertently pulled
these memories from the huge filing cabinet of your past, doesn't mean
you ought to set them on your desk for further study.
You stuffed those memories back into the cabinet with the rest of
ancient history. Given your present circumstances and feelings, it is
my opinion that the cabinet is a fine place for them.
C.
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| User: "patience5" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:45:35 AM |
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You too, Ponette.
Don't question your point. It is clearer than daylight. Its clarity
burns with the brightness of July noonday sun.
I'm pretty sure you handled the issue and your feelings the in the best
possible manner, given the circumstances.
You've dealt with the issue. Just because you inadvertently pulled
these memories from the huge filing cabinet of your past, doesn't mean
you ought to set them on your desk for further study.
You stuffed those memories back into the cabinet with the rest of
ancient history. Given your present circumstances and feelings, it is
my opinion that the cabinet is fine place for them.
I know you love your father; need him, and care for him; though it is
hard for me not to feel like I wish I was there when he said what he
said that to you back then, so I could have punched him in the nose
following his words.
"How does that feel?" I would have asked him, and then added, "Painful,
huh?"
C.
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 03:34:39 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
"patience5" <christopher@ak.net> wrote:
You too, Ponette.
Don't question your point. It is clearer than daylight. Its clarity
burns with the brightness of July noonday sun.
I'm pretty sure you handled the issue and your feelings the in the best
possible manner, given the circumstances.
You've dealt with the issue. Just because you inadvertently pulled
these memories from the huge filing cabinet of your past, doesn't mean
you ought to set them on your desk for further study.
You stuffed those memories back into the cabinet with the rest of
ancient history. Given your present circumstances and feelings, it is
my opinion that the cabinet is fine place for them.
Thanks, patience. I appreciate the support. Sometimes all we need is, as we
say in the editing business, "a second set of eyes" -- someone to look over
our shoulder and make sure we've got it right.
I know you love your father; need him, and care for him; though it is
hard for me not to feel like I wish I was there when he said what he
said that to you back then, so I could have punched him in the nose
following his words.
"How does that feel?" I would have asked him, and then added, "Painful,
huh?"
C.
Thanks for the sentiments. I think. ;) (My poor dad.)
Believe it or not, I was grateful he'd been honest.
p
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| User: "patience5" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:54:22 AM |
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You too, Ponette.
Don't question your point. It is clearer than daylight. Its clarity
burns with the brightness of a July noonday sun.
I'm pretty sure you handled the issue and your feelings the in the best
possible manner, given the circumstances.
You've dealt with the issue. Just because you inadvertently pulled
these memories from the huge filing cabinet of your past, doesn't mean
you ought to set them on your desk for further study.
You stuffed those memories back into the cabinet with the rest of
ancient history. Given your present circumstances and feelings, it is
my opinion that the cabinet is a fine place for them.
I know you love your father; need him, and care for him; though it is
hard for me not to feel like I wish I was there when he said what he
said to you back then, so I could have punched him in the nose
following his words.
"How does that feel?" I would have asked him, and then added, "Painful,
huh?"
C.
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 09:58:20 AM |
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On Mon, 02 May 2005 03:14:09 -0700, wombn
<wombnhearmeroar@comcast.net> wrote:
On 1 May 2005 22:29:11 -0700, "liah" <hailnayr@aol.com> wrote:
my dad doesn't think he'll be coming home from surgery tomorrow. he's
so sick. i've hated him for so many years that feeling sorry for him
now hurts and not hating him feels odd. but he hurts so much and he is
so scared. i've never seen him scared before.
Liah, it is hard to see your dad sick and scared, I know. I'm sorry
for both of you having to go through this, and I hope your dad makes
it through surgery okay.
[wombn responded:]
seeing a different side of the folks is a wrenching thing, indeed.
But this new vulnerability doesn't necessarily wipe the slate clean.
I don't know what to think about that. I agree, and yet.
My dad wasn't ever overly awful by society standards, but well...I
don't know. He still hurt me in different ways growing up -- maybe
just by cluelessness and blundering, but sometimes by simply not
caring enough. But these days he's a kinder, gentler man, fragile and
bent over with Parkinson's and at times caught up in mental confusion.
I love him so much, and he makes it clear to me that he loves me.
I was in a chat the other day when someone brought something up that
got me talking about a bad experience I'd had with him many years
back, when I was a kid. It was nothing by the standards of the folks
in the room (or most people here) -- but I was shocked at myself to
find that I still harbored a lot of anger and hurt about it. Then I'd
bring to mind the changed man he is now, how fragile he is, and how
much I love him now. Then I'd crash back into that old anger and think
to myself "Does who he is now make what he did then okay, then? I'm
still angry and I have a right to it!"
It was really confusing. The only thing I could think to do, myself,
was force the mental distance back into the memory -- shove it to the
back of my mind and say to myself "But now is NOW. That was a long
time ago."
I'm not sure what my point is, or even if I meant to have one.
p
--
x-no-archive: yes is in the headers
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| User: "Bev Thornton" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 02:30:22 AM |
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On 2005-05-02, liah wrote:
my dad doesn't think he'll be coming home from surgery tomorrow. he's
so sick. i've hated him for so many years that feeling sorry for him
now hurts and not hating him feels odd. but he hurts so much and he is
so scared. i've never seen him scared before.
Think good thoughts.
--
<bevthornton@despammed.com> Support: <http://www.buyhard.fsnet.co.uk/>
Who has destroyed craving overcomes all sorrow.
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| User: "patience5" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 12:49:01 AM |
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Rough, Liah.
At least you post to the right place.
Because I needed information, I spoke to my father for the first time
in fourteen years Friday. My sister forced me, and had prepped him.
I told my father over the phone that I still harbored great anger
toward him, for what he had done, and for what he had allowed my
mother to do.
"Well try to understand, Christopher" he said, "I was trying to save my
marriage."
I asked him, "Was it worth sacrificing your children to achieve that
objective?"
He replied "I can't answer that, Christopher."
I know. I know you can't... Nick.
Liah, I am sorry that you (and yes, also your father, who hurt you so)
are suffering. I do understand.
C.
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 09:35:37 AM |
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((((((((christopher))))))))
~u2b
(hey, what's with the 5 after your nick now?)
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:08:18 AM |
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On 1 May 2005 22:49:01 -0700, "patience5" <christopher@ak.net> wrote:
I asked him, "Was it worth sacrificing your children to achieve that
objective?"
He replied "I can't answer that, Christopher."
{{{{hugs}}}}
In my twenties, after years of harboring great (negatively charged)
curiousity, I said to my dad, "You didn't seem to like me much as a
kid."
He said, a little too bluntly, "Well, you weren't very likeable."
p
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x-no-archive: yes is in the headers
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:26:52 AM |
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"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2dgc71dl6vjdjkkd8idkl1mqdtqm0nacru@4ax.com...
On 1 May 2005 22:49:01 -0700, "patience5" <christopher@ak.net> wrote:
I asked him, "Was it worth sacrificing your children to achieve that
objective?"
He replied "I can't answer that, Christopher."
{{{{hugs}}}}
In my twenties, after years of harboring great (negatively charged)
curiousity, I said to my dad, "You didn't seem to like me much as a
kid."
He said, a little too bluntly, "Well, you weren't very likeable."
:(
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:22:10 AM |
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ponette wrote:
In my twenties, after years of harboring great (negatively charged)
curiousity, I said to my dad, "You didn't seem to like me much as a
kid."
He said, a little too bluntly, "Well, you weren't very likeable."
p
parents say such mean,cruel things sometimes...it can really get to
you...of course,not just parents say really mean things...I tell myself
that when they say hurtful things,it often has more to do with them
then with us,it's their problems,their issues that make them say those
things,though of course,it still hurts a lot to hear those kinds of
things...
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "ponette" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:28:19 AM |
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On 2 May 2005 08:22:10 -0700, wrote:
parents say such mean,cruel things sometimes...it can really get to
you...of course,not just parents say really mean things...I tell myself
that when they say hurtful things,it often has more to do with them
then with us,it's their problems,their issues that make them say those
things,though of course,it still hurts a lot to hear those kinds of
things...
You've got him all wrong. He wasn't being at all mean or cruel in
responding to my comment. He was being up front and honest about what
had been going on at the time. I owe him a lot for being willing to
speak the truth.
I actually gained something in having my perceptions validated. That
didn't mean hearing that truth spoken out loud didn't hurt.
p
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x-no-archive: yes is in the headers
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: my dad (sp. surgery, hospital, sickness, dying) |
02 May 2005 10:16:54 AM |
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patience5 wrote:
Rough, Liah.
At least you post to the right place.
Because I needed information, I spoke to my father for the first time
in fourteen years Friday. My sister forced me, and had prepped him.
I told my father over the phone that I still harbored great anger
toward him, for what he had done, and for what he had allowed my
mother to do.
"Well try to understand, Christopher" he said, "I was trying to save
my
marriage."
I asked him, "Was it worth sacrificing your children to achieve that
objective?"
He replied "I can't answer that, Christopher."
I know. I know you can't... Nick.
Liah, I am sorry that you (and yes, also your father, who hurt you
so)
are suffering. I do understand.
C.
those are such tough,heavy,emotionally draining things that you and
Liah are going through...I hope that you have people that you can can
talk about it in person with...
-"Alvintchase"
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