| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"liah van" |
| Date: |
18 Dec 2003 03:48:13 PM |
| Object: |
My mother is |
a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy... my biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her. I work hard not to but what are the
chances?
liah
"He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."
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| User: "Dan Hall" |
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| Title: Re: My mother is |
18 Dec 2003 04:10:57 PM |
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"liah van" <hailnayr@aol.comREMOVEME> wrote in message
news:20031218164813.11114.00001221@mb-m11.aol.com...
a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy... my biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her.
<snip>
Actually I think you have a good opportunity to be different since you
obviously are aware of some of the things that contributed to your mom's
unhappiness. Forewarned is forearmed as it is often said. I would guess that
your mom hasn't the faintest idea why she acts as she does, if she even
recognizes it as unproductive behavior.
One of my reoccurring problems is expecting my parents to somehow realize
their harmful patterns and suddenly change after all these years of living
behind their self constructed barriers. They are not likely to change now,
so who's problem is it when I still have difficulty with accepting them in
all their quirkiness?
Enjoy the Solstice Season!
-Dan
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| User: "liah van" |
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| Title: Re: My mother is |
31 Dec 2003 09:59:28 PM |
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From: "Dan Hall"
"liah van" <hailnayr@aol.comREMOVEME> wrote in message
news:20031218164813.11114.00001221@mb-m11.aol.com...
a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy... my biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her.
<snip>
Actually I think you have a good opportunity to be different since you
obviously are aware of some of the things that contributed to your mom's
unhappiness. Forewarned is forearmed as it is often said. I would guess that
your mom hasn't the faintest idea why she acts as she does, if she even
recognizes it as unproductive behavior.
One of my reoccurring problems is expecting my parents to somehow realize
their harmful patterns and suddenly change after all these years of living
behind their self constructed barriers. They are not likely to change now,
so who's problem is it when I still have difficulty with accepting them in
all their quirkiness?
Enjoy the Solstice Season!
-Dan
Thank you. When I find myself acting like her I take a break from whatever is
going on. I'm making a conscience effort not to be like her.
When I behave like her to her and she calls me on my actions and I tell her I
am acting like her she gets upset because she says she would never act that
way... blah... I'll be away soon enough.
Thanks again and hope your solstice season is going well also.
liah
"He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."
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| User: "Sam Hill" |
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| Title: Re: My mother is |
19 Dec 2003 02:50:00 AM |
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Well, you have something to work on the rest of your life. When things get
tough the real personality will unfold. I like to observe really nice people
and then I work on skills they practice. Try to be real. Nothings worse than
a two face. Genuinely nice people are great role models and you can be too,
especially for your mother.
Concerning your mother, try building a respectful relationship. If she
disrespects you, let her know it on the spot. Talk about the moment you are
in and not the past. I shut my mom up a long time ago. Also, why can't she
be happy with you? She is projecting her faults on you. She should be proud
of you, as you are, and support the things you are doing. Tell her, "What
you see is what you get, so get used to me and be proud of me."
Sam Hill
"liah van" <hailnayr@aol.comREMOVEME> wrote in message
news:20031218164813.11114.00001221@mb-m11.aol.com...
My mother a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy...
my biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her. I work hard not to but what are the
chances?
.
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| User: "Naomi Darvell" |
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| Title: Re: My mother is |
18 Dec 2003 05:34:18 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
Liah wrote:
a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy... my biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her. I work hard not to but what are the
chances?
liah
I hope they are good, because I have the same sort of problem.
Maybe the key is to keep watching oneself and never become complacent. I had to
laugh (well, not too merrily) when my father wrote his memoirs. They began with
a description of what an awful person his mother was-- clearly with no clue
that he's exactly like that, too.
My sisters and I are more aware of the pitfalls but we can each sound exactly
like him at times. Maybe the important thing is to keep aware and keep trying.
best
Naomi D.
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| User: "harakiri" |
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| Title: Re: My mother is |
18 Dec 2003 06:35:30 PM |
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i know someone who is a product of about four or five generations back in
her family. i dont think she has the ability to notice it. the civil war
still affects this generation.
"Naomi Darvell" <darvell349@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20031218183418.01726.00001061@mb-m18.aol.com...
x-no-archive: yes
Liah wrote:
a horribly hostile, judgemental woman... she is very unhappy... my
biggest
worry is that i'll end up like her. I work hard not to but what are the
chances?
liah
I hope they are good, because I have the same sort of problem.
Maybe the key is to keep watching oneself and never become complacent. I
had to
laugh (well, not too merrily) when my father wrote his memoirs. They began
with
a description of what an awful person his mother was-- clearly with no
clue
that he's exactly like that, too.
My sisters and I are more aware of the pitfalls but we can each sound
exactly
like him at times. Maybe the important thing is to keep aware and keep
trying.
best
Naomi D.
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