| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"anon" |
| Date: |
28 Mar 2005 08:37:49 PM |
| Object: |
My wife might be depressed |
Hello,
I thought I'd gather some information from a variety of sources prior to
taking any kind of action, I realize that Usenet isn't the best source
but maybe I'll get some more ideas.
My wife and I met in 98 and lived together ever since. We married in
2003 and we now have a 1 year old daughter. Since I've known her she
has been extreme with her emotions, she may have a disorder but it was
something I was able to tolerate. Anyway, she would sometimes get real
giddy, other times she would cry/yell and leave for the evening. But
she was really consistent about returning to a normal state. My
explanation for her sad periods was that we were working our way towards
the perfect life and that she would be happy as we came closer (I also
thought that her father's death in 97 was related).
Now we have a pretty good / reliable source of income, our daughter is
perfect, we have a house, we're in decent health, etc.. But I've
noticed that my wife's demeanor has changed for the worse.
The times when she seems truly happy are getting further apart, to the
effect of once a week at most. Her typical behavior is working,
sleeping, eating, doing chores, and watching television. She doesn't
take any pleasure in anything that I'm aware of except for a few Reality
TV shows, but those don't seem to make her happy (she won't discuss
them). I have asked her to do a number of activities with me (walking,
sitting outside, talking, watching tv together, playing board games,
etc.) with no success, she's always too tired and doesn't want to think.
I am trying to do as many chores as possible, for a while I thought
she was upset that I wasn't doing enough, but that hasn't helped (in
fact it seems to irritate her more). We've had sex maybe 3 times since
Thanksgiving, I don't even ask anymore because it seemed to bother her.
She denies all of my attempts to build her confidence, she seems to
hate the way she looks. She's combative with her coworkers and doesn't
seem to enjoy the presence of her mom and siblings. The only time she
acts happy is when she's playing with our daughter, but I feel it is
just an act.
I honestly feel that she is suffering from depression and I want to help
her without driving her further away. I'm sure someone here has dealt
with something similar... do you care to share your experiences?
Any suggestions to bring happiness back in her life without medication
or doctors? The last thing I want is to have a doctor who is bought out
by a pharmaceutical to prescribe xanax because it's financially
beneficial for him to do so.
Thanks for any tips/advice/stories.
--
anon
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
28 Mar 2005 11:36:59 PM |
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"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:1c32e.21721$ot.21292@tornado.texas.rr.com...
Hello,
My wife and I met in 98 and lived together ever since. We married in 2003
and we now have a 1 year old daughter. Since I've known her she has been
extreme with her emotions, she may have a disorder but it was something I
was able to tolerate. Anyway, she would sometimes get real giddy, other
times she would cry/yell and leave for the evening. But she was really
consistent about returning to a normal state. My explanation for her sad
periods was that we were working our way towards the perfect life and that
she would be happy as we came closer (I also thought that her father's
death in 97 was related).
Sounds perhaps bipolar.
Now we have a pretty good / reliable source of income, our daughter is
perfect, we have a house, we're in decent health, etc.. But I've noticed
that my wife's demeanor has changed for the worse.
That don't mean ***** to a mental illness.
The times when she seems truly happy are getting further apart, to the
effect of once a week at most. Her typical behavior is working, sleeping,
eating, doing chores, and watching television. She doesn't take any
pleasure in anything that I'm aware of except for a few Reality TV shows,
but those don't seem to make her happy (she won't discuss them).
At least she's still active to some degree, DO NOT discount this or berate
her for any sort of laziness.
I have asked her to do a number of activities with me (walking, sitting
outside, talking, watching tv together, playing board games, etc.) with no
success, she's always too tired and doesn't want to think. I am trying to
do as many chores as possible, for a while I thought she was upset that I
wasn't doing enough, but that hasn't helped (in fact it seems to irritate
her more). We've had sex maybe 3 times since Thanksgiving, I don't even
ask anymore because it seemed to bother her. She denies all of my attempts
to build her confidence, she seems to hate the way she looks. She's
combative with her coworkers and doesn't seem to enjoy the presence of her
mom and siblings. The only time she acts happy is when she's playing with
our daughter, but I feel it is just an act.
Keep asking, stay involved...even though you're pushed away. It's
frustrating to be sure but it shows involvement.
I honestly feel that she is suffering from depression and I want to help
her without driving her further away. I'm sure someone here has dealt
with something similar... do you care to share your experiences?
Yea, maybe. We're also here in ASD for depression...it's not always ontopic,
but you may learn something if you read. Perhaps invite your wife...it's
been helpful for me.
Any suggestions to bring happiness back in her life without medication or
doctors? The last thing I want is to have a doctor who is bought out by a
pharmaceutical to prescribe xanax because it's financially beneficial for
him to do so.
That's ignorant, just fucking straight up ignorant.
1. happiness in her life obviously isn't coming with what you "have" so you
need to talk to a professional. Would you want to treat cancer without a
"doctor who is bought out by a pharmaceutical"?
This can very *easily* be a terminal and potentially life ending illness,
drop your prejudice and seek a professional
2. medication has saved my life and many others in here
3. most modern pyschiatric medication is not addictive
4. xanax is not going to be pushed by a pharmaceutical company...it's
generic...and doctors don't really like to hand out that "class" of drugs
Thanks for any tips/advice/stories.
--
anon
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| User: "anon" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
29 Mar 2005 08:17:32 PM |
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Franz Bestuchev wrote:
That's ignorant, just fucking straight up ignorant.
More like jaded. I've been diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy
since my first and only grand mal seizure in late 97 (I was 20+ years
old at the time so I was a rare case of having the condition without
knowing it). I started on Dilantin... it cost $5 a month and I wasn't
aware of any side effects. Then I met with a neuro who prescribed
Depakote... $125 a month without insurance. I was on Depakote for
several years without incident although I had issues with my liver back
in 2000. In addition, I became forgetful, my thought processes were
clouded, and my hands shook. I also gained weight and most recently I
developed a skin rash similar to rosatia (another chronic disease
treated by monthly doses of medicine). My doctor switched me to
Depakote ER which had the same side effects, similar price, and was
newer. Then that doctor specialized in something else so I switched to
another Neuro. He told me Depakote was crap and he developed a plan to
switch me over to another new drug. I went along with it and that
doctor cancelled my appointment shortly before I was to switch while
simultaneously extending my prescription for the "crap" drug for another
six months.
So from my point of view, you have companies out there which aren't
bothering with a drug that cures the problem because they can make 100x
more money by creating (and updating) drugs that treat the symptoms.
Doesn't it bother you that you suffer from a condition that will never
be cured, only treated? This is way off topic and I don't want to start
any kind of flame war, but this obvious trend in the industry truly
irritates me since I too suffer from a condition that could potentially
be cured but very few are willing to try since more money can be made
from treating it.
Is depression actually a chronic condition? I was under the impression
that it was, but perhaps I am wrong?
Anyway, thanks for your feedback. I may not like the option involving
medication, but it is probably the only viable option. I guess I'll see
what my wife and her doctor say.
--
anon
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
30 Mar 2005 12:12:26 AM |
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"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:0%n2e.42380$Ux.41670@tornado.texas.rr.com...
Doesn't it bother you that you suffer from a condition that will never be
cured, only treated?
Uh, yeah, sometimes, but what choice do I have?
--
rhianon@sympatico.ca
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
30 Mar 2005 12:10:50 AM |
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In message <jBq2e.8653$w63.762725@news20.bellglobal.com>, Rhiannon
<rhianon@sympatico.ca> writes
"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:0%n2e.42380$Ux.41670@tornado.texas.rr.com...
Doesn't it bother you that you suffer from a condition that will never be
cured, only treated?
Uh, yeah, sometimes, but what choice do I have?
I've had migraine for forty years. I know of no cure in the offing. It's
a bugger, but I've learned to accept it, and live with it. I'm getting
there with depression/bipolar and anxiety. The 'living with' bit's a lot
harder.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
29 Mar 2005 09:11:47 PM |
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"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:0%n2e.42380$Ux.41670@tornado.texas.rr.com...
Franz Bestuchev wrote:
That's ignorant, just fucking straight up ignorant.
More like jaded. I've been diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy
since my first and only grand mal seizure in late 97 (I was 20+ years old
at the time so I was a rare case of having the condition without knowing
it). I started on Dilantin... it cost $5 a month and I wasn't aware of
any side effects. Then I met with a neuro who prescribed Depakote... $125
a month without insurance. I was on Depakote for several years without
incident although I had issues with my liver back in 2000. In addition, I
became forgetful, my thought processes were clouded, and my hands shook.
I also gained weight and most recently I developed a skin rash similar to
rosatia (another chronic disease treated by monthly doses of medicine).
Why didn't you ask for something else? Anything my doc scripts is *suspect*,
and I like the guy...but before I'll take anything he write down I research
the hell out of it and if I have any problems/side-effects I don't like.
Then it's goodbye to that drug.
He's been trying to push gabatril, tried it, got headaches. Not gonna live
with that even though it helped some.
My doctor switched me to
Depakote ER which had the same side effects, similar price, and was newer.
Not *newer*, again homework, just longer acting.
Then that doctor specialized in something else so I switched to another
Neuro. He told me Depakote was crap and he developed a plan to switch me
over to another new drug. I went along with it and that doctor cancelled
my appointment shortly before I was to switch while simultaneously
extending my prescription for the "crap" drug for another six months.
Then you don't take depakote for another six months, forget about him and
find someone else.
So from my point of view, you have companies out there which aren't
bothering with a drug that cures the problem because they can make 100x
more money by creating (and updating) drugs that treat the symptoms.
If I didn't have symptoms I would have the problem.
Now as to a new drug, many of them are refinements. Take trileptal for
example...it's just tegretol with a hydroxyl (I believe) group bonded on to
it. Works a lot better for many people, and doesn't require the lab work
generally associated with tegretol. This is carbamazapine/oxcarbamazapine
for those following along at home.
Another is the selegiline I've just recently started...developed in like
1956 or somesuch, largely ignored until people have started studying it and
finding (as Nom did) that it's got some real uses. Now, upon metabolization
it breaks down into the l-amphetamine salt...that's the cousin isomer of the
fun stuff and is of little worth/effect. Soon it's rumored that regeliline
will be out that won't metabolize into the amphetamine salt and will have
less problems with the MAOI protein problem...and come in a patch perhaps
for transdermal/hepatic only application for even less food interactions.
You can bet it may be expensive, but it's a refinement...and I'm finding the
generic quite good. I think I'll keep the $8/month stuff even when the next
run comes out.
A lot of drugs also are trial and error in discovery, or start off with
off-label use that gains enough steam to merit the FDA litmus test. Now,
many drugs are also put through the FDA ringer just for an exclusive
production extension...and I don't like that but it is how it is.
So...unless you need some cutting edge drug that's gonna be expensive
(cisplatin, or even viagra originally) you're gonna pay more. But in the
long lived world of pharmacology most of it is evolutionary and you don't
always have to buy the revolutionary to get results.
Doesn't it bother you that you suffer from a condition that will never be
cured, only treated?
No.
My fingernails keep growing on me and I'm not having surgery to get them
removed. I'll treat it with nail clippers.
This is way off topic and I don't want to start any kind of flame war, but
this obvious trend in the industry truly irritates me since I too suffer
from a condition that could potentially be cured but very few are willing
to try since more money can be made from treating it.
What will cure it?
I suffer from sinus infections, and 10 days of antibiotics "cure" it...but
every year they come back. So that's no cure.
You're biological, and everything won't always work.
Is depression actually a chronic condition? I was under the impression
that it was, but perhaps I am wrong?
Can be, it may also be something other than depression. Thyroid comes to
mind...
Don't obsess that there will be/is a cure...find a *treatment* and accept
that this is one more thing that has to be dealt with. I suppose you may be
in for one of those 5 steps of acceptance kinds of crap...dunno.
Anyway, thanks for your feedback. I may not like the option involving
medication, but it is probably the only viable option. I guess I'll see
what my wife and her doctor say.
It took me 5 years to find my current med regime, but now *most* days are
good.
When I push through the bad ones I get better ones later.
--
anon
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
31 Mar 2005 10:00:40 PM |
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Mr. Anon (uncommon name, that): I understand how you feel about having
(or your wife having) an "uncurable" medical problem. I went through a
period of feeling morose about needing medications for the rest of my
life for depression and hypothyroidism. Then I thought about the
alternatives, and concluded that I was very fortunate to live in a
time when useful treatments of any kind were available. Now I count my
blessings.
Your experiences with anti-seizure medications have left you feeling
pretty down on doctors and the medical industry. I can understand
that. However, we live where we live, and educating yourself (and your
wife) about the options that do exist is much better than remaining
un-educated. My personal experience has made it vividly clear that I
*must* know what the available medications are, how they work, and how
they affect me, because we do not have the science and technology
available right now to identify exactly what causes an individual's
depression (or seizures), and to identify how to treat it with
perfection. The time I've invested in educating myself has more than
repaid itself in results.
I would urge you to start learning about treatment options for
depression (you can find quite a bit of information about the
medications on my Web site). I'd also urge you to adopt a positive and
encouraging attitude, at least around your wife, as the last thing she
needs right now is negativity. If you encourage her, maintain a
positive attitude for both your sakes, do your homework regarding
available medications, and find a good psychiatrist who specializes in
medications for mood disorders (i.e., psychopharmacology), the results
may end up exceeding your expectations.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000
=====
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
28 Mar 2005 09:35:23 PM |
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"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:1c32e.21721$ot.21292@tornado.texas.rr.com...
hey, that's the same thing my addy says when i write in here. i live in
austin...how bout you?
<snip>
Any suggestions to bring happiness back in her life without medication or
doctors? The last thing I want is to have a doctor who is bought out by a
pharmaceutical to prescribe xanax because it's financially beneficial for
him to do so.
it definitely sounds as if your wife is suffering from some pretty serious
depression. i certainly don't see how she can get better without medication
or doctors, just as she couldn't recover from epilepsy or diabetes without
medication and doctors. there are awhole lot more meds out there than just
xanax (that is an anti-anxiety med anyway, not an anti-depressant). if your
wife is suffering from depression (and it certainly sounds possible), the
nicest and best thing you can do for her IS to take her to a doctor. even
her OB/GYN can help her with depression. or even just her regular GP. if
you really want to help your wife, you have to get past your bias against
doctors and meds and get treatment for her. without treatment, there simply
is no way to bring happiness back into her life.
good luck!
~u2b
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| User: "anon" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
29 Mar 2005 07:51:00 PM |
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Used2be wrote:
"anon" <anon@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:1c32e.21721$ot.21292@tornado.texas.rr.com...
hey, that's the same thing my addy says when i write in here. i live in
austin...how bout you?
<snip>
Any suggestions to bring happiness back in her life without medication or
doctors? The last thing I want is to have a doctor who is bought out by a
pharmaceutical to prescribe xanax because it's financially beneficial for
him to do so.
it definitely sounds as if your wife is suffering from some pretty serious
depression. i certainly don't see how she can get better without medication
or doctors, just as she couldn't recover from epilepsy or diabetes without
medication and doctors. there are awhole lot more meds out there than just
xanax (that is an anti-anxiety med anyway, not an anti-depressant). if your
wife is suffering from depression (and it certainly sounds possible), the
nicest and best thing you can do for her IS to take her to a doctor. even
her OB/GYN can help her with depression. or even just her regular GP. if
you really want to help your wife, you have to get past your bias against
doctors and meds and get treatment for her. without treatment, there simply
is no way to bring happiness back into her life.
I just have my own experiences with epilepsy (1 seizure in 97) and have
had doctors get 100% behind a drug only to have the next one say drug x
is horrible, try drug y. In the end they drugs are all the same, they
just treat the symptoms and not the problem. However, given our
options, having my wife on a drug that treats her symptoms is better
than her being miserable (side effects withstanding). It'll be her
choice, but I still can't stand the current state of prescription drugs
($$$).
And yes, I'm near Austin.
Thanks for your input.
--
anon
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: My wife might be depressed |
28 Mar 2005 08:46:03 PM |
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She sounds depressed. First, you two need to have a heart to heart. If
she resists, try to insist upon it. Second, she should talk to
someone. Doctor, priest, close friend even.
But you need to think of your health too. If she refuses to talk
and/or seek out a counsler you need to decide (and let her know) that
you are unhappy and that the marriage is in rocky waters. Not as a
threat. I am simply saying don't get caught in a trap of forgetting
your needs and endless attempts to make her happy without insisting
that together you two confront problems.
Best
Rosena
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