| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Noon Cat Nick" |
| Date: |
04 Jun 2006 05:03:10 PM |
| Object: |
Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 05:09:44 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:44835793.1060201@hotmail.com...
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
i think i might try motivating her to tell them ,
on the premise that if she won't you will ,
explain how you feel about it to her ,
and why you want her parents to know ,
i'm also question her reasons for putting you in this position ,
a test of loyalty perhaps
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 07:00:33 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:44835793.1060201@hotmail.com...
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right
thing for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to
privacy over her parents' need to be informed of the condition of
their daughter's health?
My two cents: Tell her that she has confided in you that she has a
problem that could kill her, and that, knowing this, you can't simply
do nothing while she risks dying from it. Say that you feel compelled
to notify someone who can help her, and in the absence of a better
idea, you have decided that you must tell her parents, but you'll wait
one week (no more) for her to do it herself.
At the end of the week, call her parents, and either tell them about
the problem, or confirm that she has told them. (You need to make the
call even if she says she's spoken to them, because you won't know if
she's telling the truth.)
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious.
Nothing obvious about it. It's a tough problem.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 05:11:02 PM |
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Hi Noon,
First thing I'd do is contact my friend and try to patch it up and get
her to help.
Since you say you wouldn't tell parents if on friendly terms . . . I am
not sure. But, depending where her weight is now, if you think there
is a real immediate health risk (I mean aside from long term), I'd tell
her parents. Better not to keep quiet if someone is in immediate
danger. If not, I'd wait and try to "reach" her. Difficult one eh?
Hope you are getting through today.
Best
rosena
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
.
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
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| Title: Thanks, everyone! (was: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond.) |
04 Jun 2006 08:02:13 PM |
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I'm very grateful for everyone's input. It was all quite helpful.
At this point, I'm not inclined to let anyone know about this. Legally
she's an adult, and that must be respected. Also, it's really her
responsibility to inform her parents.
At this point, as best as I can tell, she's been recovering. But I also
notice her fascination with exercise equipment, and she had admitted to
me that, even thought she's eating more and gaining weight, she also
periodically goes on hours-long exercise binges. So she's not entirely
out of the woods yet.
I'm debating whether to ask one of her friends, whom she sees daily, to
keep sort of an eye on her. But I'm not planning to do that anytime
soon, either.
So I'm just gonna sit tight, and see what her other friends have to say
about her. And keep tabs on her public Xanga site, since she seems to
show evidence in her writing (I noticed it months ago in her e-mails) of
a possible mood disorder. (I hate playing armchair diagnostician, but
the change in mood in her writing from day to day and week to week are
quite noticeable.)
Again, I extend much gratitude to everyone who responded. Thanks for
helping.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks, everyone! (was: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond.) |
04 Jun 2006 08:08:10 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:44838189.2040808@hotmail.com...
I'm very grateful for everyone's input. It was all quite helpful.
At this point, I'm not inclined to let anyone know about this. Legally
she's an adult, and that must be respected. Also, it's really her
responsibility to inform her parents.
At this point, as best as I can tell, she's been recovering. But I also
notice her fascination with exercise equipment, and she had admitted to
me that, even thought she's eating more and gaining weight, she also
periodically goes on hours-long exercise binges. So she's not entirely
out of the woods yet.
I'm debating whether to ask one of her friends, whom she sees daily, to
keep sort of an eye on her. But I'm not planning to do that anytime
soon, either.
So I'm just gonna sit tight, and see what her other friends have to say
about her. And keep tabs on her public Xanga site, since she seems to
show evidence in her writing (I noticed it months ago in her e-mails) of
a possible mood disorder. (I hate playing armchair diagnostician, but
the change in mood in her writing from day to day and week to week are
quite noticeable.)
Again, I extend much gratitude to everyone who responded. Thanks for
helping.
i'd really like to know the outcome if you ever have one with it
.
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks, everyone! (was: Need advice on personal dilemma. Pleaserespond.) |
04 Jun 2006 10:05:26 PM |
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% wrote:
i'd really like to know the outcome if you ever have one with it
Will do. But that could be months down the line, depending on whatever
happens. I'll make an effort to remember to let you know.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks, everyone! (was: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond.) |
04 Jun 2006 10:15:46 PM |
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"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:44839E69.4020501@hotmail.com...
% wrote:
i'd really like to know the outcome if you ever have one with it
Will do. But that could be months down the line, depending on whatever
happens. I'll make an effort to remember to let you know.
like i'll be gone someplace , cheers guy ,
sorry you got a dump on like it
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks, everyone! (was: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond.) |
05 Jun 2006 07:18:09 AM |
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Noon Cat Nick wrote:
I'm very grateful for everyone's input. It was all quite helpful.
At this point, I'm not inclined to let anyone know about this. Legally
she's an adult, and that must be respected. Also, it's really her
responsibility to inform her parents.
At this point, as best as I can tell, she's been recovering. But I also
notice her fascination with exercise equipment, and she had admitted to
me that, even thought she's eating more and gaining weight, she also
periodically goes on hours-long exercise binges. So she's not entirely
out of the woods yet.
I'm debating whether to ask one of her friends, whom she sees daily, to
keep sort of an eye on her. But I'm not planning to do that anytime
soon, either.
So I'm just gonna sit tight, and see what her other friends have to say
about her. And keep tabs on her public Xanga site, since she seems to
show evidence in her writing (I noticed it months ago in her e-mails) of
a possible mood disorder. (I hate playing armchair diagnostician, but
the change in mood in her writing from day to day and week to week are
quite noticeable.)
Again, I extend much gratitude to everyone who responded. Thanks for
helping.
Just wanted to jump in and change my mind. I think your approach is
right. I was making the false assumption that if her parents only
knew, this would fix it. Well it doesn't sound like they're so close
as they haven't noticed and they may well be the source of some of her
underlying emotional issues causing the condition. A broken trust
could just affect her that much more. She needs to decide for herself
that action is needed. So do just what you say and keep an eye on her.
Good luck.
.
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| User: "Gayle" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 06:18:45 PM |
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Noon Cat Nick wrote:
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
This is a dilemma. Maybe you could get
some literature or a book on the subject
and mail it to her? Not that she doesn't
have the ability to get it herself --
but it may arrive at a moment when she's
open to it. And it may contain better
advice than you could offer as a
non-expert or experiencer yourself.
Do you know her parents? Could you tell
them you're concerned without revealing
the specific confidence?
Gayle
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 05:17:42 PM |
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Noon Cat Nick wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
Nick, I'm really not sure what the right answer is but if I were in
your position I would say nothing. Mainly because she is not a child -
she is very young, yes, but she is not a child.
Jean
TIA.
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
05 Jun 2006 01:34:32 AM |
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"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149459462.870119.141850@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
<snipped>
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
Nick, I'm really not sure what the right answer is but if I were in
your position I would say nothing. Mainly because she is not a child -
she is very young, yes, but she is not a child.
Jean
TIA.
As a parent, I almost hate to say this, but I agree with Jean. She's not a
child. I would approach the
problem in the same way I would any other adult friend in the same
situation.
--
Rhi
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
05 Jun 2006 12:59:22 AM |
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"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:noPgg.423$Wy.44813@news20.bellglobal.com...
"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149459462.870119.141850@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
<snipped>
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
Nick, I'm really not sure what the right answer is but if I were in
your position I would say nothing. Mainly because she is not a child -
she is very young, yes, but she is not a child.
Jean
TIA.
As a parent, I almost hate to say this, but I agree with Jean. She's not
a
child. I would approach the
problem in the same way I would any other adult friend in the same
situation.
--
Rhi
show us your tits
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
05 Jun 2006 07:49:51 AM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:bMednUUSKd3dVR7ZnZ2dnUVZ_sCdnZ2d@giganews.com...
"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:noPgg.423$Wy.44813@news20.bellglobal.com...
"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149459462.870119.141850@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
<snipped>
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult
six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
Nick, I'm really not sure what the right answer is but if I were in
your position I would say nothing. Mainly because she is not a
child -
she is very young, yes, but she is not a child.
Jean
TIA.
As a parent, I almost hate to say this, but I agree with Jean. She's
not
a
child. I would approach the
problem in the same way I would any other adult friend in the same
situation.
--
Rhi
show us your tits
Tsk! That's how you approach this problem?
--
Rhi
.
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
05 Jun 2006 07:58:52 AM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:bMednUUSKd3dVR7ZnZ2dnUVZ_sCdnZ2d@giganews.com...
"Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:noPgg.423$Wy.44813@news20.bellglobal.com...
"Luna" <lunajean@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149459462.870119.141850@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Noon Cat Nick wrote:
<snipped>
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult
six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
Nick, I'm really not sure what the right answer is but if I were in
your position I would say nothing. Mainly because she is not a
child -
she is very young, yes, but she is not a child.
Jean
TIA.
As a parent, I almost hate to say this, but I agree with Jean. She's
not
a
child. I would approach the
problem in the same way I would any other adult friend in the same
situation.
--
Rhi
show us your tits
And I don't do "us" as in more than one, group gawking. I'm selective about
which "one" I show them to. Now, show us your *****. :P
--
Rhi
He is turning me into an animal. Sigh....
.
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| User: "Bacon" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 05:21:39 PM |
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On Sun, 04 Jun 2006 22:03:10 GMT, Noon Cat Nick
<chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
Tough situation. I'm surprised her parents or friends haven't noticed
the rapid weight loss.
Since death is a concern, and you are the only one who knows, I'd act
on it. The risk of losing a friend doesn't compare to the risk of
keeping the secret.
I'd let her know that she should tell her parents herself and that you
are going to tell them in a week regardless. At least give her a
chance to do it herself.
.
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| User: "aaron from suburbia" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 06:25:28 PM |
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"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:pvm682tace9slhigovu9192kdcn9785tqv@4ax.com...
On Sun, 04 Jun 2006 22:03:10 GMT, Noon Cat Nick
<chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
Tough situation. I'm surprised her parents or friends haven't noticed
the rapid weight loss.
Since death is a concern, and you are the only one who knows, I'd act
on it. The risk of losing a friend doesn't compare to the risk of
keeping the secret.
I'd let her know that she should tell her parents herself and that you
are going to tell them in a week regardless. At least give her a
chance to do it herself.
.
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| User: "aaron from suburbia" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 06:28:24 PM |
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"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:pvm682tace9slhigovu9192kdcn9785tqv@4ax.com...
On Sun, 04 Jun 2006 22:03:10 GMT, Noon Cat Nick
<chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss (70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
Tough situation. I'm surprised her parents or friends haven't noticed
the rapid weight loss.
Since death is a concern, and you are the only one who knows, I'd act
on it. The risk of losing a friend doesn't compare to the risk of
keeping the secret.
I'd let her know that she should tell her parents herself and that you
are going to tell them in a week regardless. At least give her a
chance to do it herself.
I agree about what Bacon said. if it is a matter of life & death, then tell
the parents
even if she is not a child anymore.
agreed that it is a difficult dilemma
best of luck with that, Noon Cat Nick, and everything else going on in your
own life.
.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 06:30:59 PM |
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"aaron from suburbia" <suburbanlife@mail.com> wrote in message
news:s0Kgg.39031$4L1.2675@newssvr11.news.prodigy.com...
"Bacon" <rbkfour@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:pvm682tace9slhigovu9192kdcn9785tqv@4ax.com...
On Sun, 04 Jun 2006 22:03:10 GMT, Noon Cat Nick
<chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
I received an e-mail not long ago (May 11) from a community theater
colleague who is 18 years old and is still a dependent of her parents.
She confided to me that she had been struggling with anorexia/bulimia
ever since October 2005. The condition has never been officially
diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are present: dramatic weigh loss
(70
lbs. in 5 wks.), body image distortion, skipping meals, purging meals,
exercising for up to 4 hrs. at a time, excessive concern over slight
weight fluctuations, extreme fasting (she normally consumes only an
apple and a glass of water per day), etc.
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out
of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
The thing is, however, since receiving that e-mail, she and I have had
a
falling-out. I'm not bothered by the fact that she would construe the
breaking of a confidence in this situation as an act of vengeance. I
too
wonder about that--whether I'm doing it in her best interest, or if I
simply want to "get even" somehow. After all, if she and I were still
on
friendly terms, I don't think I'd consider telling her parents about
this. Therefore my intentions are definitely in question.
So, what to do? Do I tell her parents, possibly doing the right thing
for the wrong reason? Or do I remain loyal to her right to privacy over
her parents' need to be informed of the condition of their daughter's
health?
Forgive me if the answer seems obvious. I've had a very difficult six
weeks--my PTSD symptoms have been exacerbated by recent troubling
events--and focus isn't my strong suit right now.
TIA.
Tough situation. I'm surprised her parents or friends haven't noticed
the rapid weight loss.
Since death is a concern, and you are the only one who knows, I'd act
on it. The risk of losing a friend doesn't compare to the risk of
keeping the secret.
I'd let her know that she should tell her parents herself and that you
are going to tell them in a week regardless. At least give her a
chance to do it herself.
I agree about what Bacon said. if it is a matter of life & death, then
tell
the parents
even if she is not a child anymore.
agreed that it is a difficult dilemma
best of luck with that, Noon Cat Nick, and everything else going on in
your
own life.
I LOVE BACON ,
he's the bigger brother i never had
.
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| User: "Thomas Dehn" |
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| Title: Re: Need advice on personal dilemma. Please respond. |
04 Jun 2006 11:09:20 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
"Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE@hotmail.com> wrote:
She also wrote that I'm the only person she's told about this.
Since receiving it, I've felt strongly compelled to pass this e-mail
along to her parents. I genuinely believe it would be to keep her out of
trouble rather than to get her in trouble. Also, were I a parent, I'd
want someone to tell me if my child knew s/he were suffering from a
physical or mental condition and wasn't telling me.
I would not consider that.
Reason: if her parents truely cared about here,
they would have noticed the anorexia long ago. Its much more
likely that her parents are part of the problem.
Why would she contact you
if she had a healthy relationship with her parents?
Thomas
.
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