| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"jake" |
| Date: |
02 May 2004 10:02:55 AM |
| Object: |
Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
x-no-archive: yes
I think my bf is going to commit suicide. He has said things to that effect
and is behaving accordingly.
What he has said is hes pondering whether there is any reason to stay alive.
His current answer is "no", and he is looking for a "yes" only
halfheartedly. We both knwo his health isn't too good and he probably will
die within 10 years.
He says part of him is already dead . Which is true. A few weeks ago, I was
lying beside him, didn't know about his intentions, but I found myself
thinking it felt like I was lying beside a corpse.
At the moment his only reason to stay alive would be his children. He is not
certain they'd be worse off without him. They're on holiday together, they
left today and will return at the end of the week. The kids will then go
back to their mother.
I am very worried he will make up his mind during this week and his decision
will be to die.
His behavior of the past month or so has been all withdrawal, making no
commitments for the near future and withholding infomation about how he's
doing. He has starting to treat me as if there hardly any bond between us.
He's scared but terrifyingly calm. I am under the impression he'll be going
bankrupt soon, but I am not sure. To my knowledge, he is not fighting it.
He's lost his job (the organization he works for is being dissolved) and is
not looking for another one.
I called his therp this week, behind his back, to warn her. She sort of
knew, because he'd told her. I wanted to tell her I take the danger more
seriously than he does. However, she told me if I talked to her about him,
she would tell him about that. Which makes sense, he needs to be able to
trust her - so she needs to be honest with him. So I said on the one hand I
didn't want to talk about him behind his back (if he stops trusting me,
he'll shut down even more), on the other hand I don't want to do nothing. So
I that said since I couldn't solve that dilemma, I would not going into how
he's doing but rather let the fact that I made the call speak for itself.
I am hurting. Part of me is saying goodbye to him, another part wants to
drag him out of his black hole. I am not trying to have hope because I think
it would mean closing my eyes to reality. That would mean I might miss the
signs of an emergency. I feel I can hardly talk to others about this,
because my friends know him. It would feel like betrayal. I am also trying
not to worry about a suicide when I don't know for a fact that it's going to
take place. I am hoping I am wrong about the whole situation. I wish I had
some control over how he's dealing with this.
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt with it?
I am so scared and hurting.
.
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| User: "Who Cares" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 12:24:26 PM |
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"jake" <kaaskoper@hotmail.com> wrote in
news:c732kf$he65e$2@ID-196966.news.uni-berlin.de:
x-no-archive: yes
I think my bf is going to commit suicide. He has said things to that
effect and is behaving accordingly.
What he has said is hes pondering whether there is any reason to stay
alive. His current answer is "no", and he is looking for a "yes" only
halfheartedly. We both knwo his health isn't too good and he probably
will die within 10 years.
He says part of him is already dead . Which is true. A few weeks ago,
I was lying beside him, didn't know about his intentions, but I found
myself thinking it felt like I was lying beside a corpse.
At the moment his only reason to stay alive would be his children. He
is not certain they'd be worse off without him. They're on holiday
together, they left today and will return at the end of the week. The
kids will then go back to their mother.
I am very worried he will make up his mind during this week and his
decision will be to die.
His behavior of the past month or so has been all withdrawal, making
no commitments for the near future and withholding infomation about
how he's doing. He has starting to treat me as if there hardly any
bond between us. He's scared but terrifyingly calm. I am under the
impression he'll be going bankrupt soon, but I am not sure. To my
knowledge, he is not fighting it. He's lost his job (the organization
he works for is being dissolved) and is not looking for another one.
I called his therp this week, behind his back, to warn her. She sort
of knew, because he'd told her. I wanted to tell her I take the danger
more seriously than he does. However, she told me if I talked to her
about him, she would tell him about that. Which makes sense, he needs
to be able to trust her - so she needs to be honest with him. So I
said on the one hand I didn't want to talk about him behind his back
(if he stops trusting me, he'll shut down even more), on the other
hand I don't want to do nothing. So I that said since I couldn't solve
that dilemma, I would not going into how he's doing but rather let the
fact that I made the call speak for itself.
I am hurting. Part of me is saying goodbye to him, another part wants
to drag him out of his black hole. I am not trying to have hope
because I think it would mean closing my eyes to reality. That would
mean I might miss the signs of an emergency. I feel I can hardly talk
to others about this, because my friends know him. It would feel like
betrayal. I am also trying not to worry about a suicide when I don't
know for a fact that it's going to take place. I am hoping I am wrong
about the whole situation. I wish I had some control over how he's
dealing with this.
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt
with it? I am so scared and hurting.
Hi,
I've been there ... its not pretty. And I can feel for you. My ex-gf was
like that ... I was only 16 at the time .. and just learning to walk in
this world, so I wasn't able to care about her enough, I guess. She
attempted it twice while we were together ... and actually did it 3 years
after we broke up. Im still left with the thought that maybe I had
something to do with her death. But then, even when I knew she was
suicidal, all I could do was be there for her .. distract her from life ..
give her small bits of happiness .. even at my own expense sometimes .. but
then ..
Listen .. if he's defintely made up his mind to do it .. It will be very
difficult to stop him. Just remind him that what happens after? What about
the people that are left to pick up the pieces. Only thing stopped me from
doing it long ago was that thought.
be normal around him .. and see if you can get him to talk about, or think
about other things. Its difficult .. but it can be accomplished. See if you
can get him to take a more active role in his children's lives. Its not
easy .. but if u really want to help him .. u have to remember that you
might have to sacrifice your own happiness sometimes.
best wishes.
.
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 03:41:22 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
Hi,
I've been there ... its not pretty. And I can feel for you. My ex-gf was
like that ... I was only 16 at the time .. and just learning to walk in
this world, so I wasn't able to care about her enough, I guess. She
attempted it twice while we were together ... and actually did it 3 years
after we broke up. Im still left with the thought that maybe I had
something to do with her death. But then, even when I knew she was
suicidal, all I could do was be there for her .. distract her from life ..
give her small bits of happiness .. even at my own expense sometimes ..
but
then ..
I am sorry you went through that. I think anytime someon dies, there are
questions left unanswered. And moreso when they take their own life.
Listen .. if he's defintely made up his mind to do it .. It will be very
difficult to stop him. Just remind him that what happens after? What about
the people that are left to pick up the pieces. Only thing stopped me from
doing it long ago was that thought.
I think he'd choose a way that wasn't too messy. I am hoping that isntead of
dying, he'll choose life. If he does, t will be for reasons he truly
believes in and he will bea happier person for it.
be normal around him .. and see if you can get him to talk about, or think
about other things. Its difficult .. but it can be accomplished. See if
you
can get him to take a more active role in his children's lives. Its not
easy .. but if u really want to help him .. u have to remember that you
might have to sacrifice your own happiness sometimes.
I will try as much as I can not to sacrifce myself. It seems to me even IF
it would work (it woudln't), 'the sacrfice by defintionwoudl be bad for ,me.
And if it didn't work, I'd hate mysefl and him for it.
I am trying to be a good example instead.
I was very sad when I wrote my post but I do have faith in me. I knowI'll eb
ok.
Thank you for your post.
.
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 04:24:47 PM |
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"jake" <kaaskoper@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:c732kf$he65e$2@ID-196966.news.uni-berlin.de...
x-no-archive: yes
<snip>
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt
with it?
I am so scared and hurting.
I got sick of it, Janneke. Sick of self destruction being the only
option - sick of every single problem being a reason to die. So I
turned away and he killed himself. Can't say that I miss it, though I
do miss him.
If I ever get involved with someone again they won't contain even a
trace of the suicidal impulse (that I can detect, at least). It's just
too devestating, and a committment to living isn't that much to ask in
the relationship type scenario. I consider myself a fool then, but not
anymore.
Distance, detach, say goodbye, there's nothing you can do now, that's
my advice to you.
Jean
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
03 May 2004 01:32:18 AM |
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I got sick of it, Janneke. Sick of self destruction being the only
option - sick of every single problem being a reason to die. So I
turned away and he killed himself. Can't say that I miss it, though I
do miss him.
This is a recent development, so I think it's too soon to think it will
he'll react to everything as a reason to die. It's too soon to think this
will be an ongoing thing.
If I ever get involved with someone again they won't contain even a
trace of the suicidal impulse (that I can detect, at least). It's just
too devestating, and a committment to living isn't that much to ask in
the relationship type scenario.
That's a clear criterion, it helps me.
I consider myself a fool then, but not
anymore.
Distance, detach, say goodbye, there's nothing you can do now, that's
my advice to you.
Thank you, Jean. I don't think I'll do that now, but I am taking into
consideration that I mgiht have to do that later on.
He and I did discuss that I might get a gf on the side. For reasons that
were there bvefore he got suicidal. So, if I did that, would that count as
distancing? No need to reply to thatt. I'm trying to indicate that I am not
building up my life around him. I think we are both passengers on each
ohters passages through life and knowing him is a gift. I don't feel
dependent on him for my happiness. I've known for a long time I wouldn't
have a "regular"relationship with him where one marries and jhas kids and
all those things.
.
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Thank you to anyone I didn't reply to |
03 May 2004 02:58:08 PM |
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I am under the impression there were more replies than the ones I could see
to my news server, but I'm not sure.
Si, if you repleid but I didn't reply in return, thank you.
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 11:05:55 AM |
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jake wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
I think my bf is going to commit suicide. He has said things to that effect
and is behaving accordingly.
What he has said is hes pondering whether there is any reason to stay alive.
His current answer is "no", and he is looking for a "yes" only
halfheartedly. We both knwo his health isn't too good and he probably will
die within 10 years.
He says part of him is already dead . Which is true. A few weeks ago, I was
lying beside him, didn't know about his intentions, but I found myself
thinking it felt like I was lying beside a corpse.
At the moment his only reason to stay alive would be his children. He is not
certain they'd be worse off without him. They're on holiday together, they
left today and will return at the end of the week. The kids will then go
back to their mother.
I am very worried he will make up his mind during this week and his decision
will be to die.
His behavior of the past month or so has been all withdrawal, making no
commitments for the near future and withholding infomation about how he's
doing. He has starting to treat me as if there hardly any bond between us.
He's scared but terrifyingly calm. I am under the impression he'll be going
bankrupt soon, but I am not sure. To my knowledge, he is not fighting it.
He's lost his job (the organization he works for is being dissolved) and is
not looking for another one.
I called his therp this week, behind his back, to warn her. She sort of
knew, because he'd told her. I wanted to tell her I take the danger more
seriously than he does. However, she told me if I talked to her about him,
she would tell him about that. Which makes sense, he needs to be able to
trust her - so she needs to be honest with him. So I said on the one hand I
didn't want to talk about him behind his back (if he stops trusting me,
he'll shut down even more), on the other hand I don't want to do nothing. So
I that said since I couldn't solve that dilemma, I would not going into how
he's doing but rather let the fact that I made the call speak for itself.
I am hurting. Part of me is saying goodbye to him, another part wants to
drag him out of his black hole. I am not trying to have hope because I think
it would mean closing my eyes to reality. That would mean I might miss the
signs of an emergency. I feel I can hardly talk to others about this,
because my friends know him. It would feel like betrayal. I am also trying
not to worry about a suicide when I don't know for a fact that it's going to
take place. I am hoping I am wrong about the whole situation. I wish I had
some control over how he's dealing with this.
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt with it?
I am so scared and hurting.
This sounds like an awful time for you Janneke. I'm sorry.
I don't think people commit suicide because they are unhappy with
their lives. I think the main reason is they are deeply unhappy with
themselves. Actual suicide seems like the ultimate attack on oneself.
I think there are some things you can do but your influence is
always going to be limited. First though, you need to question how
much further in you want to get yourself. Don't get 'dragged' in,
make your decisions consciously.
If you do decide to really get involved then work on building him
up. Try and be subtle but be a bit more 'in his face' over some of
his emotions. Sometimes anger, on his part, can be a good emotion to
express. If the spark does kick in, encourage him positively but
mostly just listen. Try and break certain obvious cycles with
changes in your own behaviour. These are just some obvious things
off the top of my head, I'm sure you could think of some better
things to try if you put your mind to it.
He'll 'make or break' on his own and ultimately there is not much
you can do about that. It will be *his* decision and his alone. Most
people reach that time in their lives and yet decide not to go
through with it and instead, rebuild. Ten years is still a long time
and much can happen.
Most important of all, look after yourself. I hope you have
someone's shoulder to cry on. I hope you don't stoically try and do
it all yourself.
Love
GlennT
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 03:37:46 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
This sounds like an awful time for you Janneke. I'm sorry.
Thank you, Glenn. I find the whole thing odd, in a way. He is a wonderful
person in many respects who has made me considerabely happier than I was
before. He has taught me things about life and people that I won't forget
and that will help me be happier than in the past. For the rest of my life.
Even if or when I lose him. The funny thing is, I could consider leaving him
or I could think that I should look for someone who is easier to live with.
But I'm not doing that. I don't feel dependent and so whatever happens, I'll
be ok. That's a luxury I've acquired through being with him.
So, regardless what happens, I think I'll be able to feel grateful for
getting to know him.
I don't think people commit suicide because they are unhappy with
their lives. I think the main reason is they are deeply unhappy with
themselves. Actual suicide seems like the ultimate attack on oneself.
It seems to me that is exactly what is going on.
I think there are some things you can do but your influence is
always going to be limited. First though, you need to question how
much further in you want to get yourself. Don't get 'dragged' in,
make your decisions consciously.
I think I am dealing with it very well, really. I just wish it was easier.
And I do feel a partial responsibility for his well being. But I am not
trying to fix it. So I think I'm not being dragged in too much. It's hqrd to
be sure, though. I might look at that differently if he did kill himself and
I was looking back.
If you do decide to really get involved then work on building him
up. Try and be subtle but be a bit more 'in his face' over some of
his emotions. Sometimes anger, on his part, can be a good emotion to
express.
Damn your hitting the nail.. :) I have been doing these things. In spite of
his absence and his recent withdrawing, he has been more open this past
week. I don't want to be naive, so I am not assuming things are ok. And I am
not getting overly involved because I think it wouldn't work. If I were to
"convince" him to stay alive, he could go back to being suicidal as soon as
I'm out of his sight. It has to come from within him.
If the spark does kick in, encourage him positively but
mostly just listen. Try and break certain obvious cycles with
changes in your own behaviour. These are just some obvious things
off the top of my head, I'm sure you could think of some better
things to try if you put your mind to it.
The only other thing I do is make physical contact. I am a believer in using
the senses to fight depression. I don't know whether that really works. It
isn't in any of the depression manuals, I think., But that's what I do.
He'll 'make or break' on his own and ultimately there is not much
you can do about that. It will be *his* decision and his alone. Most
people reach that time in their lives and yet decide not to go
through with it and instead, rebuild. Ten years is still a long time
and much can happen.
Tell *him* that :) I have been thinking about this since reading your post.
I figure since he hasn't got anything left to lose, he might as well live
and enjoy life simply vbecause he doens't need to expect much. That could be
relaxing.
Most important of all, look after yourself. I hope you have
someone's shoulder to cry on. I hope you don't stoically try and do
it all yourself.
Hey, I specialize in stoicism! Don't take that away from me!
I am trying not ot do this alone and I did talk to one friend I think. I am
not sure right now. Posting helps.
Thank you for your wise reply, Glenn.
.
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| User: "Whiskers" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
03 May 2004 04:57:35 PM |
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X-No-Archive: Yes
On Sun, 02 May 2004 22:37:46 +0200, "jake" <kaaskoper@hotmail.com> wrote:
snip
The only other thing I do is make physical contact. I am a believer in
using the senses to fight depression. I don't know whether that really
works. It isn't in any of the depression manuals, I think., But that's
what I do.
I'm with you on that; friends and family can hug and kiss and touch, in a
way that has to be out-of-bounds for the professionals. Non-verbal
communication reaches the parts mere talking cannot reach.
He'll 'make or break' on his own and ultimately there is not much you
can do about that. It will be *his* decision and his alone. Most people
reach that time in their lives and yet decide not to go through with it
and instead, rebuild. Ten years is still a long time and much can
happen.
Tell *him* that :) I have been thinking about this since reading your
post. I figure since he hasn't got anything left to lose, he might as well
live and enjoy life simply vbecause he doens't need to expect much. That
could be relaxing.
snip
A snippet from a book I'm (re-)reading at the moment sticks in my mind.
,-----[ Lost in the Cosmos by Walker Percy, 1983 ]
| The ex-suicide [in context, one who has opted for suicide but decided to
| live anyway] opens his front door, sits down on the step, and laughs.
| Since he has the option of being dead, he has nothing to lose by being
| alive. It is good to be alive. He goes to work because he doesn't have
| to.
'-----
Most of the book is annoying pretentious rubbish, in my opinion, and that
particular paragraph made me particularly annoyed, but there is a sort of
truth in there somewhere. Life after escaping death (whether by one's own
hand or otherwise) does have a certain sweetness and liberation - at least
for a while.
I'm sorry that you and your friend have to deal with this - and sorry that I
wasn't in shape to respond yesterday.
Whiskery Hugs {{{{{Janneke}}}}}
--
-- ^^^^^^^^^^ Interested in Citroens?
-- Whiskers <http://www.aacit.net>
-- ~~~~~~~~~~ <news:alt.autos.citroen>
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
05 May 2004 05:06:42 AM |
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X-No-Archive: Yes
snip
The only other thing I do is make physical contact. I am a believer in
using the senses to fight depression. I don't know whether that really
works. It isn't in any of the depression manuals, I think., But that's
what I do.
I'm with you on that; friends and family can hug and kiss and touch, in a
way that has to be out-of-bounds for the professionals. Non-verbal
communication reaches the parts mere talking cannot reach.
I understand. Touch seems to be undervalued. I once heard that among lonely
eldery, one the things they said they moissed the most was being touched.
I am so much happier when I am touched on a regular basis. I am lucky to
have a lot of male gay friends, they are cuddlier than my other friends.
He'll 'make or break' on his own and ultimately there is not much you
can do about that. It will be *his* decision and his alone. Most people
reach that time in their lives and yet decide not to go through with it
and instead, rebuild. Ten years is still a long time and much can
happen.
Tell *him* that :) I have been thinking about this since reading your
post. I figure since he hasn't got anything left to lose, he might as
well
live and enjoy life simply vbecause he doens't need to expect much. That
could be relaxing.
snip
A snippet from a book I'm (re-)reading at the moment sticks in my mind.
,-----[ Lost in the Cosmos by Walker Percy, 1983 ]
| The ex-suicide [in context, one who has opted for suicide but decided to
| live anyway] opens his front door, sits down on the step, and laughs.
| Since he has the option of being dead, he has nothing to lose by being
| alive. It is good to be alive. He goes to work because he doesn't have
| to.
'-----
Most of the book is annoying pretentious rubbish, in my opinion, and that
particular paragraph made me particularly annoyed, but there is a sort of
truth in there somewhere. Life after escaping death (whether by one's own
hand or otherwise) does have a certain sweetness and liberation - at least
for a while.
I am hoping this is the route he'll go. He does have a real talent for
dicovering wisdoms in life and I am hoping he will discover this one. I
think if he chooses life, he might actually become pretty hapy because he
won't feel achievement is necessary anymore. He can just pcik somehting he
likes and enjoy that.
I'm sorry that you and your friend have to deal with this - and sorry that
I
wasn't in shape to respond yesterday.
I wish life would be a little easier for you. I am assuming you are
referring to your depression here, but if you mean somthing different, my
wish is the same for you.
I am feeling better this week because my bf is on holiday somewhere safe. So
I feel more relaxed.
Whiskery Hugs {{{{{Janneke}}}}}
Thank you, Whiskers.
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| User: "Whiskers" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
05 May 2004 05:39:40 PM |
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On Wed, 05 May 2004 12:06:42 +0200, "jake" <kaaskoper@hotmail.com> wrote:
snip
I'm sorry that you and your friend have to deal with this - and sorry
that I wasn't in shape to respond yesterday.
I wish life would be a little easier for you. I am assuming you are
referring to your depression here, but if you mean somthing different, my
wish is the same for you.
Yes, it's the D. "Efexor" seems to have slowed the mood swings, but they
still happen.
I am feeling better this week because my bf is on holiday somewhere
safe. So I feel more relaxed.
That's good. I hope he manages to relax and enjoy the moment.
--
-- ^^^^^^^^^^ Interested in Citroens?
-- Whiskers <http://www.aacit.net>
-- ~~~~~~~~~~ <news:alt.autos.citroen>
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| User: "Kirby Cook" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 06:12:01 PM |
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jake wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
I think my bf is going to commit suicide. He has said things to that effect
and is behaving accordingly.
What he has said is hes pondering whether there is any reason to stay alive.
His current answer is "no", and he is looking for a "yes" only
halfheartedly. We both knwo his health isn't too good and he probably will
die within 10 years.
He says part of him is already dead . Which is true. A few weeks ago, I was
lying beside him, didn't know about his intentions, but I found myself
thinking it felt like I was lying beside a corpse.
At the moment his only reason to stay alive would be his children. He is not
certain they'd be worse off without him. They're on holiday together, they
left today and will return at the end of the week. The kids will then go
back to their mother.
I am very worried he will make up his mind during this week and his decision
will be to die.
His behavior of the past month or so has been all withdrawal, making no
commitments for the near future and withholding infomation about how he's
doing. He has starting to treat me as if there hardly any bond between us.
He's scared but terrifyingly calm. I am under the impression he'll be going
bankrupt soon, but I am not sure. To my knowledge, he is not fighting it.
He's lost his job (the organization he works for is being dissolved) and is
not looking for another one.
I called his therp this week, behind his back, to warn her. She sort of
knew, because he'd told her. I wanted to tell her I take the danger more
seriously than he does. However, she told me if I talked to her about him,
she would tell him about that. Which makes sense, he needs to be able to
trust her - so she needs to be honest with him. So I said on the one hand I
didn't want to talk about him behind his back (if he stops trusting me,
he'll shut down even more), on the other hand I don't want to do nothing. So
I that said since I couldn't solve that dilemma, I would not going into how
he's doing but rather let the fact that I made the call speak for itself.
I am hurting. Part of me is saying goodbye to him, another part wants to
drag him out of his black hole. I am not trying to have hope because I think
it would mean closing my eyes to reality. That would mean I might miss the
signs of an emergency. I feel I can hardly talk to others about this,
because my friends know him. It would feel like betrayal. I am also trying
not to worry about a suicide when I don't know for a fact that it's going to
take place. I am hoping I am wrong about the whole situation. I wish I had
some control over how he's dealing with this.
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt with it?
I am so scared and hurting.
I haven't been there, so I don't know. But I talked to a man whose
wife became so depressed she would just sit in a corner, silent, picking
at her skin. He credited her recovery to his welcoming in missionaries
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Kirby
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 07:30:09 PM |
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"Kirby Cook" <kirby_cook@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c73v7t$i6blk$1@ID-171254.news.uni-berlin.de...
jake wrote:
<snip>
I haven't been there, so I don't know. But I talked to a man whose
wife became so depressed she would just sit in a corner, silent,
picking
at her skin. He credited her recovery to his welcoming in
missionaries
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I like their tv ads. So...touching. PLUS those advertisements have the
ability to change the very biochemistry of the brain, erasing all
depression in the name of Jesus Christ, Our Personal Lord and Saviour.
It's so amazing. Carry on with yer witnessing, brownie points galore.
Psychosis as cure, you've gotta love it.
gaggingly,
Jean
Kirby
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| User: "BGumm" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 09:29:09 PM |
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You have given your support. The talking has all been done. You have been
there for him.
What else can you give?
You own life?
No.
If this man wishes to die you can not stop him from doing it nor can you hold
yourself responsible for the outcome.
Yes you will feel badly and yes it will hurt if he does commit suicide but you
can feel safe in the knowledge that you were his friend and supporter and
partner and did all that you could do.
The options are up to him now to get the help that he needs.
You can still help by repeating your concerns but I would certainly not throw
myself into his quicksand of depression and heartache.
A little distance and maybe some help for you to deal with this situation.
Becky
"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild;
when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and
moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."
-Martin Buxbaum
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
03 May 2004 01:24:21 AM |
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I haven't been there, so I don't know. But I talked to a man whose
wife became so depressed she would just sit in a corner, silent, picking
at her skin. He credited her recovery to his welcoming in missionaries
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
That's a good thing for that man and his wife. In my case, I think it's a
very unlikely scenario. But thank you for the suggestion.
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| User: "Gayle" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 11:52:22 AM |
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x-no-archive: yes
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt with it?
I am so scared and hurting.
So sorry you're going through this, Jake. While I can't say I've been in the
same situation -- 'cuz they're all different -- I tried very hard to make life
better for someone who said, and I believed him, that he was about to take this
action. I went to appointments with his therapist and, at a certain point,
supported his decision to enter a hospital. Looking back, nothing I did seemed
to have a positive effect. In fact, it seemed quite the opposite. I began to
wonder if my attentiveness fueled his focus on the suicide option. I began to
feel manipulated as well as powerless. At a certain point, I decided to save
myself and walked away. Completely. I have no regrets and he's still alive.
Your circumstances may be entirely different than mine were and I wish you, and
your friend, all the best.
Gayle
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 03:34:36 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
If anyone has been in this situation, can you tell me how you dealt with
it?
I am so scared and hurting.
So sorry you're going through this, Jake. While I can't say I've been in
the
same situation -- 'cuz they're all different -- I tried very hard to make
life
better for someone who said, and I believed him, that he was about to take
this
action. I went to appointments with his therapist and, at a certain point,
supported his decision to enter a hospital. Looking back, nothing I did
seemed
to have a positive effect. In fact, it seemed quite the opposite. I began
to
wonder if my attentiveness fueled his focus on the suicide option. I began
to
feel manipulated as well as powerless. At a certain point, I decided to
save
myself and walked away. Completely. I have no regrets and he's still
alive.
Thank you for telling me about this. It helps in giving me a sense of
perspective on what I am dealing with and how to find and draw my own lines
and how to protect myself.
Your circumstances may be entirely different than mine were and I wish
you, and
your friend, all the best.
Thank you, Gayle.
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| User: "Naomi Darvell" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 10:55:28 AM |
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x-no-archive: yes
What's going on with his children's mother? Is she any help?
Hang in there, jake.
Naomi D.
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: Need to get this off my chest (sp. possible suicide) |
02 May 2004 03:10:00 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
What's going on with his children's mother? Is she any help?
I've never formally met her or spoekn to ehr and he and she are not on
speaking terms. I don't think contacting her would do any good.
Hang in there, jake.
Thanks. Writing that post has helped. And so do the replies. I know I''ll be
ok myself and there is little Ican do. I am striving to be at peace with
that, whatever he will wind up doing.
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