| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Nina" |
| Date: |
26 Jun 2005 09:07:48 AM |
| Object: |
neediness and denial again |
I get so tired of this endless internal dialogue. I wake up in the
morning with my head full of these voices, full of this endless litany
of plans and worries and anxieties. The book that I've been reading
says that we return to thoughts because there's some underlying
emotion that we're not... in touch with would probably be as good a
way of putting it as anything. And if you can get to that, then the
endless repetition of the thought patterns can stop.
Maybe that's true, but I can't get there, not yet. I know what this
is all about... it's fear, all of it, with a good shot of fatigue
thrown in for an added spice. And I suppose that it's helped me to
know that... the last few weeks, as I've been able to tune into it
better... I guess that's a good thing. But I sit here, and I try to
get somewhere else with it... try to get to something that will let me
do the things that I need to get on with doing... and all I feel is
this dark anger with myself. That's probably the least constructive
thing of all.
But I am angry, angry at that part of myself that really can't handle
this, that needs comfort and love and can't figure out how to get it
in a way that works. I feel like I shouldn't need these things... and
that's back to the denial theme from other threads. And, yes, I know
that's wrong.
I would gladly give myself what I need if I knew what it was, if I
knew how to do it. If I could just FIX it, satisfy it. I know that
I'm thinking about this wrong, that this is all wrong, but I don't
know how to get it right. And I'm so frustrated and angry; I want to
be free of these things; they incapacitate me, keep me from doing the
things that would make life in general better.
Ok. Stop thinking. Just go DO something.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
|
| Title: Re: neediness and denial again |
26 Jun 2005 11:59:05 PM |
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I don't think there is a single, unique cause for these kinds of
thoughts. Sometimes it is probably as you say. Sometimes it is simply
habit, but "habit" is a word that connotes a far stronger influence
than we tend to believe. If it is the latter, cognitive therapy might
help. Is this something you've looked into?
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
"Nina" <ninaNOSPAM@economika.net> wrote in message
news:r3btb1hcl5us9lphpjgn0up8kh8e0th8iq@4ax.com...
I get so tired of this endless internal dialogue. I wake up in the
morning with my head full of these voices, full of this endless
litany
of plans and worries and anxieties. The book that I've been reading
says that we return to thoughts because there's some underlying
emotion that we're not... in touch with would probably be as good a
way of putting it as anything. And if you can get to that, then the
endless repetition of the thought patterns can stop.
Maybe that's true, but I can't get there, not yet. I know what this
is all about... it's fear, all of it, with a good shot of fatigue
thrown in for an added spice. And I suppose that it's helped me to
know that... the last few weeks, as I've been able to tune into it
better... I guess that's a good thing. But I sit here, and I try to
get somewhere else with it... try to get to something that will let
me
do the things that I need to get on with doing... and all I feel is
this dark anger with myself. That's probably the least constructive
thing of all.
But I am angry, angry at that part of myself that really can't
handle
this, that needs comfort and love and can't figure out how to get it
in a way that works. I feel like I shouldn't need these things...
and
that's back to the denial theme from other threads. And, yes, I
know
that's wrong.
I would gladly give myself what I need if I knew what it was, if I
knew how to do it. If I could just FIX it, satisfy it. I know that
I'm thinking about this wrong, that this is all wrong, but I don't
know how to get it right. And I'm so frustrated and angry; I want
to
be free of these things; they incapacitate me, keep me from doing
the
things that would make life in general better.
Ok. Stop thinking. Just go DO something.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an
invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Stan" |
|
| Title: Re: neediness and denial again |
26 Jun 2005 04:08:39 PM |
|
|
Nina wrote:
I get so tired of this endless internal dialogue. I wake up in the
morning with my head full of these voices, full of this endless litany
of plans and worries and anxieties. The book that I've been reading
says that we return to thoughts because there's some underlying
emotion that we're not... in touch with would probably be as good a
way of putting it as anything. And if you can get to that, then the
endless repetition of the thought patterns can stop.
Maybe that's true, but I can't get there, not yet. I know what this
is all about... it's fear, all of it, with a good shot of fatigue
thrown in for an added spice. And I suppose that it's helped me to
know that... the last few weeks, as I've been able to tune into it
better... I guess that's a good thing. But I sit here, and I try to
get somewhere else with it... try to get to something that will let me
do the things that I need to get on with doing... and all I feel is
this dark anger with myself. That's probably the least constructive
thing of all.
But I am angry, angry at that part of myself that really can't handle
this, that needs comfort and love and can't figure out how to get it
in a way that works. I feel like I shouldn't need these things... and
that's back to the denial theme from other threads. And, yes, I know
that's wrong.
I would gladly give myself what I need if I knew what it was, if I
knew how to do it. If I could just FIX it, satisfy it. I know that
I'm thinking about this wrong, that this is all wrong, but I don't
know how to get it right. And I'm so frustrated and angry; I want to
be free of these things; they incapacitate me, keep me from doing the
things that would make life in general better.
Ok. Stop thinking. Just go DO something.
Nina
_____________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus
I've been going through something very similar to what you are
describing and seem to be gaining on it. My therapist reminds me that I
really understand what it is all about BUT it will still take some time
to overcome it and change.
I went through being so angry at myself that I couldn't get over it.
I've recently concluded that I was deprived of certain needs as a child
and it seems like I keep trying to fulfill those needs (not always but
every so often). Now I am beginning to realize somewhere inside me that
there are other things now in my life that I can enjoy and it seems like
I don't get so obsessive about fulfilling those old needs.
Sounds like you are at the threshold of wanting badly to get better. I
think you will.
If I can help, feel free to write me.
Stan
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