The shame chip made me hesitate to reveal the fantasy scenes that
turned me on. This bothered me.
One day when I found him[her cyberlover] in the Den of Love [Sex Room
on the MUD
LambdaMOO]. I poked him and said, I have an idea.
Oh? Do tell me :-)
Do you CU-SeeMe?
He didn't have a camera, but he must have heard about CU-SeeMe
because his imagination of what
we could do with video took off and soon he said, I'm downloading
CU-SeeMe now. I won't be able
to get a camera till next week, though. In the meantime I can watch
YOU. The shame monster
loomed before me. I felt it and hated it. NO! You are not me, you were
forced on me without my
consent and I'm going to vanquish you, shame monster. The cyber lover
lived in England, and by
the time I returned from my office, it would be the middle of the night
for him on a workday. But he
was so enthralled that he was eager to C-me anyway. I was determined to
seize the opportunity to
overcome my gender conditioning. I wanted to break the barrier that
made me embarrassed of my
genitals. What a stupid emotion embarrassment was. After adjusting
camera angle and lighting, I put
on a wig to keep my face hidden - vanquishing shame didn't mean I
was going to open myself up to
blackmail or ridicule if the other person wanted to put a nude picture
of me on the Web. That night I
succeeded in further freeing my sexuality from the shackles of society.
I let myself be the sexual
being I am and let myself enjoy the pleasure my body was capable of
without embarrassment or
shame. What freedom! What power! I slew a dragon! (Odzer, 1997, S. 117)
check http://www.let.de
.
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