| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"yuluwirri" |
| Date: |
22 Dec 2006 02:58:47 PM |
| Object: |
Not good enough |
x-no-archive: yes
The above statement you can apply to my parenting of late.
I need to find out what is going on in my head, and fix it quickly.
I'm making mistakes all over the place, and it's hurting my daughter.
Sometimes, I wish I could not speak at all.
Please don't be kind, I don't need that.
I need you to tell me how to think before I speak - how to stop the
anxiety bubbling up and then the hurtful words spewing out of my mouth
before I have had a chance to clean things up from my constantly
judgmental mind.
Judgmental. That's right. I am turning into my own mother.
I need to stop this now.
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: Not good enough |
22 Dec 2006 07:17:36 PM |
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"yuluwirri" <yuluwirri@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ssgoo2tlf9vo8lds0egrl7mpfnsu6tpj35@4ax.com...
x-no-archive: yes
The above statement you can apply to my parenting of late.
I need to find out what is going on in my head, and fix it quickly.
I'm making mistakes all over the place, and it's hurting my daughter.
Sometimes, I wish I could not speak at all.
Please don't be kind, I don't need that.
I need you to tell me how to think before I speak - how to stop the
anxiety bubbling up and then the hurtful words spewing out of my mouth
before I have had a chance to clean things up from my constantly
judgmental mind.
Judgmental. That's right. I am turning into my own mother.
I need to stop this now.
--
yuluwirri
I can't be judgmental with my own issues of parenting going on but know
that if your questioning your behavior then you are not your mother...
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| User: "Rhiannon" |
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| Title: Re: Not good enough |
22 Dec 2006 05:28:04 PM |
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"yuluwirri" <yuluwirri@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ssgoo2tlf9vo8lds0egrl7mpfnsu6tpj35@4ax.com...
x-no-archive: yes
The above statement you can apply to my parenting of late.
I need to find out what is going on in my head, and fix it quickly.
I'm making mistakes all over the place, and it's hurting my daughter.
Sometimes, I wish I could not speak at all.
Please don't be kind, I don't need that.
I need you to tell me how to think before I speak - how to stop the
anxiety bubbling up and then the hurtful words spewing out of my mouth
before I have had a chance to clean things up from my constantly
judgmental mind.
Judgmental. That's right. I am turning into my own mother.
I need to stop this now.
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
I don't know if this helps, but I give myself a ten minute time out. I have
been doing it since they were pre-schoolers. Time out was a concept they
understood so when I turned the tables on myself and gave "mom" a time out
they thought it was hilarious. It broke the tension, took their focus off
the argument about to brew, and gave me a chance to calm down. I still do
it. When my 21 year old pushes my buttons and I feel all those ugly, angry
words in my head, I say..."time out until I calm down"...then I sit in the
bathroom for ten minutes. I spend five of it whispering all the stuff I
want to say, but know I shouldn't, and the other five of it picturing him
when he was a little boy, so full of adoration for me and not old enough to
get to me with words. The anger passes and I come out, then we talk,
without yelling, or saying mean and destructive things. When they get angry
they do the same thing. It may not work for everyone, but it's worth a try.
From a mom to a mom, my heart is with you. :-)
--
Rhi
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Not good enough |
22 Dec 2006 04:15:42 PM |
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Another trick I play on myself is, I don't respond to anything said
about or by my kids until I count to 10 in my head, and remind myself
that there is no point in saying anything right now. The Bible talks
about us eating the fruit of our lips,. If I don't see how good fruit
can come from me saying something right then, I just shut it.
Bobbie
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Not good enough |
22 Dec 2006 04:12:10 PM |
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y'know, if anyone had ever told me how hard being a mom was going to
be, I wouldn't have believed them But now I know. My favorite saying is
that having a teenage daughter is like being run over by a really
beautiful truck...every day.
FWIW, it gets easier. It has for me. But I struggle. Do I put too much
pressure on her? Do I expect enough from her? And yes, I can't help
feeling that she reflects on me, because she does. She and her brother
are my most enduring life's work. As an artist, I am what I make, but I
am much prouder of my kids than of anything I've ever made out of clay
or metal This is awesome when she does something amazing, and terrible
when the opposite happens.
I have made a commitment never to criticize her in front of family,
however. I either defend her or say nothing, and deal with it later. I
feel like it's important that she has me for an ally during family
stuff.
However, we have had "lively" discussions after the fact about why it
was probably not neccessary to discuss the benefits of body piercing
with Grandad. And I will step in if I feel like The family might not
enjoy the hardcore music she likes as much as she does.
Sometimes I lay ground rules ahead of time as well. It depends.
YOu are a great mom, I'm sure, and an awesome person. Don't let the
family drive you over the edge.
Bobbie
yuluwirri wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
The above statement you can apply to my parenting of late.
I need to find out what is going on in my head, and fix it quickly.
I'm making mistakes all over the place, and it's hurting my daughter.
Sometimes, I wish I could not speak at all.
Please don't be kind, I don't need that.
I need you to tell me how to think before I speak - how to stop the
anxiety bubbling up and then the hurtful words spewing out of my mouth
before I have had a chance to clean things up from my constantly
judgmental mind.
Judgmental. That's right. I am turning into my own mother.
I need to stop this now.
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
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| User: "Brianversion" |
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| Title: Re: Not good enough |
22 Dec 2006 03:00:05 PM |
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yuluwirri wrote:
x-no-archive: yes
The above statement you can apply to my parenting of late.
I need to find out what is going on in my head, and fix it quickly.
I'm making mistakes all over the place, and it's hurting my daughter.
Sometimes, I wish I could not speak at all.
Please don't be kind, I don't need that.
I need you to tell me how to think before I speak - how to stop the
anxiety bubbling up and then the hurtful words spewing out of my mouth
before I have had a chance to clean things up from my constantly
judgmental mind.
Judgmental. That's right. I am turning into my own mother.
I need to stop this now.
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
You have a hard job, parenting. And my mother would never have
considered that the flamethrower of words she used could have been
wrong and hurtful. At least you're questioning your behavior.
brian, trying NOT to be nice. Grrr.
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