" I won't call you for next one month least,,," she said, " wait and
see for few days and you can call me inthe days.." I said,,, " eeh, is
that so,," she said,, it's almost another 15 minites passing by,, my
voice were getting louder, shouted at her " you better go to
sleep!!!". " yea, yea, I got it, I feel so embrassed I act this way,,
I'm nearly just beforer 60 years old and I 'm behaving like this to
you,, ", saying she, "go to sleep! and call me in few days!", I said
" yea, yea, is that so, can I?" she said, "fact, you are depressed,
now sleep , try to go sleep! please eat and try to eat!! " I hunged up
the phone.

My sis in law start to calling me a lot for last few days hang on
talking on the phone for hours, she start to cry over how hard my
older sister and mother are to her over matter of money, and I
listenned and listenned,,,, her own family member four of them died
one by one from a cancer she cried and cried and I listenned. She
describe that my brother expect the outcome if he died tommorow be
fine attitude as well as her, and I listenned for hours. I did
everything I can say to cheer her up, I knew it all along that her
and my brother are well to do family and there are anything to do with
things to suffer. They live took over the house and business, used
to be my room are now her room. I never allow to enter the house
without invitaion where I never had the invitation, even for a single
supper as long as I rememeber. Time has changed has been worked for me
since, " you are only one whom i can talk to, " she said, " you can
always talk to me I listen," I said. Hungup the phone after hours of
listenning and I started continued finished eating lefted supper.

A half hours later, phone rings,, my sis in law called me again,,,,
three in the moring that I had mentioned her I usualy wake till
morning, "it's me again," she started talking about how her family
member died one by one and my crazy sister driven her crazy, with now
it's her drunking voice, she had an alcohol , I knew it all along
that my brother and sis in law drinks every night every single day I
remember those days in the same house as they gets loud over getting
drunk. " did you drink?" I said, "I had just one beer," said her
happy voice, I felt uncomfortable, told her that why she is so
depressed in the day light because she drinks out of frustration over
my crazy mother and sister without eating RIGHT. They were almost
avoid consume intake salt and fat like some phobic that I remember, I
told her think of how to eat well and stop drinking and think of
death. "you know you are the only one whom I can talk with, remember
we used talk a lot when you were here, and youknow that my family died
one by one,, and Yoshiko drive me crazy,, and what the mother tells me
are so hurting to both of us my hunsband and me... a 39 years of
marridge, the mother moved out of the house because the fight one
night, she left the house, I did everything I can to,, remember how
we suffered over Naochan? ( my younger brother) I can hold the anger
and frustration anymore.. I have no one to talk to and whom listen to
me.. and I don't even met even a hundred people in my life.."

For the last some twenty six years me and my sis in law never hardly
gave exchanged a single word,, where I wanted. "everyone dies
someday, and there are people suffering out there in this world,," I
said,, " oh i know,, there are people suffering out there in this
world," she said,,and " you know you are the one whom I can talk to,,,
all my most of my family member died one by one., ", I told her that
I don't want to talk with an alcoholic and we've been talking over the
same thing for hours alread, " im sorry, because I have so much
frustration and .. " she was going on and on talking repeating a same
thing,, I said " people die, someday, you never know, I might die
tommorow, " , " that's right, we all dies, " she said and start to
repeat her saying, and this time around I was pushing her to take a
voice lesson and sing for an hour be good for her for and let stop
haunted by a death!! she had been seen her psychiatric Doc yesterday
afternoon for getting a sleeping pill that she ignore to take it
rather she drinks alcoholes, without eating.

I almost asked her that " where had all my clothings gone and my
HighSchool year books gone? and all my books gone? and rest of photos
gone? where I could had pick them up myself before discarding them
like that I don't exist some twentysome year ago when I was absent
from home. ", be too much for her to answer that question.

She is been a good wife to my brother with her full attentions an
alcohole inbetween. They are the householder of our family.

"I won't call you for next one month, I try not to," she said for
another 15 minites,, " you should try to go sleep other than drink and
wake up depressed," I said, " yea that's right, I should do that, I
won't call you for another one month," she said, "wait and see for
few days, I call Yoshiko and tell her daughter to tell her explain not
to bother you so much and wait and see for few days.. don't listen to
them seriously all to yourself.. I understand she make me mentaly ill
too, you should have right to fight for yourself and you can call me
in the few days and wait and see, " I said.

" I won't call you for next one month least,,," she said, " wait and
see for few days and you can call me inthe days.." I said,,, " eeh, is
that so,," she said,, it's almost another 15 minites passing by,, my
voice were getting louder, shouted at her " you better go to
sleep!!!". " yea, yea, I got it, I feel so embrassed I act this way,,
I'm nearly just beforer 60 years old and I 'm behaving like this to
you,, ", saying she, "go to sleep! and call me in few days!", I said
" yea, yea, is that so, can I?" she said, "fact, you are depressed,
now sleep , try to go sleep! please eat and try to eat!! " I hunged up
the phone.