| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"" |
| Date: |
02 Apr 2007 07:09:54 PM |
| Object: |
Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
Does anyone here ever feel guilty for how their depression affects
their children? I feel guilty a lot of the time I even HAD children,
they deserve so much better than this. I feel bad for what I am
passing on to them, genetically and environmentally, having to be
around and make some sense of this severe anguish I am in. I feel bad
sometimes that I ever had them, because of what I'm likely passing
on. It only adds to my depression. I feel guilty for how this
affects my husband as well. It's bad enough the hell I'm going
through, and I am having more than a difficult time helping myself, my
poor family. *tears* Boy, this helps my depression a lot. Can
anyone relate?
Rose
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
02 Apr 2007 09:05:53 PM |
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<smudgedrose@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1175558994.370004.315850@p77g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
Does anyone here ever feel guilty for how their depression affects
their children? I feel guilty a lot of the time I even HAD children,
they deserve so much better than this. I feel bad for what I am
passing on to them, genetically and environmentally, having to be
around and make some sense of this severe anguish I am in. I feel bad
sometimes that I ever had them, because of what I'm likely passing
on. It only adds to my depression. I feel guilty for how this
affects my husband as well. It's bad enough the hell I'm going
through, and I am having more than a difficult time helping myself, my
poor family. *tears* Boy, this helps my depression a lot. Can
anyone relate?
i can relate tremendously to that as that *was* my life 10 years ago. my
oldest daughter was only 8 at the time, and she had to completely care for
herself and her 6 yr old little sister. in the mornings, she got them both
ready for school and even fixed their lunches. and on the days when i
couldn't get myself out of bed to even take them to school, she'd stand by
my bed, tears running down her cheeks, begging, "please get up,
momma...please get up." <shuddering at the memory> it was awful. and the
guilt was worse. it was the guilt that really did me in in the end.
it passed, though, rose. and my girls are very strong now. and they
haven't been hurt by it like i feared they would. and i'm a better person
as well for having gone through the valley and come back out on the other
side.
please continue holding on...for whatever reason you can find to cling to.
*hugs*
~cindy
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| User: "Charles" |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
02 Apr 2007 07:34:47 PM |
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On 2 Apr 2007 17:09:54 -0700, wrote:
Does anyone here ever feel guilty for how their depression affects
their children? I feel guilty a lot of the time I even HAD children,
they deserve so much better than this. I feel bad for what I am
passing on to them, genetically and environmentally, having to be
around and make some sense of this severe anguish I am in. I feel bad
sometimes that I ever had them, because of what I'm likely passing
on. It only adds to my depression. I feel guilty for how this
affects my husband as well. It's bad enough the hell I'm going
through, and I am having more than a difficult time helping myself, my
poor family. *tears* Boy, this helps my depression a lot. Can
anyone relate?
Rose
Depression seems to bring guilt along with it for us to enjoy.
While judging yourself consider if you did it deliberately. Did you
bring children into the world just so they would suffer? Did you
inflict pain on them without good reason? Did you deliberately hurt
them or do less than you could have for them at the time?
When I tried to look objectively at myself (difficult to do) I decided
I needed a break from the unrelenting criticism I was giving myself,
and to admit to myself that I was not evil, just struggling to do the
best I could with what I had available.
Being unfairly negative toward yourself doesn't do anyone any good,
but it is a hard habit to break. Think of something nice you have
done.
Charles
__
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| User: "the_dawggie" |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
03 Apr 2007 03:33:15 AM |
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On Apr 3, 10:34 am, Charles <ckr...@SPAMTRAP.west.net> wrote:
Depression seems to bring guilt along with it for us to enjoy.
While judging yourself consider if you did it deliberately. Did you
bring children into the world just so they would suffer? Did you
inflict pain on them without good reason? Did you deliberately hurt
them or do less than you could have for them at the time?
The answers to those questions would vary. I don't think for
many folk the first one would be true. The 2nd possibly yes,
the third "I'll get GovCo payments", however prolly false.
I've decided I don't want kids and never will, for a long
list of reasons, neither would I consider being a sperm
donor for purposes of - I just don't want to be responsible
for another life, or making decisions over that life that
might be very very wrong (commitment disorder talking
here)
When I tried to look objectively at myself (difficult to do) I decided
I needed a break from the unrelenting criticism I was giving myself,
and to admit to myself that I was not evil, just struggling to do the
best I could with what I had available.
That's all you can do.
Being unfairly negative toward yourself doesn't do anyone any good,
but it is a hard habit to break. Think of something nice you have
done.
Hard to do, sometimes.
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
03 Apr 2007 03:34:00 AM |
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"the_dawggie" <the_dawggie@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1175589195.422816.52870@y80g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
On Apr 3, 10:34 am, Charles <ckr...@SPAMTRAP.west.net> wrote:
Depression seems to bring guilt along with it for us to enjoy.
While judging yourself consider if you did it deliberately. Did you
bring children into the world just so they would suffer? Did you
inflict pain on them without good reason? Did you deliberately hurt
them or do less than you could have for them at the time?
The answers to those questions would vary. I don't think for
many folk the first one would be true. The 2nd possibly yes,
the third "I'll get GovCo payments", however prolly false.
I've decided I don't want kids and never will, for a long
list of reasons, neither would I consider being a sperm
donor for purposes of - I just don't want to be responsible
for another life, or making decisions over that life that
might be very very wrong (commitment disorder talking
here)
When I tried to look objectively at myself (difficult to do) I
decided
I needed a break from the unrelenting criticism I was giving myself,
and to admit to myself that I was not evil, just struggling to do
the
best I could with what I had available.
That's all you can do.
Being unfairly negative toward yourself doesn't do anyone any good,
but it is a hard habit to break. Think of something nice you have
done.
Hard to do, sometimes.
then do it all the time
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| User: "CyberDroog" |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
03 Apr 2007 12:51:51 AM |
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On 2 Apr 2007 17:09:54 -0700, wrote:
Does anyone here ever feel guilty for how their depression affects
their children? I feel guilty a lot of the time I even HAD children,
they deserve so much better than this. I feel bad for what I am
passing on to them, genetically and environmentally, having to be
around and make some sense of this severe anguish I am in. I feel bad
sometimes that I ever had them, because of what I'm likely passing
on. It only adds to my depression. I feel guilty for how this
affects my husband as well. It's bad enough the hell I'm going
through, and I am having more than a difficult time helping myself, my
poor family. *tears* Boy, this helps my depression a lot. Can
anyone relate?
Yes, I can relate. I have a 15 month old, and since I mostly work from home
I am the primary caretaker. I try my best to keep a smile and act like a
clown when I play with him. But I can't help thinking that I'm not that
good of an actor and he must perceive that there is something wrong.
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: Our Depression and the effects it has on our Children |
02 Apr 2007 07:30:04 PM |
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Rose wrote...
Does anyone here ever feel guilty for how their depression
affects their children? I feel guilty a lot of the time I
even HAD children, they deserve so much better than this.
I feel bad for what I am passing on to them, genetically
and environmentally, having to be around and make some
sense of this severe anguish I am in. I feel bad sometimes
that I ever had them, because of what I'm likely passing
on. It only adds to my depression. I feel guilty for how
this affects my husband as well. It's bad enough the hell
I'm going through, and I am having more than a difficult
time helping myself, my poor family. *tears* Boy, this
helps my depression a lot. Can anyone relate?
Rose
I sure do. When I first became badly depressed, 9 years ago, I
was literally in the hospital more than I was home. One time,
I was going to be released and my father told my 5-yr-old son
that I was coming home today, and wasn't he glad? "Why?" asked
my son. "She's only going to go away again." Now he doesn't
remember any of that, for which I'm thankful.
I do my best to shelter them from my depression. Instead of
saying no, that I won't play a game with them, I try to offer
to play one short one, even when I just want to be left alone.
I try to at least give them some of the attention they crave.
They know that sometimes I rarely leave my bedroom, but that
they can come see me if they need to. In the end, I probably
spend more "quality time" with them than does their father,
who wakes them, takes them to the school bus, and feeds them.
He does most of the day-to-day chores. I'm here to talk to or
play a game with.
It takes some effort, but it's possible to be a pretty good
parent even when one's not terribly functional if you have a
spouse who's willing to do what needs doing in terms of
running the household. I feel terrible for my husband, but he
tells me not to worry, that I do what I can do and that's ok.
He does push me to do what I can, keeping up with laundry, for
example, but he does the bulk of the housework.
I know how bad it feels when your kid comes and you just want
the whole world to go away, but you need to make at least a
few exceptions, to be there at least a little bit for them.
Spending 5 minutes with your child is infinitely better than
saying "go away". I hope this makes some sense.
-lisa
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